Negotiate like a Pro

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Hey, my friends, it's Brendon burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the brendon show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes on online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world. Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts and in these special episodes here, these are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something I'm suggesting or motioning to or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategy that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or new people of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do q and a and actual live coaching and interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly that's brendon.com monthly b r e n d o n.com monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this.

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How do you motivate other people to believe or behave in a specific way, which is what persuasion is really about, right? It's about persuading somebody to think and act to do something that you desire of them or that they desire of themselves. So it's very simple. How do we do that? Well, I can share with you. I have spent so much of my career on stages, on videos, in high level negotiations, in powerful mediations, in influence situations, on my own, and literally dealing with multi million dollar negotiations. I've been blessed to stand in front of tens of thousands of people and speak and try and not just motivate them, but get them to believe something or try to get them behave in a new way. And obviously this entire course is trying to persuade you to do something, right? I'm trying to persuade you to take some new ideas in your mind, some new philosophies and some new practices in your life and over a period of time, those will gather great force and momentum for you to be able to create that lifestyle that, that you deserve. Because I know you've been through enough already, right? You've been through enough challenges and struggles. And as fundamental as these things can be, I've tried to make it so simple for you to say, oh, that's a good new way to look at the world, or look at myself or look at other people. And these are some new good ideas and habits to put in my life that will start advancing me each day, even if they're just very simple, defining my purpose or figuring out my three words. And when I do that, I have in mind this very simple framework that I have been blessed to teach at different levels to literally Fortune 50 CEOs, down to people who are just starting to try to sell something on a video. It's very simple. It's not going to solve all persuasion circumstances. It's not going to teach you, for example, to sell in a 35 minute video. But if you didn't have these three elements in that 35 minute sales video, it wouldn't work as well. That these are three fundamental things that have to overlay and be a part of every single persuasion situation you ever have in your life from here forward. So I've done everything I can to bust it down to just three simple parts. But do not forget that these three simple parts, while they might seem like common sense, they are not common practice. And I think you'll discover the areas that maybe you've been challenged in in your persuasion situations. Whether you're trying to persuade your spouse to take out the trash or your company to promote you, these things apply the first critical element to persuade anybody to do anything. Often the thing that people forget the most and they can't understand, they're like, gosh, Brenda, I'm articulate, I'm funny, I'm powerful. I said all the right words and they still didn't do it. Why? It's because they forgot the building block of all of persuasion, which is acknowledgement. If we don't acknowledge other people's realities, if we don't acknowledge the struggles and the successes they've had in the past, or we don't acknowledge them as a human being, or we don't acknowledge the difficulties they're having now, before we ask them to change or to do anything or to try something new, before we introduce the new to them, the things that we want them to change towards or do, we are wrecked. That's why I make this a red box. We have to stop. Nothing can proceed to go until we have acknowledged other people. You've probably heard from my other work before that nearly 70% of people who quit a job quit the job. Not because they aren't paid enough, not because they don't see a future there, but because they don't feel appreciated by their immediate sphere of peers and by their immediate supervisor. They don't feel appreciated. So they leave. The person who says, no, no, no, please don't quit, they can't get them to stay because that person hasn't felt acknowledged or appreciated or adored to the level they felt that they needed to feel recognized, important, and influential. So they bail. And I can't tell you how many times I've had mediations where I literally have been in a situation where court appointed mediated, where a judge said, you know what? These two people, they are in conflict. They're getting divorced. I want this mediated. They'll come and, and I'll see them. This was an earlier part of my life. I don't do this work anymore. So please don't ask me to mediate your own marriage. But this used to happen. They'd come and I want this. I want this. I want this. Here's all the reasons you should give it to me. I want this. I want this. I want this. Here's all the reasons you should give it to me. And they were like ships sailing in the night. They weren't connecting. Cause they weren't acknowledging each other. They weren't acknowledging their roles in the problem. They weren't acknowledging the challenges they were both facing together. And because they didn't acknowledge each other as people by listening, no negotiation and no act of persuasion. Or influence or NLP or hypnosis would work. Believe me, it's fundamental. If we don't feel acknowledged or cared for, recognized or respected by other people, they cannot persuade us, period. So you need to think about in any persuasion, influence, situation. Yes. Even if you're asking your spouse to go out and take out the trash before you say, honey, I need you to go out to take out the trash. You're never helping around the house. I need you help out of the house. Because I'm stressed. I'm going through all these things. I, I, I, I, I need you, you, you, you. Here's all the reasons you should be a better husband. And all you're doing is overlaying all of these things that you need and all the reasons they should do something. But you don't say something like this at the beginning. Honey, I know you had like a crazy day and so did I. I know we're struggling just to make it through the day and everything. It's just been, it's been nuts. And I appreciate how much you help around the house so much. Could you do me a favor? I'm in a situation right now. Acknowledging your own situation. I'm in a situation right now. I just can't handle the house. You could do one simple thing that could help me. I know you're already busy acknowledging them, but could you take out the garbage tonight for me? I'd really appreciate it. That simple sort of contextualizing in acknowledgement, acknowledging your rich situation, their situation, the we story first, before the request. The acknowledgement before the request makes persuasion possible. Without acknowledgement, persuasion is not possible. And I promise you, as simple as that is, it's profound. 70% of people leave the workforce because they don't feel appreciated. Believe me, persuasion must rest on acknowledgement. It's the foundational thing. So think about the team the next time you go to lead a team. A lot of sort of, I would say new or leaders who lack consciousness, who haven't been trained in how to communicate to their teams, they get in front of their team, they build this big case study of here's where we're going. And they don't acknowledge or appreciate where they've been. And suddenly their message sounds hollow and everyone goes, great, another one of these CEOs. And in their mind, they don't get bought in. There is no buy in without acknowledgement. First, foremost, as the foundation brought up over and over and over again, I use the word acknowledgement. Some people use the word appreciation, some people use the Word acceptance. For me, it's just acknowledging all of the reality that we are currently facing. And listen to this. The greater degree of acknowledgement you have to the pain, to the frustrations, to the suffering, to the desires that we all have for something better. The better we articulate that and acknowledge that, the better we're going to be in the actual persuasion situation. Right? It's profound. Right. Before you tell the kid to study, sit down, Johnny, and say, hey, Johnny, I know it's so important for you to do a good job in school and I want to just appreciate you because I know every day getting up and going to school is a big deal and your mom appreciates you so much for doing that. I appreciate how good you are in school and how much you care about the other kids in school and you care about your teacher. Can I ask something very simple? Can you do your homework tonight at 7:00'? Clock? Because I think that if you'll work hard towards that, you're going to be appreciated more by your teacher. She's going to see you getting ahead faster. And it's going to make me feel a little bit more settled today because I kind of had a crazy day too. So honey, you can help out your mom today if you'll just do your homework at 7. I know that sounds so silly and basic, but instead what do we do? Do your homework. And by doing that we're. We end up pushing away people because we're not acknowledging where we're coming from. This will be one of the most profound principles you'll ever have in your life if you get better at acknowledging other people. My guess is your spouse could use a little acknowledgement, appreciation, and so could your kids and so could your team. And the better you get at that, the more they feel cared for and recognized, the more they feel cared and recognized, they will be more likely to buy in your future requests. It's the foundation of all of persuasion, acknowledgement. Now, when we add to this a high degree of articulation, also to ambition and to what they want and to what we want and to what we can have together when we go for it. Now, everything shifts gears. This is where our requests now are framed in ways that we now understand how to tap someone's ambition. When you tap someone's ambition, they get motivated, right? It is the first spark of all of motivation, ambition and expectancy. The desire, the want, the dream for more, to have more, to be more, to feel more, to experience more. And if we tap into that in the words that we Use with other people, that stokes their ambition and stokes their motivation. So it's vital for us to contextualize things in that way with people to say, hey, look, before our request to remind them, say, look, I know as an example, that last example with Johnny, I know you want to feel respected by your teachers. Yeah, that's an ambition. He wants to be more respected by his teachers. It's an ambition to say, I know you want to get ahead in your school. I know you want to help out your mom. Those are ambitions that that child has. And that's why you're saying things like that, to have more influence with them. Understanding ambitions is everything. Now, there's multiple layers of ambition, right? The first layer of our ambition is what often a psychologist or sort of those who study human potential and study human dynamics is basically, we understand the importance of intrinsic rewards. You have to explain people's ambitions, the things that they want and desire, in ways that make them understand and connect to that. This will make you feel good, right? An intrinsic reward is something that people do it because they're passionate about it. They find personal meaning and fulfillment by it. It's something they like and they find interest in. It's something that they know they can do a good job in. And so intrinsically, it feels good for them. They don't need money, power, fame, or status by doing it. It's just something that's going to make them feel good. So when you're trying to persuade somebody, you have to introduce this ambition for intrinsic rewards. This is going to make you feel good. You are going to enjoy this. One of the most powerful things in all of marketing is looking in the camera or at the audience and saying, you guys are going to love this. To tell them that they're going to like something, they're going to enjoy something that the process will be great for them that's stoking their ambition for an intrinsic reward. Now, another layer to our ambitions is extrinsic rewards. An extrinsic reward is the reason we would do something is because we have a social hit of recognition for it. This is where money, status, power, fame, recognition, rewards, all of those come in. Because we feel like we did something. So we get something from our social environment, right? We don't just get the feeling that we like it. We also get something from other people. It could be status, recognition, power, money, fame, et cetera. So we have to say, hey, you know, when we're building the case to persuade someone to do something, we have to let them know how either we ourselves will appreciate that and give them more caring or, or love or their social circle will recognize it, see it and honor them more. When we do that, everything shifts. This is where the great leader stands up and says, look, no other time in history will our competitors see us and recognize us as the leaders in the space. If we will do these things, it's when one on one with someone, we're trying to persuade to let them know, honey, if you'll do this, I have to tell you I'm going to feel more connected with you. We're going to have a better relationship together. And you know, your Friday nights are going to be a little better. You know what I'm saying? It's about letting them know that they're going to get something for these actions that you want. You can't just say empty the garbage. What do they get if they empty the garbage? Right? Something nice. Recognition. Even if it's when they do it. Now we go anchor in and we give them a big hug and big kiss on the cheek and a thank you. Now you say in your mind, well, we shouldn't have to do that. People should just do what I ask. No, they shouldn't. If you believe that people should just do what you ask without you building a case of layering on acknowledgement and appreciation and paint a picture for them about how it will help them achieve an ambition by giving them personal fulfillment and social reward, then you're driven by your ego, not by reality. Reality is if people are going to be persuaded to do something, they need to be acknowledged and they need their ambition stoked for the reasons. They will find something personally meaningful and they'll be socially rewarded for it without personal meaning and social reward. I don't care if you recognize them all day. I don't care if you acknowledge and appreciate them all day, they won't do something. That's why these two things must go together in any persuasion experience you have in the future.

All right, my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up?

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But we do that every single month and there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show.

Sam.