How to Generate More Happiness

We start to feel like victim to life, but not. I know people don't like that word these days, but let me describe it in a different way. You feel like you're kind of like trapped and disadvantaged at a certain level. And I know all these words have lots of hooks. So just bear with me for a minute. And what happens is you, you, like, at some point there's a barrier between you and everybody else. And sometimes that barrier, like what happened for me, you build up to protect yourself. My heart got broken as a teenager, so I spent all of my 20s at a distance with love. Right. I built up an emotional barrier to keep people out because I didn't want to get hurt. So I think I'm keeping out the bad guys, but who can't get in the good guys. Right. I'm blocking people out because I got hurt one time. Who feels like they're working too hard for happiness right now? Yeah. Nothing you're going to achieve is going to give you more. You're going to learn a new way to choose and summon happiness. Because the power plant doesn't have energy. It. Yeah. Could you generate energy of happiness each day more often? You gotta find out a way to do that, whatever it is for you. Like, for me, I'm not a big social media consumer. If I go on social media, do you know what the first thing I do when I go on social media is? Brandon Burchard, high performance, ultra edge performance guy. Do you know the first thing I do when I go on social media every day? Do you know the first thing I do? Search for funny cat videos for my wife first. Action. I don't like social media that much, but I'm like, okay, I know she enjoys this. This is points. If I deliver a good cat video to my wife, I'm good. I mean, that's like 10,000 points. I just need one good one. And I, I mean, I, I look for excellence in this category. I find one. Man, I'm sending that thing. I got points during that day. And you know what? Inevitably makes me laugh? My butt. I just laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. It's so funny, simple for her that that will make her happy for like an hour and a half. A cat video. A cat video. Simple little things that we have to learn. You know, how do you find your happiness each day? How do you find it? How do you create it? How are you tapping into it? This might sound like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Brendan, but please. Because most people, when they get that success, they find out that the thing Give them the thing they had to generate. See, it's not about generating the money to give you the happiness. It's about generating happiness with a period. And then when people learn how to do that, then it all feels better. It's all more amazing. I know we take it for granted here because many of you are in personal development and I didn't do something this morning. I usually do. So I'd love to do it because it'll give me a shot of happiness this morning. I mean, those things, those dreams and you know, I know you'll have the dreams of the big things that you want to do, but also I'm like, could you put this as one of your big dreams, please? Would you do it? Yes. One of your big dreams. Capture right now. What's three things you do to generate happiness better? What's three things you could do to generate happiness every day? I know, it's so simple. Let's just start there. I promise we'll go a little deeper. Three simple things you could do to generate your own happiness every day. Could you write it down? Okay, let me ask another question. What's three things you could do to generate confidence every day? Three things to generate confidence every day. What would be something for you that would make you more confident as you go throughout the day? Okay, you've now written six things from your own mind about how to be happier. You've written six things of how to be happy or confident. Right now watch this around the room. Raise your hand if you consistently do these six things in your life. Be honest consistently. If you consistently do them in your life, be honest on a weekly basis. Like very consistently. Stand up just so I can gauge where we're at with these two things. Okay, let's look around your definition of consistency. Now. Either you're hard on yourself and you just don't give yourself permission to recognize that you do these things. Or maybe your practices really need to reorient because so many of us don't have practices towards the basics. I really believe happy, confident people are extraordinary. They're so different, they're so unique. They're coming from a place of different access and flow. They're stepping into the best of who they are and happier, more confident people. Not only do they are they more productive and high performing, higher earning over time, which we can measure from the resource. Super simple, very, very simple. Happier employees who are more confident lead to way, way outstanding performance in every industry around the world. Doesn't matter, the culture, doesn't matter, the industry. All around the world, if you're happy and you're confident. I mean, those are two huge pieces. If you add the ability to have also social intelligence, meaning you know how to communicate well and have good influence, meaning you know how to treat people well and lead, we're talking like, you're outstanding already. But if you don't have those practices yet, let me suggest something to you as a starting point, and then we'll go on to where we're living our lives. My suggestion to you is maybe it is time to raise your ambition. A lot of people think ambition is a bad word. No, ambition just means you have desire for something. Ambition doesn't have to mean you want more, more, more, more. Ambition can be. You want more depth, right? Ambition doesn't have to be big crazy cars or islands or jets. Ambition can be. I want to repair that relationship with my spouse. But very few people ever had ambition to be really happy. They wanted ambition to get something, not to be happy. Raise your hand, follow. It's different. I want you to raise your ambition to be happy. Raise your ambition to be confident. You can be way more confident. This, for me speaking was terrible, terrifying. I said, at one point in my life, you know what? I need to learn to talk in front of people. Because after I came back from my car accident and live love, matter was a big part of my mantra. I thought, okay, you know, if I'm gonna matter, if I'm gonna make a difference, I have to learn to talk to people. I was very awkward. I didn't know how to talk and communicate with people. I'm like, I'm gonna have to learn how to do that someday. Because if I wanna matter, if I wanna make a difference, I have to learn how to communicate. I have to learn how to communicate with my family. I have to learn how to communicate with the team. I have to learn how to communicate. If I wanna volunteer or make a difference, I'm gonna have to figure that out. That's a big leap for me. So I wanna see myself and envision myself one day confidently speaking on a stage. Someday I will confidently speak on a stage, and I will like it. I will be happy doing it. Not mortified, happy and confident on stage. Could you imagine? I couldn't even talk. I had that ambition. The last couple years really lowered people's ambitions. I mean, really. I meet capable people, confident, powerful, extraordinary people, and they've lost their ambition. They're like, I don't know. You know what they say? Why even try? Why even try? You know what Every time I try, guess what happens? The world screws me. You know what? Someone takes advantage of me. You know what? Things change again. You know what? The government raises taxes. You know what? They shut down something. You know what? They lie. You know what? She takes this, he does that. This happenings. And so, so many times it's in the last couple years, you got disillusioned, you got discouraged. And I'm here to tell you, even in a room like this, who think, who think they have big visions. It's why Ed brought it up this morning. Where there's no vision, people perish. Most people right now, their vision for themselves too small. You don't even know how capable you are. Cause you haven't been on the field yet or you haven't been on the field at this level of your life. Raise your hand if you know what I'm talking about, right? Because you want that merry go round to comfort a little bit. It's just easier, right? I'm not gonna put myself on a stage. I might be embarrassed, I might screw up. Or you might say, you know, I wanna try that business or I wanna talk to that mentor. But I don't know, who am I? I'm a kid from Montana. That's what I used to do. I'm just kidding. I. I'm just a kid from Montana. I'm too young. I don't have the degrees, I haven't achieved, the things. And so I would talk myself down. Who talks themselves down? Be honest. Yeah, listen, you gotta raise up your ambition again. Because confidence is not that you've done it a million times. Confidence is belief in one's ability to figure things out. When you start believing that, you can figure it out. See, I didn't think I could ever speak like I'd be natural at it. What I thought was I could figure that out. When people do that, they must have learned how to do that. That's always my assumption. She must have learned how to do that. He must learn how to do that. I've never in my life said they have such natural talent. I've always, like, someone taught them, they learned, they figured it out. So what area of your life is not working right now? And if your confidence. I just want to let you know, if your confidence is a 7.4 in this group, you're not going to will yourself to figure it out. If that area of your life that you know, you need to figure out, and it's painful and you're dialed to a 7.4 in confidence, I Promise it's going to be a problem two years from now. I promise it'll be a problem three years from now unless luck and grace solves that for you. I'm here to say that is not sufficient. That is not sufficient not to take on the big things you want. Who wants to take on big things in your life? Yeah. Turn the person's life. Shake. I'm good. And say, take on big things. You gotta take on big things. And I can tell. I can tell why you don't. I can tell where you get stuck. Because you know what? There's three kinds of life. There's three mental modes we get stuck into. And soon as you know them, as soon as you recognize them, you're like, ooh, I don't want to be there anymore. I got to shift that. And I went through all three of them. Trust me, I know. And on any given week or any given year or any given day, we can all go through them. But when I got it, I recognized myself in them, and I thought, that's not the life I want to build for myself. See, for those who are wondering about personal change, there's four gates to change. The first gate we're about to go into, the first gate of change is called awareness. Where there's no awareness, there's no change. We got to recognize where we're at, recognize how we're thinking and behaving and showing up if we're ever going to actually shift and change. I'll tell you where I was at most of my youth and most of my even early 20s without knowing where I was at. I was in a particular kind of life. I'll represent them in three different areas of the stage just so you can keep up with me a little. Is this too much? You guys are all good? Okay, you ready to do the work? Let's do the work. Here's what I discovered. There's three kinds of life. The first kind of life. Let me describe it before I give it a label for you. The first kind of life is the type of life where something happens to us. The events of our lives, right? Where we grew up, how we're treated, what's going on. Even in our current life, where so many things have happened that we did not want, that we start to feel like victim to life, but not. I know people don't like that word these days, but let me describe it in a different way. You feel like you're kind of, like, trapped and disadvantaged at a certain level. And I know all these words have Lots of hooks. So just bear with me for a minute. And what happens is you. Like, at some point there's a barrier between you and everybody else. And sometimes that barrier, like what happened for me, you build up to protect yourself. My heart got broken as a teenager. So I spent all of my 20s at a distance with love, right? I built up an emotional barrier to keep people out. Cause I didn't wanna get hurt. So I think I'm keeping out the bad guys, but who can't get in the good guys, right? I'm blocking people out. Cause I got hurt one time. And I'm watching all these relationships. I'm thinking, she's happy, he's happy, they're happy. Why can't I be happy? So unfair. So unfair. And then I had some failures in my life. And when I had the failures, I thought everyone was watching me. And I was like, trapped. And I didn't know what to do about it. And they were judging me constantly. And at some point, this life starts to feel like what I call the caged life. You feel trapped in a certain mindset, trapped in a certain career, trapped in a certain relationship, trapped in a certain body, trapped in a place. Let's go there mentally. Where you just don't wanna be anyone. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Yeah, you're just like, this is not what I imagined for myself. And so you're kind of like behind the bars, holding on the bars, looking out to the world. And at some point it's like, it's so unfair. Because before you felt free, there was a point in your life where you were like, you were free, you were happy, you were joyous, you were young. You know, you were flowing. And then something happened. That job, that career, that person, that situation, something threw you in there. And. And I always say it's like putting a wild animal in a zoo. You know, they get thrown into the zoo and at first, what do they do? Wild animal in a zoo. All the time, same thing. When they're thrown in there, they're at the front of the bars, they're at the thing, bouncing up against it, gnawing at it, grabbing it. They're shaking up like they're trying to get out. They're like, I don't wanna be here. And they're angry, they're angry, they're like, let me out. I don't belong here. This is not right. And they act out, they butt up against things. I mean, they're fighting, they're. They're fighting. And then what Happens is the people are all walking by and no one's helping them. Everyone's walking by, no one's helping. Everyone's walking by, no one's helping. Everyone's walking by, no one's helping. And then they start seeing, wait, no one else is in cage, what's going on here? And then they're just like get confused. And what do you do? You fight and you fight and you fight and then one day you're like, I'm tired of fighting. And so you kind of go back of the cage and sometimes you come up and rattle the hell out of that thing. And then other days you're like, I just don't have the energy anymore. I don't have the energy to keep fighting this battle. And then you go back and you fight and then you release back. Who recognizes this pattern? It's like that fight and then stepping back, that stepping back at some point becomes what's called psychological resignation. You are resigned to the fact that this cage, this box is your reality. The marriage is always going to be this way. My finances are always going to be this way. I'm always going to be fat, I'm always going to be this, I'm always going to be that. There's nothing I can do. It's never going to change. No one cares. It's always going to be this way. Why does this keep happening to me? I'm just stuck here. And then something continues where it gets worse, where now you resigned, it's just gonna be this way. And then more and more people go by and you see all these other people getting successful. You see her being happy, you see them on social media succeeding. You hear your friends down the block did something better. And all of a sudden you start thinking you're behind here stuck. And you start pointing and you start thinking at them. And you know what you do? Another step back in the cage and now something really dangerous happens. You become bitter. Sure she can do it. Sure he can do it. Look at him. Sure they can do it. They came from this place, sure they can do it. And you start becoming this person. Because when you were in the cage, you felt like they were pointing at you sometimes. But now you're back at them and division starts happening. You start really separating yourself from people. You become bitter. Someone was a jerk for you so long, now you just bitter against everybody, not just that person. You failed so many times, you're just bitter at the world. Why is everyone else succeeding? Why does this happen? What's going on? And you're always looking for an answer. Always looking for an answer. Why is this happening? Why is this happening? Why is that? Always looking for it? Always looking for it. Why? Why, why, why? Why? You're always on the wide. You're just always on the Y train. You're just stuck. Why does this happen to me? So unfair. So unfair. So unfair. So unfair. And that bitterness becomes, you know what the world is unfair. People suck. I didn't deserve this. Eff it. That's what you do. Then it gets worse. You sit in that for a while and your mindset goes back another few steps. And now you're so tired of it, and you're so exhausted about it, and you're so angry. You're just in the back of the cage and you're looking and you think, they don't understand. These people don't understand me. They don't understand how hard this has been. They don't understand my life. Because when you're in the cage, you start telling yourself that you're lonely. You tell yourself you're the only one in a cage. You think you're there alone, forgotten, abandoned, left. And that bitterness and that resignation, it adds up, turns into a weird kind of anger and sadness. Anyone know what I'm talking about? It's like very depressing because you don't think you can get out of it. And the worst thing is when you're back here, you start saying, they don't understand. No one cares. And if you think they don't understand and no one cares, guess what you never do. You never come back up to the bars and raise your hand. You never ask for help anymore. And I can tell you from personal experience, when you're back there, that's where the worst of it happens. When you fight and fight and fight. And then you become resigned. And then you become bitter. And then you become sad and angry. And you think, no one can understand. You know what you do? You get very depressive thoughts. And you often get where I became suicidal. No one can understand. I actually believed as a teenage boy that no one could understand my heartbreak. I really did. I didn't think any of my friends could understand what I was going through because someone cheated on me. I thought no one could understand. Years later, do you know how many people, millions of people have DMed me and messaged me, oh, someone cheated on me, too. And at the time I thought, anyone ever think you're the only one going through it? You think you're the only person going through it? I'm here to Tell you the hardest thing, the hardest job I have as a coach, I say this to all my audiences. The hardest thing. Everyone's like, what's the hardest part of your job? I'm like, the hardest part has been sitting down parents to tell them they're not the only ones who ever lost a child. Sitting down people to tell them, you're not the only one who lost someone to cancer. Sitting down to someone. You're not the only one who got stolen from, cheated on, broke. You're not the only one who went bankrupt. You're not the only one who sinned. You're not the only buddy, not the only one who got abandoned and mistreated. You're not the only one. But if you feel like you're the only one, if you feel like you're in this fight alone, you're already fighting a way harder fight. And that's where people are. They don't realize it. And I know not everyone will. Like, like the metaphor of the cage. But maybe for some of you, a different way of saying it is you've got the shield up. You might be proud of your shield. Some people are very proud, Brendan. I don't trust anybody. They're so proud of it. Do you know what it is? That person, they're back here, they just have a bravado about it. Because some people, they're in their cage, hey, all day long, oh, man, they think there's something special. Because you know what the cage can also be called? It can be called the cage. It can call it the ego. It can call the berry they build up. Yeah. It can be called that narcissistic ego that just think we're the only ones no one can understand. My team can't understand me, so I ask them for help. I'm so special, right? That's the sad truth about the cage life. You think you're so special. So not only will you not ask for help when you genuinely need it, you also won't trust anybody anymore, including yourself, because you've rattled the cage before you. It didn't break through because you asked for help before. She didn't show up. And so you lost trust. And a lot of people these last couple of years, they lost trust. They lost trust in themselves. They lost trust in the governments, they lost trust in pharmaceutical, they lost trust in their neighbors. They lost trust in humanity. They lost trust in everything because of social media. And I'm here to tell you, if you have lost trust in humanity and yourself and other people, do you think it might be affecting any of these things. Like, your happiness is tied to. Do you trust yourself. That's the stuff of congruence and integrity. Your confidence is tied to that. And I'm here to tell you, if you've been stuck in the caged life, and again, caged life, you might not like that label, but it just means you feel. You feel kind of trapped. This is where people also go, Brennan, when they're in resignation. You know what people say when they're in resignation? They say, brendan, you don't understand. I've tried everything. That's my favorite one as a coach. You tried everything. That's amazing. Good job. Good job. I tried everything. Really? Show me the list. What? Well, show me the list. What do you mean? Well, I tried everything, Brent. I know. Show me the list. Because if you tried everything, you must have kept a detailed Excel spreadsheet to know what items were mutually exclusive, to know that you did everything. And you know what? Most people. I tried everything. You tried three for three weeks. You tried six for six months. And I'm here to share this with you. You gotta know if you've been in this cage, if you felt trapped. And it's time to rattle the cage again. It's time to come back. It's time to step up. Everyone, stand up with me. It's time to rattle this cage again. It's time to get in this place again. It's time to. Let's hold these bars and go. Like, okay, I'm back. Everyone shake this and go. I'm back. I'm back. You got to re. Engage. You got to re engage. Hey, you ever see those little pictorials? You can stay, Sandy. It's okay. You ever see those little pictorials of heaven? You know, there's like a cloud, there's like an angel there, and then there's, like, the gates to heaven. You ever see that? You all. You have picture in your mind real fast. You ever see those images, the gates to heaven? Did you ever notice something in those pictures? I always notice that. You ever notice something? They're not that high. Do you ever notice that the gates in heaven in every picture, they're not that high. I look at them like I can climb right over that thing. You ever noticed that? That's what you do. You think you're fighting these bars that are huge, and I'm like, that's the thing you're trying to get over. You lost confidence. You can step over these things. You are so much bigger than you imagined. You just have to unlock Again. You got to crank that confidence back up again. You got to turn it back on again. You just forgot. You know, you got discouraged, you got disillusioned, you kind of got upset because other people got ahead faster, and you see them managing it better. I'm here to tell you if that's where you're at in any way, describing you a little loss of trust or kind of like you feel like you're holding back or the foot's not on the gas pedal, something's going on for you. I'm just here to say you got to shake that thing. Shake it again, safe. You gotta be like, let's go. Let's go. You gotta shake that thing. I'm here to tell you. I am here to tell you something. I'm here to tell you something. You are way stronger than you think. Way stronger. And you think you are dealing with the insurmountable. It's not that high. And 90% of the time, when I show up in your life, I. I kind of walk into the cage, I'm like, what's going on? You're like, oh, these people. And dad, dad, it's so terrible. And bastards. And. And I'm like, oh, man, what's going on with you? Oh, well, I've been in here. And I go, yo, there's a door right there. That door is personal growth. That door is asking for help. That door is the things you know you already need to do. That door is eating better. That door is sleeping better. Meditation, exercise, diet, sleep. Getting around a group of people like this, that door. But so many of you, you're caged into a concept of yourself that somebody else gave you. You're caged into a concept of yourself that somebody else gave you. And you're so scared to rattle it, because what would my family think? All these people know me for this certain thing. If I change it, when. Oh, my God, The. The. The. What will they think of me? And we're so scared of rejection, right? We think, oh, my gosh, if I. If I shift it, you know, what are people going to say? Because how many have been waiting to do a pivot or a major shift? But you're scared. You're worried about it. You're like. And often you'll say that if you're a cage, you're like, oh, no, no, Brendan. People don't know me for that. People don't know me for that. Have a seat, and I'll tell you a little story. It's my favorite Met People don't Know me for that. I go, babe, nobody knows you. I can't do that because people don't know me for that. They know me for this. I go, nobody knows you. Well, my neighbor. I'm like, well, how does your neighbor. Does your neighbor really know you that well? That if you want to do something to find a little more happiness and joy in life, that if you wanted to shake the cage and make a shift, that they would judge you that much. If they know you, they wouldn't judge you that much. Because human lives are variable and we shift. My favorite story about that is the goofy. Some of you know, I got to work with Paula Abdul, famous musician and dancer and TV personality back when she was on American Idol. And the funny story there was we were on American Idol and at the time this famous segment went off. Now I tell this story. It still cracks me up every time because see it. And what happened was this little Samoan girl, her lifelong dream was to be on American Idol. Lifelong dream. She was so excited to be on American Idol, she couldn't wait. She said she'd watched it her entire life, and she was like, I don't know, 9, 10. My whole life I watched. Oh, my God. It's my dream to be here. Oh, my gosh. And she's brought her family with her, including her two huge Samoan brothers. Big, huge guys. 300 pounds, big dudes, right? And the producers cut this particular segment together so. Well, because she's about to go in. And this is back when it was like Randy and Paula and Simon, right? Back in the day. I know I'm old. Okay, just listen. I promise I'll get there. And the producer keeps cutting this weird shot. I couldn't figure out what the producer was doing with the shot. And what had happened was on the outside of the audition room, on the outside the audition room was big Samoan brother. Big Samoan brother. And between them, Ryan Seacrest. And on the inside, this little whatever she was in our time. She's explained, this is my dream. This is my dream. It's about to sing. And of course you're waiting. You can't. You always hope she's going to be amazing, right? Just like, oh, my gosh, her whole life she's waiting. I hope she's so amazing. I hope she just kills this, right? I can't wait to see this. I can't wait to see her sing. So she's about to sing, and they keep cutting back to the brothers. I'm like, why are they doing this? And. And she's still going on about this is her dream. And then so she starts singing everything. She does a good job, really good job. And then they cut back. I finally figure out why they're piecing it together. Cause here's Ryan Seacrest. Now, mind you, this was her entire dream. So, you know, she's talked about this guy and this show her whole life to her whole family, and now they've all traveled to be at the audition, right? But here's the big two Samoan guys, and there's Ryan Seacrest. And one big guy looks down at Ryan Seacrest, between him, goes, so who are you? At the time, Ryan's the biggest TV personality in the world on the biggest show in the world. The show that the brother, the sister had been talking about her didn't know who Ryan Seacrest was. It was the funniest moment of television I've ever seen. It reminded me, no one knows you. No one knows you. I've walked up and down the streets with the biggest musicians and celebrities in the world. No one knows they got a hat on. No one knows you. They're not scared to try a new way of doing things. In fact, their confidence in their ability to figure things out, to try new things, is why they're successful. Think about this. That's why they're successful. Think about, like, the biggest musicians in the world when they change their style. Do you. Do y'. All. Anyone ever listen to Mick Jagger's reggae album? Do you know the Rolling Stones, the rock and roll band? Do you know he did a reggae album at the height of Mick Jaggerness, he did a reggae album. That's why he's great. He didn't go, no one knows me for reggae. He's like, man, that'd be a challenge. Let me confidently attack that. Let me try that. It's a pretty good album, too. But no one knows it. Did he go, okay, I can't do that because I'm already famous and known. See, the flip side is, you go, well, no one knows me. I have no influence. I have no worth. I have no capability. I'm just starting out in this area. I don't want to be embarrassed. I tell people all the time, very few humans have fear anymore. We tell ourselves that most people actually have acute worry, but not fear. Right? The psychological and the physiological are different. Right? That old metaphor of we're not being chased by a saber tooth tiger. Our real fear now is the cyber tooth tiger. We're scared of being judged on the Internet. Most people, they don't have fear. They're embarrassed to be seen starting small. If you want to come out of that cage, guess what it's going to look like. Poof. Kick the door one step and you're going to be like, you're going to walk and you're going to shock people. You're going to shock people. When you make a change, you're going to shock them. And the question is, does that bother you so much that you won't make the change? Are you so scared of shocking others that you won't make the change that your family, your business, your dreams, your lifestyle, your bliss demand? Do you know how hard it is to say no? It's really hard. It's so hard to say no. But if you don't, you'll ruin your bliss. And now you know what you're caged in. Here's your cage. High performers. I'm so busy. High performers never think they're in the cage. And almost every time I work with them, they're in the cage. This audience in 7.2 and 7.4, you're in the cage. You might not know it, but if that's your score, and I know that's not everyone's score, but that's the average for this particular group. That's low people. And so we don't think high performance. No. If you're burned out, you're in the cage, you're trapped in the expectations of other people or trapped in unfair expectations of yourself. If you keep burning out, you're trapped into a pattern. Raise your hand if you follow that one. If you keep burning out, you're trapped into a pattern. You haven't found a good way to do it yet. I said, when I began this career, I said, I'm not going to burn out. Not going to be that guy. All my big mentors and heroes, they always talk about how wrecked their life was and how busy they were and they didn't have any vacation time and none of their know, family talked to them. And there was all these things and I was like, holy moly, I don't want to get in that life. How do I control for that now? We all have times of intensity, right? Times of intensity where it shifts. You're on the roller coaster like Ed talked about. For sure, for sure. But many people don't realize how burned out they are because they're trapped in other people's expectations, because they are trapped in the concern of changing. And my hope is you find a way to rattle that again. Can we rattle your Ambition back. Can we rattle your happiness back? Your confidence back? Can we rattle something inside? I'm not going to do anything forceful about it. I want you to find it. I want you to tap into that. I want you to get there. I want you to give yourself that gift. I want you to give that self gift. I'll keep coming back to this concept over the next couple days. I said there's three types of life. Is this too much? You guys are with me. Say I'm here. Okay, chapter versus check. It would say rattle that. Okay, second type of life. Second type of life, which most people think they're in is the comfortable life, not the cage life. They're more comfortable. You know, they got a job, they're seeking or found a spouse or partner. You know, the kids aren't screaming at them all the time. It's like, you know, the comfortable life. Like, things are going pretty good. Raise your hand if things are going pretty good. See, a lot of this group too, in the happiness department, that's things are going pretty good. They're not terrible. They're not a D minus, they're not an F, they're not an A or B, but they're pretty good. A 7.2. Pretty good. And pretty good, by the way. It's like the comfort zone, you know, when you're in that comfort zone, like Ed talked about, maybe that merry go round, you know, it's a little bit more comfortable. And if you want to know, if you want an illustration of where your life is, let's talk about that comfort zone. Because I think people don't understand it and I can explain. Who would like me to explain in one slide? This is my slides. All of your results in life. Okay, I'll skip it. I'll go to the next one. Okay, let me explain. Every result you have currently and have ever gotten in one little ladder. Ready? Okay, watch. There's things that are in our comfort zone, okay? This is Basic Personal Development 101. I promise it'll go beyond it. Just catch up with me for a second. Because remember, common sense is not as common practice. So there's our comfort zone. And by the way, what bothers me so much is everyone speaks down to the comfort zone. The comfort zone is also where your unique abilities lie, where your unique talents lie, where you just do things and it flows. It's like a strength or a passion. It's a talent. Don't bemoan that. I spend a lot of time with athletes trying to get them back into that comfort zone. When everything's really intense and chaotic, I want them to be flow. I want them peaceful. I want that Bruce Lee, like, water thing going on. You know what I'm talking about? Some of you know what I'm talking about? Like. No, no. I want you to be centered and comfortable in the uncomfortable. Right? That's basic stuff. That's basic stuff. I want you to be centered and comfortable in the uncomfortable. I want chaos to happen and you're standing strong watching it, picking your next move. Best footballers, soccer players in the world. You know what they do? They run less than everybody else. The best ones in the world. Did you know that? It's funny because you think the best soccer players in the world would actually cover more ground on the field. They don't. Like, if you watch the best, like a Ronaldo or, you know, all of his contemporary peers, they're actually. When everyone's kind of running, they're walking like this, they're locking the field and they're about to position themselves right in the right spot. And everyone else says, what's going on? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? And so it's that strategic player. I want you to be more strategic in your life. Way more strategic. Way more strategic. But I also want you to be more comfortable. More comfortable, right? Who stresses themselves out a lot? Anybody? Just stop that. Who raised your hand? And you already know how to de. Stress yourself. You just don't do it. Yeah, I've worked with a guy, Brendan. I already know the stuff. I'm like, what's the stuff? He's like, you're gonna tell me to breathe? Yeah, I highly recommend it. I. I know. You're just going to tell me I should start meditating. I go, why do you think I'm going to tell you that? Well, everyone knows. Everyone knows what? Well, the science proves it. I'm like, huh? Do you meditate? Well, no, that's stupid. Okay. All right. It's going to take a while for me to understand, but I'll catch up there, buddy. This is what people do. They discount the foundational elements. Meditation, exercise, diet, sleep, supplementation. Great friends, vulnerable, sharing, pushing ourselves towards meaningful goals, we mess it all up. It's so simple sometimes. But in the comfortable life, I don't want you to be mad at it, because everyone who says you have to live outside your comfort zone, I'm like, oh, no, no, no. Comfort zone is good. Comfort zone, good. Okay. Just me. I think I'm killing it. I'm having A good time? Are you having a good time? I thought that was hilarious. Comfort zone. Good. Good job, Brendan. Okay, that's all I'm going to remember after the whole day. I'm going to go, I'm going to be eating tacos tonight. Then I'll go in my ice bath. Freezing in my ice bath. Like in just total mortal pain. I'll laugh my ass off, come for so good. I promise you it's going to happen. Oh gosh, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. So the good news, all the good results you got in your life and are currently getting, it's happening in comfort zone. Bad news, you got to go beyond it. We all know that, right? Does anyone know what the other zone is? Beyond comfort? Uncomfort? No. The other zone. And this will explain a lot of your results. A lot of your results. And some of you have never been in the zone. And some of you need to get your butt back in that zone if you want to shift your results. It's the demand zone. Demand zone. This is where it's necessary to be better. You don't even get the choice right. You must get better. It is an internal demand or an external demand. In the high performance research, we call it psychological necessity. It is necessary for me to get better. It's necessary for me to develop. I don't have a choice. It's necessary. And other times life does that. It becomes necessary for you to take life seriously. Some of you know my story in the demand zone. When I started all of this, I'd left a corporate job to start my first book and coaching and teaching. And I did what every new author does. I promptly went broke. And I was living in San Francisco and I had no money, so I had to give up my apartment, move in with my then girlfriend and I was in my comfort zone. I was like in survival mode. I was comfortable with just surviving. So I never succeeded beyond survival. Who has a family member like that? Yeah, see, survival is awesome. And it's the most dangerous thing to the human psyche. Isn't that crazy? Survival is necessary. And it's the most dangerous thing because when you figure out how to survive with so little, when you figure out how to survive in a relationship by not making any noise and being quiet and not ruffling the feather, not rattling the cage, not rocking the boat, whatever metaphor you want to use for the cage, life, when you survive there and you get good at surviving, you forget to demand more of yourself. Can I get an amen on Thursday? Survival is dangerous. Survival is Dangerous because if you get comfortable in survival, you won't push beyond the comfort zone. You won't push beyond survival. So you always only just pay off the credit card bills. You always only just go enough work so you don't get fired. You always do just enough not to get in trouble. You always do just enough to pay the bills, but you'll never go beyond because you can survive on nothing. I know that I grew up in a house where my mom would drive 20, 60 miles to save $2.10 on a gallon of milk when we went shopping when I grew up. I don't know if anyone you ever go shopping with your mom and she had three of the extra large frozen Ziploc bags full of coupons and you went to the store and she drove the cart all around the store based on the coupons, she was hunting for the food based just on the coupons to save 10 cents here, 5 cents there. That was my mentality growing up. Like just, just survive, just get by. And if you don't have something demanding a little bit more, then you'll just stay there. I know that because I went broke, because I was allowed to go broke, because I came from broke. And so I was broke. I made it okay. It's okay that I'm broke sucks, but I'm broke. I'll survive. Move in with my then girlfriend. We didn't even want to get. We wanted to wait until we got engaged before we moved in together or at least married or something. We weren't ready for that. I moved in with her. I made it okay. I had a little laptop and that laptop was something I had to return back to work soon. I had my mom's fold out three legged table. I put it in my girlfriend's bedroom because the apartment was small. So the little table went there and it was right next to the bed. And the bed became my extended desk. So on the bed I had all my bills, my invoices, my vision boards, my researches, my research papers, my notes, my, my journals. Everything was on the bed during the day. And then I'd break it down at night. Usually. Well, there I was comfortable. Each day my girlfriend was paying for food and rent. And I get to be the artist. I'm doing my unique ability in my comfort zone. I'm an artist, I'm a writer. All writers are broke. It's normal. I guess I'll. You know what? I'm just gonna write, I'm going to coach. I'm just what I'm going to do and so weeks and weeks go by. Every day, I'm faking it. She's getting up. She's getting up, ready to go to work. So I'm getting up, getting ready to go work. She'd leave. I'd kind of wander around. Nutty professor. I'd read some books. I'd go to the cafes in San Francisco, the fancy ones where the famous writers went. I'd get the croissant and the green tea and I'd sit down, so optimistic to write. And then it was hard. So I'd get up and I need some inspiration. I'd go walk around Fort Mason. I need inspiration because I'm the artist. So I'd go do that, and then she'd come home and how's it going? I'm like, oh, it's so good. You're right. Oh, yeah. So many pages. So many pages today. So many pages today. And then this goes on for weeks and weeks and weeks. I'm making no money. I've paid for some online courses to learn how to sell a book, get a book deal, become a coach, do my own events. I've learned how to do. I got the logins, but I'm not using the logins. Some of you people in this room know what I'm talking about. Do you have growth? Oh, yeah. Yeah. You ever log in? Well, you know, that's a different. I don't know. And so there I am, weeks and weeks and weeks, months and months and months. And because I had someone who was allowing and permitting, it was just fine. Is anyone in your life allowing you to play small? They love you. And yet that love, just like survival, is dangerous. Who knows what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's dangerous. Sometimes someone has loved you into a lower level. Their love, their compassion, their understanding, allows you to be a lazy ass. That's our language from Montana. And so that's what she was allowing me to do. Now, she wouldn't have said that. She would. No, he was trying. He was researching and everything because I was good at perpetuating that things were good, but they weren't good. Who's good at perpetuating the good? But it's kind of phony sometimes. It was phony. So one night, I'm phoning it around, phoning it in, trying to write. She comes in, it's late. I had a little bit of riff going, but not much. She comes in. I'm like. She walks in, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm typing, I'm typing. Here I go. Yeah. And she Walks in, gives me a little peck on the cheek to go to bed. She goes, okay, good night. I'm like, great. I'm just sitting here writing. I'm on riff. Okay? So she goes over and I'm pretending, I'm literally pretending to type. And she goes to get under the covers to go to bed. She gets under the covers to go to bed. And I look over and I see the love of my life sleeping under the covers, under the weight of my bankruptcy bills. She's literally sleeping under my bills. And it was like, because none of us want to be the cause of lack or pain in our family's life. And when you see it that your own inaction, your own lack of discipline, your own lack of fundamentals, when you can acknowledge it and it's causing lack or pain for your family, a certain level for us, we were broke. And I looked at that and I saw her and it just. And I was like, no more. Some point, the survival can't be enough. Some point you faking that things are good, it's not enough. No more. Some point, you just doing what's comfortable. It's not enough anymore. And somebody in your life needs you to show up. Can I get an amen on a Thursday? Somebody, Somebody, somebody needs you. And when you tap into that, it's like, boom. It's another, whoa. It's like when there's another level of demand, something extra comes out. You ever see Jordan in Game 6, right? The dude is sick with food poisoning and fluish feelings. I mean, he's. I mean, it's bad. The demand on that game was so high. And he achieves a level of performance that's legendary in the hardest of circumstances. Why demand? He wouldn't have probably been able to do any of that. The demand wasn't that high. Sometimes you need to place yourself into a new group, a new company, a new level. Sometimes you need to have talks with your spouses again about goals. Sometimes you need to realize, oof, I've allowed myself discipline, but my lack of self discipline is hurting her. And you gotta face it. You gotta face the demands of life again. Not placate them, not avoid them, not pretend they're not there, not pretend you don't have to deal with it. Cause at some point, the bell tolls. I don't know what that means, but I've heard it before. At some point. At some point, demand. And here's the thing, if you're really good, you kept leveling up the demand on yourself. Aaron's like, brendan, how do you do those big audiences in those arenas? I was with a friend the other night, and he's like, you have 2,000 people for four days. How are you going to survive that? And I was like, I just kept upping the demand on myself. I told myself, one day I'm going to learn how to stand on stage for five, six hours a day for four days. I'm going to learn how to do it. I'm going to learn how to protect my body, my energy, pull it off. I'm gonna have to learn to get up there. I'm gonna figure out how to do it. He was like, what are you talking about? I kept leveling up the demand. I said, you know what? No matter what I'm gonna do, listen, no matter what I'm gonna do, how do I go a little extra harder at it? Not in terms of time, but, like, challenging myself? Right. You're gonna make a great meal for your friends. Challenge yourself to do a little better. And that challenge mindset differentiates the most successful people in the world. They're doing the same thing as you. They're just going, how do I do a little more Paula Abdul, at the time, she told me this quote I will never forget. She says, the great thing about going the extra mile in life is there's no traffic after the extra mile. Yeah, yeah, that's. That's when your clients teach you new things. You know, that's good because you know when you go that extra mile, you go challenge yourself a little bit more. There's so it's rare air of people who will demand of themselves. I know you get this concept, but if you want to be a great speaker, you have to challenge yourself to try new things. Some of you guys have seen on. I think it was on a YouTube or somewhere. I was speaking at a big conference. It was like 25,000 plus people at the Superdome. I was super pumped about this at the Superdome. I was like, yes, the Superdome. That was like, okay. I was really excited about I'm going to Superdome. And I said, I'm not going to tell any of my stories. I'm going to use all new slides, tell new stories, and I'm going to find out. This happened to be. I think that was a beach. Yeah, it was a beachbody conference. And I said, oh, what's up, y'? All? Maybe some of you were there. Awesome. I was like, I called them and I said, hey, what's your hardest move? They're like, what? Cause you know, they teach Exercise and stuff. I said, what's the hardest move? Like what's Tony Horton's hardest move? And Chalene John, what's their hardest move? So they told me the hardest moves that people fall down on. And I was like, oh, okay, I'm gonna learn how to do those moves and I'm gonna do them in front of 25,000 people in a suit. I'm gonna pull it off. I was like, okay. So I taught myself these moves and they were hard. I mean, you can see it on YouTube. I mean, it was hard. It's like, it's a stand, it's a handstand, donkey kick back to a backward, one handed bridge, reach around. It's super hard. Oh, no, no, no. So I'm backstage with Tony and I'm showing it to him. He's like, well, you're kind of doing it wrong when you do it like this. And so he's kind of coaching me. I go out there, okay, okay. So then I go out to pregame, like to check out the stage and I go out there and the problem is the stage, it's like slick material, it's like slippery. Now, unbeknownst what I had done for five nights in a row, actually five weeks in a row, and then the five nights prior, I would wear a suit at home and I'd be doing these two moves over and over and over and over and over. And Denise would just laugh because I'd be falling all over the place. She's like, why are you doing this? And it was this. I was like, I gotta challenge myself. No one, there's no earthly reason I was gonna do that. Other than every speech I go, I'm going to challenge myself to do something new I've never done before. Every speech. It's why I'm one of three Americans who's ever done the Arena Slam. The Arena Slam is I spoke to all 72 arenas as the keynote in North America. Yeah, it's crazy. I said, I'm going to do it. I'm going to figure out how to do it. I'm the third highest paid speaker on the planet. I'm like, I'm going to figure out how to do this. Going to figure out how to do this. I'm going to figure out how to do this. I'm going to figure out how to do this. Okay, demand, demand, demand, demand. So I practice, I practice, I practice. I go out there and you know, I got out there, I'm looking at 25,000 people, I'm walking, I'M like, I ain't doing this. This floor is slippery. These people. The echo on my voice in the arena was so huge. I was like, this would be the stupidest thing to ever try. Why go outside of this? I know how to get a standing ovation. If I do this and I fall, they might laugh, they might think I'm stupid. I not get hired. They might ask for the money. I mean, this could be really. What if I injure myself and they have to pull me out on an ambulance stretcher at a workout place? I was like, oh, this could be terrible. But then I thought, but. But if I do it and I fail, maybe some will appreciate it and they'll laugh and they'll clap, and that would be really unique. But if I do it and I pull it off, they'll freak out. You know another phrase I just learned? I love this one. I just flew out of state to interview Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, it's up on my YouTube right now. But I went and we sat down, and it wasn't like, an interview for his book or anything. We just, like. I just wanted to have a conversation, see where he would go. And it was cool. It was cool. But I asked him why people do that. Why do they. Why. Why do. Why do people have to go beyond the thing? Why do we have to step out there? And he goes, because you got to find out. Keeps me up at night. If I don't find out. If I don't find out. Gotta find out. You gotta find out what you're made of. You got to find out what you're made of again. When you're in the cage, you stop wondering. You didn't get curious. You didn't challenge yourself. You forgot, what are you made of?