One Mindset Shift to Quickly Increase Your Confidence

Don't tie confidence to image. Don't tie your confidence to image. Don't tie confidence to image. Okay, now, some of you, this is super basic, right? We'll go deep. But this is a really basic one. And that is a lot of people tie their confidence to what their. To image. Like, how do I look like? You know, this is that old thing. It's like, oh, well, if you're not in the perfect body weight, the perfect size jeans, or you don't have six pack abs, or you hate your hair that day, or you know, something in terms of your image is not what you want, then what ends up happening is you lessen your sense of self and you feel like your confidence is lowered. And this is happening in not just physical manifestations. Manifestations, Manifestations for a lot of people. Like, well, I don't like, you know, I don't like my body, Brendan, so I'm lacking confidence. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to your body, huh? Or they say, well, Brendan, you know, I'm embarrassed by, you know, my website. It's not as nice as other people. So I've lost confidence in my dream. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to your website? Oh, Brendan, you know, we just got divorced and, you know, it's embarrassing when I walk the dog because I'm not with my husband anymore and I, you know, I know what the neighbors are thinking, so I just feel like I'm lacking confidence. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to what you look like when you are walking a dog? You know, there's all these things or. Brendan, I don't know. I'm so embarrassed. My Instagram thing is, you know, I only have 55 followers and it's so embarrassing. Like, why is your confidence tied to the number of followers? What we do is we externalize our confidence and it causes so much pain. We got to change this deal, y'. All. You listen. That's okay when you're in high school because you don't know better and you're immature. But everybody by the end of high school had better learned that confidence should not be tied to external measures or the perception of others based on our image. And I know where this is going to go with a lot of you because I've been blessed to coach so many people at high levels. I know some of you go, no, no, no, Brendon, you're totally wrong on this one because, you know, listen, there was a time when, you know, I was in terrible shape and I looked terrible. And then I took control of my health, Brendon, and I got better looking. You know, I lost some of that weight and I'm happy in my body, Brendon, and, and I am more confident because I am healthier. I'm, you know, lean and mean and trim and I feel good about that. I said, oh, well, if you think about it psychologically, your confidence didn't come from the fact that you are lean and mean. Now, like what I said, confidence came from that process. The confidence came from your willingness to get in and do it, your belief in your ability to figure out and the fact that you showed up and you did it, the progress through the struggle gave you the confidence, the outcome which you're celebrating. Oh, Brendan. But I've lost this weight. I'm, you know, I'm better. Here it is. Okay. That is what a high schooler does. Oh, this external thing that now I can be confident. You know, I got an article on the front page of the student newspaper. Now I can be confident. It's like we get these external rewards or accolades and we think it's the outcome that gives us confidence. But if that's your life, you'll never have the confidence that you really, really could have. Because guess what, those external image things, the accolade, the award, how you look in the mirror, those things are going to change throughout the life. And you know it. Because guess what? Now you're going to hit a certain look and you're going to want a different look or you're going to have. Have a certain award and want a different award or a bigger award or a certain bank account and want the next level of bank account because those external things are always moving. If your confidence is rooted in those external things moving all the time, you feel like this all the time, right? A lot of your insecurities is because you're tapping. You're like trying to glom onto all these external things. Image, right? These external things. And I want these external things. But they're not solid. And because they're not solid and they're always shifting, you don't feel solid and you feel like you're always shifting. And even though you've actually achieved some amazing things, you have the image things, you have the award things, you have the accolade things, you have the successes, you have a bigger bank account than you used to, you still don't feel confident in self. Why? Because you are attaching confidence to, to that outer thing and how it felt like in terms of image in the moment, you didn't give yourself the appropriate psychological credit and identity as a striver who strived, who knocked it out, who made it happen. You didn't reward the effort. Instead you tried to celebrate the outcome. But because the outcomes are now shifting and shaping and you want more and more, you always feel deficient and deficient. Because the outward, the image, I'm just using that word image, that image thing, the accolade thing, that success thing, it's moving so much. You have to understand this. It's why I know people who are literally 40s, 50s, like, and they still don't have confidence. And I know some of you are like, but wait a second, Brendan. Well, listen to this. I have a client. She's the COVID of magazine type of person, right? Super famous. I'm working with her right now, taking her through chpc. Just started a couple weeks ago with her. And something really fascinating has happened is she's received all these awards in her life and she still doesn't have the confidence. And I said, well, what other awards do you need to achieve? And so. And she actually, well, I'd like to get this one now. And I'd like to get that one now. And I'd like to get this one now. I said, but, but you already got a trail of 10 other ones over here. If those 10 other ones didn't give you confidence, why do you believe another one will? Listen, listen very closely, my friends, because I love you. If that last dollar increase in your bank account didn't give you more confidence, please don't fool yourself in thinking the next extra dollar in your bank account is going to give you more confidence. It's very important to understand right off the bat that the shifting of the external, the shifting of those things that we want, the shifting of the rewards of the accolades of the dollars of the houses, of the cars, because those will always shift. We'll always want a different one, a newer one, a fresher one, a better one, including in our body, then guess what? It's hard to ever feel fully competent or confident, to ever feel within the like, a sense of goodness. You've got to start rewarding yourself based on effort and not outcome. And I know many of you are aware of those very large sociological studies that have been done and replicated of children's self esteem, right? Instead of like, good job Johnny, that final picture won the best picture over the seven other kids. Instead of saying externalizing his comp, Good job for that thing instead, good job Johnny. You kind of pointed in your unique way you Worked hard at that. You spent a lot of time on this. In other words, we got to learn to reward our effort, not the image. I personally believe that confidence, real confidence, deep confidence, soul driven confidence is really the belief in, in my ability to figure things out. It's not about having or even having done that exact thing. It's I believe inherently in myself that I can learn it, I can do it, I can learn it, I can do it. And that belief and confidence in any given moment isn't notice. It doesn't say, I believe I look good. Could you imagine a kid with like broccoli growing out of his head? Look at this haircut. I mean, if I like literally rooted my confidence in how I appeared in my beginning videos, when they were terrible on stages, when I'm not at my best in the moments when I was trying to build a career and I had no idea what I was doing, that image stuff, I would have never gotten here. I just always believed in my ability to figure things out. But here's the thing I want you to know and just be thoughtful about. If you don't have confidence right now at the level you need to lead, serve and earn at the next level, it is not based on what you have currently achieved right now because you've already achieved things, because you've already struggled through things. The problem is you never gave yourself sufficient credit on the struggle, on the effort, on the heads down, on. On the working through, on the belief, on the desire of the hunger, on all of the stuff that was going on to get you where you're at. Because what you're doing is you're discounting where you're at. You're like, well, I'm only here, Brendan, and I want to be here. So I don't feel confident yet. And I'm like, oh, ooh, be careful. You're slipping into tying your confidence to identity. So let me put it up again. Don't tie your confidence. Can you see that? Don't tie your confidence to image. One of the fundamentals. One of the fundamentals. Hey, y'. All, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, would you please smash that subscribe button and also post any questions you have down below because it's these questions that you're all asking that inspires these episodes. I'd love to hear what you think about it. Also, if you would love to join us on our next upcoming live training. We call it our high Performance experience coaching program. If you'd like some coaching and have some perspective and get some two hours of Live with Me every single month. Then click the link in the post down below so you can join us in HPX Coaching. I'd love to give you some more strategies, more insight and more interaction to help you reach your next level of success. Until next time Again, please subscribe Share this video with anybody who could be inspired inspired by it today, and thanks one more time for being part of my community.