Motivation Mashup: How to Develop a Mindset of Wealth, Joy, and Success

Hey everybody, it's Brendan Burchard, founder of Growth Day. And I'm so pumped to do this session with you on the wealth mindset. What are some ways of thinking about the abundance in your life, your finances, your future success? What are some habits we know increase your wealth over a period of time? And how might you maybe change up how you're approaching this area of your life? But first, the requisite caveats and disclaimers. This is not a financial advice session. I am not a financial advisor. You should know that. The first 30 years of my life I was broke. I grew up in a household where all six of us shared the same tub and shower. Is like, we didn't have much growing up. I grew up in a town that was economically depressed for over a century and old Irish mining town. I, you know, experienced watching my parents fight for every dollar and have to make everything last. I saw my parents struggle financially my entire life. And when I left for college, I, I was that kid who paid for college with a bunch of loans and three full time jobs in college. And I was that guy who got the first job out of college. And it was like to me so much, I mean it was like, wow. I was like, to me, I had made it. And what's interesting is a lot of people don't know when they've made it. So they're all just scratching and going and climbing and they don't know when to feel good about their finances. And sometimes they get kind of trapped in this chase for money and ever increasing money without realizing. Sometimes life is just good and you can really enjoy life at the level you are at as well. That's hard to imagine. But sometimes we have to say, okay, am I conflating wealth and money with happiness? Because remember I told you those first 30 years of my life I was broke. I was also beyond happy. Isn't that weird? How many people have ever been happy and lacking in finances? Well, well, I would say a good 90% of people at any given time all around the world. So the, the blessings that we have to be in something like Growth Day to be able to afford this or access this. Guys, I'm just here to share you. It's a real blessing to have you here and it's a blessing that we get to even have this conversation openly. And I'm going to say today, ambitiously, it's okay if you want more than you had when you grew up, it's okay if you want more in your career. It's okay if you want A bigger bank account doesn't make you a greedy son of a. You know, we have all these hooks about money and we get all upset about them. So I'm here to tell you today we're going to address this conversation about wealth, about abundance, about success. And we're going to approach it optimistically, we're going to approach it transparently, we're going to approach it from a perspective of saying it's okay to want more. Because when you have more, you have more security, you have more freedom, you have the ability to be more generous with your family and your community. Let's not demonize anything about wealth or money or bring in your thoughts about politics or other things. No, let's focus on your mindset today, not your politics. Let's focus on your mindset, how you've approached this area of your life. Because what I can share with you is most people feel so much lack in this area and in some ways, of course that's true. Like we've all been down and out and not had money. And we can also say, could I be happy regardless? It's an interesting thing. The little things in life about experiencing life in more richness will be the way I actually end today's conversation. So know that's coming for some of you. Like, oh my gosh, he's just going to get in the soft stuff about enjoying life. Ugh, just tell me how to make some money in crypto, Brendan. I'm like, that's not what this session is. Again, I'm not going to give, I'm not going to go tell you to do a bunch of investments and specific, you know, financial strategies. We've had that in Growth Day Pro Members. You were able to access David Bach, the world's number one personal finance coach for an entire year. His training is in Growth Day. So there's some great strategies there that I think will serve you. My job today is think about, look at your mindset and your habits that are preventing you from actually implementing the strategies that are preventing you from doing some of the basics maybe, you know, you should do. And also probably stealing your joy because a lot of the way that people think about wealth is actually robbing them of abundance. Let me say that again, a lot of the way that people think about wealth is actually robbing them from abundance. They're on this forever lack or need or greed or this money chasing thing and they forget to enjoy life. And I, I can tell you that I've experienced that at different parts of my life. Just like Many of you have. But, you know, I think living richly can be so simple, honestly. And I'll share my philosophies along the way. But I had a very rich experience this morning. I was in the shower. My wife had got some new. What was it? I had looked on. What was this thing? I had to take a. No, I don't know what it is, but. Oh, lavender eucalyptus body wash. I was rich. I was like, this is amazing. I stayed in the shower extra long. I enjoyed it. It felt so good. I was like, I made it. It didn't matter what the shower was like, didn't matter where it was. It was probably like a $10 tub of body wash. And I was like, this is amazing. So sometimes you have to find what experiencing the good life means to you. This session and all of our sessions this month will be about that. What does living the good life mean to you? And so I'm going to start today not teaching you my stuff, but encouraging you to do something very specific. I need you to define wealth for yourself for the next three decades. I love this activity. If you're in growth day, bust open your journal or start taking some notes along with this session or maybe share it in the chat. What does wealth mean to you? This decade of your life? The next decade of your life, if you're blessed with it, the next decade of your life, if you're blessed with that, too. Because this teaches you perspective. This helps you realize that what wealth means to you probably right now is unclear. Right. A lot of people really struggle with this. And I say, but you have a job. They go, yeah. I go, and you've been earning money. Yeah. You've been earning money a long time. Yeah. And you still don't know what wealth means to you. So a lot of personal development is about clarity, developing our own clarity about life's most important topics. Right. You got to develop clarity about what's important to you. You have to develop clarity about how to be in a relationship. You have to develop clarity about your career. You have to develop clarity about what brings you passion and joy and fulfillment and connection. Like, clarity is the beginning. Well, in most people, they've never done this in the wealth category. So I want you to define wealth for yourself for the next three decades. So literally right now, on a note card, piece of paper in your journal, and growth day in a note section, I want you to write out your age and a decade after that. And in that category, okay. What does wealth mean? Because sometimes at that moment in your life, it's like, oh, wealth this decade means buying my house, travel a little bit more, taking care of my parents. Okay? Sometimes it means pay the bills, have groceries, keep the lights on, been there. Sometimes it means, oh, you know what? I would like to buy a second house, a vacation home. I would like to buy a home for my parents. I like to take care of them in retirement. Sometimes it means I want to travel the world. Sometimes it means I just want to experience things a little better. I want to move into a new community or I want to start a business or I want to invest in this thing. It means different things for people. What does it mean for you? Right. What does it mean for you? What does wealth mean for you? The next three decades of your life? Now, I always tell people, avoid the trap of just picking some number because most people, I want to be a millionaire. I'm like, it's great. That means nothing. That means nothing. It, it's something on a piece of paper. What are you going to do with that? How are you going to live? That's where wealth is. Wealth is in our living experience, not in our bank account. Wealth is our, in our living experience, not in our bank account. I want you to have total abundance, massive amounts in your bank account. That would be wonderful. And I know a lot of people who have that and they are miserable because they haven't done what we talk about here on growth day. They haven't found what brings them alive. They haven't found deep connection with the relationships around them. They haven't, you know, defined meaningful pursuits for themselves. They're not growing and so they have the financial abundance, but they're not living a richness of life. Does this make sense to anybody? Hope this is helpful. But that activity alone, defining wealth, what it means for you, this decade, the next day and the next decade. Let me bring how I brought, how I thought about this. To me, a huge component of wealth for me personally is freedom. And when I talk about freedom, I talk about it in three specific ways. Right. If you've read my book, the Motivation Manifesto, you kind of already know my philosophy. I think the primary two drivers of freedom for people that they want is first and foremost, the freedom to be ourselves fully without all the self doubt, negative criticism, bad thinking that makes us feel terrible or upset or shamed and without the social pressure to conform and to be like other people. This is a fancy way of saying be yourself. To me, freedom and being myself, that's wealth. That's, that's a problem. You could give me all the money in the world. But if I have to be somebody else, something that's inauthentic to myself, that is failure to me. So to me, wealth has a lot to do with living richly. What does living richly mean? It means being myself fully, fully expressed, spontaneous, fun. The dorky Brandon you all know and hate, you know, that's it. This is that time of year. People are thinking about their relationships. And one of the most common questions we get asked is, Brendon, how do we say set more boundaries in our relationships? You know, someone takes advantage of our time, our energy, our effort, our money, whatever it is, and we get upset about that. So how can we prevent that? Now, I'm going to speak today specifically about setting healthy boundaries in healthy relationships, right? So your lover, your partner, your spouse, that person you're kissing on, how do you set some good relationship boundaries there? Okay, let's get into it. Four big ideas. Number one, most important, say it early. Don't wait to say it. What I mean by that is if you know what your boundaries are, don't let them crash into it and mess up before you say it. And what happens for most people because they don't know their boundaries, they just flip off at somebody, right? Someone does something, they get all mad at them like, what's wrong with you? And they don't realize the other person's clueless. No one will ever know your boundaries until you explicitly say, hey, this is a boundary for me. Let me say it again. No one will ever know it. Here's what happens especially, especially when people are new or young in a relationship, they try to set little hints. You know, someone does their man does something that, oh, honey, I wish you wouldn't do that. And they're like, that's all they say? That is not enough. Okay. Men, by the way, are thick in the head. They need explicit, direct communication. If you set little hints or little traps, they're not going to figure it out ever. Not five years in the marriage, not 10 years. Boundaries need explicit communication. You need to say, hey, you know what? This is a real boundary for me. I'm not able to do that. I don't like that. This thing is really important to me. If you don't explicitly say it, they will never understand it or try to respect it. So if you had someone who's disrespecting you or not understanding you, is it because you haven't been explicit with them yet? At least start there. Trust me, start there. So maybe sit down and go, okay, Think about the person you're in love with right now and say, okay, what are my real boundaries? What don't I want to talk about? What don't I like that they do? What do I not want to compromise again on where do I not want to feel like I'm too vulnerable? Or where do I want to open up? Like, you need to know your boundaries. And if you don't, don't ever expect them to. And never get mad at them when they bounce into it. The most important thing, this is number two, never get upset when someone bounces into your boundary. Ever. When someone bounces into it, either A, they don't know it, or B, they're just kind of going through the motions in their own life. Look, they're not thinking about your boundaries. This is really important. No one is thinking about your boundaries. And so when they bounce into it, don't get mad. A useless emotion to get angry when somebody does that. Because remember, like, would you get mad at oblivious child? Well, most adults are obliviously going through their day automatically. And when you're all going through life automatically without full adult vibrancy and presence, you're going to do some dumb stuff. So don't get mad just once. It happens again. Turn back to explicit, hey, I'd really like this. Could you pay attention to that? I would also say one reason you should never get mad is, do you know theirs? What are their boundaries? Do you know their boundaries that make them too vulnerable? Like, if you go there, do you know their boundaries of what makes them upset? Have you asked the questions to try and figure out what they want, what they desire, what they need? Or are you just thinking about your own space? Now? I know I'm not trying to judge you because I don't know your story. Talking about this happens for a lot of people. They make the mistake of wanting so much for people to respect them without understanding others or giving others respect. Because it's very easy to get selfish in relationships, especially if you've been hurt. I understand that. But sometimes when we've been hurt, we want to set up a boundary to make everybody follow in line, fall in line with us without understanding them. And that's trouble. That's why I want to lead to this next point, which is really important. Set boundaries that help your relationship, not just you. I mean, you have to think of the boundary is no longer you and the boundary is no longer them. The boundary is the two of you together. So it's a different boundary. You need to open up your boundaries to the relationship. That means you need to change your personal preferences and pet peeves and everything else and. And open it to realize they got theirs too. Your boundaries as a couple should always be expanding between the two of you. Your trust should expand between the two of you. Your love should expand between the two of you. Your faith in each other and confidence in each other, that should expand between the two of you. Meaning boundaries are never set in a relationship. You should be pushing them, pushing them. Be more vulnerable on your fifth date than you were on your first date, than you were on your first year versus your sixth year. Like, continue to grow and open up that boundary. It's so important. But realize if all the boundaries you have are to protect yourself, you're not setting boundaries for the relationship. You're just being a single person in a silo in a relationship. Real relationships have boundaries for themselves. What do I mean by that? You. You protect your time with your spouse, your lover, your partner. As much as you try to protect your time against them or against others, you protect the respect that the two of you have. When people try to poke holes at your lover and they criticize them, you don't allow that. You don't speak ill of the person that you're in love with. You know, if you're in love with them, that relationship is healthy. Look, if they're abusive or they're doing something bad, tell lots of people and get the heck out of that reason. Get out of that situation. But if you are in love and this is a good relationship, listen, listen. It's important that you respect the relationship boundaries, that you don't speak ill or bad of the other person, that you don't take potshots at them. That you respect the two of you together. As important as your preferences, as important as their preferences, as important as your career, as important as their career. That the relationship itself deserves protection and your boundary around it to love on it and to protect it. Your job is to protect the relationship more than protecting your ego. Does that make sense? So expand your own definition of boundaries and that will lead you in this last piece, which you actually really like, which is how can you now let go of all these boundaries you've set up? Like, there's a freedom in relationship after a period of time where the boundaries have been knocked down more, where you're allowing people in more. I tell people all the time, I say, you really want to set boundaries in life, be more loving. It'll push the boundaries away, right? You want to set more boundaries in life, be more loving, because the Bigger those boundaries get, the more they become useless. Like, why are you trying to protect yourself so much? Think about that. After a period of time in a relationship, why try to protect yourself so much? Open up again. Open up those boundaries now again. If you're in a relationship where there's abuse, mental, physical, emotional abuse, then your job needs to be exit, period. Your job isn't change the other person your job, exit. Set the boundary exit. That's the answer, period. If you're an abusive relationship, go right, go get served. There's plenty of services in your local communities. Get support, ask for your friends, but get out of that relationship because the abuse will not. They're not going to suddenly remember not to be abusive. That's where they're at and you can't change it. So set that boundary clear and clean. But if you're in a positive relationship, love more in that relationship. Be more vulnerable. Let that thing come open. Now, obviously you can tell I'm just answering your questions here and I'm going off the top of my head, but I hope it serves you because the reality is most people, they're trying to protect themselves too much in life because they got hurt. But I had to learn that lesson too. I had a terrible breakup when I was a young man that caused me and led me into depression and ultimately suicidal thoughts. And I did what we all do. I didn't want to get hurt anymore. So I built up boundaries, I put up walls, I put on a mask, whatever metaphor you want to use. I was trying to keep out the bad people, but at that cost of letting in good people. So I always say, sometimes in our own boundaries, in our own efforts to protect ourselves, we block out the very things that we so desperately desire. So it's. It might actually turn out in your life. You didn't need more boundaries. You need to let a few of them go. Be vulnerable. Be open. Be open to the universe. Be open to your spouse, your lover, your partner again. And you'll feel a different kind of energy. Enter that relationship that you will sense is a big part of the charge life. How do you deal with negative people? Now wait a second. Don't jump anywhere because maybe you think you know the answer to this, but I have a different take on it. Because you know what? Today it's very popular for people to tell you, well, just get rid of negative people. Never be around them. Just be around positive people all the time. But what happens when the negative person is your spouse or your brother or your sister or that guy at Work you have to sit next to every day. Dude, what do you do when real life is here and we're not in some la la land of personal development where everybody's positive and perfect? Because you and I both know there are people out there who are very critical, who will be harsh with you, who will try to find every little thing they can to comment about you, or they're always complaining about the weather or the news and this, their energy makes you want to just like repel. That's real. And sometimes you can't get rid of those people. And sometimes, in my personal opinion, I don't know, somehow the advice of the just get rid of everything in life that you don't like seems a little weak willed, if you know what I mean. You know, it's just like, gosh, yes, it's wonderful that we have this new modern age of ease and convenience and there are lots of options for us, but you know, we also have to develop our character. So let me tell you my thoughts about number one thing you should do when you got to deal with negative people. Use it. Use their energy. Use that energy they put out there. Use that challenge for your own character development. Really. See, when I have someone's negative around me, I don't sit there and I don't become a victim. Oh gosh, there's such negative. I don't go home and assume their energy and now I'm negative. Instead I go, you know what? This is a moment to test am I really in command of my emotions and how I think, or are they? Am I giving my power over to the world so that they can just take my energy and turn it to what they want? Or am I in charge so I use it as a challenge, not as something I don't have to challenge or change them immediately. I'll get to that point, but I get to the point where I say, you know what? Huh? Here's a little challenge the world's throwing at me right now. Can I stay on my game? Can I stay centered? Can I stay peaceful? Can I stay calm? Can I stay present right here, right now and not have to run away from it, not have to pretend it's not there, but use it. And I encourage you to do that. Because if it's just something that you immediately complain about, well then in your complaint, you just let them win. Their negativity has turned you into noticing what is negative and you lost. You're not winning. Even if you can critically, you know, throw a barb at it, make fun of it you're still losing. You're being sucked into their pools of pessimism. You're drowning. So I say use it. Recognize it and use it second. I say this. Empathize. You know, a lot of people who are being in a negative mood or negative energy, you don't know why. You know, you've had a bad day, too. You've been rude. Yes, I know. You're amazing. And you watch this show and you're really into personal development. But at the end of the day, you've been rude to people, too. You've had a bad day, you snapped. You've been impatient, you've hollered. You've been a jerk when you shouldn't have been. You know it. Well, other people do, too. So when somebody is negative, always wonder. I wonder what happened today that led to that. You know, maybe the kids got out of the wrong side of bed and they were just horrible that morning. And that person didn't sleep last night. Maybe something happened with their family. Maybe on the way to the work, they just thought of something very depressing in their past. Maybe the truth is, right now they're so unclear about who they are and what they want in life that they're taking out on other people. Maybe their own failures, their own struggles, their own disappointments have ravaged them and led them to, you know, depression, led them to mental disorder. The reality is, we never know someone's story. And once you can teach yourself that, I really believe you become a better human. You become more compassionate. You're better at listening. You're better able to understand because you have the intention to sympathize and say, oh, that person's really in a bad place right now. You don't take ownership of that. Say, well, I didn't cause it. You just say simply, ah, they're in a bad place. I hope they're okay. You know, I think it's a real, true personal power to be able to walk by negative people and still say, I wish you nothing but joy and health and strength and love in your life. To have that hope for people even when they're in a bad place. That's humanity. I would say, number three, go for it, shift it. It's one of my favorite games I play in my entire life. When there's a group of people around me and they're in a negative energy, I love to try and shift it. Not by telling them they're in a bad energy, but by trying to introduce humor, trying to introduce something, you know, pointing out something that I'm grateful for that. I appreciate making fun of the situation, teasing, making fun of myself, whatever I need to do. I take it as a challenge to, how can I say something stupid that makes them kind of shift their energy? I call it leveling up. So it's like when you're around a group of people and their energy is down here, can you level it up? Not by accosting them and saying, your energy sucks, I hate you, but instead by introducing the positive into that negative situation. Because you'll find that if you'll do those first couple steps, you know, you really focus on using that situation to test yourself and that you're still empathetic. Then when you come in and you try to shift it, it's just like, wow, you'll really develop people skills. You'll really develop the ability to lead. You'll really develop the ability to start movements to make a difference. Because not nothing shifts the world more than you shifting your energy to complement or to serve the world. So give it a try. Try to shift that energy. And last piece, which I think is really, really important, is do not fear making the request saying to somebody straightforward, you know, especially if they're negative all the time around you, don't blame them, don't be mean to them, don't belittle them, don't hit them with negative energy. Instead, make a request, say this, say, you know what? I've just been having a hard time lately with my energy. And I know sometimes, you know, you're in that place too, and you know, there's a lot going on that's negative and everything, but can I ask you a favor? Could you just play a game with me and just try to be like, you know, attentive to your energy and be positive with me just for me. I know you're good and you got your own stuff, wondering, could you help kind of of just increase the energy around here for a little while? I've noticed the team needs it. I've noticed the kids need it. I've noticed that I'm having a tough time and I know you can help me out. And, you know, I just feel like the energy around here is too negative sometimes. I contribute to that. And I know you have your tough times, but I wonder if together we could just say, you know what, let's be a little bit more positive. Can we try and just enroll them? Don't blame them, don't minimize them. Enroll them, Try these ideas. I know it's difficult when somebody who's in your family or somebody who you work with every day or somebody who you care about isn't as positive as you, but you don't have to throw them out like yesterday's garbage. There's always going to be negative people. So the question isn't, can you get rid of all of them? There's 7 billion people on the planet that'd be getting rid of a lot of people. Instead, learn to use it as something that develops your strengths as a human and allows you to serve people and for you to inject more positive energy into the world. Do that more often. You'll experience what we call the charge. Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard. Thanks for joining me this morning for a very important topic as we discuss some difficult, difficult topics of life. Those topics of loss, of grief, of dealing with tragedy, difficulty, struggle, loneliness, of how do we carry on when bad things happen? How do we find strength and grace and peace in some of the most difficult situations and moments of our lives? That's a big topic today. I encourage you today to enter and frame this conversation in your own mind, to develop your own mindset and attitude towards these conversations before we even have them. Because that is one secret, in fact, to dealing with difficulties of life. To set our minds in advance, to set our intentions in advance, to think through and contemplate. How will I cope with that? How will I face that? How will I endure that? That ultimately is one of the great strengths of consciousness, of presence, of intention, of anticipation that allows us to deal with some of the worst issues of life. So let's enter this as a community positive, to have a beautiful conversation. Let's do it from a perspective of knowing that we are going to deal with some unpleasant emotions that might come up. And let's face that willingly with trust and faith and gratitude, because I will share one thing that is beautiful about loss and grief, and that is you only experience those things and feel those things. If you had something and you were connected to something that you enjoyed, something that you felt was important, something that was beautiful, something that was meaningful to you, and so you had a sense of meaningful connection and something maybe shifted or changed, but that was a beautiful gift. I do want to set the stage a little bit more, too, because I probably have a different perspective about this conversation. Many of you have heard about, you know, and I know I got a lot of questions in advance. Are you going to talk about the five stages of grief? And no, I'm not. If you've studied Elizabeth Kubler Ross or the Work or the ideals behind the five stages of grief, if you haven't heard of that work before, the idea that there's these five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I'm more of the mind of which, of Elizabeth, who, who came up with that idea and wrote about that so compellingly towards the end of her life, she mentioned that she wished that it had never been framed as stages, because as she wrote about and spoke about towards the end of her life, as a theorist and a person who had given hospice care, she thought, you know, I wish everyone didn't think there were these stages you're supposed to go through. You know, some of you, you feel like you're supposed to feel great by now. You feel like, well, I should have moved through these stages, I should be okay by now. And some of the greatest moments of grace that you ever allow yourself in life is the grace of time, the grace of allowing, like every single person here, if you look at what we're doing here, these zoom tiles, every person here will cope with grief differently, right? Everything I'm going to share with you today is just by nature going to be a generic nature. Everyone will cope differently. And if you're still struggling through and you think, geez, I should be in the stage of acceptance by now, you know, I want to let you know, the person who literally came up with the idea of the five stages of grief wished it wasn't called stages because she thought everyone deals with it differently. It's not sequential. These things become circular in time. And not everybody feels all of these emotions either. Right? The people who I've lost in my life, I've never yet had the sense of anger toward. I didn't have a sense of anger that that thing happened. I didn't have anger towards my father dying. And I know that might sound completely crazy to people, but that wasn't an emotion that I experienced with death, partially because the way that I've faced mortality throughout my life, not everyone goes through all these stages. So I, I want to set that frame off the bat. Everybody copes differently. There's no right or wrong way to experience loss. There is, however, a healthy way to re engage life. We know from 50 years of psychological study, and you all know inherently and innately that there's ways that we cope that are healthy and there's ways that don't make us feel good. There's things that we do that can lead to less ability to continue on with life in a happy way. One of the most important and powerful frames I can give you for loss and grief above all else and above everything else is conscious anticipation. Conscious anticipation. Consciousness or awareness in life is so important if we're going to cope well. And what we usually mean when we speak about that, especially with loss and grief, is having the ability to anticipate that it will happen. Ok, that it will happen. That if you haven't faced your own mortality and your own death yet, I deeply invite you to do that at some point. Face your mortality, your own personal mortality. Most people have never had a conversation about death in their own mind with themselves, let alone contemplating that maybe they would lose a parent one day, or a sibling one day, or a job one day. In other words, in a spiritual practice, we would talk about this as a concept of awareness to impermanence. You've heard that phrase before, awareness to impermanence, that nothing is permanent. That in a lot of spiritual principles you might think of, well, what is permanent maybe is if it's God or if it's universe or it's the dao or the way that there might be something spirit that is permanent. But in the human experience, in our natural world, things are impermanent. Can you face that? Can you face that? Can you anticipate that? Let me switch metaphors for you real quickly. As many of you know, I do this for a living. I talk to groups of people all the time. I'm out on social media all the time. And I talk with so many influencers, so many people who want to be leaders and who are building up their brands and their careers and they're shocked, shocked when someone judges them on the Internet. They're amazed when someone posts a negative just mean comment. They can't believe it. Can you believe this person post this mean thing? On my video, I spent months on, on my life's work, I posted a message that's beautiful about my family and this person attacked me. Can you believe it? I'm like, yes. Why are you surprised? It's called the Internet. Anyone ever been surprised you got a mean attack on the Internet? Well, I tell my peers all the time, I'm like, please don't be surprised that some. That is something that I guarantee that will happen if you are commuting, if you are driving to work or you are driving somewhere and you are cut off by somebody in traffic and you go into a rage about it. I'm like, you were surprised. And I know these are simple and simplistic and almost silly metaphors here, but I just want to switch your mind into that anticipatory power that we all have, that when we actually anticipate, oh, this is going to happen, we are way more capable of being centered than when we don't anticipate it. I'm not saying there will not be shock. I am not saying there won't be heartache. I am not saying there won't be incredible like fear or denial or regret or sadness. But what I'm suggesting to you now is find peace with the inevitable. If we can find peace with the inevitable in advance, we are more able to cope. Switching metaphors again. I have so many. We have a lot of people in this group here who served in the military before. And as you know, I've been blessed to coach some of the highest level groups in the military across all branches. And the way that they deal with what is about to come, when it is just like one of the most difficult missions or projects or tours of their lifetime, is they rehearse it over and over and over and over again in their mind and in practice and in the field, they get comfortable with what is going to be an uncomfortable, unpleasant, potentially terrorizing situation. I don't pretend that's easy. And that's one reason I love the military. Their willingness to do what is incredibly difficult to protect the freedoms that we all enjoy. But I will share. There's some kind of power in that. And I had that when I was a 19 year old kid and I had my car accident. It forced me to face death. Any fans here of philosophy? Anyone ever read philosophy? Boy, if you've never really gotten to the study of philosophy, I hope you will and you'll know. Chapter one in all of philosophy, almost across all philosophers in the history of the world. Chapter one, if we could generalize, says, you're gonna die. Now let's talk about life. That's like the fundamental of philosophy. So I read so much I got comfortable with the fact that I was going to lose people and there was going to be loss in life anticipation. Now, I know this does not sound really like motivating, but that is not the point here. The point is to say, can we anticipate it? When I received the call from my dad letting me know that he had been just diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Out of nowhere he woke up, was lacking some balance as he walked down the hallway. It was Mother's Day of 2009. So he woke up on Mother's Day, didn't feel good. Mom said, what's wrong with you? He said, I don't feel good. He's kind of unbalanced. The weeks before, he's playing golf and racquetball and bowling. He's healthy. All of a sudden, something's wrong, doesn't get better. They go to the hospital. Within a few hours, he's sitting with two doctors who are looking at his blood work. And then do some more tests, and they let him know he has seven days to live. And they say, you have aml, acute myeloid leukemia. There's two types of leukemia. AML is the one that usually takes the person quickly. And they said, you have seven days because what happens is your stem cells. I don't want to go to the whole thing about leukemia, but essentially, you're creating blood that's not good and ultimately shuts down your organs. I know I could go deeper into that. But those who know what I'm talking about, with leukemia, it strikes fast. And so he had seven days. And soon as he told me that, I said, okay. And I was in shock, and I wanted to deny it, and I had fear. And that comes from shock. You know, when you hear news that you didn't anticipate or something happens you didn't anticipate, you're gonna have a shock reaction. And for me, I was shocked about it at first, and those emotions come in. And by the end of the conversation, though, as I felt those emotions come up, I also was releasing them because I'd already contemplated my father's passing years earlier in journaling activities of how I would think of the passing of people. And I know that sounds almost fatalistic, but, you know, have you ever heard that saying, you don't want to leave things unsaid? I was reading a book one time and said, you know what? Contemplate the passing of people who are important in your life so that you don't leave things unsaid. So that you think of, like, wow, what if this person. What if this is my last moment with this person? If this was my last moment with this person, what would I love to say to them and communicate to them? And don't leave those things unsaid. Now, I know that's difficult because all of us have had situations where someone has passed or know someone who's passed and things were unsaid. And that is incredibly unsettling. It brings up shock, and it brings up regret, and it brings up sadness, which we'll talk about those emotions. But also, in this moment, in the here and now, listen, none of us can take back whatever's happened in our lives right Whatever's happened has happened. It is as it was, as it is. We are here, we are here now. And all we can do moving forward together as a group is anticipate moving forward. We can't. Like, this is not a thing where I'm going to try to be on a healing journey of the things of the decades past for any of us, because we all heal in our own time, in our own ways. But I'm here to say it's incredibly powerful if we can contemplate mortality and anticipate it and go, wow, what should I say to my kids? What should I say to my loved ones? Let me make sure I take care of people and treat people in ways that I don't regret and that things are said. One reason I was at peace, because my father had already said everything he needed to say to me. I was lucky on that. I had already said everything I needed to say. Now we just had to go through the process with honor and integrity and respect and love of end of life and not deny it. Face it. My dad faced it with a positive attitude. He knew it was coming. They told him, you have seven days. He's a Marine, so he made it 59 days. Good job, dad. And he fought with great, great attitude. I just couldn't believe it. I kept waiting for his attitude to sour. Never did. Couldn't believe it. He anticipated the end and he anticipated how he wanted to face it. And it was incredible. And I was lucky to witness that. And I want to let you know, I've also witnessed the complete opposite in care before, been with families where it was the opposite. And that wasn't right or wrong either. It is. People cope with the end of life is the way that they can. And for those of you who've cared for someone at the end of their lives, I want to let you know that caregiver guilt is something that if you are facing it or you've ever faced it, that's okay, that's entirely normal. And that you need to grant yourself the peace of knowing you did the best you could at the time with what you knew. You know, I've had the blessing of working with a lot of medical professionals, doctors and hospice care workers who talk about this. Gosh, I wish I could. You know, we all wish we could take back time and go change things. We can't. And so today, grant yourself the peace and the gift of knowing you did the best that you could at the time that you knew how to do. They did the best they knew that they Could I wish, you know, that was the first time I've ever cared for somebody personally for months on end with leukemia. I wish I knew more about leukemia. At the time. I didn't know. I didn't know. So some things I would have done differently and dad would have done differently and my family would have done differently. We did the best we could and so did dad. And I want to let you know that no matter what you have dealt with in grief in the past, your family or others loss, losing a job, your divorce, your breakup, your loss of job, listen, you were as conscious as you were at that moment. You did what you could and you need to give yourself grace because please listen to me, my friends, at that time, you were in shock and you were coping. And if you just need a little science from, you know, Brendon right now, Let me drop some science on you. A stunning fact that when people are in shock or coping, they don't always perform at their highest level best. Oh, my gosh. Did the performance guy just tell us that and say it's okay? Yes. I'm letting you know it's okay that you weren't absolutely phenomenal and perfect and other people around you weren't absolutely and phenomenal and perfect. It's okay if you were getting divorced and the two of you fought, it's okay if you're getting fired and you screamed at your boss, it's okay. Whatever happened, you now must go. I accept it as it was. I'm at peace with what it was. I did the best I knew how at the time. And even if you don't believe you did the best as you could at the time, it doesn't matter. Because yesterday's darkness didn't rise with the sun today. You're in a new moment. You're in a new moment. Your cells are new right now. This spirit, this energy, if you take a deep breath in that air, you're breathing that's fresh. But I want to let you know we're in the here and now. Take grace and connection with the moment for yourself. We've all had pain. We've all had sadness. We can allow the moment now to refresh us. A moment now to have a new feeling, a new emotion, a new sense about ourselves, a new belief about ourselves, a new faith in ourselves, a new faith in the world right now. This is a new moment. And with new moments, there's second chances. And with new second chances, there's new abilities to begin anew. But even if we don't begin anew to allow ourselves the peace and the grace of the moment. So important. You know, if you think about anticipation being something that's really powerful, I also want to share. Acceptance is really powerful. To accept ourselves as we are now, no matter what has happened to us. To accept life as it is now, even if it's not perfect. To be in a ready state of acceptance is really powerful. To be accepting when your kids act out and they're freaking out and they're angry. To be accepting when your team doesn't get it right. To be accepting when the project falls apart. To be accepting when the video doesn't get the likes you want just to be allowing and surrendering to the outcomes of life and face them as they are. Identifying what are the controllable variables here, what's not controllable, and asking for the grace of the wisdom to know the difference between the two. There's a lot of things you can't control, let them go. The things that you can control, you can only control in this moment. So if you didn't control it right in the past, let it go. It's now, uncontrollable now. What are the controllable factors? Living in the now will always be, always be the first sort of gate to enter, to free yourself from pain, to step back into this moment of now, to accept, to realize this is what is. Even if I didn't want it this way, this is what is. And what is is here. Okay, now, how would I like to interpret it? What would I like to do next? These are the power you think of. If you can anticipate things will happen and you can accept as is what the world is, while you also accept your power to shift and shape and control and move things around that you can. That's an uncommon perspective to come into things with, to anticipate them and to accept those two things are so powerful. This can be your day for personal growth. This can be that day you committed to. You remember, you go, that was the day I got myself a community. I got better coaches. I committed to making my life the absolute best that I could. This is that day. Make today your growth day. Click the button on this page and sign up right now.