Checklist of Self Defeating Habits

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Hey, my friends, it's Brendan Burchard. And welcome to the Brendan Show. This is a podcast about helping you reach high performance in your life, in every area of your life. It's about staying more motivated, more confident, more disciplined and on purpose. You know, the high performance experience is really about feeling more vibrant, more connected, more excellent, more fulfilled in your life. But it's also challenging you because you and I both know it's difficult to reach those levels of high performance without support, without ongoing commitment and dedication to your own personal development. So welcome to our HPX community. Thank you for joining us here on the Brendon Show. I'm super pumped for today's episode. Before we begin, I want to let you know that we have specials right now on our HPX nutrition line. If you didn't know it, I rolled out three specific products to help you with your performance. These are three specific supplements that will really give you the edge. Now don't worry, I'm not starting an MLM or a downline. I'm not asking you to promote any of my products. And frankly, just like you, there's a lot of different companies and a lot of different products that I love and I enjoy and I'm not trying to compete with. It was specifically, I could not find three world class supplements that specifically helped me in these areas. So we've got HPX Optimize, which is a mental focus and energy product for your brain health. Then we've got Essentials, which is a functional multivitamin which we've basically enhanced for longevity, for joint health and for vitality and digestion. But what we did, instead of like making a multivitamin where they sprinkled a million different things in there that actually have no effect, we put in dosages here that you'll be amazed by. And then finally we've got HPX Organic Boost, which is the energy drink mix that I take because it's 100% organic. Organic. It's actually delicious too, I have to tell you that. So go check it out. Hpxwellness.com, everything you need to know is right there. And if you've ever wanted to know how to reach the high performance experience in terms of your biology and physiology, these products can really support you. Go to hpxwellness.com and without further ado, onto today's episode.

Some of your bad thinking is hurting you from living the life you deserve, right? And we can say that it's not flippant to say that to you. Cause you could say that to me. And I'm like, yeah, that's true. Right? When you have the humility to listen to these messages. But I really know that in reaching high performance, there's specific thought patterns that hurt people. There's specific behavior. There's specific types of relationships that slow them down. Because I've been coaching on this for a decade, our CHPCs in the room know it. Our other coaches that we work with, like, it just.

It's so recurring.

It's obvious. So let's talk about it today. We're going to give you a checklist for what might stop you if you're like, I don't know why I'm not getting momentum as a high performer. This would be the things that would stop you the most. Okay. This would be the things that stop you. Slow your roll. This would be the challeng. The first error we're talking about is bad thinking, right? And we've been talking a little about that kind of circuitously big word for Montana. Oh, my God. I got it out of there. I almost got it out. And it almost slowed bad thinking. We have bad thinking about who we are, how we exist, how we create what's possible. But specific to high performers, there's three things that really hurt them. Okay? Three things that really hurt them. Number one bad thinking pattern is imitation. Imitation. Imitation says, well, I gotta be like other people. And you know what? Here's the thing. Being like other people is often what got you to high performance, because what did you do? You went and did what everyone teaches you in personal development. You went and modeled success. Raise your hand if you follow. That's what you did. That's what they always tell you. That's what all the books and the tapes say. Find somebody who already did it. Model them. Listen, don't reinvent the. So we all know that. Don't reinvent the yes. So everyone says that. Model, find what somebody did. Copy that, because at least that's your baseline to grow from. But what most people only heard was copy. They didn't hear. That's just your baseline to grow from. So their baseline became imitation. But here's the thing. Imitation can get you good, right? Imitation can take somebody who literally is a total novice up to skill level right away because they're just doing what other people do when they're skilled. So modeling is a great concept for beginners. Modeling at the high performance level isn't a great concept. It's the killer of motivation. And that's what people don't realize. Sometimes you get that initial level of success, and you're like, oh, well, I just did what Brendan did, or I did what this person did, or I followed that person's plan or I did that. And that got you in the game. But modeling is only to get you in the game. Then you need to use that as a baseline to grow beyond it. And so you have to look at your life and say, what areas of my life or what types of things am I doing that doesn't feel like it is authentically and freely me? And you already know those areas of constriction, right? You know they are. And you have to really look at it. I mean, think about simple things. Think about how you dress, what you wear, why do you wear what you wear? Is it something somebody wore, something somebody bought for you? Is it something that you really thought through and that's your unique style? Or someone else wore that and you thought, I like that too. Like how much of what you wear is yours? If I came into your house and I walked around your house, would I think it's a generic Airbnb or is it uniquely yours? If I walk into your office, is that office your space to work in? Like, you, like, I'm gonna create my dream place to work? Is that what is there in your office? Or is it just like you're like, well, Ikea's having a sale.

And you.

Just went and bought the cheapest thing at Ikea and you threw it in there. Cause you didn't think it mattered. But that's like a microcosm. Cause a lot of people do that. They just take the cheapest low hanging fruit and they throw it into their house or into their mind or into their life or into their career. They took the cheap, low hanging fruit and they're still just there. Even though they're 45 frigging years old. Even though now they have a bigger income, even though their family is counting on them, they're still copying. And you have to hear this message, like, where in your life are you imitating others? And it's a pretty profound thing. Cause some of you are imitating the way your parents think about money.

Oh, Shay, he went there, didn't he?

Some of you are imitating how your spouse, your partner wants to make love. Oh, he just went off the deeper end. Some of you are imitating how other people do that post. Other people do their event. Other people, other people talk. What you have to notice is when that is happening, because that is stealing from your joy. That is stealing from that sense of Personal freedom we talked about. You gotta know where that is in your life. You absolutely have to know what is your way and your style and why is it that way. Like, your next level of contribution is breaking from the fake stuff and breaking into the freedom stuff. Like, you gotta know, where's that fake stuff happening for you? Where do you, like, you know, where do you. Who's ever been at a party? And you. And you laughed, and you heard yourself laughing, you thought, I don't laugh like that. Has anyone ever done that? Like, you're drinking wine with the friends and all of a sudden and you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. What. Just what happened over there? I don't laugh like that. You need to know, and you need to be noticing those times in your life where it's just not you. Because what most people are doing, especially those who are in the caged life, is they are running somebody else's playbook. They are running somebody else's playbook, and that's why it's driving them crazy. But that's why they also quit because they can't see the door to personal freedom, which is, you'd better have the accountability to say, where in my mind am I running somebody else's playbook? About money, about sex, about lifestyle, about career, about health. Hanging with a friend recently who he started the Paleo diet. I'm like, cool, man. What's up with that? And he said, well, you know, I had four other friends doing the Paleo diet. I'm like, okay, but why are you doing it? He said, well, I got four other friends doing the Paleo diet. And I said, that's all. That's the reason. That's imitation. Imitation is the inability to have individualization. And so what we do is we don't start with ourself because we're social animals. We scan and we copy. And now we don't even realize that's not even the way we think. That's not even what we want. That's not even the life we desire. And so many high performers, what I see is, you know what? They just get the bottom row of high performance. They nitty gritty to top row. The bottom row is they usually copied somebody and got proficient and they were consistent more than other people. So their consistency got them into that top part of high performance. But then they literally, they topped out. Like, they didn't keep. They just kind of hit it once, but they never, like, broke through. You know what I mean? Like, it's like you all had that where you rise Up a little bit, and then you plateaued and you didn't break through. The breakthrough was always an individualization. The breakthrough was always, always in what is more authentic and free and creative and true to uniquely you. Imitation will get you in the game, but it also will end the game. And so you've got to ask, man. And you've got to be on the lookout all the time for imitation all the time. I'm always thinking, like, where am I comparing myself? Where am I conforming? You know, John F. Kennedy said that conformity is the jailer of freedom. And I just love that quote because I think it's so true that we don't even know we're conforming. So you need to have a new heightened awareness to where is it that you are imitating or copying or trying to follow suit or do what everybody else does? Like, where does that happen for you? Where does that happen and where is that happening now? Are you doing something in your relationship where that doesn't even feel like you Are you being a certain way with your friends that you don't even like? Right. Who has friends that you don't like? It's almost a trick question, right? But look, how many people raise their hand. Look, I really want you guys to look. Who? Raise your hands high. Who has friends you don't like? Now look around the room. No, really look, like, turn your heads in front. Look around back. Look at how many people. It's crazy how many people just raise their hands in some way. There's a conformity thing happening for you. There's a people pleaser thing happening for you. There's an imitation thing happening for you. And there's no way we can break you through to what is uniquely true for you if you don't notice that and deal with it.

Everyone say it with me.

Notice that and deal with it. Because some of you notice it, but you don't deal with it. So you keep showing up fake, and no one wants to be told. You're kind of fake. No one wants to be told. I get it all the time. I get it all the time. Like, oh, Brandon, you're fake. I said, why do you think I'm fake? Oh, you're wearing a suit. No one wears a suit. No one wears a suit anymore. I was like, oh, that's why I'm fake, because I don't have cool $500 sneakers on stage or I don't wear the T shirts that everyone else wears or do the cool things everyone else does. I'm like, well, that's just not. That's not me. Like me for me and my values. When I came into the industry, I wanted desperately, this industry to become more professional. I desperately wanted it because I went to those seminars and no one cared about me in the registration process. Nobody cared about me during the days. And it was just like they were cow herding people through multi thousand dollar programs without any like compassion or empathy, help or support. And I was like, that wouldn't happen in a professional industry. That would not happen. And so I was like, I'm gonna bring you another level. That's it. Thank you. So if my desire to level up the industry is fake a little bit, I'm like, I'll take the moniker, but I don't feel compelled that I have to dress like everybody else or post it like Brendan. If you would just post this way, it'd get so much more engagement. That ain't me. Just not me.

Hey, it's Brendan. I'm bopping in here real fast for you. To urge you to go to hpxwellness.com and check out our products to help you get more of that mental focus and energy you need to stay at your best, to deliver with excellence, to feel like vibrant again. Because I know we all struggle with mental fatigue and mental focus. We all sometimes get tired and, and sometimes we're worried about our overall health. And so I created three specific products to help you with that. Go to hpxwellness.com check out our nutrition line, and let's get you to high performance, baby. HPX wellness.com.

Okay, next one, the big one, which, you know, but we have a unique way of doing it. And this is called fear. All right, we all have a little bit of fear and we're scared. In a unique way though, you know, it's funny, high performers actually have fear a little different, okay? A little different. Most of the populace, their fears is very easy to codify. They fear three things. Most people fear three things. Number one, loss. I am scared to do this because if I do it, I will lose comfort, I will lose reputation, I will lose health benefits, I will lose their respect. I will lose that relationship. I will lose the corner office, I will lose the security, I will lose my friends. We have this concern. Like most people, that's a big thing. The funny thing about high performers is that's not necessarily always a thing. It's usually underlying it. But high performers actually like risk more. Like, so that might not be the thing as much, but I think I know what it is for You. The second thing that most of the general public really fears is what's called process pain, AKA hardship. They're like, I don't, you know, I don't really like this hardship thing, you know? Cause it's. I don't like being uncomfortable. I don't like the difficulty of it. I don't want to do it. But again, high performers are kind of oddball weirdos. Yes, you are. Where like, you're kind of like, I like the struggle, which we'll talk about. I'm cool with it. And so you're more willing to try new things that help you survive that, like, hardship concern that most people have. But it's still a good one. And many of you have that fear, too. The other fear that a lot of people have is what is essentially pain of success, which is what we call in high performance coaching, outcome pain. If I do that well, life is harder. Or outcome pain can be. The grass might not be greener on the other side. What if I go through all this struggle, Brendan, and the world isn't better for me? What if I agreed for the hardship, I tried the challenge, I did the thing and it didn't get better. That's called outcome pain. You don't do something because you're like, it might not be better if I do it. Like, I might lose these things and I might go through hardship. And if I can't ensure that it's gonna be better, I don't wanna do it. And a lot of people struggle with that too. Let's talk about high performance fear. Yours is a little bit different. It's a little bit different. Remember loss, fear, hardship fear, outcome fear. Those are the three primaries. Like, hands down, almost every fear can be bucketed in, included in these. But high performers have a little bit more extreme thinking, if you will, just a little bit more extreme, because high performers, because how many of you in this room think about this, how many of you, you know, in your peer group, you're a little bit bigger of the thinker. You're the bigger thinker. You're the dreamer. Like, you see the big vision, the big ambition. If that's you, say, that's me. Yeah, most of you are like that. And that is a superpower. You are a big thinker and you are willing to do risk. And now enter fear. Your fear isn't like just loss or process. Your fear sounds like this word, ruin. Brendan, I can't do this because if I do that post or I put that video out or I try that new thing it will what me? Ruin me. Oh, you dramatic little child. But you put fear in that. This is why you must learn to master fear. Because when you inject fear into that big thinking, you also get the equal drama. You think big, but you fear big. Raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about. It's a unique weirdo thing we got in this room. Everyone say we're weirdos here. Oh my God, I'm a weirdo. Well, I didn't mean I was talking about me. I didn't ask you to repeat that one. That's what we do. We. I mean, how many of you are so good at catastrophizing? Like just catastrophizing? Oh my. Gee, you guys just. Big catastrophe. I can see it. And so your unique thing about fear is. Listen, people who generally have fear and it's just loss or control or outcome pain, you know what they're good at at least dabbling, you know, Cause they're just dumb enough not to see a bigger picture of ruin. Oh no. But high performers, oh, if I do that, it's going to ruin it all. Because you can also see it changing it all. And when you can see it changing at all, you often tend to fear ruining it all. And so your hope is built up so much in you and you're paralyzed. So you need to recognize and notice that fear based thinking that comes in when it's making mountains out of molehills. That thing that comes in when you're like, well, I can't do this until everything is perfect. Because people who want everything perfect before they begin a aren't perfectionists. Because perfectionist is to perfect. You cannot perfect something until you release it. To perfect something requires it to be out. And then you keep working on it, perfect it. You don't wait to release it. You release it, then you perfect it. And so part of the perfectionist story, which excellent driven high performers are, we tend to go, oh, I'll wait until everything's right so I can hedge the ruin. The problem is you can't hedge ruin. You just can't. And you can't predict ruin. No one in this room is really that good at predicting ruin. Most of you didn't see 2008 coming. Most of the world didn't see it, even though there were plenty of signals. But most people missed it. Even the smartest, smartest economists and investors in the world, like three people out of hundreds of thousands of absurdly smart people, predicted the economic collapse that began in 2008. Three out of over 100,000 of the smartest people in the world, Most people don't notice the signals. You have to become that good. You have to listen to your self talk to your what? Self talk. And you need to listen for ruinous self talk. And soon as you hear it, as soon as you hear it, you need a statement to say to yourself. So what are you gonna say next time you have a ruinous thought that comes into your head? Like, you notice it's saying, if I do this, it's gonna ruin everything?

What would you say to yourself?

Stop that thinking right away? Yep. So if you gotta write it down, like, just stop.

What would you say? What could you say if you heard.

Yourself saying, oh, this is gonna be terrible. It's gonna be awful. Shut up.

What could you say?

Bring the joy.

What would you say?

What? Refocus. What would you say, drama queen. Label it up.

What would you say?

Oops.

What would you say?

Leave it alone.

What would you say?

Let it go. Let it go.

What would you say?

Stop being so drama. Stop being so much drama.

What would you say?

You're gonna do it. Do it big.

If you're gonna do it, do it big.

What would you say?

It's worth it. It's worth it.

What would you say?

Let go.

Let go.

What would you say?

It can't be that bad. It can't be that bad.

What would you say?

What's really going on? What's really going on? Here's the deal. I don't know what you should say to yourself, but you better damn well know what you're gonna say to yourself. All right.

Hey, it's Brandon. I hope you enjoyed that episode, and I hope it helped you reach another level of high performance in your life, whether it's just a shift in your mindset or shift in your habits or a shift in your intention for the day. I really honor you for listening to the Brendon show, and I'm deeply thankful. So could you do me a favor? Could you just go onto itunes or Apple podcasts and rate and review this episode or any of our episodes? And also, while you're there, to help me, just download the last five episodes, too, onto your phone, because, you know, Apple really cares about the downloads and the rating and reviews, and I've never really asked for that in six years of podcasting. And finally my friends convinced me to ask you to do that for me. I've never asked anything on my podcast community ever, but I really, really appreciate if you could do that also, if you would like some more in depth training. Please don't forget that every single month I go live for two hours and teach new and original personal development research new frameworks to my entire virtual community in our HPX coaching program. And you can just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com to learn all about the different options there. But listen, I'm live two hours every single month with literally thousands of high achievers from around the world who tune in to get these new frameworks for reaching high performance in their life. Sometimes we talk about relationships, sometimes we talk about breaking bad habits. Sometimes we talk about achieving another level of of confidence or discipline or goal attainment. But we are there every single month and I'd love for you to join us. Just go to hpxcoaching.com to see all of your options and really join us. Dedicate yourself to personal mastery. Dedicate yourself to this journey not just once in a while with an episode here or there or a book there, but literally a program that could change your life. It's called HPX Coaching and you can go to hpxcoaching.com until next time, my friends, please remember every single day you can choose to be average or ordinary or just kind of go through the motions. Or you can be more intentional, more disciplined, more excellence driven what you do because you know you need to serve those you love and those that you lead. You can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends, go out there today and be extraordinary. Extraordinary.