How to Prioritize Your Needs in Life

Over a period of time, you realize if you don't share what you really think, feel, need, desire, dream of with other people, then those relationships are hollow over a period of time. And it's time that you learn to speak up for yourself. At this stage of your life, just saying it, just communicating it, will be a game changer. Today's topic is about your needs. And I think this is a really important topic these days because so many of us suffer from people pleasing or lacking set boundaries, or the failure to communicate or honestly, sometimes just those days where we don't even know what we want. There's so much available to us, there's so many opportunities, there's so much going on, there's so many people to please, and sometimes we lose sight of what's important to us, what are our needs. And so today I'm going to talk about four areas that I think might serve you, and we'll work through it. This first idea I want to share with you today is getting clarity on what your needs are. And part of that desire of starting that is to help you identify what's important to you at this stage of your life. And I love that question. Not just what's important to you in your life, what's important to you at this stage of your life. Because listen, if we're talking about needs, I know that, no question, you had different needs when you were younger. Different needs, you know, in different stages of your career or your life. Different needs when you had kids, if you had kids. Different needs if you have a career when you have a career. Different needs now. And so what are those? What would you need to feel safe, happy, healthy, encouraged, supported, loved? What do you need? You know, most people never really spend a lot of time defining it. It's one reason I'm such a huge proponent of journaling. Often it's only in writing that we end up even discovering what we actually think or what we need. And I guess I got good in my own life of discovering what I needed is because I journaled so much. And, you know, I'm not a great journaler. I'm not a great writer in my journal compared to like the type of writing I enjoy doing for my books. But those short phrases I write down, those ideas of those few paragraphs here and there throughout the week. That journal that I keep has helped me clarify more and more over a series of years what's important, and I think that's what's important. You might not always know in the moment exactly what you need. I Mean, have you ever been in an argument with someone and you just didn't know what you needed? They literally shouted at you, what do you need? And you were like, I don't know. I just don't feel good. It happens. And so give yourself some grace today. It's all right. We're all sorting through some huge uncertainty in the world right now. And so maybe you'll just make a practice. Right now, you just start writing. You start capturing what's important to you in your needs. You'll know right off the bat if you're getting what you need in a relationship, because either you feel happy and connected and fulfilled and that that relationship is meaningful and supportive or not. You know what you need in your career, because either you feel like you're engaged, being able to create and collaborate, or not. And so sometimes just our intuition will tell us right off the bat. It's almost binary, you know, it's like, yes, I'm good or no, I'm not. And then it's time to journal and explore on that. Today I love for you to journal on. What do you need? What would you need to have happen or to feel or to experience or to receive in order for you to be even more happy? The second idea I want to talk to you about is about other people's needs. Listen, there's people in your life who maybe you haven't asked for a while. Hey, babe, what do you need tonight? What can I help with? Or, hey, I know you've been going through a hard time. What do you need? Is there anything I can support you on? I always think if you don't know your team members or your immediate family or the people you serve with or the people who you want to be in partnership with, if you don't know what their needs are, what would make them even more happy in life, then you haven't yet started developing depth in that relationship. You might know them. You might know their biography. You might know their family. But until you know what they really need, I would say you haven't had the real conversations. You know those campfire conversations up late at night where you really discover something about someone? Sorry, I just revealed my Montana ness there. I don't know how many other people gather on campfires anymore, but I think it's important to get clarity on other people's needs. Start asking people more often, hey, you good? What would you need to be happier? What would you need to be more engaged here? Would you need to be more fulfilled? Would you need to feel more loved? I think you'll find there's magic in that. Third big idea is I want to make sure that you learn to prioritize making your needs explicit with others. Lots of people have needs and they never communicate them with words. They communicate with glances, with hints, with innuendo, with begging, pleading. You know, they communicate something that maybe someone, if they read the tea leaves right, might be able to figure you out. But in relationships, especially long lasting ones, especially the ones that really matter, especially the ones that have close intimacy, you don't get to keep that stuff inside over a period of time. You realize if you don't share what you really think, feel, need, desire, dream of with other people, then those relationships are hollow over a period of time. And it's time that you learn to speak up for yourself. At this stage of your life, just saying it, just communicating it, will be a game changer. Fourth and last idea is consistency in that effort in all these efforts. Consistency in evaluating what's important to me, what do I need right now? Consistency in asking others, what do you need? Consistency in being explicit in the communications, consistency in really exploring yourself in this area. I think very few people think about the needs of others and because they don't think about the needs of others, we have a world in complete chaos where we've lost the ability to often have empathy or compassion. We're so quick to judge because sometimes we only think of what we need even though we don't communicate it. And so when someone else is expressing something else and it doesn't jam with what we believe, suddenly we're in a conflict, suddenly we're making accusations or assumptions and suddenly turmoil. The world needs you to be more consistent in being thoughtful about your needs and others needs to be more communicative in those areas. And I really believe it's in the consistency in revisiting this specific topic that your self improvement and your ability to become self actualized really, really grows. Today's topic is about one of the best words in the entire English language. Yes, Y E S Saying yes to specific things in our life, I really do believe opens up that gate to our next level of, of potential, our next levels of contribution, our next levels of joy and happiness. So four ideas on this one for you today. Every topic in personal development is something that can open up your own worldview or help you deepen your own practice or life. Philosophy. Everyone always says, how do you know all this stuff about psychology and neuroscience and positive psychology, oh my gosh, and philosophy? Like I just read it all the Time. And the reason I feel like I'm hopefully a pretty happy dude is because I've thought so deeply about my life, my relationships, my contributions, what's meaningful to me and about personal development for so long that my worldview has been shaped. But the more you study anything, the more you think about anything, the more you contemplate anything. Usually the deeper your curiosity goes and the greater your openness grows to new ideas of finding new ways to, I would say, discover something about yourself. And that's what our intention is for you. So here we are, the topic today of yes, my four points. I want you to say yes to four things specifically in your life. I think these will help you grow and feel a whole lot better about life. Number one, say yes to recharging throughout the day. Yes to recharging throughout the day. So many people feel guilty if they take 10 minutes out of their day, away from their email to take a walk around the house or around the yard, around the block. Some people feel guilty to take a 10 minute meditation in the day. So many people feel guilty when they need to cancel a meeting and take a nap. So many people feel guilty when, you know, they just need a few moments out in the car before they come in the house and deal with the kids again. It's like, listen, it's okay to find moments to recharge throughout the day. I know you've already studied all my work. You know, we, we conducted the world's largest studies of high performers now and it's pretty clear they take a break on average every 50 minutes, every 15 minutes. Get up, go get some water or hit the floor, do some vinyasa flows and stretch or jump in place, do jumping jacks or walk around the block or just, you know, take a mental break from the screen and, and you know, just find a moment to recharge. I really want you to get that practice this year. Please listen to me. Throughout the pandemic, I really saw so many people just amazingly not rest, not recover, not learn the lessons of the universe, saying, hey, you're going to pause here for a moment. And even though everyone had a different experience, in some ways, I think that it's true that we could all reflect during those times and think about what's meaningful in our lives. And I think a lot of people realize how they were burning themselves out so much. And then of course, during that time, we also witnessed so many people having to do burn the candle at all angles. I mean, it was like homeschooling jobs, learning to be Virtual changing jobs for many people. Learning about how to protect our health, learning about how to live in a different type of world. And I hope that somewhere through that and even today, you found a practice of recharging throughout the day. Because if you burn, burn, burn, burn, you crash, it will come. But if you refuel, if you charge throughout the day, your mental acuity lasts longer throughout the day, your creativity lasts longer throughout the day. Those little recharging pit stops, I'm telling you what they matter. Second, say yes to focus. Say yes to focus. You know, so many people want to say yes to everything and it's yes to 50 new projects, 50 new ideas, 50 new systems, 50 new opportunities to make money or do something, or invest or try this new thing over here and it's a hot mess. And usually it's saying yes to too many things that create so much divergence, so much lack of clarity and so much lack of fulfillment. You know, I always say that for many people, perhaps the reason the universe isn't giving them what they want is because based on all the distractions and the lack of self disciplined focus, the universe is simply unclear what they are asking for. So I think that's important. What is the things that you could focus on. Say yes to that desire to dig deeper, to do some deep works, to gain some mastery, to develop a skill. Third, say yes to longer term views and decisions. Now this seems like it butts up against the previous one, but what I mean by that is often people say, oh yeah, I'm going to dig down into this thing and only focus on this thing. And that's great, but are we considering the long term view? I think we have to think like where do I want to be in five years, 10 years, 15 years? And it's okay if you don't know the answer to that, but as you're contemplating that all these opportunities and considering where to focus, because that's what happens as soon as I say focus people, well, where? And I go, well, focus with the long view in mind. Try to figure out what are those projects, efforts, careers, things that are going to make deep lasting ripple effect impact to things that you know, what will matter five years from now? Because all this opportunity hopping, what happens for so many people is, you know what, they're scratching the surface. And they spend 5, 10, 15 years scratching the surface of lots of different opportunities. But because they didn't think about what they wanted longer term, they didn't say will this make sense in five years? Will I maybe still be passionate about this in five years, 10 years. Because they don't do that. They never quite get a groove. Last idea. Say yes to deeper relationships and time for deeper relationships. I hope that we've all learned that recently. It's about going deeper in our marriages, going deeper in our relationships with our kids, spouses, partners, friends, members of our community or our network, our team. It's like, don't play the surface level game. Saying yes to deeper relationships is saying yes to vulnerability, yes to time together, yes to having conversations that aren't just task driven. Yes to doing life and doing life together. If you're in my inner circle or you're on my team, you hear me say it all the time. I view everybody in my life. Hey, if the world, out of 7 billion plus people, if the world, God or universe decided, hey, I'm going to intersect these people with Brennan's path. I take that seriously. I take that as serendipity. I follow that, you know, that cosmic string. I believe in the divine hand and I say, oh, okay, hey, these people are supposed to be in my life. Let me treat them well, let's. Let me get to know them. Let me, you know, try to be as available. It's not easy. I know, because soon as I say that, people go, oh, you don't understand, Brennan. I got this big team and you don't understand. I got this big family or I've got these people. I do, I get it. It's hard for me too, believe me or not. I mean, I would love to spend all day talking to every member of my family, my friends, my team, my network, the people I influence and mentor. Not possible. But years and years and years ago, I said, you know what? When I do have those opportunities with somebody, I hope I leave the energy positive. I hope I bring some good energy into it, bring some appreciation and acknowledgement into it. Be thankful and grateful to have that person in my life because there's a reason we're intersecting. Even if I don't know it, I trust it. So say yes to deeper relationships. Some of you are like, I don't know, should I be friends with this person? I kind of like them. But I'm scared because one time, you know, people betrayed me. It's like, hey, listen, live here today and deepen the relationships that are here today. And those that are placed before you that feel right, follow that intention. When you like somebody, follow that intention to get to know them. You don't know where it's going to lead. I just feel like life is about relationships and too many people say no to all of them. And so many people close themselves off from even their family and their friends and they lived among people, but closed off from people. I invite you to open up and say yes to the relationships of your life. Thank you for saying yes to personal development today.