Mashup: 3 Critical Rules to Manage Other People

You can't manage other people accidentally or in a reactionary place. It's really important. You've got to have a philosophy about managing other people, how to manage others. How do you manage others? Well, and I've always said this is so critical to figure out if you really want to scale your mission, your revenue, your company's goals. And yet this is really the hardest part, right? Because with others, it's not just managing others as if you're doing something to them. It's somehow you create this incredible alchemy of energy and culture that just moves swiftly and gets things done with excellence. But how do you create that all? And how do you create that when you gotta give difficult feedback? How do you create that when people aren't performing? How do you create that when you're struggling with the business results and you're struggling with a culture fit? We're gonna talk about all of that today. You can't manage other people accidentally or in a reactionary place. It's really important. You've got to have a philosophy about managing other people. And if you don't, they'll know it, they'll feel it, the culture won't build. And worse, when you have to correct performance, it sounds like people don't know what you're talking about. You know, it's like, wait, wait, you're just giving me this feedback out of nowhere. Where does this fit? I don't understand. We haven't talked. And where is this from? You've never talked about these values before. I didn't know I was being measured on that. Meaning you didn't have a philosophy and you didn't communicate.

Let's just go to that.

If you've ever struggled in management, you didn't have a philosophy and you didn't communicate it. That's it. I tell managers all the time, you just show up, you push towards goals, you make sure things get done, but you don't have philosophy of how you should be, how they should be, how the culture should be. You're not communicating that philosophy to others, so they don't even know your expectations. So how could they possibly measure up to it? And this happens. This is like the age old thing. If no one knows your expectations, no one knows your boundaries, no one knows what your real thoughts or feelings or needs are as a manager or a person in personal development in any way, how are they supposed to deliver? So a big part about it is getting this clarity about your management philosophy and starting to communicate it. We'll talk about that today. So if you're really struggling, let's start with that. Do you have a philosophy? Have you written it down?

Are you clear about it?

Have you communicated to others? Now, let's jump in to what I would start with every time. I'm the personal development guy. So, you know, I'm gonna say this. Before you try to manage others, you have to manage yourself. I know you knew it, I know you feel it. I know you know it to be true. It's so important. I'm going to start with number one rule. Manage yourself. But specifically, what do I mean by that? If we're going to manage others, we have to manage ourselves in such a way other people see us doing the work that if we want them to be organized, we got to be organized.

If we want them to deliver on.

Time, we have to deliver on time. We have to be the embodiment of, of the work effort and the, I should say more of the work ethos that we want to create. Right? We have to do it. And I always say there's three components to this. In at work, managing yourself means three things specifically. Right? I can go in lots of different directions and high performance habits and other conversations, but I think that people are watching you for three things. And you need to measure, measure yourself for these three things. And these three things. If you manage yourself and you do a good job on it, it sets the tone and the pace for the rest of the team in the organization. Okay, here's the three things to manage yourself. Number one, the most critical thing for you as a manager, you must learn to manage your attitude. Your attitude, your energy is being felt by other people. Whether, if you come in with an attitude that you're against other people. If your attitude is everyone's lazy. If your attitude is, we're never going to do this. If your attitude is, we don't have control. If your attitude is everybody's the bad guy. If your attitude is, I need all the attention, you're going to fail, period. To see a positive, engaged, like motivated, loving, kind, excited attitude. Whatever you want to describe it as. It's not my job to describe it for you. Your job is, what is your attitude at work? Could you capture that? What's your attitude at work?

Right.

It's that idea of having this positive.

Attitude so that when things don't go.

Well, you don't fall apart in front of everybody, that when things are frustrating, you're not angry and quick to react. A lot of people have a bad attitude at work, and I would say the Thing is, it's hard to define that for most people. They just know it when they see it. Who knows what I'm talking about? You just know it when you see it. You're like, oh my gosh, this person's got a terrible attitude. And sometimes that means they complain, sometimes that means they blame, sometimes that means they're defeatist. Sometimes that means they're always bringing up the negative points. Sometimes that means they're against other people. What does that mean for you? What does it mean when someone has a negative attitude at work? And then once you know that you don't do that, that's the key. It's like to me, someone who has a negative attitude at work, their arms are crossed, they're grumpy, they're always bringing up a critical point. They're often talking out of turn or out of nowhere because their attitude is, I need to be heard. I'm very important here. Their attitude is a lot about complain, blame, defeat. To me, those three things drive me crazy. Complain, blame, defeat. When I hear that I don't want to work with that person. Now that's for me. But I need to know that about me so you'll hear my team. I don't complain, I don't blame. I'm never defeated. Why? Because that's important to me. That's my management philosophy. You guys get it? Because I believe we have to first manage ourself and that begins with managing our attitude. So I have to know what I don't want to do so I can display what I do want to do and serve as the embodiment of the my management philosophy. I know you all know this, right? But I'm seeing a lot of really good ones here. I'm seeing like other things that you're talking about. You guys don't like people who gossip. I love that one. You know people who always discount the good and other people, they're unhelpful, they're self centered, they're unwilling to be a teammate. These are really good guys. Not being open to other people's thoughts. They're always on the fence. This is great. See when you capture this here, I want you to cap, like capture in.

Your notes as well.

Be like, okay, I need to remember this. A negative attitude at work looks like this. So I'm going to make sure as a manager that I don't do that. And when I see that, I speak up to it. Here's the truth. Most managers suck because they forget their managing to attitude. So they allow the gossipy person to keep gossiping. They allow the critical person to keep being overly critical. They allow the person who constantly complains and blames and is defeatist to do.

It over and over and over in.

Front of other people and starts allowing the poisoning of the culture. The manager has to see that and has to manage that attitude. And managing the attitude means dealing with it, right? If you don't deal with it, you're not managing it. So when you see a bad attitude at work, you got to have the conversation. You have to say things like, hey, Barbara, let's have a conversation. You know, I'm really working hard right now to create an awesome culture here. And I noticed the last couple times, you know, we were in the lunchroom, are we on the zoom? There was a lot of blaming, and we didn't have a lot of conversation around what was going well and what other people were doing well. And I want to make sure, as we develop our conversation patterns here at work, we're always acknowledging other people and pointing out what's good and being aware of those things and having that conversation, acknowledging people, appreciating people. And when we start talking about where things fall apart, we talk about it respectfully with each other. We don't blame other people. We ask questions. We lead with inquiry. Instead of pointing fingers, we open up and we ask questions. That philosophy and attitude of inquiry that's important here. We're not a blame culture. And what I've heard sounds like it. So do you sense that? Have you picked up on that? Do you recognize that as a pattern that is going right at it? Ladies and gentlemen, what you don't do. I hope she'll change. I hope she'll just figure it out. I hope somebody will say it to it. Management is bringing it up. It's the hardest part about management, going right at it, having the conversation. Because if you don't protect your attitude and the company's sense of that, which is the culture, then we're in a lot of trouble. So even though I'm telling you, number one step is to manage yourself, knowing your philosophy about what attitude you need to have and what attitude you don't want to have. Also be aware when that is happening and it is hurting the attitude of the team. So I said, manage yourself is three things. Number one, it's managing your attitude. Number two, it's alignment. It's alignment of your work efforts towards the organizational objectives. See, I want to know that most of your work efforts is going towards what we're trying to do here. As a company, that's what managers jobs really are about. It's about managing and aligning teams and projects to move towards objectives. We know that, right? So the question is, when you're managing yourself each day, are you getting yourself organized? Are you aligning most of your work towards clear objectives, towards things that will move your company forward? Because everybody can tell when you are disorganized. Everybody can tell when you're the manager. You're not organized. Your efforts are all over the place. You're not aligning to a few things. They go, this person's all over the place. And you're giving permission for distraction. You're giving the example of scatteredness, and you're setting the tone and the pace of how the company actually works together. So managing yourself makes sure every day you do the stuff we talk about in growth day, every single day. As a manager, you got to make sure you're very clear about your work efforts. You got to be very clear about what are we trying to achieve this week. You gotta be very clear about what you want. Specifically you in your work role. What are you doing this week? Like what specifically? Not show up and react to everybody. That's not management. Management has to begin with, what are we trying to do as an organization? What's our purpose? What's our mission? What are our objectives this quarter, this year, this week? What are we trying to do in our strategy? How do I align all the projects towards that? How do I align myself towards that? A lot of managers get stuck at one level of management because they stop aligning to where the organization is going. And now the managers above them never see them organizing their efforts to push towards the future. And so if you want people to respect you as a manager, they need to see you as a manager, aligned and pushing towards the future. That means every day, look at your goals or write them out. In growth day, just go to the plan section. Make your plan every day, make your plan every week. Know where you're going. When they see you effective, when they see you efficient, when they see you organized, when they see you swat teaming and getting it done in your own projects, they're like, dang, I gotta level up. It's the hardest thing because as a manager, you gotta manage your own individual efforts, but everybody else's too. And I know that's difficult, but too many managers focus on everybody else and they never get themselves organized, so they lose the respect of the team. Please hear that. I said there's three things you have to do to manage yourself. Number one, you got to manage your attitude. Number two, you have to manage your alignment with the company, make your efforts about where we're going as a company and let the team see that, that you're pushing the needle forward to where this company is going. And number three is a good old fashioned productivity tenant from the high performance habits which we learned from high performers around the world. Pqo, managing yourself means managing your own prolific quality output. We study high performers from all around the world and they gave us this language, I never heard of it before. Prolific quality output. It means you need to know what the key outputs are of your role. You need to do those things with great quality and often. So if a big part of your role is making reports, those reports better be excellent, they better be on time, they better be a higher quality than everybody else is making. That's part of the job. Most managers think their job is to raise everybody else's level of output and excellence and they forget that starts at home. Your level of output, of excellence, of making sure that the things that you are creating are moving the company forward, is so critical. It's so critical. And a lot of managers end up talking to a lot of people, but they never create anything new, never create any new policies, never create any new reports, never create anything new that would push the company towards where it's trying to go. And so instead they have a lot of one on ones, but they're just chatting instead. They check everyone's status, but they're not doing anything during the week to push everything forward to the goals, to the future, to next quarter. And I'm telling you, that just kills a manager. It kills a manager, it kills the respect of the team. They're like, okay, I guess we're going to have another useless meeting where we just talk about stuff, but nothing is like, what are we doing this week? What has to happen this week? What are we pushing forward this week? And I know it's hard, especially the more people you manage, because you have to spend so much time on the attitude and the alignment. It feels like, how can you get anything done? I struggle with the same thing in my own company, managing my own team. It's very, very hard to push everything forward while still delivering the things that I have to do. These broadcasts, the daily fire, the company's strategy, the deals, the legal, the finance, the hiring, all this stuff that falls on usually the CEO's table, that's a lot, but same thing at every level of the organization. Every manager has to deal with some elements of those things. And so I want you to really think about, wow, am I creating the things of this company that are moving it forward? Am I actually doing it? And I doing it with great quality and excellence. That's the thing, quality and excellence. If I can get you aligned with this, my friends, Game changer. Game changer. Today I get to share some ideas.

With you on health that I have.

Learned in my own personal journey, but also as a high performance coach for 16 years. One of the fundamental, most important things that we all want in our life is a sense of vitality. And that vitality is we want to feel mentally engaged, alert, focused, enthusiastic. We want to feel energetically, like, physically energized, physically. We want to feel a sense of that health. It is one of really the only four things that we all deeply desire. We talk a lot about it here. In growth day, you can give anybody anything. But what we all really, truly want is aliveness. That's what I mean by vibrancy. Connection with others and with ourselves, meaningful pursuits, things that we're doing that we enjoy or see as important or contributing and growth, like growing as persons. So all of that is really important. But that sense of aliveness, I always.

Put that at the top of that.

Little diagram because it is so important to us when we don't have a sense of aliveness. Even if we have amazing relationships, when we are fatigued and wiped out, we can have the greatest marriage or partner or spouse or intimate relationship, but the zest is not there. We can have a great job, we can have incredible opportunities to serve. We can love our passions and our hobbies, but if we are wiped out.

It doesn't feel as good.

I know you all know this, and that is why it is so important that we focus on our health. Now I want to do full disclaimers with you. I am not a doctor. I am not a psychiatrist. I am not a neuroscientist. I am not a health advisor, coach, or medical professional in any capacity. I am a high performance coach. This means I work with people primarily on their mindset and their habits and their relationship. And today, what I'd like to share is a couple ideas. And I'll remind you, as a high performance coach, one of my fundamental jobs is to challenge my clients to a higher level. So in doing that, I will, of course, share my own journey and my.

Own struggles, but I will mostly focus.

On what we've learned in the science. I will also share with you the idea that I'll be empathetic about It. But also I want to be that person who challenges you in this area of your life. For 15 years, every audience I have stood in front of in my life, I have said, if this has not been the year that you have made the decision as an adult to get in the best health of your life ever, make that this year. I have said this for 16 years in front of every audience I can get in front of because I believe most of us, we look back, I was healthier when I was a kid, or maybe I was healthier when I.

Was in my 20s or whatever.

And we just don't say, you know.

What this is going to be that year. But I know some of you have you said, maybe this is the year I am going to eat healthier, I am going to sleep better, I am going to work out more, I am going to pay attention to my nutrition or my supplementation. I am going to run a marathon.

What you all do as strivers and.

Achievers always blows my mind and it raises my aspiration. But I want to do the same thing for you today.

I want you to raise your aspiration.

And your vision in your health. Even if you are struggling right now, which you can hear, we all do, even if it has been a challenge in the past. Ok, but at some point we have to take dramatic personal responsibility for our health. If it is true that we all want a sense of aliveness, mental energy, physical vitality that pop and zest in our lives, and if that's true, then accept the challenge today. And please be aware I'm offering this today in that context, knowing as we can have the empathetic conversation, but we also must have the personal accountability and personal vision conversation in personal growth. And that's my job for you today.

My job is to raise that level up.

That is what I do as a high performance coach. Those are my disclaimers for you today. Because as I jump into my points, some of them will feel like I am pushing.

And I know sometimes people say, oh.

You know what, he doesn't understand or he thinks everybody. I am like, no, no, no, I understand, but it is still my job. It is my job as a high performance coach to lift that higher level, to be that kind but demanding force in our lives, in my life, in your lives. If I didn't demand more from myself than how I naturally felt all the time, trust me, there would be no growth day. There would be no half billion views of my videos or 100 million downloads of my podcasts. There would be no impact. We would have never met. Because it is very easy for me not to do my daily job or my health routines, just like you. It is an easy choice not to do the things we know that are good for us. How do we get us there? We have got to set a higher standard. We have got to demand it of ourselves. So forgive me, that will be my framing today. It is not always popular, especially in the health category, to say these things, especially in the mental health category to say these things. So please understand my framing. Not a doctor high performance coach going to challenge you. And you will know that with this very first point. So here we go. My first point today is health is luck and self respect. Woo. The first time I ever said that was by accident on stage. And I heard myself ooh. And the audience kind of hushed out a little bit. Oh, I'm in trouble. But here's what I mean by that.

Health.

We have to understand there is a evolutionary and a biological reason that you feel the way that you do. Right. It's very important to understand in both, I really believe, mental health and physical health. It is that kind of 50, 50 kind of thing when we blend it together, by the way. But there's no question that some people biologically feel more fatigued or more depressed or more anxious. We have to understand that you and me are not the same biologically in how our energy might be. And I hope that that always introduces empathy and compassion, that there is a big luck card that we get. I have friends, literally, who are born without limbs. I have friends who are born with conditions in which their brain functions in very unhealthy ways. I have friends who've died so early of cancer. I have friends who have struggled with mental health. I have friends who've committed suicide. I have friends and family who struggle constantly with. With all sorts of biological health issues that is not their fault. And it is important to realize that some of you, you feel terrible biologically, even though you're drinking all your water, you're eating all your greens, you do move and you do exercise. And so I'm here to say there is no preaching. We all have to take the cards we've been dealt and figure out how to care for ourselves, how to optimize the best that we can, how to improve, even if it's little bit incremental by incremental. But it starts with a biological understanding of where we are at. And this is why, again, as a person who's not a medical professional, I'm like, listen, if you don't Understand closely how you feel and why you feel the way that you do.

Please, please, please.

If you've never done it, go get a full workup of every friggin health test you can as an adult, as somebody who is accountable for your health. Go get the blood test, go see the nutritionist or the dieticians, go work out with the trainer, go literally do all the genetic testing that you can do to understand what's up with you.

I always tell the story of a.

Friend of mine who is one of my partners in one of my businesses, one of my best friends in the world, who discovered at the age of 40 that every morning he always had the sniffles and his nose was running and he's clearing his throat and everything. Found at the age of 40 that he was allergic to eggs at the age of 40, didn't know, spent 40 years having these reactions that made him fatigued and blowing his nose because he was allergic to eggs. I think that's a sad thing about our society is that we're not taught or trained or honestly empowered or equipped or served with some simple health support when we were young that says, hey, look, seems like you're allergic to this thing, don't eat it. How is that not part of our educational process or health care system? That of course we would all find out very early on and be tested multiple stages of our life, including every new decade. What are we allergic to? What preconditions might we have? What's our genetic makeup leading us towards? This is where I say health is luck. Health might be luck, but it is your job to be aware. Your job, no one else's, no one's going to come and save you here. You've got to do the testing and see the medical professionals and dietitians and people who can help you optimize and care for your body. I believe that has to be something we demand of ourselves. It's not served to us, at least not in the society I live in. So we have to take accountability for that. So health is luck. But here's the thing, it is also self respect and self love.

What do you do when the inevitable adversity enters your life? A difficult situation, some bad news, you lose the job, the medical report comes in bad, had something negative happen, something you didn't anticipate, that just kind of just craps on your life and all of a sudden you're like, oh my.

Gosh, what do I do?

You know, when that adversity strikes, you got to see it. Not just as you Know this terrible moment, but perhaps a called moment, a moment in which you are being asked to rise up. A moment when you are being asked to, being challenged, being brought to task, to be able to summon your real strength, to be able to summon more empathy, more love, more caring, more strength, more ambition, more go to it.

In this, I don't know what is.

For you, but when adversity strikes, I always keep a pretty positive head on my shoulders and go, okay, this is hard. I don't pretend it doesn't suck, but I have to be able to move through it if I'm going to survive. And I know you know that as well. So what I thought I'd do is just share five big ideas with you of how to manage adversity, what to.

Do when it strikes, how do you.

Deal with it better than maybe you have in the past? Because I know if you're watching this or you're listening to this, you know that. You know, you're a striver already. You got some basics, you've got some resilience. It's just, it's harder now because there's so many things going on for so many people. It's harder to bounce back. It really is. When everyone's juggling so many obligations, so many ambitions, so many opportunities, man, when you stumble now, sometimes it feels like a real crash and burn. So what do you do? Number one, have confidence, my friend. Have confidence. I know that might sound silly or like some self help motivational crap, but no, here's the deal. You got to have confidence that you're going to deal with this, that it's going to go okay, that you'll turn it around, or that you'll confidently deal with it in a way in which at least you're okay with it. Now let me qualify this. I don't mean confidence meaning like, well, negative situation. You're like, I've got this, I can handle this.

Ha, ha ha.

It's not like that.

What I mean by confidence is confidence. Real, genuine, authentic confidence to me simply means a belief in your ability to figure things out. That's all. When the stuff hits the fan, just go, okay, I didn't want that. But I'll figure it out. That's all I want you to say. I'll figure it out. I'll handle it. Things will be okay. This is difficult. I will survive. I know that sounds so basic, but if you don't frame everything else that comes after that, it's just too hard. It's just too hard. We will get Sucked in negativity. We'll get sucked into dread or into bitterness or into sadness. We just have to immediately go, oh, gosh, okay, I'm gonna have confidence. I know I can figure this out. Because you know what the reality is? You figured things out in the past that were equally as difficult or harder. Or if you haven't, if this is the biggest adversity you've ever faced in your life, guess what you're gonna need to survive, my friend? A belief in your ability to figure things out. That's confidence. That's first stage. That's number one. Number two, keep perspective.

And this is really important.

Your adversity. That seems so difficult. Two things to know. Number one, you're not the first person to be challenged with that adversity.

Out of 7 billion people and thousands.

Of collected years of recorded human history, none of us are going through anything that unique. I know that sounds mean to say, but, you know, I've always found that people who really believe that their adversity or difficulty is so different than everyone else that nobody can understand, they become bitter. You don't understand. Or they don't ever ask for help because they don't think anyone can understand them. So that they get mad at everybody else, or they push everybody else away or avoid the very thing that could serve them, which is seeking some assistance, as we'll talk about. So what I'd like you to do is keep perspective. No one is the first person to ever get cancer anymore. No one's the first person to lose a child anymore. No one's the first person to lose a limb anymore. No one's the first person to be in a car accident anymore. Other people have gone through it. So keep perspective. Realize that, you know, there's only two stories in humanity's narrative. That's struggle and progress. Lots of people struggled through what you've been through, but a lot of people have also progressed through it. So never feel alone. And realize too with keeping perspective. Remember the times in the past you did have some adversity. You called on some kind of strength. You summoned something. What made you, help you get through it before? What helped you, you know what. What helped you break through? What helped you deal with it? Can you remember those times? Think about that. What helped you before? What helped you before? Remember those times. It will help you keep perspective. You're not alone. You've been through some stuff before. Believe in your ability to figure this one out too. Next big number three. Schedule action. I love this one. Schedule action. What it Means is when adversity strikes, so many people just go, oh my gosh, that's horrible. And they sit and they wait and they wait and they wait. Or they lay in bed and they're depressed and depressed and depressed, and they keep hoping for something to change. But there's only two things that change your life. Either new, something new comes in, some new opportunity, new person, new luck, new grace. Something new comes externally in, or something new comes from within. Some new power, some new strength, some new ambition, some new beliefs, some new resolve, some new willingness to fight and make it happen. Those are only two things that change. Either something new comes in or something new comes within. And I tell you that because you can't just wait and hope that everything gets better. Because if it's real adversity, it's going to require action. And what I tell people is, don't kind of like sometimes act to deal with it, schedule it. What are you going to do every single day? Even if it's just three goals every day, to handle that, to deal with that, to cope with that, just three things. Sometimes those three things are simple as take a shower. You know, sometimes just getting out of bed, taking a shower to start the day is a win. You know, I remember when I had my brain injury, it was a huge struggle. Just basic stuff. I mean, sending an email sometimes was a win. Making a call, you know, making sure I ate lunch to keep glucose coming to my brain. Like simple things were wins.

But.

But I had to schedule things because left to my own devices, I wouldn't do anything. I'd be like on the seventh season of some show or something. You know, you gotta schedule action each day, especially when it's difficult. Next idea. I kind of preface this one, but it's important to tactically do this, ask for help. And I don't mean ask for help when you are at rock bottom or all this stuff is gone.

Now you're bankrupt, now you're broke, now.

Awful things are happening. Most people ask for help way late. Soon as adversity strikes, ask for help. The second, if it seems in any way overwhelming, ask for help. Say, you know, ask your spouse or your partner, hey, honey, here's what's going on. I don't know exactly how I'm going.

To deal with it.

You got any ideas? Or if it's a big thing, go to your business partner, go to your team, go go to somebody at work and say, hey, here's a situation. Let's brainstorm some ideas of how to deal with this. That's asking for help too. If it's very, very traumatic, ask for help from a professional, a professional person in the medical or therapeutic field, psychological fields. Just get some assistance in how to think through things. Sometimes that's the greatest help we can get is, you know, even just going out with some friends or some girlfriends, sit around the table and say, hey, this thing happened on Monday. I wonder, can I tell you guys about it? And just get your perspective and just listen. Sometimes other people talking, how they're dealing with it or how they've dealt with it can truly serve you. Remember, you're not alone. You've been through stuff before, so have other people. And believe in your ability to figure things out. Things will start to go okay, and then last piece. Maybe sometimes the adversity sticks around for a while. Honor the struggle. Honor the struggle. If you've been with me in my High Performance Academy program or any of my seminars before, you know, this is a critical element, a critical mindset to all of success in life is to honor the struggle. As I said at the very beginning of this video, sometimes the struggle is put there for you. Sometimes life is happening for us to get better. And it's a demand and it's challenging and that hardship can suck. But know, know that that struggle is necessary at this moment. Now you got to deal with it. You can't avoid it. You've got to face this thing and say, okay, what can I move? What can I shake? Except the fact that we can't change everything. We can't influence everything, but we can change and influence our attitude, our actions each day. We can figure out something to move forward in our lives and a little.

Bit more that we get of those.

Little things that we can move forward a little bit more. We feel confident again. The struggle is something to be honored because it's going to forge a greater capacity and character later on. So honor it. Don't hate it, because anything you throw hate at that quickly amplifies into flames of fury. Instead, have patience with it, see it, and recognize it as a necessary thing at this time of your life. That's why it's been put there. Even if you don't want it. Have that mentality of like, okay, I'm meant to deal with this now. I didn't want to, but here it is. So how do I keep my confidence? What can I remind myself about perspective? How can I take some actions today? How can I ask for some help and honor this entire process? If you do that, you'll survive this Adversity, you might just thrive through it, but no matter what, they'll put you on that other end where you start to relive in the charge line.

I know you got big goals. I know you got big dreams. I know that you probably got lists of goals sheets, you got journals of ideas that you have. The question is, why haven't you achieved them in the past? What's hold you back? What are those frustrations or those challenges, those discouragements that you didn't jump over to start that dream or move more quickly towards it even sooner? Yeah, I know. What a great way to bum me out. Brendan, when did the dancing bears show up, man? Can we start out with a positive thing instead of talking about why I haven't achieved my dreams? But we're going to go there. Personal developments, doing the hard work, how to start your dream. How about I encourage you to do this? How'd you post your dream right now? Do you know what it is? Would you share it in the chat? What's a big dream? Doesn't have to be the overarching life purpose, but what's a dream? You got, take care of your family, send the kids to college, help them start a business. You start a business, climb up that ladder, achieve more, get healthy, pay off some bills, get rid of the sickness, help your family out in a certain way, Find your. Your own path. Like, what are some of those I'm seeing? Make your business. I get it. Become a regular speaker, start your podcast. I just want to encourage you on this one to don't fool yourself that you're going to fumble your way into a dream. If you struggle with this, then what I'd love to do is when we say start a dream, what I'd love for you to do is add one more word on it, how to start a dream, and then fill in the next word, life. See, people, too often, they go, I want this thing. They externalize an external goal. I want a new car. And they think that the new car is the dream. Well, no, a new car might be nice to have. It might be very important and vital for your family even. But what's the dream? And I've always learned that in personal development, as soon as you can teach people, the faster and sooner you can teach people that the dream is a.

Holistic quality of life.

Now we can align. Now we can experience a higher quality of life, not just some goals. Not just some goals. A dream should involve a lifestyle, not just an objective achievement. Now, I know people go, if Brendan. Yeah. Preach at Me, man.

Yeah.

No, my. You don't understand. My dream is really important to me. And I, I, I do, I do. I work with people on their goals every day of my life for 16 years. I get it. But what I'm here to suggest to you is that when you can think of your life in terms of the way that you are living it, the.

What you feel, what you express, what.

Your relationships are like, when you start thinking bigger picture now, that dream becomes so much more exciting and compelling than just one thing that's specific. I'm all about the smart goals.

I totally get it.

Right. Specific and measurable, actionable, blah, blah, blah. No, no, no.

I want to share with you.

I want you to elevate your dream into a broader picture. And I know a lot of people say, no, no, don't do that, Brendan. You're just inspiring hope. I'm like, yes, I am. I'm happy to. And that's important that we have a bigger picture in mind, because we didn't just say, you know, let's identify some.

Tasks we'd like to do.

We said, we're going to start a dream. And starting a dream is about living a different quality of life, isn't it? And so if you've been with me through Transformation Week or any of my other trainings, or you've been in Growth Day for a while, you know, I always encourage people to make sure at least you've been specific in the different.

Categories of your life. If you need help with that, go.

To the monthly Whole life assessment. It's under the Life scores tab in Growth Day. And score the 10 different categories of your life and just get clear on what do you want in each of those areas. That would be enough clarity to jump into the game. If you haven't done that yet, I highly encourage it.

It will really help with the session.

Before you go to start a big dream. I encourage people, as a coach, I go, why don't you first start with scaling what you already love, what's already working.

Start there.

Like, I want to start a dream. What should I do? Start scaling what's already working for you, what you already enjoy. For example, you're trying to create a dream life, and you already have a good marriage. I'm like, oh, start there. Scale that marriage. What I mean by scale, I mean scale means often more time, energy, resources, attention into any given area, right? You want a dream life, but you already have a good marriage. Hey, make part of that dream to dramatically improve that marriage. Do that along the path Even if the goal is, Brendan, I just want to buy a new minivan, man. I'm like, great. Improve your marriage, too. Who follows me? You got it? This is a different way of thinking. So often I'm here to say this, and it's really hard, but I am a person of gratitude. Any people of gratitude out there, high levels of appreciation for life, for your creator, for the maybe the opportunities you have for the world, the universe.

I'm a deep, deep, deep, grateful gratitude person.

I just. I am one of those people who really believes that we already are, if we are breathing, living a bit of a dream life. I know that can sound, you know, Pollyannish when there's not enough money in the bank or someone is unhealthy, including yourself, or opportunities don't seem as good.

As they used to be.

And I can share with you, I've been in so many of those situations, and I've spent all these years coaching people in the most dire of human situations. And from war zones, to losing children, to getting the diagnosis, to being with people as they die, I've seen the most difficult of it. And a lot of people have this belief that there's this dream and it's way out there and they never get to enjoy the life they have now. The dream is so far out, so distant, there's a separateness in their mind of that future dream, reality, or quality of life and what they have now. And that's why I always say it's like, no. Step into now and recognize the parts of the dream you already have and make those even more better. Give those even more time. Some of you have a good business and you want to have. You want the business completely changed before you can enjoy it. I'm like, you got to find the things you enjoy now. Scale your time, energy, efforts there. Some of you already earn good money. Like, scale your time, energy, efforts, competencies, skill sets there. Like, there's a lot of good in your life. And to make a dream life, make the good better. Let me say it again. There's a lot of good in your life to make a dream life. Start making the good better. You're healthy. Optimize that health a little bit. You've got a good relationship with your teenager. God bless. Just optimize that relationship a little bit. You know, you're passionate about your work. Okay? Optimize the time you spend on the parts of work that you like. Is this resonating with you all? I know, it's a very counterintuitive way to Think, because I know a lot of teachers are going to, they're going to put you way into the future. Let's set our 10 year goals. And by the way, I think that's great. Give me a 20 year plan on a napkin. I love that.

I'm all for it.

But I'm going to start this conversation about starting your dream with scaling the aspects of your dream of your life that are already a dream. There's happiness here for you, not 10 years. There's happiness, there's joy, there's satisfaction, there's passion, there's love, there's interest today, this week, this month. And I think that people lose a lot of motivation and drive throughout their lives because they can't recognize the dream near term. And if you don't recognize the dream near term, you get discouraged about the.

Long term realities it takes to manifest it.

And so if you're in a place, you're like, man, I, Brendan, you're right. You know, maybe I'm not living my dream life. Well, maybe along the way you got discouraged because it seems so far away that you stopped trying. You know, a lot of our actual behavior each day, we know from psychology is driven by immediacy. You know, what's urgent, what's needed, what's important right now. And so, you know, in the moment, that makes us very reactive human beings. And if you've been in a reactive state of mind, dealing with situations all over the place, and you haven't immersed yourself in what's good now on a consistent basis over the last couple months, I bet you're discouraged today. Can anyone acknowledge that might that be true? That you're working so hard to react and deal with your obligations and your responsibilities that you're simultaneously missing and not feeling the current dream? I know a lot of successful people, they're actually living a dream right now that is beyond any goal they ever set in their life. Anyone on that one? Are you amazed by your life? I'm amazed by my life. And not because I'm on the Internet with you. I never knew. And if you think it's fancy stuff, I'm not going to talk about, you know, the big things I've done. I never thought I'd have love in my life. That's a big win. Anyone with me, like, that's part of the dream.

I have love.

Amazing. I never thought that could happen. Simple little things. I can go shop at Whole Foods and actually afford it. I'm like, wow, I never thought I could go to a fancy place to have food.

Never.

Never. I never thought I would get to talk with you guys like this. It's those little things way beyond my dream. I never thought I'd be loved. I never thought I'd have any money. I never thought I'd make a difference. And so it's not the scale of those things. I'm with you right now. Those little things were like, wow, why is this important? Now I'm going to go a little spiritual on you. And I don't know if everyone will resonate. So I apologize in advance for those of you who think this is crazy. I believe the universe only opens up the gate to the next level of dream for those it sees enjoying this level. If you don't demonstrate and show appreciation and intention at this level. In my personal opinion, I'm a person of faith. So I go, why would God open the next level for me if he sees I'm not even appreciating this one? This is why I believe that a gratitude practice is not just something that psychologists have proven decade after decade, thousands of studies after thousands studies, that journaling is one of the most important things that you can do in all of your personal development, including your happiness levels. So you got a journal. Please use Growth Day for your journal. But I also want to share with you. I think it's not just psychological. I think it's spiritual. And I know you've seen those people. It seems like, gosh, they just. They have such a good attitude. And it seems like opportunities keep coming to them. They're living their dream life. It's like, yeah, they're at the right frequency, right? Not to be too esoteric, but even Oprah teaches that, that your level of energy that you're putting out in the world and the level of energy of appreciation that you have does dictate your results in real life. So why is this important? To start your dream, scale your attention and appreciation and actions to what's already working to what's already beautiful. Put your focus on the beautiful things or the things that are already giving you progress. Elevate them is another way to say this. Elevate what's already working. Elevate what's already beautiful.

Elevate where there's already love. Elevate where there's already progress.

And you'll be stunned. Your dream goes from way out there. It's like it starts getting closer because that area of your life expands and it expands. Your energy expands in your heart. I literally believe I could stop the training right here. And we just change your life.