Organize Your Ambitions

Hello, my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance and inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi, thanks again for listening. Now let's begin.

Your bank account is directly reflective, directly correlated to the team that you have built. And a ton of people, the vast majority, at least here in the United States, the vast majority of family households can't sustain a $400 plus emergency. Most people can't actually retire. And we want to blame everything in the world for it. But I think one big piece is we got to go. What kind of team did they build to support the things that would be fulfilling for them? What type of team do they build that would support them? And listen, I know some of you are like, I'm not a career person, Brendan. I follow you because I'm into inspiration. Your team might be your family, your team might be your teenagers. God forbid, God help you, but your team might be your teenagers, your team might be your spouse, your team might Be the neighbors. Your team might be the pta. Like, there's people in your community that can be your team that can support you, right? It sounds so overwhelming when you hear a guy like me say, get team, because, you know, I got, you know, team in multiple cities. But at the beginning, it's one new person to support you, and then it's another new person, and then it's maybe somebody at work, somebody down the block, somebody who you volunteer with. And one day you look up and you're like, wow, I got six or seven people I can really rely on. I mean, that's a big thing. Do you have enough people you can really rely on to help you if something goes wrong? If you need some help? You really got to think about that. This isn't stuff just that are hype. It's just like, this is life skills, right? This is like, get people you can rely on. And it might be one or another, you know, Today I got Travis Shields is back in the house. So some of you guys, when you listen to my courses, well, Travis and I did video for, you know, a decade, and Ben and I been doing video for. I think this is our third full year. Yeah, three full years. Well, when Travis came on a decade ago, it was literally me, D, Mac, Jenny, and Travis, right? It was like four people. I collected Jenny, I always say, at this volunteer organization in the woods, she became like my personal assistant, actually. Everything. Just anything I need, I was like, Janet. So she became that. And then DMACC jumped on board, Helped build out customer service, operations, events, everything else. With those two, Travis jumped in and was helping me with video because it was taking me a ton of time just to do video and editing and stuff. I couldn't figure all that stuff out. And it just wasn't my skill. And so it was like, everyone looks at what we have today without realizing. For almost eight years, I really had just four. Some people literally, like, probably six years. I think for six years straight, there was four of us. And then it was like, okay, let's add some more. Let's add some more. Let's add some more. And I don't pretend that process is easy, but it allows you to do more of what's important, and it allows you to scale. And so if I've belabored this enough, I could spend another four hours just trying to crack your head on this one a little bit, right? Your bank account today is directly correlated to how much you have built a team over the last decade. Your ability right now to feel stable that if something happened, you got a lot of people that got your back is based on how you built your relationships. I had two friends this year go through major epic controversies in some way or another or, you know, a business failure or an epic public controversy, and you could just see the difference. Like, one of them had spent years cultivating good, positive relationships. The other one had to weather the storm alone. No one was speaking up and cheering that person on. And I'm here to tell you that really does matter, because you aren't just building relationships. You are building reputation. And it's. Your reputation really matters. But listen, as you go to scale and change the world, which I know many of you guys are on that same path as me, at some point, something's gonna happen. People are gonna call you into question, they're gonna challenge you. The business won't good. The team won't good. I, as many of you guys know, in my career, I went bankrupt one year. I had a brain injury another year. I scaled up team, lost team, scaled team, built new offices like it was a hot mess. But because I'm always trying to build team, always trying to put the, you know, the chess pieces in place for this person has support here or here or there or there. I don't get it right? My team will tell you, oh, my God, they freak out about stuff, but they know I'm working every day to build that. Every day trying to build it. Put this person here. Do you need more people? Tell me when, where, why, which city. Like, okay, let me put that into play. Let me put this in play. I'm not as fast as they would love to be, but I'm always trying to move those chess pieces around to build that support network. And I think this is what is important to you. Be a leader, build team, build support, build relationships for you and your family. If you and your family are struggling, go out and ask for help. Just go. Because what you're doing is you're protecting yourself. You're valuing your individual sense of pride over the ability to build something that supports you. And I know you've all had parents or grandparents like that who sweat it out by themselves, who, without building support, and so they ground themselves into the ground. And you know what I talk about. I know many of you shared that in your relationships in the past, where you're like, oh, my gosh, you know, my grandparent or my mom, they did it all by themselves. And they were just unhappy. They were inspiring because they had the grind, but they didn't set you or the next generation up either. And again, this is not a judgment to anybody because we all fall on multiple sides of these pendulums. But what I'm trying to do is start getting your mindset to swing towards these things so we can protect your future. Okay, next big idea is related to the short term impulse control issues we have. Cheesecake. Here's what happens. I'll share with you. You all know one of the most studied things in all of psychological history in the academic sciences of psychology is this concept of willpower. There's been more studies, more research, more delineations carried from the findings on willpower research than almost anything else. You basically have happiness, life satisfaction and personality style and willpower. Those are things that are just so in depth studied in the field of psychology. And this idea of impulse control is really important. I know you guys have heard of that old study of the marshmallow test where they put a thing of marshmallows on the table, get a bunch of kids around, adult comes in, says, hey, don't eat those marshmallows, I'll be right back. The adult leaves. Inevitably some kids grab the marshmallow and eat it, others have impulse control, they say. And then they track those kids over a series of years. And they could see those who had greater impulse control in general in the famous study, which we'll get to in a minute, had better grades, had better health, had better life outcomes, had higher paying jobs decades later, like the positive net effect of those who could control their willpower was really powerful. Now if you're up to speed on this, in this last two years, there's been a lot of problems in psychology of how do we replicate these studies over the long term to make sure we're teasing out what the real variables were. There's question about whether the marshmallow test itself is a good indicator of anything. However, the multiple ways and understandings of willpower is no question, right? Your ability to manage your impulses, those things you just want to do for quick seeking like satisfaction, that stuff saves marriages. That stuff is whether or not we have 40 extra pounds on us. That stuff is whether or not we, you know, scream and get angry at people. Your impulse control also is why or why not you are overly stressed or anxious. We don't realize it, but the impulses, whether we immediately honor those, follow those or not is a big, big issue. Because you know what, I always say the opposite almost of impulse control. I say inability to have impulse control is health. If you can control your impulses, I'M not saying don't follow them. I'm not saying don't be in the moment or be present. We're going to talk about that. But ultimately we should value health. Once you value health, you know what you say? I gotta master my mind. Because remember, health is also mental health. It was the biggest change in my life. I said, you know, I gotta get a hold of my mind. I'm fear driven. I'm upset about things. I'm stressed all the time. At some point, I gotta know I'm manufacturing that in my mind. I need to stop manufacturing that in my mind so I can enjoy life, so I can have mental health, Right? Think about the impulse control of. Okay, it's dinner. You had a long day. They brought out the big bowl of bread. You ate all the bread. They brought out the big salad. You order. You ate all the salad and you asked for the extra sugary toppings. You got the big meal. The meal was great. Your spouse didn't eat theirs, so you ate theirs too. They came out, you're like, I'm so full. And they bring out the dessert list. You're like, cheesecake. You're already full, but there's cheesecake. You know, in 30 minutes, you're gonna want to die. You're gonna be on the floor, laying on the ground, rolling over in pain in your stomach. The cats and the dogs are gonna be walking over, just checking on your vital statistics. And you still, I guess I'll take the cheesecake. Why do you do this? Because you're lacking impulse control. The thing is, you actually know it's wrong and you do it anyway. Do you know why? Because you made that same decision 400 times before. Impulse control is not something we gain in the moment because we're Zen Buddhas. It's because we made the hard decisions to say no over and over and over. You train willpower. That's it. When you're used to saying no, you get better at it. So you have to teach yourself to start prioritizing health and moving towards that and less to letting your impulses take you over. Okay? Think about all the. Think about all the drama in your personal relationships. At the end of the day, there is an impulse error there, we would call it. Okay, so you got a big fight with your spouse. Guess what? Wonderful. Your anger, your impatience, your sometimes insanity. Is this true? Like, you let the impulses take you over and you sparked at your spouse and you're like, oh, I'm dead. And you knew it. You absolutely knew it. As soon as you said it. And what happened is you let it well up and you unleashed it into the world. And what you do is you tell yourself, I'm just being authentic. Know you're being a baby, know you're being rude. Know you're not managing your breath in the moment. Know you're not reminding yourself this is your partner in life. You swore to God that this was going to be your person. You forgot. So let the impulse come up, attack you didn't remind yourself, who am I attacking? Why am I attacking? You didn't take a breath to calm yourself down. And again, I told you at the top of this conversation I was going to challenge you. And I know some of you are like, geez, Brendan, you're really busting on people here. And I'm not busting on people here. I am describing human behavior from a research background. My research doing, coaching for 20 plus years. And all the research we're doing in psychology, it just supports the fact that people who lack the ability to grab hold of their impulses over a period of time, they ruin the health of their body, they ruin the health of their relationships, and they ruin the health of their mind. And so what we have to do is learn to get a control of that. And if you want to have long term success, it's going to come from mastering this a little better. This is why what I love about this current culture is this whole conversation right now about mindfulness is so key to learn to listen, to observe and honor your feelings and emotions but not let them be your master. That's the key. Mastering your mind starts with not letting your impulses be your commander anymore. Right? Everyone's like, well, don't you get mad, Brennan? I'm like, oh, I get mad all the time. But mad just doesn't win any days. Aren't you impatient, Brendon? Don't you want to go faster all the time? But I don't push to go too fast. Aren't you too, you know, don't you hate this or hate that? Oh, yeah, don't like it at all. But it doesn't make me negative. You follow? It's like I've got the same, we all have the same impulses. You got fear, I got fear. It's that ability to manage that impulse and not let it win.

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Think of how many fears you have right now where instead of knowing what you want to go do or what you've committed to, you just stop. That's impulse control too. But at some point we've got to move that needle in conversation with over towards the better decisions. I know I'm belaboring this point, but I just can't tell you how important it is to learn to think these ways to start moving towards those actions where you say, I'm scared, I go anyway, I'm upset, but I manage the upset. The upset doesn't manage me. I know that this is starting to cause anxiety. Let me breathe it out of myself and do what I really need to do to move my life and my day forward. There's been plenty of days in this last year as Denise and I moved to Puerto Rico where it was like, just paralyzing, like paralyzing the amount of work just like frozen the amount of, like, there's too many moving pieces. I don't know what to Do. So what do you do when there's too many pieces? Your impulse is like, what? Screw it, right? Let's go Netflix and chill. When you have a million things to do, that's impulse, winning the day. Short term comfort. Netflix and chill. And then three weeks later, you're so overwhelmed still, because you weren't able to overcome that impulse, right? And I know it. I know it. They get you on the Netflix, you know, next episode starts in 5, 4. They don't even. It'd be nice if they said next episode starts in 60 seconds, because you might. In 60 seconds, you might find the willpower. You might go to the bathroom, you might go for the refill and just not come back. But no. Next episode. Five, four, three. Oh, crap. Okay, here we go. How hard it is to press pause in your life. But when you learn to do that, and you do it over and over and over and over again now, nothing rules you. That's what I love about my life. Nothing rules me. Fear does not rule me anymore and hasn't ruled me in over 20 years. Stress and anxiety hasn't touched me in a decade. Like, all the things everyone's like, well, that's just abnormal, Brendan. I'm like, no, for people who care and work on themselves, it's totally normal. So I want you to do that. I want you to find a way to consistently meet your emotions, feelings, or impulses and challenge it. Observe it or overcome it. It might be as simple as saying no to bread a thousand times, and then it's not an issue. It's just not an issue for me. Alcohol is that way, right? Think about my life. I'm at events all day long. Everybody walks up to me. Brendan, you're so awesome. Here's some champagne. Here's some wine. Here's a beer. Can I get you something? The bar is right there. No, man, I'm good. And people are like, well, you know, it's just. I feel uncomfortable saying no when people offer me alcohol. I'm like, yeah, but if you don't learn to do it now, you're never going to learn to do it. I'm not judging those who drink alcohol at all. Totally loud. In my family and my life, I'm just saying that it doesn't rule me and never has. And that's really important. I decided at one point, I said, you know what? I know I want a beer right now. I'm just not going to have one. So I only. If I have any alcohol, it would be like, socially and it would be something that I chose to do, not just because someone handed me one. And I think that's really important to get because then you know how a slippery slope that can lead. And many of you have shared really inspiring stories about overcoming addiction and how you went about that process. It's super hard. You need support, you need team. You need AA to overcome those types of things. So I'm not making light of it or saying, oh, look at me. I just knew that my life would suck if I did not learn to manage my impulses.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity.

Right?

So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars. Cheer us on, leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff.

Actually really does help.

And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance and every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com.

Sam.