How Overcoming My Fear of Public Speaking Changed My Life

There is no easy way. The worst part about public speaking is it requires you to do it a lot. Your level of joy and success in life is directly correlated with how often you can deal with your insecurities, how often you can confront them. The trick in life is for us to confront our mental and emotional insecurities and fears purposefully. And often. The truth about mastery, getting good at things, is you got to put in the reps. Okay, we're going to jump right in.

First point of public speaking from Brendan.

Burchard today is bad news. There is no easy way. There's no easy way. The worst part about public speaking is it requires you to. And so let me start with a general success principle before we jump in. Your level of joy and success in your life is directly correlated with how often you can deal with your insecurities. Your level of joy and success in life is directly correlated with how often you can deal with your insecurities, how often you can confront them. And there is no greater truth, in my opinion. Outside of physical challenges, doing scary things like Tom Cruise jumping a motorbike off a cliff, he got it in the first take. He went five more times.

Why? No idea.

No idea. You can tell me. I had no idea. But that level of challenge physically is one thing, but I really believe the trick in life is for us to confront our mental and emotional insecurities and fears purposefully and often. Purposefully and often. In college, many of you know I had a car accident. And the car accident hit me hard enough in the head to make me realize I really wanted to figure out life. I'd been depressed and suicidal. And luckily with the accident, it made me realize I actually didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I didn't know how many of you know all that story. I won't tell it today, but what I can share with you from that. As I was recovering from the accident and trying to get my life back together and heal from the wound of a broken heart, I was reading every book I could on psychology because I wanted to figure out my mind every book I could on self improvement because I wanted to know the mindset and habits and the things I needed to do to set goals and achieve them. I was reading every book I could on leadership because I wanted to influence people and make a difference in the world some way. I didn't know how. I literally didn't know what my purpose was. I didn't know what I wanted to do. I just. I knew somehow I wanted to be able to Influence people. So I started studying leadership books and sociology books and philosophy books. And I was studying and studying and studying, studying, studying. And I was so interested and so passionate about it. And every one of these, especially the self improvement books, all these people who are writing self improvement books, they would talk about their stories, that they were a speaker, they were keynote speakers. They would say, well, when I got hired to come and talk to this company, here was their challenge and here's how we dealt with it. Or, you know, I was a consultant, I brought in to speak to the board and here's what I shared with the board of the company. And I was like, wow, all these people writing these success books talk about talking. And you have to understand that was wildly uncomfortable for me. And I'm reading book after book after book they're talking about. I'm like, oh, oh, okay. So I literally, because of that, I enroll in a communication course on public speaking because it's scary enough to do it, but it's more scary to go to class on it and have to do it to a class studying the topic. You know what I'm saying? It's like breaking that third or fourth wall. You're like, this is weird. They're watching me, but they're watching me how I do what I watch and see if I learned what I learned. Oh, God. And so I enroll in this class and of course I get in this class and I sit in the very back. I just want to learn it. I don't really want to do it. I just want to learn.

Anyone ever have that? I just like, tell me the thing, lady.

But I don't really want to do it. And in the back, right next to me with this incredibly beautiful and insecure woman right next to me. And so we would exchange glances of discomfort. Anytime somebody got up there to talk, we'd be like, we were just like dying. And then she'd be like, hey, you're gonna speak next Friday. And her. And I'd be like, oh. And then we'd walk out of class and be like, this is terrible. Did you ever have any connection on complaint or connection on insecurity? It's not a good way to date anybody. But I'm thinking, this is happening. And so it's, it's, it's great semester. I mean, everything's going good. I'm thinking, this girl likes me. We're going to be, we're going to be something together. This is amazing. I'm thinking, I'm warming up and. And up comes my speech Day. And all I can think about, speech days. I just want to impress the girl. That's odd. I don't even. I forgot there was going to be a teacher there. I don't remember. I just remember walking to class and I'm like, I gotta crush this. Okay? Gotta do a good job for this girl. I get into the building, the communication building, and I go to the bathroom, and I find myself just standing in the bathroom. No idea why. Therapists, anybody. I'm staring at the mirror. No reason. I'm just staring at the mirror before I go give the speech, thinking, oh, God. Please. Oh, God. So then I go in there. Now, the problem. The real problem is I'd read all these books, and all the books talked about what to do in public speaking, right? You got to learn where to stand and make your power pose. You got to learn how to breathe, and you got to learn how to move. And you got to learn how to express and emote. And you got to learn everything about the audience. So you say the perfectly relevant things. That adds value to them. And then you have to be funny. You have to tell jokes. And some of. You know, I ain't got no jokes. I can't even. I can't memorize many things. So I was like, okay. Extemporaneous speaking. I can do like, okay. So I decide. I had watched all these people, all these public speakers. I went to the library, and I rented video cassettes, and I sat in the free. Some people are laughing because they know what that is. The people who don't know what that is aren't laughing. They're like, he's only a few minutes in, Barbara. I don't know what he's talking about. So I put. I put the video cassettes in, and I'm watching all these guys, and they're. I mean, they're just. Wow. And most of them are behind the lectern. You know, they're behind the lectern. And so they. They have the thing in front of them, which you notice I never use. Hate those things. So I'm standing, I'm watching them, and they're. I mean, they're really moving and driving. And I'm like, okay. But many of them. One thing I noticed they all did, and all great public speakers do is they have this roller coaster. They take you on, their tone goes up, it comes down. They change their pace. They get slow, they get down. They do all the stuff, right? So I'm like, okay. Wow. And this is all my extracurricular learning. The other Kids in the class are not learning any of this stuff. But I'm learning it because I got impressed.

Girl.

So I go up there and now here's how hard this is, right? Here's how hard this is. All the two or three weeks before this moment, I'm in my dorm room, I'm working three full time jobs, three full time jobs to pay for college and going to school. It was awful. I'm working night shifts. I'm just like, I'm fried. I'm broke. I'm trying to turn my life around and I'm studying everything I can because I want to be a success. Who's ever had that? In your heart? You're like, you're working so hard, you just want it. You just want to be better, you want to succeed, you want to have a good quality of life. There's something there. Well, I'd given speeches before, right? At this point in my stage, you go through high school and college, you've given talks, and how did you do them? You printed out all the papers. So you printed out the speech word by word, and then you tortured yourself trying to memorize it and trying to read it. Well, I had already gotten through that phase that had already happened. So instead what I said is, I'm going to learn not to use this paper. These pros don't use the paper as much. So I had a carpet in my dorm room that I got from like a five dime. And I would read and I'd walk around in this circle in this little room over and over and over, reading it and speaking it, reading it and speaking it, reading it and speaking it. Then I would take it down from, you know, four or five page notes or four or five page speech. And I would take it down to two pages and just put like a main point and try to extemporaneously do that part. And I'm just lapping this thing. I mean, I literally, to this. Well, not this day, I don't own it anymore, but that rug, I put a huge pattern in it of just walking. I mean, every hour I had, I'm walking and I'm lessening the words, lessening the words, lessening the words. I'm like, I'm gonna be able to do this. And then I get it down to one page of words. Then I get it down like nights before the actual speech, I get it down to half a page. Then days before the speech, I get it down to index card, one index card printed in seven point font, front and back. Then I get it down just the front in seven point. Then I get it down to just five phrases. Then I get it down to just five words on an index card by speech day. So I walk over to that communication building. I stand in front of that beer. I'm like, in front of that mirror. Beer, mirror. Vernon slip inside joke. So I'm looking at mirror. Please God, let this go good. So I go in and I'm watching the first guy go up and he's doing what everyone's doing. He's got the papers there, he's just reading it like this. And da, da talking. And I'm just like, I'm like, I'm sweating. You ever sit there waiting for your speech and you're just drenching? I mean, just like, where is all.

What is happening to me?

I'm just like, water is coming out in buckets. I'm sitting there, I haven't even got up there, my hands are shaking. The girl, she keeps looking at me and I'm just trying to hold my hand so it doesn't shake in front of her. I'm like, I'm literally. I've already sweat through my shirt and now I gotta go up there. So I'm. It's. You know, some people sweat a little bit. I mean, at that point it was like all the way both sides. So I get up there and I get up and I put my note card up and the teacher goes, oh, Brendan, you forgot your notes. I said, this is it. And everyone like. So I sat down and I looked at it and my hands were just shaking. So I start talking and my hand shaking and I look up and I realize there's people here. Oh, I didn't think about that so much. And I start tripping on my words because I hadn't really thought through the people part. And I was like. And then I'm like, okay, just do your thing, Brennan. My brain. So I'm talking and I think this was supposed to be a 25 minute talk, right? So I'm just starting talking and I'm just so nervous. I'm just talking and I just kept going through it. I'm like, brendan, do the thing. So then I said, and the thing is, we all know things have to change.

Bam.

And I smack the thing. The thing is, we all know things have to change.

Smack.

And then I walked out from behind the lectern. Well, you guys are generous. The whole college kids went, what the. Where's he going? So I walk out and I just keep talking and I'm Talking. And I. I smack someone else's desk. I'm like, I'm moving. And then I'm. I'm kind of getting up. Boom. Talking. I'm like, da, da, da, da. Talking. And then I kind of start moving around the class a little bit more, you know, hey, I'm talking, and I think I am killing it.

In my head. It's happening because I think I'm doing great. I'm just talking, I'm going, going. And all of a sudden, I'm just.

Talking and I'm going kind of talking in the classroom. And the teacher goes. She goes, brendan. And I. Kind of snappy. I go, yeah. She goes. And I. She goes, you need. You need to wrap it up. You're over. And the whole room just looked at me, like. And I could see suddenly all of them, and they felt really bad for me. And I was like, oh, this isn't going the way I thought it was going. Oh, yeah. So I walked over and. Da, da, da, da, da. Finish the speech. Da, da, da, da. Finish the speech. It took me a while to find my words to finish the speech. I was so out of it, and I just.

And that's what we have to have. No.

And I feel good. And I walk back, and I looked at the girl. She had less confidence in her. Look back at me. And I sat down. And then the next guy gets up, and he does the same thing, and the energy just dies out of the room, and I just start sweating even more. And then we get up, and everyone's walking out. No one talks to me, none of my friends, nothing. And I'm like, ooh. We go out, and I kind of go to catch up with the girl, and we're walking, and we walk down the hall. She doesn't talk to me at all.

It was terrible.

It was so bad. I go back to my dorm room. I put my note card. I had my little index card. I put it down. I looked at it, and I was like, what did I do wrong? I'm looking at the next card. I'm looking at the next card. I'm thinking. I'm like, okay, the people were there. I went off the time. I forgot about the people. The time was off. I was probably too dramatic for them, you know, maybe I was scared of them kind of thing. The girl, she didn't give me the look. And then we walked, and it was awkward. And I'm looking at the guard. I'm like.

That was awesome. I did it. I actually did it. Oh, my God. Oh, that was unbelievable. Look at me. I sweat. I worked for it. Yeah. Oh, my God. All that practice, and I did it. Those suckers are standing behind the thing. And I went and pounded on some. I did it. I was pumped. Cause you know what? I know.

Say it with me. I know. There's no easy way. You will get one chance is not true. It's a great song from Eminem. Just not true. You can still throw up mom's spaghetti, but you don't only get one chance. The truth about mastery and getting good at things is you got to put in the reps.