How to Relieve Imposter Syndrome

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard. And welcome to another episode of the Brendon Show. Hey, all, it's Brendan. And in this episode we're going to talk about something that came up way more often than I ever imagined after we launched our study of high performers worldwide. And as much as I've taught people how to succeed and taught them to master their mindset, taught them the habits that we know literally lead to long term success, I cannot believe the number of people who wrote in or asked throughout this year this last 12 months, like, hey, Brendan, like, I know what to do, but I kind of suffer sometimes from imposter syndrome. You know, I feel like I'm going through the motions, but I don't feel like I'm, you know, worth it or I don't feel like I can see myself succeeding like other people did. I feel like I'm faking it sometime. Like, what do you do if you ever deal with imposter syndrome? And amazingly, I love to share with people. That was kind of part of the story that one of the persons who I interviewed for high performance habits, which I hope you guys all have, there's a link in this post where you can get it. Free free hardcover copy that this woman was dealing with where she felt like she just couldn't really break through. And she knew achievement wasn't her problem, but alignment was her problem. She knew how to get stuff done, but she really wasn't getting stuff done in an alignment with her true character, her true beliefs, her true values, the things that really lit her up and made her happy and succeeding. She kind of felt like she was going through the motions sometimes or copying other people. And that imposter syndrome also sometimes made her not feel confident enough to put herself out there because she thought, who am I? Or I can't compare with them. Or that imposter syndrome really sort of bled into her work where she felt like, well, you know what? This isn't going to work for me. I don't really belong here. And so if you felt any of that, this is the episode for you. I've got some notes here. I've been thinking about this quite a bit as we head into this time of year where a lot of people are looking back to this year, last 12 months, and I'd like to ask you, do you feel like you really lived your most authentic, vibrant, true, passionate, productive you? Do you feel like sometimes you were faking it till you made it? Do you feel like sometimes you just didn't belong. Even if you were successful or you're doing good things, you felt like, well, I'm not like them. I don't really belong here. If that's true for you, then I'd really love for you to take some notes on this episode. I'm trying to change up how we're doing these kind of get in your face a little bit more, do a little bit more coaching as you guys have been requesting. Obviously we have products and programs for that. Those links are also in this post somewhere. But I felt like just taking on this imposter syndrome for you. And it was a struggle. I had to take some notes because I'm going to be honest, I don't think I ever felt that the way that most people talk to me about it. And partially that was because I was young, dumb and naive when I began in this industry. In this industry, if you're watching me on YouTube or later on Facebook or somewhere else out there on the interwebs, you know that it's a fairly young industry. I started doing major online courses and development in terms of personal professional development online and teaching that as far back as 2006, which was really early. You gotta remember that's like before the iPhone, right? That was a long time ago. That was when most people would like cancel something or refund something that I gave them, not because the quality, but because the buffer speed on the video is really big. So I kind of lucked out to begin in this industry when there really, it was like the wild west. There weren't many of us. You know, I was like one of the pioneers in personal online courses, like personal development online courses, like way early. So I didn't enter an industry where there were a lot of super established people outside of like, there were major authors, there were some major, you know, motivational speakers, there were some people who were doing seminars. But, you know, social media wasn't there yet. And this whole world where we have influencers all over Instagram now, like all day long, can swipe through them. I didn't feel like I was competing with them. So I know that might sound like big headed to say I didn't feel imposter syndrome, but I just didn't because I began something that was really fresh. I also had the benefit of being naive enough to just do my own thing without really at the very beginning seeking out other role models and mentors. I didn't really like. I didn't have a peer set. I started like this industry. I started with nothing. I was bankrupt. So I wasn't around other people where I could compare myself all day and ask whether I belonged. I just had this passion, and I was just going to give everything into this passion and not worry about what other people thought and not worry even about how I felt. I was just going to do the hard work, show up and make it happen. And so that might be part of my message to you today. If you have that imposter syndrome, like, stop worrying about whether you belong. I always tell millennials, especially a lot of folks who I get to coach at that age, successful entrepreneurs and startup founders in Silicon Valley especially, I tell them, hey, listen, stop asking whether or not you belong and start asking whether or not you're being of service. Like, part of the imposter syndrome comes from the selfie syndrome. Like, just thinking about myself, am I right? Do I really fit in? Am I good enough? Am I worthy enough? And it's I. I worry, worry, worry, worry. It's from this selfie generation where we're all, like, you know, like, taking pictures of ourselves and thinking about how we portray ourselves all the time. And how do I portray myself? Does it fit in with everything else? And because it doesn't, I don't feel like I belong. Part of it's like, stop asking if you belong. Start asking if you're being of absolute service every day. Because if you feel like you're being absolute service every day, you're not going to worry whether you fit in as much. You're going to worry whether you're getting the job done right. You're going to worry whether or not you're actually contributing value. Because I think one part of the imposter syndrome is that people don't feel like they're adding value. And if they're really honest, they know they're not. And because they're not adding value, they feel like, gosh, this isn't right for me, or I'm faking it. And the fact is, they are. So let's talk about four ways to deal with this. Number one, if you have the imposter syndrome and it's firing off and you don't feel like you belong, or you feel like you're faking it and you don't, like, you don't deserve it, or you're not worthy, well, then job number one is stop faking it. Start asking how can you do what you're doing in a way that you feel like is authentic, real, and adding real value the way that you would do it? Stop trying to do it every. Like, the way everyone else is doing. Because that's what faking it ultimately is. It's like you're just conforming and you're copying and you're doing what other people like what they're doing. And no wonder you feel like crap, because if you show up every day and you live like a copy, you're never going to feel that vibrancy comes from personal freedom. That comes from personal authenticity. That comes from knowing, like, this day is mine. Because if you live each day as another person, you never get that gift of this day's mine. I got it. This is real for me. And so you, of course, you feel like a fake and a phony because you're showing up running everybody else's playbook, trying to fit into everybody else's thing. And I'm here to tell you, listen, I know I'm being a little hard sometimes in my videos, but I'm here to, like, I do that because I'm cheering you on. I know that no matter who you are and where you're watching this or when you're listening to this, I know this about you. You've got, like, a bottomless level of potential. Like, you have the ability to figure things out and live life on your terms and add a level of value into the world that I can't do that anybody else you follow, like, watch they can't do because they're not you. They haven't lived uniquely in your shoes. They haven't studied what you study or observe what you have observed or dealt with everything that you've dealt with or had the same exact aspirations and dream. There's 7 billion people on the planet. We're all unique. And so you've got to say, okay, if I feel like imposter here, what would my truth be in this space if I stepped away and I just, like, what would be real for me to do? Your job, one is to stop faking it, stop conforming, stop copying, and say, how would I do this? And add a unique value that I'm passionate about, and that helps immediately break some of that. Imposter syndrome number two. If you feel like you are experiencing imposter syndrome number two is stop avoiding difficulties. What happens is because you don't feel like you belong or you don't feel like it's real for you, or you don't deserve that level of success, you back off. And your primary strategy is avoidance. You, like, start avoiding those difficult tasks each day that actually give you momentum and progress towards the thing so you can feel it and integrate it and know it is you, right? You're not getting that momentum forward on the things that matter. So you're not getting that identity that says, wow, this is me. I am making this happen. Instead, you're observing it and you're avoiding it. And so as you see people do great things or you avoid the difficult hardships, your psychology starts saying, hey, you're not even trying. You're not even doing it. You know what? Yeah, you showed up here, but you're just going through the motions and you're not taking on the tough stuff. And here's the weird thing. If you're not getting momentum, you won't have the mindset of authenticity. Like if you're just kind of like kicking tires or dipping your toe in the water, your brain goes, I'm fake. This isn't real. You'll always feel like an imposter if you don't get real momentum. When you get real momentum, your brain goes, hey, this is us. We're doing this. This is real. And the identity of an achiever in that space that you are in starts firing. And now it starts feeling real. You're like, wow, I got this. I'm doing. This is good. And the imposter syndrome starts going away. The third big idea to help you do exactly that and to deal with imposter syndrome is to work daily goals. You cannot keep showing up random to so many days of your life because in reaction, we feel smaller. In reaction, we feel constrained and constricted by the world. We feel like things are unfair. In reaction, we're less motivated. In reaction, we won't break through. So you gotta have goals built out that you're moving towards. That does give you that identity of achievement and the identity of realness that says, hey, I'm doing this. And so here's what I need you to do. I need you to look at the next 12 months, and I need to set at least five big goals for this next year. Then I want you to break each of those five goals down into five different deadlines for each quarter. Meaning, like, if you've got one goal for the year, I want you to set down a deadline for quarter four, quarter three, quarter two, quarter one. So that today, as you go out these next 12 months as an example, you go, okay, in quarter one, I'm going to achieve this deadline that's going to help me move towards this goal by the end of the year. Quarter two, I'm going to achieve this deadline that will help me move even closer. Quarter three, Even closer. Quarter four, we've achieved it. Make sense? So you're busting down quarterly goals or quarterly deadlines. Then you're saying, okay, what does that mean? What are the major activities I need to do each week leading into that and then each day leading that? Just work it backwards, my friend. Because you know, when you don't have confidence, when you don't have clarity. So if you're like, I want to do it and I'm kind of doing it and things are going okay, but I still feel like it's not real for me and I don't like it partially. The reason is you just don't know what to do. And when we don't know what to do, when we lack competence, we also lack confidence, right? We're always talking about this in my high performance work. Hopefully you read this in high performance habits. It's that issue of the competence confidence loop. And we're not going to get you more competent if you don't try new things, which requires confidence. And if you try new things, you learn more, which gives you confidence. So it's this loop, right? And I think it's really important that you understand if you're not working goals every day, if you're just reacting and doing tasks, fulfilling everybody else's needs, that's gonna eat away even if you have a lot of success, even if you're doing great. And that's where I really tell people, you know when the imposter syndrome really sucks, is when you're actually getting ahead. You are doing good things. Like, things are happening, but you still don't feel like you're worthwhile. And that's happening because you're not celebrating those goals along the way. You're doing everything, but you're never, ever feeling everything. So it's not like the winds aren't being integrated into your identity to make you feel like, oh, this is real. I deserve this because I looked at what was forward, I measured it, I broke it down, I judiciously, conscientiously, moved forward. Like, if we don't know that we are, like, conscientiously with real discipline moving forward and gaining momentum because we chose it, we willed it, then it's easy to look around and go, yeah, I'm with these other people, but I don't feel like I belong because, you know, they must have really earned it. And I just kind of lucked into it. Because if you feel you lucked into it, that imposter syndrome will always be there. Listen, I feel deeply grateful that I'VE achieved the level of successes that I've wanted in my life with my books or my courses or everything else. And I'm still learning, but I can be deeply grateful, but know that I earned this path, that I honored every single struggle. Then I architected it out, that I built the strategies. Yeah, lots of failings happened, and Grace opened up and I got, you know, blessings and benefits. Yeah, there's some luck peppered in there, too. But also, I showed up every single day and I decided what I was going to do that day. And because I did that, I decided it, and I stayed disciplined. I don't feel fake. I don't feel like I'm an imposter. I'm like, I earned my way into this spot. And sometimes I wish that, you know, the spot was more abundant, more amazing, more awesome, more connected, just like anybody else. But I don't question the work that went into it. Yeah, sometimes I wish I was further along just like anybody else, but I can go. You know what? I earned my way into this position. And if you can't say you earned it, of course you feel like an imposter. Fourth big idea. And this is really important. It's so simple to help overcome that feeling of the imposter thing. Part of the feeling of the imposter thing is you don't feel the outcome of your work. And so I want you to start visualizing and. And meditating on the actual outcome of your contributions. So as an example, if you're a new team member of a new company and you're just like, gosh, I don't really belong here. I don't feel like I'm here, I want you to stop. Stop. Every time you feel that imposter syndrome come in, I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to visualize yourself doing something. And I want you to visualize yourself experiencing, celebrating, seeing, sensing the outcome of the thing. For example, like, for me, I began my career writing books and doing seminars. And I remember being with a group of speakers one time, and they had really, like, they'd done a bunch of seminars, and they were really along the way, and I'd only done one or two, and I didn't do them well. I went broke doing them. I had no idea what I was doing. I thought, oh, my gosh, do I belong with these guys? Like, can I play at their level in the seminar game? And I remember that doubt coming in. And I remember specifically, I talked with a bunch of them, and we were all in this, like, big Hotel ballroom. I went over, I got in the hotel elevator and I closed my eyes and just said, brendan, just see it, man. And I forced myself to see myself standing in front of a thousand people in a hotel ballroom for multiple days. And just like teaching and training and coaching and interacting and having fun and jumping and clapping. And I just kept, I was like, how would that feel? And I allowed myself to feel it and what would it look like? And I, I'd like get little details. And I went up, it was maybe 10 floors in that building. And I'll tell you what, from the doubtful kid who entered on floor zero to the kid who walked out on 10th floor, I felt like 1,000ft high. Like I felt so good, you know, because I felt it. And so much of the imposter syndrome is you're just kind of like analytically like questioning yourself and you're like digging yourself in a hole and you're doubting yourself and you're letting your own thoughts poison you versus fuel you. And there's a visualization or a meditation that could be your savior. And that is just anytime you feel it, take a break, go lay down or sit down, close your eyes, see it, feel it, sense it, and make it more real. Because the reason you feel like you're an imposter is because it feels fake. So make yourself physically feel and see the outcome of your good works. That might be like, if you're gonna start a new nonprofit, like see and experience yourself, like, okay, you're building that school and okay, you're opening the doors and the kids are going in and they're getting their first books. And like you built a school. Like, of course you feel like a fake when you start a non profit cause you don't know what you're doing. But if you do these things, you've asked how you authentically can do it. You don't avoid the difficult at work. You work daily goals and you constantly keep visualizing and feeling it, visualizing and feeling it. I promise you, my friend, do these things and you'll stop feeling as much as an imposter and you start getting real momentum. I keep saying it, you are stronger than you think. And the future holds good things for you. So trust in yourself, honor the struggle. Get to work. My friends, these next 12 months, they're yours if you're ready to take your life to a whole new level. Make sure you grab my book, High Performance Habits How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now and when you order your copy you're really supporting my channel and the message. And you're also getting a book that will reveal to you 20 years of my research into what is it that helps people go to a new level of success in their life? What does it really take? What habits are proven to help you reach long term success in your career, your health, your personal life, your relationships? It's called High Performance Habits. How Extraordinary People Become that way. It's available on Amazon right now.