How To Stop Avoiding

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Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to the Brendan Show. This is a podcast about helping you reach high performance in your life, in every area of your life. It's about staying more motivated, more confident, more disciplined and on purpose. You know, the high performance experience is really about feeling more vibrant, more connected, more excellent, more fulfilled in your life. But it's also challenging you because you and I both know it's difficult to reach those levels of high performance without support, without ongoing commitment and dedication to your own personal development. So welcome to our HPX community. Thank you for joining us here on the Brendon Show. I'm super pumped for today's episode. Before we begin, I want to let you know that we have specials right now on our HPX nutrition line. If you didn't know it, I rolled out three specific products to help you with your performance. These are three specific supplements that will really give you the edge. Now, don't worry, I'm not starting an MLM or a downline. I'm not asking you to promote any of my products. And frankly, just like you, there's a lot of different companies and a lot of different products that I love and I enjoy and I'm not trying to compete with. It was specifically, I could not find three world class supplements that specifically helped me in these areas. So we've got HPX Optimize, which is a mental focus and energy product for your brain health. Then we've got Essentials, which is a functional multivitamin which we've basically enhanced for longevity, for joint health and for vitality and digestion. But what we did, instead of like making a multivitamin where they sprinkled a million different things in there that actually have no effect, we put in dosages here that you'll be amazed by. And then finally we've got HPX Organic Boost, which is the energy drink mix that I take because it's 100% organic. Organic. It's actually delicious too, I have to tell you that. So go check it out. Hpxwellness.com, everything you need to know is right there. And if you've ever wanted to know how to reach the high performance experience in terms of your biology and physiology, these products can really support you. Go to hpxwellness.com and without further ado, onto today's episode.

Bad Habits. Let's talk about each one. I'll go fairly quickly because you get it by now, but this time we're gonna tackle slightly different, even more proactively one bad habit we've talked about. It's always a pattern. It's always something that happens with high performers. It's this first one called avoidance. Now, you've already heard me talk about it, but here's the thing. We've talked about it. Conceptually, I want you to identify what have you been avoiding? Specifically, what have you been afraid to do? But you came up with reasons not to do it, because that is called avoidance. You wanted to do something, but you came up with reasons not to do it. What was that? Because that's avoidance. I want to do this, but I've got all these reasons, sometimes excuses, but ultimately it's an avoidance strategy. Because how many of you feel like you got more fire inside, right? But sometimes be honest, how many of you back off too often? Yeah, there's avoidance going on there. So what have you been avoiding doing? What first step have you been avoiding taking? What's the first step? You got a dream. What's the first step? Like, you know, you should do it. Like, Lewis knew he should do a webinar, and when he did it, he was a hot mess, but he took the step, right? So what's that first step? Is it writing the first page of the new book? You just haven't done it. You've been avoiding writing that first page. Is it making that call to ask for help? You've been avoiding picking up a phone? Is it sitting down, your spouse, to have that tough conversation and really deciding to say, okay, tonight's the night. We're gonna have that conversation at dinner. Like, what is that first step you've been avoiding? And just know what it is. Just look at it on your piece of paper, know what it is. And now just simply ask yourself, are you a bigger person than that, or is that gonna win? Is that little step gonna hold you back? Or are you gonna get back in that momentum you deserve? Like, there's a momentum you feel in this room you can have at home when you stop avoiding things. And instead, right next to avoidance, like imitation. I hope you wrote next to imitation when you wrote it down. You have some notes somewhere, and you wrote, okay, I'm gonna ask, how would I uniquely do this? Here's what I want you right next to avoidance. Right. Right next to avoidance, just in big letters, capital letters, Right next to avoidance, write this word. Attack. Attack. When I start avoiding things, I have this thing my self talk. I say to myself all the time. I'm like, dude, you're a SWAT team. I say it to myself all the time. I don't want to do that. Brendan, you're a SWAT team. Let's go. Attack. Like, listen, if you're always in reaction, you're always on defense. You gotta get back in the offense. Avoidance is a reactionary strategy. That's the problem. Avoidance. You're in the reaction column. You're in the defense column. We need you back on offense again. What does offense mean in your life? Cause offense is very different than avoidance. Raise your hand if you follow. We need you on offense. We need you on offense in your health. We need you on offense in your career. We need you on offense in your relationship. Don't wait for the relationship to get better. Go on offense, know the plays. Become the quarterback of your life again, right? So many of you, you're just the receiver, you're running around. Wherever opportunity is going to throw it, you're going to go and try to capture it. And it's like, no, no. Where do you want the plays to go? You got to get back on offense. Turn the person left, right, shake them and say, get back on. Write it in your notes. Attack the game. You gotta attack the game again. Go back on offense. Stop letting everybody shoot you down. Go back on offense. Attack again. There's something you wanted. Attack. Get obnoxious about it. When I look at my dreams, I walk in my office each day, I look at those dreams, I'm like, let's go. Oh, my God. Who gets fired up looking at your goals? Okay, I know half you lied because I asked you look at your goals every day. You didn't think I was listening? Good coaches listen. Everyone's attacking their goals. I know that 90% of you don't even look at your goals. Who's ready to attack their goals? Say, that's me. So turn the person to the left, right, Grab them, shake them, say, attack. Attack. You gotta number two. You've got to watch your bad habit of over commitment. Ooh, he struck a chord in me. Over commitment. Okay, ready? Remember the old thing, Power Rangers unite. Remember that? Okay, watch this one. People pleasers, raise your hand. See? People pleasers, unite. Unite in your sorrow of over commitment. Who's an over commitment person? Okay, you know why you're over committing? Fomo. Fomo. Other people.

Why else?

Clarity. Why else are you over committed? Distraction. Guess what we know about high performers. You're over committed because, listen, you're not on offense. You know when it's easy to be an over commitment, you don't know what you want to do. So someone asked you I guess I could. I guess I could. Would you want to go out on a party? I guess I could. Would you like to watch our kids? I guess I could. Do you want to host a party? I guess I could. Do you want to watch this webinar? I guess I could. Do you want to buy this thing? I guess I could. Because you're not on offense, when you are clear on offense, you're not over committed. The great coaches, they don't over commit their players to the wrong plays. They're precise. You got to get so razor clear every morning. What is it for me today? The way to avoid over commitment is to begin the day so clear, weaponized, ready, absolutely razor sharp on what your focus needs to be this day. Not three days from now, not four months from now, not when I hope it turns out like now. What is this day? What must happen this day? Because when you know what must happen this day and someone lobs a big pile of to do onto your plate, you grab that bat and you smack it right back in their face. You're like, I'm sorry. Like, I've got this great many of you guys have known. If you haven't read it High Performance Habits. There's my email in there. If you all are over committing or you're saying yes to too much, read High Performance Habits, go in that productivity chapter, copy and paste that email, put it in yours. It says something to the effect of oh, thank you very much for thinking of me. Unfortunately, my plate is already full of other projects and priorities that I agreed to or planned but months ago. And this sudden emergency or request of yours unfortunately has a whole line of other people who thought about asking much earlier. And so if this is something that must happen, please let me know the actual drop dead deadline when this must happen, in which if it doesn't happen on that exact date, your career or your house will burn down. Because anything else before that date is an actual preference. I need the real deadline. We over commit because we don't know real deadlines. We over commit because we are not on offense. So next to over commitment. Right again, offense and then right, right next to it.

Priority.

I am the worst. Oh my gosh, you're so lucky you're not married to me. Oh my gosh. Denise will come up, she'll be like, hey, I want to talk about this. We gotta do these things and everything. And I'm listening and I'm present and everything. And then once in a while I have to say, sorry, honey, that's not a Priority. Not she's not a priority, but the item. I gotta say it to my partner, I have to say it to my friends, I have to say it to my team. Listen, when you're a high performer, you got more people counting on you. Is it true? So it's more important that you prioritize. Listen, the problem is over committed people will tell you they're people pleasers and yet they're the most selfish bastards ever. Think about it. If you recognized your responsibilities to other people, would you over commit yourself? Because when you over commit yourself, you don't deliver for other people with a level of excellence that you could. You don't create the connections with other people. You're selfishly following your desire. Exactly. To be a pleaser, you're following that desire. Oh, I want to take care of everybody. And by the way, I honor that impulse. But I also recognize sometimes that impulse can be a bad habit. Raise your handy follow. So I honor the impulse. It's you being human, wanting to help everybody. But soon as you realize you can't help everybody, you start prioritizing so you can help the ones you should should. Over commitment, that's reactive. Over commitment, failure. Go on offense. And I know you hear this all the time, but wouldn't it be nice to hear this every couple Wednesdays, like just once in a while, Brendan, in your pocket or in your ear going, hey, are you focused right now? Are you on offense or defense? Are you over committing yourself? Are you focusing on what matters? Because lots of people over commit themselves to busy work and don't give a damn amount of time to life's work, their most important work. I don't over commit myself very often. I'm busy. But I don't over commit very often because I'm so committed to delivering what I promise with excellence. I don't over commit because I'm so committed to delivering with excellence. I'm aware that over commitment compromises my relationships. Over commitment compromises my energy, my heart, my soul, and your over commitments. If you find yourself over committing over and over and over and again, whose fault is that? You're the one who's not establishing the boundary, so don't blame everybody else. Oh, they keep asking stuff for me. Yeah, they keep asking because you ain't ever said no. Babe, listen, they're probably not going to die if you say no, right? And the best thing is they probably go pester somebody else after a little while. You've got to set more firm boundaries around the things that matter in your life. We're going to talk a lot about this tomorrow and it's important, so, so important. We have that in our master's program. It's always getting back to priority. It's always getting back to focusing on what matters. It's always meeting your responsibilities with excellence and not over committing yourself.

Hey, it's Brendan. I'm bopping in here real fast for you to urge you to go to hpxwellness.com and check out our products to help you get more of that mental focus and energy you need to stay. Stay at your best, to deliver with excellence, to feel like vibrant again. Because I know we all struggle with mental fatigue and mental focus. We all sometimes get tired and sometimes we're worried about our overall health. And So I created three specific products to help you with that. Go to HPX wellness.com check out our nutrition line and let's get you to high performance, baby. HPX wellness.com.

The more you avoid and yet the more you over commit, the more you're in defense and reaction, the more you burn out. Everyone wants to deliver awesome and be great to everybody all the time, but you can't. And how many of you had a bout of burnout somewhere in the last six months? Okay, last six months, keep your hands high and please look around the room because this is an amazing group of people, right? You all yesterday you rose your hand and you said, I do more personal development than the other people around me. And yet you're also like, I'm burned out. So what's up with that? Something's not sinking in. It's common sense, but it's not common like burnout. People know. I tell my team all this, burnout, that's your choice. Burnout is you not communicating in advance. Burnout is you not planning. Burnout is you not prioritizing. And geez, I know this sounds like I'm preaching at you, but I'm not. I'm protecting you. Two different things. I'm not preaching to any of you because listen, I go through burnout too. There's been times in my career way too much and I recognize how much that slowed down my career. I work with lots of big name folks who they're burned out. They look good on camera, but it's seven pounds of makeup because they are wiped. They have burned themselves. They don't take care of the basics. We always want to feel victim to burnout. Is it true? Like, burnout is something, oh, it happened to me. No one wants to say I caused my burnout, but Everyone causes their burnout. Burnout is almost always a choice outside of very, very controlled environments, right? A soldier in the military can get burned out. They don't have a choice, right? Sometimes it's just the reality of a war, sometimes the reality of that hierarchy. But in almost all other circumstances outside of, like the emergency response kind of stuff, which most of you aren't in, some of you are outside of the emergency response or the super strict hierarchy. Burnout is always, I didn't plan. I said yes too much. I didn't take care of myself. Oh, crap, it's four in the afternoon. I haven't eaten anything yet, right? And sometimes burnout is really a feeling that actually can be overcome. Like in the moments of burnout. Like, how many of you ever solve burnout with nine hours of sleep, right? Sometimes. Who's ever solved burnout with just like a good night's rest, a walk around the block and a croissant? Anybody ever? I don't know. I mean, sometimes it's that easy to solve and change things. You gotta recognize, I asked you today, one of the big important things is to notice things again. You gotta notice when you're at burnout. You gotta notice before the flame hits the wick. You gotta notice the flame's been lit. You gotta know burnout's coming from 50 yards away, not be surprised when it takes you, right? You gotta know, like, when you look at your calendar, you gotta go, am I gonna be burned out? If I am, I better prepare every little mechanism I can to restore myself. If I start to feel it, I'm gonna change it in my body so it doesn't win today. Cause sometimes burnout, when it starts happening, Listen, the easiest thing, when you start burning out, you stop breathing. I mean, literally, just like shallow breaths. You don't even feel life anymore. You don't think about your food anymore because you don't give a damn. You're so tired, you're like, I'll get healthier later. You know what? I'll get off the caffeine sometime soon. You know what? It was a long day. I'm burned out. So that's okay that we're on our third bottle of wine? You know what? I know I have things to do, but I'm burned out. So I can totally justify this third season and the fourth barrel of popcorn. That's what we do. Soon as you feel burned out, you can justify all your bad behavior. Soon as you start to feel burnout, you start justifying all your bad behavior. It's Why? I tell people, you can't let yourself burn out. Letting self burnout means you're gonna have lower quality relationships, lower health, way more odds of acting wrong, doing something bad, treating other people like crap, getting fat. Every bad thing possible starts to happen at a higher frequency when we are burned out. Is it true? Yeah. So you gotta manage it. When you feel it coming on, you gotta change your mind, your body, your breath, the mechanisms of each day so that you can actually get back on track. And the nice thing is changing it can. Just sometimes if you're feeling burned out, like when I'm really tired or I went too far or I got over committed and I feel it at my desk, I'm like, ugh, I feel burned out on me. You can't let the burnout keep staying there. You gotta get the burnout out. All right.

Hey, it's Bren. I hope you enjoyed that episode and I hope it helped you reach another level of high performance in your life, whether it's just a shift in your mindset or shift in your habits or a shift in your intention for the day. I really honor you for listening to the Brendon show and I'm deeply thankful. So could you do me a favor? Could you just go onto itunes or Apple podcasts and rate and review this episode or any of our episodes? And also while you're there to help me, just download the last five episodes too onto your phone because you know, Apple really cares about the downloads and the rating and reviews and I've never really asked for that in six years of podcasting and finally my friends convinced me to ask you to do that for me. I've never asked anything on my podcast community ever, but I really, really appreciate if you could do that. Also, if you would like some more in depth training, please don't forget that every single month I go live for two hours and teach new and original personal development, research new frameworks to my entire virtual community in our HPX coaching program. And you can just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com to learn all about the different options there. But listen, I'm live two hours every single month with literally thousands of high achievers from around the world who tune in to get these new frameworks for reaching high performance in their life. Sometimes we talk about relationships, sometimes we talk about breaking bad habits, sometimes we talk about achieving another level of confidence or discipline or goal attainment, but we are there every single month and I'd love for you to join us. Just go to hpxcoaching.com to see all of your options and really join us. Dedicate yourself to personal mastery. Dedicate yourself to this journey. Not just once in a while with an episode here or there, or a book there, but literally a program that could change your life. It's called HPX Coaching. And you can go to hpxcoaching.com until next time, my friends, please remember every single day, you can choose to be average or ordinary or just kind of go through the motions, or you can be more intentional, more disciplined, more excellence driven what you do because you know you need to serve those you love and those that you lead. You can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends, go out there today and be extraordinary.