One Mindset Shift to Quickly Increase Your Confidence

Foreign. Hey, my friends, it's Brendan Burchard. And welcome to the Brendon Show. This is a podcast about helping you reach high performance in your life, in every area of your life. It's about staying more motivated, more confident, more disciplined and on purpose. You know, the high performance experience is really about feeling more vibrant, more connected, more excellent, more fulfilled in your life. But it's also challenging you because you and I both know it's difficult to reach those levels of high performance without support, without ongoing commitment and dedication to your own personal development. So welcome to our HPX community. Thank you for joining us here on the Brendon Show. I'm super pumped for today's episode. Before we begin, I want to let you know that we have specials right now on our HPX nutrition line. If you didn't know it, I rolled out three specific products to help you with your performance. These are three specific supplements that will.

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Don't t confidence to image. Don't tie your confidence to image. Don't tie confidence to image. Okay, now some of you, this is super basic, right? We'll Go deep. But this is a really basic one, and that is a lot of people tie their confidence to what their to image. Like, how do I look like, you know, this is that old thing. It's like, oh, well, if you're not in the perfect body weight, the perfect size jeans, or you don't have six pack ab, you hate your hair that day, or, you know, something in terms of your image is not what you want, then what ends up happening is you lessen your sense of self and you feel like your confidence is lowered. And this is happening in not just physical manifestations for a lot of people. Like, well, I don't like. You know, I don't like my body, Brendan, so I'm lacking confidence. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to your body, huh? Or they say, well, Brendan, you know, I'm embarrassed by, you know, my website. It's not as nice as other people. So I've lost confidence in my dream. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to your website? Oh, Brendan, you know, we just got divorced, and, you know, it's embarrassing when I walk the dog because I'm not with my husband anymore, and, you know, I know what the neighbors are thinking, so I just feel like I'm lacking confidence. I'm like, well, why is your confidence tied to what you look like when.

You are walking a dog?

You know, there's all these things or. Brendan, I don't know. I'm so embarrassed. My Instagram thing is, you know, I only have 55 followers, and it's so embarrassing. I'm like, why is your confidence tied to the number of followers? What we do is we externalize our confidence, and it causes so much pain. We got to change this deal, y'.

All.

You listen. That's okay when you're in high school because you don't know better and you're immature. But everybody by the end of high school had better learned that confidence should not be tied to external measures or to perception of others based on our image. And I know where this is going to go with a lot of you because I've been blessed to coach so many people at high levels. I know some of you go, no, no, no, Brennan, you're totally wrong on this one because, you know, listen, there was a time when, you know, I was in terrible shape and I looked terrible. And then I took control of my health, Brendon. And I got better looking. You know, I lost some of that weight, and I'm happy in my body, Brendan. And I am more confident because I am healthier. I'm, you know, lean and mean and trim, and I feel good about that. I said, oh, well, if you think about it psychologically, your confidence didn't come from the fact that you are lean and mean. Now, like what I said, confidence came from that process. The confidence came from your willingness to get in and do it, your belief in your ability to figure out, and the fact that you showed up and you did it, the progress through the struggle gave you the confidence. The outcome which you're celebrating. Oh, Brendan. But I've lost this weight. I'm better. Here it is. Okay. That is what a high schooler does. Oh, this external thing. Now I can be confident. I got an article on the front page of the student newspaper. Now I can be confident. It's like we get these external rewards or accolades and we think it's the outcome that gives us confidence. But if that's your life, you'll never have the confidence that you really, really could have. Because guess what, Those external image things, the accolade, the award, how you look in the mirror, those things are going to change throughout the life, and you know it. Because guess what? You're now you're going to hit a certain look and you're going to want a different look, or you're going to have a certain award and want a different award or a bigger award or a certain bank account and want the next level of bank account. Because those external things are always moving. If your confidence is rooted in those external things moving all the time, you feel like this all the time, right? A lot of your insecurities is because you're like trying to glom onto all these external things. Image, right? These external things. And I want these external things, but they're not solid. And because they're not solid and they're always shifting, you don't feel solid and you feel like you're always shifting. And even though you've actually achieved some amazing things, you. You have the image things, you have the award things, you have the accolade things, you have the successes. You have a bigger bank account than you used to. You still don't feel confident in self. Why? Because you are attaching confidence to that outer thing and how it felt like in terms of image in the moment, you didn't give yourself the appropriate psychological credit and identity as a striver who strived, who knocked it out, who made it happen. You didn't reward the effort. Instead you tried to celebrate the outcome. But because the outcomes are now shifting and shaping and you want More and more you always feel deficient and deficient because the outward, the image, I'm just using that word image, that image thing, the accolade thing, that success thing, it's moving so much. You have to understand this. It's why I know people who are literally 40s, 50s, like, and they still don't have confidence.

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Well, listen to this. I, I have a client. She's the COVID of magazine type of person, right? Super famous. I'm working with her right now, taking her through chpc. Just started a couple weeks ago with her. And something really fascinating has happened is she's received all these awards in her life and she still doesn't have the confidence. And I said, well, what other awards do you need to achieve? And so, and she actually, well, I'd like to get this one now and I'd like to get that one now and I'd like to take this one now. I said, but you already got a trail of 10 other ones over here. If those 10 other ones didn't give you confidence, why do you believe another one will? Why? Listen, listen very closely, my friends, because I love you. If that last dollar increase in your bank account didn't give you more confidence, please don't fool yourself in thinking the next extra dollar in your bank account is going to give you more confidence. It's very important to understand right off the bat that the shifting of the external, the shifting of those things that we want, the shifting of the rewards of the accolades of the dollars of the houses, of the cars, because those will always shift. We'll always want a different one, a newer one, a fresher one, a better one, including in our body. Then guess what? It's hard to ever feel fully competent or confident, to ever feel within, like a sense of goodness. You've got to start rewarding yourself based on effort and not outcome. And I know many of you are aware of those very large sociological studies that have been done and replicated of children's self esteem, right? Instead of like, good job, Johnny, that final picture won the best picture over the seven other kids. Instead of saying externalizing his comp, Good job for that thing instead, good job, Johnny. You kind of pointed in your unique way, you worked hard at that. You spent a lot of time on this. In other words, we got to learn to reward our effort, not the image. Number one. I personally believe that confidence, real confidence, deep confidence, soul driven confidence, is really the belief in my ability to figure things out. It's not about having or even having done that exact thing. It's. I believe inherently in myself that I can learn it, I can do it, I can learn it, I can do it. And that belief and confidence in any given moment isn't notice, it doesn't say, I believe I look good. Could you imagine a kid with like broccoli growing out of his head?

Look at this haircut.

I mean, if I, if I like literally rooted my confidence in how I appeared in my beginning videos when they were terrible on stages, when I'm not at my best, you know, in the moments when I was trying to build a career and I had no idea what I was doing, that image stuff, I would have never gotten here. I just always believed in my ability to figure things out. I know you already know this, but here's the thing I want you to know and just be thoughtful about. If you don't have confidence right now at the level you need to lead, serve and earn at the next level, it is not based on what you have currently achieved right now, because you've already achieved things, because you've already struggled through things. The problem is you, you never gave yourself sufficient credit on the struggle, on the effort, on the heads down, on the working through, on the belief, on the desire of the hunger, on all of the stuff that was going on to get you where you're at. Because what you're doing is you're discounting where you're at. You're like, well, I'm only here, Brendan, and I want to be here. So I don't feel confident yet. And I'm like, oh, be careful. You're slipping into tying your confidence to identity. So let me put it up again. Don't tie your confidence to image. All right. Hey, it's Brendan.

I hope you enjoyed that episode and I hope it helped you reach another level of high performance in your life. Whether it's just a shift in your mindset. Or shift in your habits or a shift in your intention for the day. I really honor you for listening to the Brendon show and I'm deeply thankful. So could you do me a favor? Could you just go onto itunes or Apple podcasts and rate and review this episode or any of our episodes? And also while you're there to help me, just download the last five episodes too onto your phone. Because you know, Apple really cares about the downloads and the rating and reviews.

And I've never really asked for that.

In six years of podcasting. And finally my friends convinced me to ask you to do that for me. I've never asked anything when my podcast conversation community ever, but I really, really appreciate if you could do that. Also, if you would like some more in depth training, please don't forget that every single month I go live for two hours and teach new and original personal development research new frameworks to my entire virtual community in our HPX coaching program. And you can just go to hpxcoaching.com that's hpxcoaching.com to learn all about the different options there. But listen, I'm live two hours every single month with literally thousands of high achievers from around the world who tune in to get these new frameworks for reaching high performance in their life. Sometimes we talk about relationships, sometimes we talk about breaking bad habits, Sometimes we talk about achieving another level of confidence or discipline or goal attainment. But we are there every single month and I'd love for you to join us. Just go to hpxcoaching.com to see all of your options and really join us. Dedicate yourself to personal mastery. Dedicate yourself to this journey. Not just once in a while with an episode here or there or a book there, but literally a program that could change your life. It's called HPX Coaching and you can go to hpxcoaching.com until next time, my friends, please remember every single day you can choose to be average or ordinary or just kind of go through the motions. Or you can be more intentional, more disciplined, more excellence driven what you do because you know you need to serve those you love and those that you lead. You can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends, go out there today and be extraordinary. Sam.