How to Find Peace & Purpose

I believe one of the greatest purposes we all have is to grow into the fullest and truest and highest expression of who we are mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. That that potential activation is something that we must have. I hope that this day you began with a great sense of purpose in your life. You chose to bring to this day that lens of purpose that just says, I'm going to see this world through an intentional view. I'm going to bring my presence and my intention to this day so that I'm living a purposeful day. I'll sense meaning, purpose and fulfillment, joy and whatever emotional range that you want to experience today, that you're experiencing life purposefully, that you're bringing energy and emotion to life purposefully, that you're treating other people around you purposefully, that you are thinking about your days, the work that you do, the relationships you're creating, who you are becoming as a person purposefully. Of course, everybody thinks about this topic of purpose differently. And so I just thought I'd share with you some components that I think of when someone asks me, how do I find my purpose or what is my purpose? And unfortunately, I don't think there's one answer to this. I don't believe that we have one singular purpose in our lives. Certainly it our focus and our attention and our efforts, our days, our goals, and ultimately our legacy and destiny change with certain events in our life. Your purpose and focus might change when you leave college or when you have a family, when you've got the second child, when you've got, you know, bills, when you change careers, when you move cities, when you go through a transition to what you think is really important you in life, your focal points can really change. But I believe that typically purpose is derived from just a maybe, let's see, like six things. And I'll describe these in a way that I hope makes sense to you. You might want to take some notes on these, because I believe we don't get our sense of purpose from just one thing. I do believe, however, purpose is, can be aimed to the singular. What do we mean by that? Well, I think purpose can be something you imbue the moment with. Right before I get into all these different categories of where you can sense purpose, meaning you receive a sense of purpose. I believe that you can bring a sense of purpose to each moment, each relationship, each task, each day, each week. We can also derive or receive a sense of purpose in how we go about certain parts of our life. So let me give you some categories. When I think of purpose. I begin in always my mind with what I wrote about in High Performance Habits, the book you might remember. The first habit is that high performers seek clarity. They're constantly seeking clarity about who they are or how they want to treat other people, about the skills they need to develop to succeed or feel fulfilled, about the service they want to provide to others. And so that's a nice little framework to start with. And then I'll talk about how we can derive some purpose or bring some purpose to that. First, the self, who you are becoming as a person, is in itself a purpose. People often forget that. That our purpose isn't just about what we do each day with our tasks and our time. It's also about who we are becoming. I believe we have a purpose, obviously, to grow into who we are meant to be. We have a purpose to actualize the best of who we are, to find better ways to understand that, to express that, to live in integrity with that, that there's a purpose in self itself. I also believe that we derive purpose from our social relationships. That my life feels purposeful because I'm a good son or a good brother or a good. Or a good uncle or a good parent or a good husband or a good role model. All of those, as examples, would give me a sense of purpose potentially. And yours, obviously, comes through your relationships. We know certainly that lifelong happiness is directly correlated with the quality of our relationships. And so those relationships themselves our purpose. I believe that our competency, our skill, our mastery in certain areas, passions, hobbies, obsessions, become a purpose in itself. As an example, one of the skill sets I try to develop is as a communicator and a teacher. I find a purpose in that. A skill set I try to manifest is as a writer developing my ability to write narrative, to write copy, to write dialogue, to write great books, to write great emails. That skill set of communication in writing and teaching is something I find purposeful in, you know, and a skill can be a very simple thing. My father, he loved to make bird boxes, and it was a hobby he had. It was a skill he had. It was something he enjoyed doing. It was an artistic expression. It was part of a competency he had, and there was purpose in that. Maybe not one of those huge life purposes, but he found purpose in doing that in the garage, tinkering on weekends. I also believe that we find purpose in our service to the world. What it is we do as a. A mission or a career or how we contribute to any given group or family service to others is A specific type of purpose, isn't it? And so when I think of those four things, self, social, skill, and service, I know that I'll feel a connection with purpose if two things are happening. The first thing, do I sense fulfillment? There is this something that I feel is authentic and fulfilling to me. It is honoring my nature, my impulses, what I feel connected to. Often people, when they say I lost my purpose or I don't feel a sense of purpose, what they mean is they haven't found a way to live in their self, a way to relate with others socially, a way to develop a specific skill or a way to provide a type of service in such a way it feels true and authentic to them, which then makes it feel fulfilling. I also believe on top of fulfillment, there's a part of us that senses purpose. When across those four categories, self, social, skill, and service, we can sense growth or the activation or expression or enlargement of our potential. Potential. See, I know a lot of people with a great job, a great career. I mean, I started out in some of my first big teachings. I was teaching nonprofit organizations and entrepreneurs how to work together. And I worked with, I mean, literally thousands of organizations and teaching them and working with them. And what became very clear was you'd think a person who was in the nonprofit world giving, making sacrifices so that they can give and serve at the highest levels would automatically feel purposeful. But that's not true. Because if they didn't feel fulfilled by the work, it didn't matter how many kids they might be saving, how many folks they might be helping deal with very difficult situations around the world. If they didn't feel fulfilled, it just wasn't the natural or meant to be alignment with who they really were and what they really desired. And it's okay that sometimes we don't feel authentic or fulfilled by doing things that we think we are, quote, unquote, supposed to do. That's the challenge of life in seeking to become the best of who we are, develop deep relationships, develop more mastery in our skills, and find the thing of service that brings us authenticity and fulfillment. You know what the odds are? Sometimes we'll have that and sometimes we won't. And that's why we have to always default to bringing purpose to each day. Because the truth is, it might shift or change over a period of time. As yourself, your social relationships, your skill sets, and the service you feel connected to also shifts throughout your lifetime. But I do know this, that people who have a great alignment and authenticity and fulfillment across those categories if they don't also feel like they are growing, progressing, building momentum and moving towards their highest potential, eventually that connection with purpose will break. Because, as I shared, I believe one of the greatest purposes we all have is to grow into the fullest and truest and highest expression of who we are mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. That that potential activation is something that we must have. And so I know a lot of people who, if they don't feel challenged, they don't feel a sense of progress or growth in their life. Everything can be perfect. And people are like, why aren't you happy? And it's hard for them to understand that. Well, you just happen to be one of those strivers who wants to activate and ultimately fulfill your highest potential on this planet. That's hard for a lot of people to understand who've never touched the higher realms or connections with purpose. I really believe that across all of these things, not everybody, but a lot of us, certainly for me, there's another category there. Self, social skill, service, and I would say spirit or spirituality. For me, I feel a connection with my creator. I am somebody who happens to believe in God, and so I have a deep connection there. And I want to know I am living in integrity and living in alignment to what I believe spiritually. And I never share or impose those values on my audiences. Because I understand lots of people believe in God. Lots of people don't. Some people who believe don't have that deep of a connection, or others have a really great connection. Other people who don't believe one day might or might not ever, and they're cool with other people, or they really dislike any word that sounds like God. And either way, I just always say your spirit. Whether you consider that a soul or the spirit of life, a joie de vivre and enjoyment and a deeper connection emotionally with the world around us. Whatever you call that spirit, spirituality or a connection to a certain type of religion, either way, there's something there, isn't there, that when we act against our soul or spirit's desires, when we act against our higher principles or beliefs, no matter how far we've grown as a person or how good of relationships we have, or how unbelievable we are and masterful at our skill sets, or how good we are at providing service to the world, if we're not in alignment to our spirit, our soul, something larger, we tend not to feel a true, deeper or higher sense of purpose. Good news is, I don't have any answers for you today. I hope that I provided a framework for you to think through what brings you purpose. I hope that you caught one message I shared here today. If you don't feel connected to your purpose because of self, social skill, service or spirit, because of you're not finding that thing that's fulfilling or authentic, or you don't feel like you're yet activating your potential, then begin with the next singular moment by bringing more intention to this moment, to this day, to this feeling, to this blessed opportunity you have to be alive today. Live more intentionally each day on the micro, in those hours of the day. And you tend to feel a greater connection in the macro, in your week, your month, your year, your decade, your life. I'd like to talk about how privacy is peace. You know, we live in such a world where we have been all been conditioned that we're supposed to share everything, you know, put every moment, every dish, every kid, everything we got online and just reveal it all. Because you know what? That's courageous vulnerability. And when we do it, supposedly it helps people feel a greater connection with us. And perhaps that is true. But I've always found that there is a balance and that the balance comes in boundaries. Knowing what to share with who and when and where and why is one of the master arts of living a good life. I bring this up because I was talking with one of my high performance clients today and she was really struggling with this topic. You know, she got a big family, lots of people want to know all her business and she runs a big company. Everyone, you know, is expected to have these, you know, close connections with her. And she's supposed to be this great leader where, you know, she keeps it down home and family like. And at the same time, sometimes she doesn't feel like she has any peace because everyone knows her stories and everyone knows this member of her family and everyone knows what she's doing in her business because it's a big company and you know, she's the type of person who's, you know, covers of magazines or, you know, running big companies. And so it just gets frustrating. And the irony is, you know, today in the modern world, there's, you know, two generations now that said one of their ultimate ambitions in life was to be famous. And we've certainly all been culturally conditioned to that. With social media, we're supposed to get the likes and the fans and the followers and, you know, a lot of people don't estimate the reality that when you become famous, you lose a lot of your privacy. You know, it's a weird thing to have, you know, people out your door, people out your house, people following you around town, people filming you when you go into your business place, people, you know, running up to you in, you know, in the airport or in business settings. And, you know, it might sound glamorous, but I can share from firsthand experience both my personal life and a lot of the clients I've worked with that at some point it does break a boundary. And at some point, it's not fun anymore. In fact, you've heard a lot of people talk about fame being the ultimate cage where it's something you wanted, and yet now you're trapped in your own successes, your own ego, and your own expectations that everyone has of you is they're all looking into your life 24, 7. But I think most of us on a real daily life, you know, those who aren't famous or gracing the covers of magazines or television, we still have to protect our peace, as my main man, Trent Shelton always says. And that peace has a lot to do with privacy. And so, a couple thoughts. Number one, don't feel compelled. You have to share everything with. With every member of your family, with every member of your team, with every one of your friends. It's okay to keep information close. It's okay to have thoughts, feelings, desires, and dreams that not everybody gets to have in their ear. In fact, sometimes you know the people around you who you have to be guarded with because they don't keep your confidence or when you share things with them, they just hit you up with tons of negativity all the time. And being more open with them sometimes can become more of an introduction or gateway to discouragement or negativity or judgment. And I think that's an important lesson, is that we don't have to share everything with everybody. I've got people in my life who know much more about me than others. And that's not because not everyone is worthy or great or awesome. It's that at the same time, you can only keep so many people as a close network of friends or team members or family. And sometimes you have to be just choosy with your time. Sometimes not everyone gets to come over to your house. Sometimes not everyone is invited to your workplace. Sometimes not everybody gets to review all of your work or all of your drafts before it comes out. I've personally released books out into the world. You know, I've written six books now, and sometimes I release a book out, and here comes a high school or college friend. How come you didn't let me know the book was coming out before it came out, and they're all upset they didn't get a book in advance. And I thought, oh, my gosh, you know, you do the best you can. But not everybody gets the early edition, the open door, the early notice. We're all human, and sometimes privacy, being peace isn't just about keeping things close to the best. It's about time management, isn't it? You don't always have the time to tell everybody everything. In fact, I really believe the people who do that end up in so many long conversations, so much of, you know, so many conversations of justification, so many conversations that go nowhere, that all of a sudden they don't have time for their dream, their life, or their family. In that way, privacy can be a superpower of time management. I think that's pretty deep. Second idea I'd love to share with you is that you've got to be okay not always speaking up in social situations. I remember my first corporate job. I was from Montana, and I moved down to San Francisco, California, big city. And I was, you know, a pretty private person coming from Montana. And in the Bay Area, it was a little different. It was a lot more open communication. And where I was in this big, tall building downtown, and there was probably about 20 of us in this big room, and we were all starting at the company the same time, and everyone was going around sharing all these stories, and I felt compelled to share as well because everyone else was sharing, and I noticed a pattern. It took me about two years to notice a pattern, but I felt like I always had to force myself to speak up, you know, because that's being participative, that's being assertive, that's, you know, that's being part of the group. But that wasn't necessarily my style. I just felt like I had to. And so we have to find our authentic expression. Find when we want to speak up, not for ego, when we want to speak up, not just to belong, but when we want to speak up because we genuinely have something we feel like sharing that will connect us with others or add value or deepen a relationship or help. But. But not every single idea that goes through our head has to be spoken out loud. I wish we could tell a few generations that on social media, because when you think of all the vitriol and the hate on a Twitter as an example, it's that people just feel compelled that they got to voice up their opinion right now, right there in the comments, and tweet a reply for no real reason, but just because they have to put their voice out into the ethereum. I think it's okay not to speak up and have to share everything at every moment with everybody. Third, I think it's important to always have boundaries with family and friends about what's most important to you. This one strikes close to home for people, and I know it's a sensitive topic, but maybe you've had a family member before who just could not keep your secrets, was not loyal, would over share and make you feel uncomfortable. And I think it's always good practice for those closest to us, our real family, our real friends, to make sure that we keep boundaries and that we know who to speak to. Which comes back to my first point here. I think this is the one that causes the most conflict in people's lives, that their family and their friends. A boundary gets broken because something is shared that shouldn't have been shared, that now gets out and causes a lot of hurt or a lot of pain, a lot of frustration. And I hate when that happens. I know you do too. And so you have to learn who to share with. And always remember, as Maya Angelou taught, you know, when someone does something the first time, believe them. You know, forgive me if I didn't get that quote exactly right, but you know how the reality is, a lot of folks you know, you continue to share with and they continue to break your confidence and you hope that they're going to change and maybe someday they will. But you can't be in charge of everyone's change. You can only be in charge of your own life, your own boundaries, your own privacy. Choose wisely. I love to end with the thought of now flipping that coin, that it's on each of us too, to keep boundaries for those that we love, to keep their confidence, to protect their peace, to recognize everything they share with us doesn't have to be shared with other people in a big long gossip train of drama. I've always believed that by keeping confidence of others and keeping some information close to vest and allowing other people to have that too, it actually creates deeper vulnerability. Because isn't it true that when you know people will keep your word and keep their word with you, that somehow there's a deeper level of trust not a lot of people earn that. Be aware of those who do. Be aware of those who break it. And always make sure you set your boundaries just so that you can have some peace. I really think that this might be a year. It's good to look out and think of where is the drama in my life. Who do I have drama with on a recurring basis and then think about the communication patterns there. Is there oversharing that's happening? Is there mistrust that's happening? Are certain people not keeping the confidence that they should? These things aren't judgmental conversations to have but they are insights to have. These are things that are helpful to living a quality of life. I mentioned my client at the beginning and the conversation ultimately ended in a realization that the person had to take inventory, take stock of who was going to be in their corner and in their close inner circle, at their company and in their family and in their friendships and their acquaintances. Not everybody gets to be in that inner circle. But when you develop that inner circle and you know that you genuinely have trust and privacy in that inner circle, those folks tend to be your real supporters. Those folks tend to be your closest friends. Those folks tend to be with you on a lifelong journey of growth together.