Demonstrate More Love and Validation

If you can consciously demonstrate love to people, it doesn't matter. Family, friends, lovers, team. And I don't mean none of this is woo. This is just the reality of how your brain works that you desire this so much. Give it. Give and you shall receive. What do you want in life? Give it. Watch evidence propagate out there and. And then you'll have more of it. Give and you shall receive. Give and you shall receive. Some of you, this is an irrelevant conversation because you're just fine. You're loving relationship. You're like, dude, I'm so in love right now, I can't even hear you. I've got songs in my head. I see us dancing. I'm imagining us having sex. You're like, in a great place. For those who aren't there, it's time to go. Huh? How could I demonstrate more love? How could I do it? Turn the person left, right, put your hand on their shoulder and say, all we want is love. That's all we want. What else do we so desperately desire? What else do we so desperately desire? It's a little different. Validation. What a psychological ninja trip trick this one is. We want to be accepted. We want to be loved. But no, we have a pride to our ego that needs to be validated. Good job, honey.

If we don't feel like we get.

Enough of that growing up, oh my gosh, in the high school, elementary school, when you're the odd person out, the group hasn't validated you. That can leave a mark. Most people around today are running through their lives and they're forgetting how much they want this and how much other people want this. When we teach leadership lessons in high performance, we're always saying, here's what you gotta imagine. You gotta imagine on everyone you meet. There's a big billboard on their head that just says, please see me. Please listen to me. Please understand me, please acknowledge me. That's all anyone wants from you, and that's what you want. Please see me. Just please see me. Please listen to me. Please care about what I'm saying. Please acknowledge me in some way. And when we don't have that, we feel horrible. When we don't have that in a relationship, it doesn't matter. Even at work, when someone shares an idea, listen to this. If you're in a work environment where someone shares ideas and at the end of their sentence, no one acknowledges it, says, I like that. Don't like that. Try this, try this. Let me write that down. Good idea. Great suggestion. Let's mark that down. When someone speaks it and there's no acknowledgement, the odds are their contributions to the team will go down by 50%. Because why contribute any ideas anymore? It doesn't even matter. You could debate, you could actually debate with them. At least they still feel acknowledged. You interacted, you engaged with the idea. That's all they want, right? You don't have to prove it. Just like when your little child comes up to you with a toy they just completely dismantled or something that you really cared about. They've completely dismantled all they're. They just want validation that they're there. You can still say no, but you gotta engage without the engagement. Remember, we lose the charged life. And one way to put more charge back in your life is to start validating people. I hear ya. I understand. Oh, interesting. Doesn't even matter. Especially for those of you who are struggling in a relationship right now. Start noticing how often someone finishes a period and you don't say anything because that's where you're in trouble. They're sharing and they're communicating and you're stonewalling or not contributing. So the relationship doesn't feel like it's being built by two people. It is report out by one person, avoid by the other person. Report by one person. Then instead of taking that and using it as a magical thing to build something together, it's a report out for person B. Person A reports, Person B reports, Person A reports. But there's no dance, there's no commingling of idea, and thus there's no connection. How many follow? Raise your hands. It's a huge psychological frame. Remember, if you could just trigger that people want to be validated. It doesn't mean you have to make them right. It means you have to make them feel heard. And once you master that, everything changes. Once you realize that's what you need, you'll notice why you're unhappy in certain places. Why am I unhappy at work? Did you know the number one reason, globally, globally, across all industries, all companies, and every country, found by the Gallup, their big massive workforce study, the number one reason people quit a job, what is it? Lack of appreciation. That's validation. They're not being. The number one reason that people quit a job is lack of appreciation. How many of you think you could also translate that a little bit to marriage? It's like, of course they don't feel appreciated, they don't feel validated. Boom, you're out of there. How many of you have ever been in a relationship where no one validated you? Anyone Ever been in that? Right? Did you get out okay? Did you want out? We truly want validation. That's it. I hear you. Is one of the most powerful things you can say you want. The one that doesn't think about the opposite. Think about if you said to somebody, like, imagine walking up to someone and saying, I don't care about what you think. Anyone ever said that to you? I don't care what you think. I bet it's not just that. These things aren't psychological frames. These are human needs, these are drives, but they frame everything. I'll tell you, when someone says, I don't care what you think, your first impulse is to strike at them. Is that crazy? Isn't it true? Your first, you have to stop. But it's such a dominant frame that if someone says, I don't care what you think, you're. You're like, well, screw you. I mean, try it. Walk up to some stranger and go, I don't care about you. You know what? Just in case you really are into physical damage, smile, because I don't care about you. The bigger, the cheesier the smile, the more absolutely hurt you're going to get. But that's what people are doing in our modern era. This is what people. You know what's become popular? You know what's funny now? You know what's funny? Being critical. You know what's funny now? Suddenly in comedy on television and everything, it's that person who makes the smart, cutting judgment about somebody. That sarcasm has become so valued, that critical nagging on others, making fun of people. That's what's become valued in our marketplace. And this is why as a global community, more and more and more people are suffering from lack of validation. Because people now take joy in stabbing people. People take joy in making fun of people. And we got to change that. We got to shift that around. We got to be people. If you want to lead others and you want to make a dramatic difference in the world, you better learn to value people and validate their experience. Much of my work in my life is just validating people's experiences. Like it's okay that it's hard, it's okay that you're struggling. Honor that struggle. Don't detach from it. Honor it. Validate that this is hard, but don't run from it. Validate it. It's okay. Sometimes it's not just validating a person, it's validating your own challenges. You, your self worth is tied to the psychological frame. Do I validate myself as a person? Or am I the person being a sarcastic ass to myself? Am I the person lacking the ability to give myself validation sometimes? This isn't just social frames. This is psychological frames. It's inside. Some of you haven't given yourself credit in so damn long. You're beautiful, you're smart. You made it this far. You're more worth than you give yourself credit for. You can figure this out too. You do deserve happiness. You are ready for that next stage. And sometimes you just got to own that in your heart a little bit. Thanks for watching.

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