If You Struggle With Discipline, Listen To This

Most people don't have accountability because they've never committed to anything. Well, without a commitment, then we are left to impulse. Impulse control is a huge factor in accountability. You don't force yourself back on track. You don't have accountability, no standards, no expectations, no commitments, no care to be accountable to it. We end up in just total chaos and disregard. Most people don't have accountability because they've never committed to anything. If you don't commit to something, you can't have responsibility to it. And so when we lack a vision, when we lack a mission, when we lack a connection with a family member, when we lack a goal for our health, if there's nothing to commit to that we can be responsible to, then we shouldn't even ask, why am I not accountable? I'm like, you have any commitments. Lacking commitments, you have nothing to feel responsible to. And a lot of people are employed. They don't have commitment to the company. A lot of people have a goal. They it's casual. There's no commitment. And so unless there's a deep commitment to something, there will never be a compelled responsibility that is willing. So that's part one, willing responsibility to a commitment. Part two is understanding. There's payoffs, meaning punishments or rewards. And in those payoffs, somebody, us being personally accountable or in a social accountability situation has to track, like, am I being fully responsible to this commitment in order to receive this payoff? I know that's a lot of jargon here, but I think it's really important. The number one thing I'd say to everyone is like, willingness to be responsible for a commitment and then making sure you're on track. But I think we lack willingness and I think we lack commitment, and that's why so many people struggle in this area. A big piece about this just breaks down to people's remembrance that there's sort of three forces on all of us at any given time, right? There's the force that is our impulse, right? We have impulses, we have intuitions, we have natural body physicality. And in terms of emotion or energy or mood, things just come up. We just feel something, right? There's a lot of impulse. And a lot of the reason people lack accountability, they have no impulse control. They're unaware of the impulse, or they're not mitigating or navigating that impulse. And this is where a lot of people. The reason we lack a lot of accountability is people will prefer feelings and guiding themselves based on feelings. Impulse versus accountability to a commitment. Well, without a commitment, then we are left to impulse. And this is really important. Impulse control is a huge factor in accountability. But most people, again, they lack the accountability because there's no external commitment. But at the same time, I guess that there's three drives, right? Three forces. One is impulse. It's just how we feel. It's what's going on in our body. It's our immediate reactions, it's our unconsciousness, it's our intuition. It's just happening to us, us. The second force is intention, or I like to use the word will, which is, that's the conscious part of us, that's the directed part of us, that's the part of it says, I want this to happen, I'm going to do this thing. And in our intention or our will that a lot of people have tons of will. But again, it's not aimed. So they're like, today I'm going to do all these things. And they actually manifest them, they take the initiative, they're doing amazing things. But there's like, they're going through the motions of doing stuff without a higher order goal, without a higher level commitment. Where that commitment is values or mission or purpose or faith or a concept like family, country, right? When we lack that, we're just, we're really strong doing stuff. I know a lot of doers, they're like biohackers. They've got routine, they've got initiative, they're doers, they're strivers, they're builders. They're impressive people because they have found a way that intention and will overcomes impulse. However, they're still lacking something bigger. And so they're very busy, but unfulfilled. And then the third force that's pushing on us at all times is social obligation, right? We're part of a community, we're part of a family, we're part of a team. Like we have the desires for status or we have desires for power or influence or belonging. All of that part of us, the mix of social animals, that there's pressure, obligations and expectations there. And so a lot of people, they can never be accountable because they're so willing to placate, please serve others. But that part of their intention or will that has this direction, that they want this, they keep giving it over to social obligation. So like, I don't know why I can't take on my health. I'm like, yes, but let's look at your life. Do you have other commitments? And what they've done is they've over indexed on their commitments to family or to work. They're neglecting the part of them that says, hey, I feel like crap. I have a goal to get fit. I have a goal to be healthier. These are forces in our life, and we're conscious of them or unconscious of them. And just like everything else in our life, we are utilizing them and guiding them to fulfill job number one or not. And job number one as a human and conscious human is to summon the best of who you are every day. It doesn't mean you're perfect all day. Maybe you only get 10 minutes of the goodness out of you today. Maybe you're only an awesome mom for 15 minutes and you had a struggle the rest of the day. But it's that. That desire of who we are to somehow manifest or cultivate or create the best of who we are. And so I bring this up because all of these forces, none of them are good or bad. Like, your impulses can be extraordinarily valuable, right? Your impulses on the football field will probably dictate how you actually respond and how fast. Your impulses in a relationship to love can create a real relationship, but so can your impulse to protect yourself and hide, which can hurt a relationship. So these things are all. There's no. They're not positive or negative there are. You utilize. Are you conscious of them and utilizing them to form the life that you want? So what I do is I go, okay, I know my impulses, the good and the bad. Are they making me accountable to being the best of who I can be today? Because my ideal, my commitment, my job, one is to summon the best of who I am every day. It doesn't mean I'm perfect. It means, did I try? A lot of people, they don't try. One of my favorite leaders always tells me when he gets frustrated with his team, which we can talk about as leaders here, he'll say often to his teams, like, oh, I'm sorry, you're right. Would you like me to Google that for you? Which I think is so funny. I would love to say that, too. But there's things that we also have to say to ourselves. Did I even try today? Let me be accountable to this ideal. I said I wanted to be a successful person. That's a concept. I said I wanted to summon the best of who I am. That's a concept. But if I commit to those things, I have to ask, did I try? Did I measure up? Did I take the action? So if it's an impulse for that commitment, great. If it's an impulse away oh, let's be accountable. If it is a intention to do that, and it will do that. Did I try? Did I do it? It's a yes or no. If I didn't, okay, let me accept the consequences and let me move back on track. Social obligation. If I said I would do it, I gave you my word. It's either I tried and I did the thing or I did not, yes or no. Accountability often comes back to down to a very binary set of truths. You tried or you didn't, you did the thing, yes or no. And if you did not, and it's a commitment, the accountability piece goes from a concept of accountability into action. And that action says, let me right the ship, let me adjust my sails, let me get back on track. And here's the truth I can tell. A lot of people have commitments in their life, but they don't have accountability because they don't force themselves back on track. If you don't force yourself back on track, you don't have accountability. You have preference, you have ease, you have comfort. But the edge of accountability most people don't like is that truth. If somebody is off track, you have to force the conversation. You have to be assertive, in other words, right? If you aren't assertive in the face of being off track, you're lacking accountability. So I tell my team all the time, hey, listen, if things go sideways, that happens all the time. The question is, do you immediately work to right the ship? That's accountability to our mission. Our mission demands a certain level of performance. And if we are off track, that's normal. Because in business, you have hypotheses, you're in the scientific process all the time. You're testing, you're trying, you're experimenting. You don't know. But if you find yourself off track, you reorient and recalibrate faster. The slower you recalibrate, the less accountability means anything to you. If you don't force yourself to back on track, you don't have accountability. You have preference, you have ease, you have comfort. But the edge of accountability most people don't like is that truth. If somebody is off track, you have to force the conversation. You have to be assertive, in other words, right? If you aren't assertive in the face of being off track, you're lacking accountability. So I tell my team all the time, like, hey, listen, if things go sideways, that happens all the time. The question is, do you immediately work to right the ship? That's accountability to our mission. Our mission demands a certain level of performance. And people who don't commit to something and care about it live unfulfilled lives. If you want an unfulfilled life, don't care about anything, right? When you're, you're a nihilist, you just, you don't care. What's the point? Your whole attitude is what's the point? Why try? It doesn't matter. We're all just gonna die. We're just on a little orb spinning around this tiny, you know, solar system that's only, what, two light years long. You know, we're in a galaxy that's only 150,000 light years long. You know, that's pretty tiny considering there's a trillion other galaxies. So the nihilist and the mentality says, it doesn't matter. We're so small, who cares? They always end up living unfulfilled lives. They always end up feeling like why it didn't matter, it's not important, there's no meaning. And at the end of their life, they die and they have no sense of meaning. And by the way, that's their choice. It's just sad because you also track their happiness throughout life. You track the quality of their relationships throughout life. You track their longevity, literally how long do they live. And you track their health span. And all of those are lower than people who have higher levels of values, commitments, desires. And yes, everyone here can say your social obligations are arbitrary, right? I can drive across state line and go, that line is completely arbitrary. But the world doesn't run without these lines. We love to all go. There are no lines. Nothing matters. There's no labels. There's no meaning to it all. And in fact, at a spiritual level, maybe you're right. Maybe in the quantum field, somehow you're right. I don't know. But I do know you end up reporting in all your psychological measures and all your performance measures as being either unfulfilled or an underperformer. So you just have to choose. Am I committing to unfulfill? Am I committing to a lack of fulfillment and meaning, or do I want a meaningful life? Am I choosing not to care about anything? Because one time I got hurt and they told me on the Internet, having expectations is bad. Because if I have expectations, well, that's where my happiness keeps getting eroded. Your happiness is ruined because of your expectations. And everyone who says that tends to be a novice in personal development, tends to be somebody who's speaking to a general audience and they're trying to win. The sixth graders versus anybody who's actually studied psychology, or more importantly, been in charge in a leadership role. With real humans, expectations really matter. And what we've learned societally is if we can increase expectations, increase the standards that you're after, we tend to increase the quality of your life. No standards, no expectations, no commitments, no care to be accountable to it. We end up in just total chaos and disregard.