How to Build and Maintain Confidence

Hello, my friends.

I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share, share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Brendon Burchard, join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening.

Now let's begin. Your confidence is being tested right now.

Yeah.

Halfway through the week, your confidence is being tested. Are you still progressing? Are you still intentional? Are you still joyous? Are you still showing up as who you are? Or is the week discouraging you guys? Are you backing down? Are you turning to comforts or to television or some other drug of choice to pull away from the intensity and.

The stress of the day and the season we're in? Even for every parent out there who might be homeschooling for the first time, when they did, they're like, I did not sign up for this. They're like, okay, it's Wednesday. It's Wednesday. And they're like, okay, two more days. But how do you stay confident in that? How do you not let it, you know, dim your own light and how do you still feel the day versus numb out in the day? And those things are challenges. And I think that it's been a tough season and a tough year for. For all of us. You and I pop up here Monday through Friday, 7:30 in the morning, Pacific Time, and no script, no anything. We just bring the joy and the love and the connection. Bring the joy.

Be encouraged.

Yeah. Yeah. So I want to say thank you for that because I think the one, the feedback I'm getting probably more than any other piece of feedback on my Instagram and Facebook and all that is from people saying, I need connection right now. I just need and crave real, raw, unfiltered human connection. And I think that that is one of the most exciting parts about this morning show is that we're all kind of here together live, sharing our stories, sharing our struggles, honoring our struggles, as Brendan would say, and also hopefully together carving really great grooves in our own mind about how we want to show up and how we want to continue on our own growth journey, on our own mission and path of becoming who we are and the person we're born to be. So, I don't know, I'm just feeling a lot of gratitude this morning for this morning show and for everyone in the community that's part of it.

I'm feeling very much gratitude for you, Jamie, showing up every morning like this. Jamie had never done a bunch of live broadcasts and now we're four weeks in of going live for you guys on the Growth Day morning show and also gratitude for this whole community. This show is about how can you start your day a little bit more intentional, a little more grounded and confident and joyous. How can we start the day in some way, we spark some aliveness in you to go win the day, spark some aliveness to be a good mom or a good parent or a good caregiver or a good leader, contributor, artist, whatever your jam is today, how can you bring some joy to that and really experience it like life has to be a quintessential question of how can I enjoy this day? Even when the day is full of I gotta make lunch for 50 people or I got, you know, I gotta. I gotta go do all the laundry of 70 people or I have to, like, you know, figure out how to build this business or start this thing, you must find your way of bringing happiness to it. And Jamie and I have been talking about confidence all week and we've talked about different frameworks for how do you find confidence from letting go of labels that other people Called you to simple acts of standing in front of your goals and your dreams every day and looking at them so that the motivation, the ambition hits your heart again. Visually, all of these things we talk about today. I had an idea I thought I'd share about confidence. Jamie.

Yeah.

And I know you have some things you'd like to share as well. And you want to go first.

No, go for it. Go for it.

Every time you, I get happy. I know some of you, you're new to our community. So if you have never joined us officially on growth day to go to growthday.com that's where we do all our live in depth training with lots of personal development trainers going live for you guys all year long for less than a dollar a day. It's super cool. But Jamie sent me these mugs, which still makes me happy every time I take a drink out of it.

Cheers.

Jamie, good morning.

Cheers. Good morning. Cheers. Cheers. I'm going to guess, are you drinking green tea?

It's water today.

Water today.

Okay, here's an idea on confidence. Speaking of drinking my water here, that might serve you all and that's this. Please realize that a lot of confidence, as we've talked about it, has been very, you know, let me redefine my identity, let me set intentions for who I am each day, let me look at my goals and let me believe in my ability to figure things out, because that's what confidence is, my belief and my ability to figure things out. But I also want to tell a different kind of confidence. And this different kind of confidence is the confidence of trust in being. Think about this. When water is flowing down a hill, it's not trying to be confident and strong. It's not trying to surge down the hill. It's not trying to command all the rocks to be exactly where the rocks have to be. Because it's a perfectionist water. It's flowing naturally with what it is. The bumblebee isn't going. We're going to command this field. Let me bring the legions and we're going to take this field. The bumblebee is doing what the bumblebee does, what the bumblebee is. And sometimes people lack confidence, not because they don't have goals, not because they're not high achievers. In fact, most of the high performers that I've consulted and coached with and worked with in the world, what they were trying to get back to was their authentic presence. They were the good commander on the field or the builder of the industry or the, you know, the titan and then at some point they said, I.

Got to figure out me again.

And flow with that and finding your natural essence, your nature, the truth of who you are, there's confidence there. Like I show up in a lot of different situations where it's very anxiety producing, right? Imagine walking out onto a 60 foot stage that's 40ft deep and 20,000 people are in the arena and you have to talk to them, entertain them, and getting a standing ovation in 90 minutes. This used to be my life, people, and it's very anxiety producing. And if I think I'm going to go do these things to them, or if I think, oh, I hope I get this right, I'm going to go out there, I'm going to dance with them and I'm a terrible dancer, I'm going to tell my jokes, which 9 out of 10 times I think is funny. And no one laughs at the joke, they just laugh the fact that I'm so enjoying myself. So they're like, I like him because he's enjoying himself. I want you to enjoy yourself, to flow with your nature today. Even if you have to do something you don't want to do, you don't want to do the emails, you don't want to do the call, you don't want to do the work, you don't want to do the things with kids, but flow with it. Don't try to control everything, flow with yourself, be spontaneous. Real confidence isn't actually structured, it's spontaneous, it's flowing, it's gorgeously open energy that's in the moment of presence, that's in the moment of freedom. And that's what I want you to find, to take that idea that confidence is bum, bum, bum, bum, the Superman cape instead, go. No. Confidence is the dance, it's the flow, it's the energy just showing up, being beautifully. You please do that today and you'll have a better week.

I'm throwing out what I was going to talk about because this is so good and I'm fired up right now. Ok, I want to distinguish something you just said too, that I think is huge for people. Sometimes when we're in a growth community and when we're invested into personal growth and we want to change our habits, improve our habits, we want to do all those things. Sometimes we can confuse that with I need to change who I am or my essence and they're two different things. And I think this is so beautiful what you said because I think it's so freeing for people as well. Because when we Feel like we are just that authentic water and we're flowing through and we're showing up in our own real, true essence of who we are. For better or worse. Not everyone's going to love it. Not everything is perfect. But when you do that and you actually embrace who you are fully, it's so freeing. You feel in that state of flow, and you're able to connect with other people authentically. You're able to feel the day more. And then also you approach, I think, personal growth from a place of freedom. Also, where. From a place of confidence. Right. Because you're not saying, oh, I need to change who I am to become confident. You're like, oh, no, let me show up in all of my essence. Let me flow through life and dance in full commitment, as you would say. And by the way, Brendan, the other day, when you were talking about your dancing, how bad your dancing is on stage, I'm like, no, no. The way that dancing is good or bad based on if you fully commit. And I believe anyone who fully commits when they dance, fully commit, great dancer, right? And so many people reposted that. Because how true is this, right? The example you just gave, that when you show up on your stage and you're just out there and you're all of that, it's. It's laughing at your own jokes. But when you're fully flowing through the water in your own jokes and you really think they're funny, people can feel it and they celebrate that. Right?

You're taking joy in your being, you're taking joy in your own mind. You're taking joy in the moment. And I really want everybody to feel that is like, it's halfway through the week. Are you feeling the day at all? Are you bringing intention and energy into it? Are you letting the world's events transpire and in such a way that it doesn't throw you off from your flow?

Yeah.

I mean, like, isn't it true Drama's always going to be there, Jamie. Like, drama. Something's going to break. I mean, you had a thousand employees at it, Cosmetics or whatever it was. It was like. Right. I mean, at some point, people were screwing stuff up and bad things were happening. Customers were upset about this or that. There's. That's just life. But you still gotta show up and.

Do the work, you know?

Yeah. Part of any business, part of any family, part of any group. You're, you know. Absolutely. It's always there, and you have to show up. And I think, you know, with the theme of confidence week and talking about what you're saying too, about just showing up in your own essence. You know, one thing I want to share is that just popped in my mind that was so powerful for me to see. And maybe this is going to speak to someone out there right now who feels like they're getting feedback from other people on things they're not doing good enough or well enough or things they need to change. Or maybe your own inner critic is telling you all the stuff you need to change about yourself. And I just want to make this. I just want to make this point again that there's a difference between changing who you are and versus keeping who you are and growing authentically into more of who you are. Growing into all of who you are. Right. Very different than changing who you are. So I just want to call this out because so many people, we need to stop thinking we need to change who we are and that there's something wrong with us, and instead embrace our essence, embrace who we are authentically, and go on this journey of growing into other all of who we are.

Hey, it's Brendan, and I want to jump in the middle of this episode here real quick and tell you about something I'm really excited about and something that answers a question that many of you have for me all the time, which is, Brendan, where do you get this crazy focus and energy in your life? And the truth is, I've developed a supplement line that really helps me do that. And frankly, I needed to. I don't know about you, but sometimes when you're trying to achieve big things.

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A friend of mine, Glennon Doyle, who just wrote a book called Untamed, he's out there everywhere. She said something recently and it just blew my mind. And I'm going to share it with everyone right now who might need to hear this today because we're talking about confidence, right? So anyone who's written a book before, anyone who is in the process now, anyone who might want to write a book in the future. When you write your full manuscript and you turn it in, if you go through a publisher, you have different editors and they look at all your stuff and they start changing a lot of stuff.

Page started the work. Y' all should that when you write a book, when you turn it in, you literally just began the project. That was like the first step. That's the hardest step. You really got it. Like she turned it in, she sent I got a first version of Believe it. And I went through it and gave some feedback and knew it was like, this is the first round of feedback and this is going to be a lot like your editors. And remember, you were so precious about it. You were like, oh, I hope they don't want to change it. And I was like, oh, they might. You know, that's you go through the process. And I just trust and knew that you would going through the process several more times with other people, it always makes something better, you know, it really does if you trust and you follow your voice. But anyway, I'm sorry.

Well, yeah, no, exactly. Yeah. So I so just to share that I, I said no to a book deal for 10 years because I was like all in building this company and I didn't want someone else to write my book. I wanted it to be fully authentic. So I waited. And then when I knew it was the right and I wrote 80,000 words every single word. And I was crying and laughing and so fired up for everyone that was going to share these lessons with and binge eating lucky charms some days. All the things. Anyways, when I finally turned in the manuscript, Brendon, you and Oprah were two of the first two people that read the draft. And it was the first time I got feedback. And this is what I want to share with everyone and share about Glennon Doyle's story. And you said the same Thing. And so did Oprah, too. There's like, oh, you know, great editors are going to even challenge you to go deeper on the stories, deeper on the lessons, all the stuff. And so, yeah, to your point, writing the book, that's the starting point. Then I spent the last two years, almost two years editing every single word myself. Going deeper, going deeper, challenge. But the point I want to make is this. Not about my book, but about our life and about every person listening right now. We all go through a process in life, I think whether you are writing a book or you're just living your day to day to day life, right? No matter what you're waking up and dealing with today. And that's when other people tell us to change things, right? Or tell us something's not right. It needs to be stronger, it needs to be better. And I think that it's so important to check in with our gut and go, does that feel right to me? And then if it feels right, you're like, oh, that feedback is a gift. I'm going with it. What a gift that this person said, hey, I think you should do this. Challenge yourself to go deeper on this lesson. Or can you share more? I know it's personal, but can you share more whatever that feedback is? And then there's other times where you get people wanting to edit you to use the book terms, and you're like, no. And I think this is really important. And in the book world, I'm going to share a word I just learned as an author in the past two years, which is stet s T E T. Right? So when you get your book back, your manuscript back, the first round from all the editors, you'll see everything. A million changes on every page. And if you want to accept the change, if they say, hey, go deeper on this lesson or reveal this, or what if you talk more about this ex, boyfriend, whatever it is, you can accept the change and go, yeah, I'm going to go deeper there. I'm going to change this or edit that or you as an author of your own life, your own book, you can write S T e T. And what that means is, no, I'm not going to change that. I'm not going to accept that edit. I appreciate your feedback, but it's not right for me authentically. So I was watching my friend Glennon Doyle was talking about the words of the year. A lot of people have their own word for the year, right? Every year. And she was talking about, a lot of people might choose confidence. Like, we're Talking about, which is huge and a word that we need to focus on for the year. It's a big thing out there. Her word is stet of the whole year. And she explained it in a way that was, I thought, so profound. And I just want to share it because someone else out there might need that word right now. She's like, I'm not going to change.

Kind of like she's like, I'm going to be right but I'm not needing to change.

Well, it's more just like being mindful of when people tell you you need to do this differently or you're not enough or you're not the right fit or you need to change this about you or that about you. It is so important that we go, oh, is this feedback a gift? Is it aligned with my soul? Is it valuable so that I can continue becoming all of who I am or do I just need to say stat like, yeah, thank you for your opinion, but that feedback isn't right for me. That criticism or that telling me something about me needs to change or something about me is not enough. And I think having the confidence, confidence in our own lives of saying, I'm going to trust myself and my gut over if this word someone said to me is right for me or this feedback someone gave me or this criticism someone gave me, having the confidence to say, does this feel right in my gut? And if it does, great, trust it. And if it doesn't, don't. And have the confidence to just appreciate that from a distance and appreciate that person's intentions because a lot of times they're good. But say that word stet in your own life. And I just thought that was really powerful because a lot of times we are so busy throughout the day that we don't take the time to go, oh, let me curate the words that come in that penetrate and take root that other people share or that I am hearing throughout my day. And I think part of confidence is learning to do that.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the brendon show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity.

Right?

So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars. Cheer us on.

Leave a review.

Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today Please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com.

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