Developing Influence

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the brendon show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes on online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world. Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits which, well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something that I'm suggesting or motioning to or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategy that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do q and a and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly that's brendon.com monthly B-R-E-N-O-N.com monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this. So if you like this, you would love that training program. But without further ado, let's jump in right now to one of the Brendon shows best of trainings.

Today, y'. All. I get to talk about one of my favorite topics in the entire world. Something that I think is so critical obviously to your success, to your ability to get ahead, to your ability to succeed in the field, and to ultimately really make this mission bigger and better every single day. If you can understand these philosophies, but most importantly, practice them every day. Hey, look, you won't just be better at your job or building your brand, your business, and what you all are trying to do in your sales. You'll be a better mom, you'll be a better parent, you'll be a better contributor, dad, father, mother, lover, leader. Because at the end of the day, if you can't influence other people in a purposeful and consistent and meaningful way, then what ends up happening is you have superficial relationships. And each of you knows you cannot build your teams with superficial relationships. You can't sell more. You can't be a great leader, you can't be a great parent, caregiver, lover, contributor to this world if you aren't very intentional about how you want to influence other people. And I know that's hard because, listen, when you're, especially all of you, trying to do something that is requiring the best of you, it is easy to just go through the motions in your relationships. You know, and I've shared that before that, that challenge of just, you know, how easy it is to just go through the motions, that's what hurts everybody's ability to reach that next level of success. Meaning you have to be more intentional, you have to be more disciplined, you have to be more focused if you're going to achieve greater things. And obviously you're here, you're learning, you're participating because you want to learn to be better. Sometimes you struggle with that direct ask. You know, you've got influence, you want to have influence, but sometimes you don't persuade. You know, you don't really go for it. Like, you're good, you have nice conversations, you connect with people. But we all have to challenge ourselves to be more explicit in our influence, to ask for what we want, to go for that thing, to persuade other people's not just like after, you know, suggest something to somebody, but to persuade. And that's hard, right? Because ultimately many people have a great amount of influence in their life. They've got great friends. But having good friends doesn't always mean you have a great business, right? Just because you're good at getting people to like you or you like other people, it doesn't mean you get the sales that you always want. And that's the kind of influence we want to talk about. Today, I'd love to share with you six big ideas on how to do that. And I really believe that when you get these things in your heart and your soul, everything changes. So I'm super pumped, as you can kind of tell, to talk about this topic. It's really one of my favorites. Here's the first big idea for you today. You've got to adopt the role model mindset. Even before I give you any tactics, give you any strategies, any suggestions, share any science, any of the research, let's start here. All influence begins from this place. All great leadership begins from this place. All great ability to persuade, to sell begins from this place. You have to adopt that role model mindset. That role model mindset is the only thing usually preventing people from using more of the tactics they know for selling, for leading, for persuading. In that, you know, it's easy to just go through the motions and just show up, hey, how you doing? What's going on, guys? Today? Unless in advance of an influence situation, you say, okay, I've got to be a role model here for these folks. What would it look like if I was a role model in this situation? What would my energy be like? What would my attitude be like? How would I speak to other people? How would I share what I have here? Because if you don't recognize that you are a role model, what you fail to recognize also is that people are watching you. People are paying attention to who you are and how you show up and how you treat them and how you lead and how you sell. And if, when you're doing it, you're kind of just going through the motions, that's not going to inspire them to want to connect with you, build a relationship with you, or ultimately follow you or buy from you, right? So in every situation that you're going, every prospect call, every meetup with the gals down at the coffee shop, you've got to be the person who goes, okay, I'm going to step into this as a role model. And when you step into something as a role model, you're intentional, you're thoughtful about how you want to portray yourself. You're thoughtful about the influence you want to have with other people. I mean, just think about when you go in to help your son or your daughter or somebody who you really care with. Maybe like some school homework, right? You can go in there and just be like, you know, I used to hate homework, too. And if your attitude and your energy towards homework is negative, of course your child's going to be kind of like, I'm not interested in learning either mom or dad, but if you go in and your energy towards learning, your energy towards the schoolwork assignment, towards school, towards education is positive, it's like you just carry this good energy about it instead of like, did you get it done? And rather you're open to realizing that your child will see you as a role model. And in fact most people are gauging you that way. Then you change your behavior and you're better. And it's, I tell you, this is my secret right here. You know, even when I'm going on live or like this, or when you see me on stage, I just spoke to 4,000 people like 36 hours ago in arena and I've been blessed to speak to what almost probably near 100,000 people in a two year period where I spoke to them live. Trust me, there's days I go out on that stage and I'm kind of like, you know, I've done five different cities, you know, I've got the email, just like you all got that big long email thing. I got all the voicemails, all the texts, everybody's counting on me for something. Just like they're counting on you for something. And I could easily go out on the stage, just be like, gosh, guys, I'm kind of tired. But you have to challenge yourself to rise. In every blessed opportunity that you have to develop influence, which is in most of your relationships and most of your situations, you've got to challenge yourself to rise. You've got to challenge yourself to be the best version of who you are. And if you can, remember to always lead with that, to step into the best of who you are as a role model. Because how you define yourself as a role model might be different than how I define myself, but you'd better be aware of it. You better know what that is like. If you're going to go in and be a role model parent, what does that look like? If you're going to be a role model leader, what does that look like? If you're going to be a role model to your sister, your brother, the people who count on you, what does that look like? If you haven't spent some time thinking about what being a role model in those situations of your life are, then that's why you don't have the influence you want. Because you're hoping to have this but not being intentional in it.

And that's where so many people struggle.

And too often people think, well, I'll be a role model When I achieve this level or when I make this much money, or when I have a team this big, and then what they end up doing is selling themselves short and cheating themselves of time. Because you are influencing people. Every single email, every single text, every voice message, every day, single, every meetup, every conversation, every enrollment, you are there being a role model. And when you step into that, I promise your life will change significantly. Next big idea, and I think this is a really important one, is great. Leaders and people of influence, they give goals and they get agreements. So think about this one with your team. Are you giving your team explicit and clear goals, even people who just signed up with you? And are you getting them as you're talking through the goals and helping them set goals and you give the goals together, getting agreement on it? You know, it's funny, often, you know, leaders who struggle, what they do is they're implicit about their goals. Kind of, hey, would you like to do a better job? Wouldn't it be great if you could win the trip to Hawaii or something? And they kind of hint at it instead of saying, okay, let's sit down. Tell me, what are your goals for your family? What is it you're trying to achieve? What are you going to do to make that happen? Okay. And you start asking a bunch of questions, which you all know how to do. But ultimately you also get agreement. Never leave a conversation without agreement. Meaning at the end you recap. So you said on Monday you're going to make those five calls. Is that what you said? Yep, I said that. Okay. And you're going to do it? Yep, I'm going to do it. Those little. That's a little check of agreement right towards the end of everything with all of your teams, always do that little check of agreement at the end. Okay, Barbara, you said you're going to do this, right? Yes, I am. Okay. Because that little explicit and direct and stated goal, when they agree to it, that absolutely, by all things in goal attainment theory, shows us they're more likely to actually do it. If you hint at it or they say it one time but no one confirms it, then people don't do it. But when you confirm it, in other words, you get agreement at the end. This is what we said. This is what you're going to do. Let's rock and roll. It changes how people actually approach the work. And when you're the person they are agreeing to guess what, you develop influence. That's the key. You see, when you're the person people are sharing their goals with, and they're agreeing to do things with. Now, you are the person that they feel accountable to. You're the person they want to live in congruence or integrity to based on what they said. And because you're that person now, you're the person of influence. And it's not like you had to tell them what to do in terms of this is your goal. You can ask them, get the goal, learn the goal, like collaborate together to set the vision, but ultimately confirm it with them. So you said you're going to do this, right? Every one of those little checks, the more you're the person doing that, the more strength you get in influence. Now, for the people pleasers out there, I know you. I see you, sister. And I know how easy it is to say no, no, no. I just don't like to do that. I don't like to pest people. No, you helping people become more accountable to what they already decided is the thing that gives you influence over the long term. It will always annoy people in the short term. But I'm sure you've heard of families or maybe you've been part of family. I certainly was. Where one parent kind of held you accountable a little more than the other person. And that accountability really shaped your character and how you turned out and what you achieved in life. The people who don't have that person, keeping them accountable, we can see from their life outcomes in psychology. They have less happiness, less fulfillment, less satisfaction in their current job or role. They don't have that same sense about them of personal responsibility or self reliance. They set fewer goals and have lower life satisfaction. All these things because they didn't have people throughout their life keeping them accountable. I remember I got into high school and I had one leader, one of women who had the most influence with me in my life. And she was always doing those little checks. All right, Brendan, you said you're going to do this. Did you do it? All right, we talked about this. How's that going? She was the person who checked in with me. And because she got the agreement of me to grow, she checked in to get the agreement of me being accountable for things. She changed my life. All right, next big idea for all of y'. All. Influence doesn't happen once. Influence. You have to stop thinking of influence as a situation and start thinking of influence as a series. And a simple way to say that in English to all of us is you've got to learn to follow up, people. Okay? Your follow up is where you have influence, right? Your follow up is where you have influence. So many of you have a good meeting and you don't follow up, so you don't build the team, you don't get the sales. So many of you have a good first impression, but you don't follow up to cement the reputation. And that's what we fail to do. I'll give you an example. I did a speech over the weekend and with that leadership team who brought me in to give the speech, you know, by whatever it is, noon today my time, they'll have gotten two or three follow up emails from me with some suggestions, some resources, some thanks. And in that process, I will cement that relationship. Because just showing up one time doesn't do it. Many of you have that great first meeting and even if they sign up with you, you fail in those first couple weeks to be there for them consistently. And listen, here's the deal with building a team, and I know you all know this on preaching to the choir, but when you first meet that new person who's going to be with you, you've got to follow up with them a lot over those first six weeks. A lot of the research shows that first six weeks of a new relationship with somebody, especially in a leadership capacity with you and building your team or having somebody help you and build your business, because that's what your team is here to do. That first six weeks is so critical that that follow up, I mean, needs to be there every week, every week. So you have the meeting that same day, follow up, next day, follow up, day after that, follow up, day after that, follow up, week later, follow up, three days after that, follow up, week later, follow up, like stay the way I always tell people leaders, stay all over them, stay all over them for six weeks. Because at six weeks now it's become a sort of like collaboration. It's become a new person. You've all had a new friend that you met and that friend didn't become a great friend because lack of follow up. But the ones who said, well, let's go out again and you went out again with them the next weekend, they became friends of you and your spouse. It's the ones you go out with more consistently to become friends. Same thing. The ones that you lead more consistently become your great team members. Follow up, my friends. Be literally if you got way better at follow up, even if you had the exact same number of prospects, meetings and calls as you did the last 12 months, but in the next 12 months, all you did is say, I'm going to follow up with those People better over the six week period, I promise you'll see X. I mean, you will see exponential. I don't think you'll just double what you do, I think you'll triple or quadruple it. Now, I can't guarantee because I don't know you, but I will suggest you will see exponential growth. You're like, whoa. Same amount of work on the front end, but more work on the back end. The follow up business goes like, this last big idea for you today is be the consistent positive force in people's lives. Consistent, I know, that's so important. Positive. Doesn't the world need that today? Right. Every time you show up, they're gauging your energy. Every time, not sometimes. You can't go through the motions. Every time you show up, they're listening, they're watching, they're paying attention and you are leaving a net energetic effect. You know what I'm saying? When you walk out that room, they feel an energy and they associate that energy, that attitude with you. And if that attitude is great and positive and every time you're in their life, you're forced for good, they're like, bam. This person has influence. If every time you're around you know you're going through the motions, you're not intentional, you don't know your outcome, you're not being explicit in your communication, you're not doing the very things we talk about, then they don't associate you with a positive force in their life. And then they're like, eh. But if you're the consistent cheerleader, you're the consistent person praising, you're the person who consistently gets them to share their goals and to commit to them, that positive influence in their life makes them say, I want to be around you, I will stay on your team, I will follow you through heaven and earth, I will work with you, I will commit doing my best to you. And because you're the person who's that positive energy in their life. And you all know there's not a lot of positive energy in this world these days. You all know it's out there, but a lot of it sometimes feels like they're just hate and negativity and blaming and all the vitriol that we see in the more macroeconomic world that we live in today. But one to one, person to person, be positive. One to one, person to person, focus on, am I being that positive force with people? And if you will do all of these things, my friends, you will have so much more influence. And it's not that you're actually have to trying so much harder. It's you got your mind right as a role model. You got your mind right to know your outcome. You did the simple things of saying it more directly, of getting the goals, of getting them accountable. You did the very simple things of making sure that you're that person who's going to be the greatest positive force in their lives just by honoring them, complimenting them, praising them and following up. Do those things, my friends, you have a whole lot more influence.

All right, my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up? Did you love it? If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself, listening to it. Make sure you hashtag the Brendon show because when you do that I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that on the social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag, T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to Brendan monthly, that's Brendan.com forward/monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard. But we do that every single month and there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@Brendan.com forward slide. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life and sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you my friend for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show.

Sam.