How Appreciation Creates Joy

I believe that everybody we met along the journey was there to help us learn, to help us grow, to help us get better. Even if at time it was awfully painful. I just believe that some. I don't know. There's a reason I know that I had a busy week and even in the weekend where often I work or I create or I got a busy schedule with family or friends or outings or running errands, I still had that mental mindset to use the convenience of the calendar to remind myself to chill a little bit, to mentally take the edge off, not to be as, you know, urgent or as tense or as, you know, what we just call high performing in that intensity way. I just kind of go with it and allow a little bit of a lighter energy and mood in, even though again, I might be busy, just like you might be. I hope today you remind yourself of that. I'd love to also share today, just a simple idea. Notes of appreciation. You know, many of you know, every single day, I send five audio texts to people. These are audio texts, often to friends, family, you know, former clients, old friends, new friends, acquaintances, celebrities, celebrities, you know, team, you know, nephews, whatever it is, just send out a bunch of audio texts encouraging people. I make myself send five a day. And I think what would be useful if you're not doing that already, is to try even if you just send out one a day, you'll feel better. These notes of encouragement are simple, you know, ideas where you might say, hey, just want to let you know I'm thinking of you, I love you, or hey, I know you. Last week, you know, was a busy week and you achieved X, Y and Z and just want to celebrate you. I know sometimes the path of success is lonely. Sometimes you might just reach out to someone and say, hey, I know you're doing great things. It's been a while since we talked. I just want to cheer you on, tell you I appreciate you, whatever it is. Could you send one today? Maybe there's somebody from your past who you haven't connected with for a while, but they made a big difference in your life and your notes of appreciation. Practice could be reaching out to an old teacher or mentor. Every few months, I send out notes to my old teachers who really believed in me. You know, I share in high performance habits about a teacher who was monumental in my life, a high school journalism teacher who kept me in high school, who helped me through difficult times, and who also taught me about the ideals of journalism, of writing, of photography, who really honored and honed my artistic impulses and was a great mentor in my life, like, almost like a second mom. Just an amazing person. So I'll send out a note once in a while. I think you might have some people who are old friends who at that stage of your life were just. Man, they were just the right person at the right time to support you or believe in you. Maybe haven't talked to them for a while. Maybe send them a note today. Who are some of those folks from your past who you appreciate and honor and respect, and they were in your life at just the right time for the right reason. But maybe you're not in contact anymore. Maybe you can send them a note of appreciation. I'm pretty extreme at personal development, as you know. So I've done this practice with old folks from my life who I don't keep in contact with and don't want to, but they were at the right place, including some exes. I've literally, don't worry, everything's fine. I've sent out notes. So, hey, you know what? Just cheering you on. I really appreciate that time in our life. Hope that you're great, you know, nothing. Nothing weird, nothing out. Not trying to create connections, but rather just honoring people for different parts of life. I reach out to old bosses, really, I reach out to people. I reached out to a bully one time, just somebody who was, you know, awful to me and had a connection with a friend and just basically DM this person and said, hey, I want to let you know that there was a stage in my life when I was really fearful and you were really hurtful. And I actually write this note not to say anything rude, but rather to appreciate that our lives interconnected when they did, because that situation made me stronger and more empathetic. I actually hope that you're doing well in life. I know that sounds really weird, but there's something about me you should know. I don't have any regrets and I don't have any negative feeling to any persons in my life. Even a person who in my younger youth had, you know, been involved in, or I'd been involved in a relationship with that led me to suicidal ideation. I believe that everybody we met along the journey was there to help us learn, to help us grow, to help us get better, even if at time it was awfully painful. I just believe that some. I don't know there's a reason, and I know that is a little bit overly optimistic. And some people don't like that because maybe it sounds too faithful or to Pollyannish and the ideals that maybe. No, Brennan, there are some people out there who are actually terrible and it's terrible. I intersected with them. I. I get that. I've been punched in the face quite a few times in my life and I don't care to revisit those folks either. So this is not an encouragement for you to reach out to everybody in your life. I just like to offer those examples, you know, from bullies to exes to old mentors and old teachers to old friends who were just in the right place at the right time. Just some examples. Because I don't know who you should reach out to, but I bet you do. I also want you to make sure you don't neglect having a weekly practice of appreciation to those who are in your life right now. You have co workers or team or family or friends or kids or people in your life, neighbors who deserve a shout out for their encouragement for their place in your life, for their hard work, for their belief in you. And I have always felt that the more you send out notes of appreciation to others, the more the universe hears it and says, this is a person who is grateful for the goodness that they are receiving. Let's open a gate to more goodness for them. For me, as a person of faith, I believe that God just says, hey, this is a grateful person. Let's keep delivering the goods. They appreciate it. Whether you believe that or not. I just feel like maybe there's some people. And last, if you want to do a really cool journal activity today, would you write a note of appreciation to yourself from yourself five years out. What does that mean? Imagine that you're five years out from today and you've succeeded, you've achieved your dreams, you are having a time in your life in which there's a lot of momentum, abundance, health, positivity, and you're looking back and writing a letter to your current day self. And I would like you to write that letter and just have that future self point out a few things about yourself that are positive. Maybe recognizing your strengths, maybe appreciating the hardships you've been through, maybe just saying a few nice things, maybe just a few notes of encouragement. I love to do that. I think sometimes we get caught up in the busyness of today. The kids, the family, the team, the finances, everything going on. And we just forget what we are going through, how much it is. And so even if we're overwhelmed or we're tired of it all, we're a little discouraged. What happens is we lose Perspective of how far we're coming and we lose the appreciation of ourselves that we're still going. Maybe give it a try. You might find it to be a pretty powerful journal activity this day. I'd like to share a personal development topic with you. And it's one I think we often miss. And that is simply some of the most, I guess, the simplest advice and that is don't delay happiness. I remember when I was in college, I was a sad guy. I had been through a breakup and I just couldn't get my life back together after it. And I picked up this book, I think it was called Happiness is a Choice by, I think it was Barry, Neal Kaufman, if I remember it back. So it was a long time ago and I hated it. It was one of those covers, I thought happiness is a choice. You don't know the struggles I've been through and how poor my family is being and how we came up from nothing. And then this girl broke my heart. And I, you know, you ever see a personal growth topic and just get mad immediately at the COVID or the title thinking you don't know my story? Well, we always do that when we are disempowered, when we're empowered and we can believe positive or faithful messages. We look at it in a different way, don't we? But I was in a bad mood. But I remember reading it and one of the things I really took away from it was that I could shape my own happiness. And I think what I've learned over the years working with so many outstanding clients as a high performance coach, you know, for 20 years I've worked with people one on one every single week. And when you work with people in their real life over a long period of time, you learn a lot about human behavior. And one of the fundamental mistakes I see is that people often delay their happiness. I'll be happy when got this new job. I'll be happy when child is born. I'll be happy when bills are paid. I'll be happy when I'm 15 pounds lighter. I'll be happy when I achieve that outstanding result. I'll be happy when I, you know, cross the finish line. I'll be happy when I finally do one of these Friday finishers that Brendan talks about. And I complete all my to dos by Friday at 5pm Listen, I just hope that we can have an honest conversation and say the life is awfully short and we got to teach ourselves to enjoy these days and so how can we be happy now? Some simple framework for you Here I call them the four P's. The first P is presence. It's awfully hard to be happy now when we're stuck in the past, when we're angry about the past, you know, ruminating on the negative things that happened in the past, when we're worried about the future, when we're missing the appreciation of what's in front of us right now, even if it's hard, even it's not what we want, that whatever is in front of us right now are building blocks to a stronger character and greater compassion in our future. Not easy to say that when we're going through tough times, but tends to be true, that we also have that choice of experiencing post traumatic growth just as much as we experience pstd. That we have sometimes a choice to grow from difficult situations in the moment doesn't mean it's easy. But sometimes in the moment is where joy is. In the moment is where you can take, you know, appreciation of your spouse or your partner or the gifts that you have, even when you are hurt or. Or dealing with trauma or upset. Doesn't mean that those things aren't real and we shouldn't feel them, experience them, work through them. But it simultaneously means we can take a breath and go, I am still alive. And I don't say that lightly. You're talking to somebody here who's been on his deathbed three times in his life. Trust me, I get trauma, I get difficulty. And I also understand that working through those things is to learn to be present. Present with our breath, if anything, present with our emotions, if anything. To sit with the truth of who we are and how we're feeling. And being honest about it is also presence. Vulnerability requires presence. Consciousness requires presence. It's being in the moment and feeling the day and feeling the emotions and just living life. That's presence. And the less that we actually feel and experience and appreciate life, the more we're miserable. Presence. Maybe you can journal today on how could you be more present in your life? What are some rituals you could put into play, some things you can remind yourself of throughout the day that might serve you? The second P is perspective. I think a whole lot of happiness comes from perspective. I remember the first time I had traveled outside the United States. I think I was a teenager, and I happened to be on a work trip, actually, and I was taken on a tour through a dump outside a major city, and there were families living there and kids scavenging for any scrap of food or any scrap of items that they could maybe sell or barter in town. And it wasn't a few families, it was thousands of families who lived at the dump. I was outside Mexico City and I couldn't believe it. And in that moment, this is a long time ago in my life, pretty much every complaint went right out the window. Because once you've experienced other parts of the world, you can learn to take more appreciation in what we have. And I mean that for most places, especially if you're listening to something like that in this, in an app, in a smartphone, man, you got a lot of blessings and tools and opportunities available to you. And perspectives sometimes help. I've been with families who are losing a loved one to cancer, and sometimes being able to have a conversation as someone who also lost my father to that brings perspective to that journey. I know you've been through hard times before, too. And when you talk with somebody who's been through similar issues or challenges or even more challenging moments, you can take heart in the common human story that is struggle. Sometimes perspective also can bring greater happiness because you get around somebody who's got a better attitude than you or earns more than you or has led longer than you or is a better role model than you. And their perspective just makes you want to level up and be the best version of yourself. And you find happiness in that subtle but positive comparison to others to realize, wow, I'm lucky. I have a chance. I can learn, I can grow. Look at this person's story. They came from nothing too. You know, nothing more empowering than witnessing other people in your community rise up, become stronger through their own hard work, their own effort. Realizing how far the human spirit can carry somebody who's got a good attitude, ready to get into it, wants to lead and live good values. It's amazing when you watch them get ahead and you realize, wow, maybe I can even be a better version of myself. And we can take happiness in extending ourselves, challenging ourselves, and living into the best version of ourselves. Perspective sometimes really can help lock in happiness. Also sometimes, I'm sure maybe if you've got kids, you've had that experience where your child takes such delight in something in the backyard that you've looked at a hundred times and never even thought of. But suddenly their perspective and taking delight in something or having fun and joy in something gives you the perspective and reminds you to also take delight and joy and gratitude in the simple things. The third p to have happiness is passion. To chase, pursue, experience. The things that draw your interest, your curiosity, your passion, even sometimes your obsession in A good way. There's healthy obsessions. I talk about that in high performance habits. In fact, most people who have long term success but are still able to maintain well being and positive relationships, what we call high performers, they are passionate and they are obsessive about certain things. But the obsession is not a negative obsession. It's a healthy obsession. It's a choice to focus. And the healthy. How do you know it's healthy? Well, they maintain their well being mentally and physically, and they maintain positive relationships. The opposite is some people become successful and they strive really hard, but they wreck their health and their relationships. Not what we're after in pursuing our passions. So if you have more parts of your day or your week or your month where you're exploring your passions, even if as a hobby, even if in the off hours, even if you know only once or twice a month, but it fills you up, that brings more happiness. Finally. Gosh, something I really hope penetrates the world and you help become that example of perspective for others. The fifth or sorry, the fourth P. Playfulness. Playfulness. Everyone's so serious and so offended these days. They've lost that joyous fun and spontaneity in the moment to play with one another, to tease, to cajole, to have a great time, to tell a joke, to laugh so hard your stomach hurts. When's the last time you had that experience with the negative news and the social media? I mean, it's so easy to get wrapped in this, you know, offensive culture, this angry culture, this cancel culture, this world we live in where so many people take for granted what they have and complain, become bitter, become angry, become divisive. Where are the joyful, spirited, youthful attitudes? Where are those people who make you laugh, who tease around, who you have such a great time with? Whoever they are in your life, do me a favor and do yourself a favor. Keep them close, call them more often, text them and audio text them more often. I think this is so important. Finding people who are fun should be a life's aim. I'm so blessed to be around, I mean, genuinely fun people. At home, at work, in my friendships. They weren't always that way. I had plenty of curmudgeons in my social circle at certain parts of my life. And then I started deciding why. Why hang out with people who aren't present, who can't keep perspective, who aren't passionate, who aren't playful? Why? What's the point? I found myself as a people pleaser, trying to make them feel good and try to connect with them. Through empathizing, through complaint, which happens a lot today. People connect through complaining about the pandemics or the politics or the weather or a lot of people. The only way they actually know how to complain or connect with people is to complain, to blame, to get angry, to point fingers. But there are people who know how to connect with joy, with spirited enthusiasm, with a youthful outlook to life, with optimism, with passion. Find those people. And I know today, even though I'm in this little room by myself, I'm speaking to those people, because those who are attracted to personal development, they want to live a great life. They want to have fun again. They want to be happy again. So maybe go in your journal today, capture some notes from the session and ask, how could I be a little more happier in the present moment? What rituals could I set up? What reminders could I set up? How could I be part of that, that. That new spirit that we all need in our lives? It's just a little more playful and joyous and fun and happy. We can do that. We can choose to bring joy to life again because we all know that every day is a great day to grow.