Overcoming Doubt, Negative Self-Talk, and Limiting Beliefs to Achieve Your Dream

When you have a doubt about something, you have to teach your mind to ask questions, to evaluate that, to do a better job. So my doubts as a coach, beginning, I'm too young. I haven't trained. You know, I got hired by an executive in a Fortune 500 company who is CEO. I've never been the COO of anything. How do I coach that? I got hired to work with an athlete at a high level. I've never even played that sport. Like, I had a lot of fear and doubt about me being capable in fields I don't know about. But that's not what coaching was. I would find out after I got training. It's like, oh, no, coaching isn't about. Coaching isn't about you. Coaching is not about the coach. Coaching is about the clients and the way they are thinking and approaching their goals and dreams has nothing to do with your background. My ego is tied up to it. And that's what usually doubt is coming from. Doubt is usually coming from a concern of ego. I don't want to look dumb. I don't want to be wrong. I don't want to make a mistake that other people see. I don't want to start small. I don't want to be embarrassed, that kind of thing. We'll talk more about that as we go through big dreams. But let me share some questions you might ask next time you have a doubt. Here's my favorite first question. Is this thought or worry? Because all doubts tend to be a thought, right? It's a thought pattern. Usually the thought pattern sounds like what if? Followed by a negative statement. What if she doesn't like it? What if they make fun of me? What if I fail? So it's a what if? Followed by a negative statement. So it's a thought pattern, right? So that's why I say, is this thought or worry helpful to my joy and new story? So my doubt is, I'm too young to do this career. Now I go, okay, is that helpful to my joy? No. Because every time I think that, I feel like crap. That's a good indication. If you think something and you feel like crap, maybe not the right thought. Ding, ding, ding. So why are you holding on to it if it makes you feel like crap every time you think it, oh, I hate my body, I hate my body, I hate my body. And every time you say that, you feel like crap. Maybe that is not a thought you should be hanging on to. It's not serving you. And when you think about the new story now, I had to think, oh, no. The new story is going to become a world class coach. Not I'm a dumb kid from Montana. Raise your hand if you're with me. My doubt was because my thought was always, well, I'm just a dumb kid from Montana and I hope it doesn't. For those who are Montana's in the room, I'm really painting a bad picture. I apologize. Please go there. Watch the river runs through it. Go. Go fish. Go hike, climb, hunt. Go support our agriculture. My best friends in the world still live in Montana. So they would kill me for this whole presentation. But for me, I felt lacking because I grew up in a small town where we didn't have fancy stuff and no one ever talked about dreams. So for me it was a big deal. And so what I was doing was my doubts are your thoughts about the old or are they about the new? I had to go, wow. My doubts are about old stuff, but if I want to grow into the new stuff, I better be aware of that. So I had to say, oh my. This thought of I'm just this dumb kid from Montana makes me feel bad. And it's also not part of the new story. So it's not joyous and it's not part of the new story. Stop thinking that, Brendon. Stop. That's not supportive of you. That's one way to process a doubt. Another way to process a doubt is this. Will this belief carry me to my desired life? Will this belief carry me to my desired life? Cause you're riding to your dreams, my friends, on your beliefs, like your beliefs are the magic carpet ride. You know what I'm saying? Your beliefs are the magic carpet ride. They're carrying you to the dream. And so you'd better know what they are. And so here's my question to you all. You got a dream. What beliefs should you have now? Not just where were they were and do they bring you joy, but like what beliefs would be necessary to carry you to your dream? I had to start believing. Oh, in any situation with a person, I'll dance and I'll flow and we will figure it out together. We will figure it out together. Became a new belief I had. We can go do anything, anything. Talk about any subject I know. We'll figure it out together. Not because I'm so smart, because the two of us are better than one of us. Ah, okay, great. That's amazing. Oh, a new belief. I will impact the world. Who more than anybody could in this space. But first I'd better know how to impact one person. I want. Who wants to make a difference in the world? Raise your hands. Well, see, my belief is one day I'll make a difference in the world, but I also had to have belief. Ah, I need to know how to make a belief with one person. Because somebody just want to change the world. But we can't change our marriage, so we gotta learn the process. And I had to learn. Oh, that's the bigger belief. My belief that will carry me forward is I can figure it out together. The new belief that would carry me forward. You know what? These aren't gonna. This isn't gonna be anxiety for me. This is gonna be fun, right? When you change the frame from fear to joy, the dream gets way closer. When you change the frame from fear to joy, the. The dream gets closer because that joy, that's the carpet. It says, this is going to be fun. Now let's get on this carpet and go to the dream. You got to change that frame from fear to joy. And now the carpet ride is mattering. Next up. I love this one. Is this belief verifiable and fair? When you have a worry or a doubt, can you verify it? Is it just your mind on a merry go round of doubt or is it real? My thing was I'm too young to be a coach, right? I'm too young to write a best selling book. I'm too young to get paid. I'm too young to become, you know, wealthy. I'm too young to, you know, meet my love. I'm too. I had this young thing. I said, how is that verifiable? Because I open up the magazines and there's young people who are rich. I see people out in the marketplace being admired and celebrated and hiring teams of younger people. I thought that's not verifiable. That's. Listen, your internal fears are often not market realities. Stop basing your worries and your fears based on what you're concerned about and start observing the world. Verify your concern to the world and you'll almost always find out. No, you're just trapped in some biases and fears. That's a big one. Is this helpful or is this too much before lunch? You guys are here. Say I'm here. You're ready to change? Say I'm ready. This is good. Number four. Is the situation in my control? Is the situation in my control? Then it's not a worry or a doubt. If it's in my control, great. I can impact things. But if it's not in my control, guess what? Let it go. If it's not in my control. Why am I concerned? Why am I freaking about it? Why am I worried about it? Right? I can't control if this person thinks I'm too young to work with them. I can't control that. So stop worrying about the young thing, Brendan. You don't get to control that. I mean, I guess I could show up with a fake mustache, you know, I really thought I was funnier. I did think it was good. But I, I could, I could dress up older. I could, I could peer older. But ultimately that's their perception. I can't control that perception on them. So why am I going to the meeting worried about my age? Some of you need to reverse engineer this because you think you're too old. Oh, I'm too old to do this new thing? Is that verifiable and true? No. Oh, no. Well, I know one person who was, you know, old. I am. And they didn't get hired because of this and that. I'm like, no. One person is not called evidence, right? One person is a suggestive reality. But evidence verifiable. You got to look at bigger picture things. Most of your concerns about your age, your weight, your appearance, these are manifestations of ego concerns. Oh, I don't look like this. I don't look like that. I was just with a bunch of influencers. One thought, man, you know what? I'm not as healthy as I should be. No one's going to listen to me about health. I'm like, what are you telling them about health? Well, they should sleep more. I think you can tell people to sleep more without having six pack abs. I mean, see, his mind is inventing this thing that has nothing to do with market reality. So raise your hand if you follow what I'm talking about. If you think you're too old, no, you have the wrong frame. Your perception is wrong. If you think you're too ugly, if you think you're too this or too that. Usually when you say I think I'm too, whatever that next line is, is usually incorrect. It almost always, I think I'm too. There's almost nothing. Usually the positive. Maybe some of you think you're too extra. I don't know. But you know, only the young people actually got that joke. So maybe you are too old. Oh, my gosh. If you have those concerns, I'm here to tell everybody in this room I have met people who started their career in their 80s, in their 80s and late loved that decade of their life in their 80s, who wowed people and became millionaires at the end of their life. Like, I don't want you to think, oh, well, I can't, because I'm this. Because one thing I always find, like, as a coach, see, I was like, oh, I can't go be this guy. Because people know me as this consultant, this company. No one knows you. If you're thinking, well, people know me as this Brendan. No one knows you. Just because your neighbor knows you or that 40 people at work knows you. No one knows you. It's my favorite story of my time on American Idol. Still to this day was that clip of Ryan Seacrest is still the funniest thing I've ever seen. I love this clip. You got to see it on the Internet. So this clip, there's this little girl. She's this tall. Her dream dream her whole life was to be on American idol. She's an American Samoan girl, and she comes to American idol with her two big brothers, two big Samoan dudes. I mean, big. I mean, they walked in the room and it shook. I mean, just big guys. And so they're escorting their sister to her biggest dream of her life. Okay? She's dreamed about it her whole life. So I'm watching this clip, and I'm trying to figure out what they're doing with the producers because they keep showing her. And she's talking about this dream of my life, my dream of life. And she's going over to the rehearsal area, and she's talking about dream of life, dream of life. And then she comes in, and she's in front of Randy and Paula and Simon, and she's so nervous. And then she starts talking. And as they're talking, having conversation, they're panning out to or they're cutting out to. There's Ryan Seacrest standing there between two big Samoan men. And they keep cutting back to just Ryan standing between these two big guys. And I'm like, why are they doing this cut? I couldn't figure it out. And then she sings, and she smashes. She's so amazing. She gets standing ovation. Paula's crying. It's like this great thing. And this is her whole dream. She must have been talking about it her whole dang life. The brothers came with them. And then they pan back out, and Ryan's like this. And the big brother looks down. Ryan Seacrest, the host of the show at the time, the biggest show on the planet, and the show that his sister's dream. And he looks down at Ryan Seacrest. He's like, so who are you? No one knows you. No one knows you. Oh, well, Brendan, I can't become a coach because they knew me for. I was a therapist or I was a, you know, a consultant or I was a manager or I. No one knows you. You can all go home and reinvent today. Can I get an amen on a Friday? You can all go reinvent. It's just the story. You're saying, oh, well, I was. No, no. No one knows you. I've been with the biggest influencers in the world, all around the world. And we'll walk in and you'd be. You'd think they're going to just get mobbed outside of their world or their universe. They're not even known. I was with one of the top five YouTubers on the planet the other day, and we went and had lunch, and I kept thinking, this person is totally going to get recognized. This is totally going to happen. No one knew. A girl sat next to us, sort of had this conversation, says to the person, she says, I think I recognize you. And he says, oh, that's cool. And she goes, did you go to my school with so and so? And he's like, oh, no, I didn't. He's like, no one knows you. You can pivot whenever you want. You can pivot whenever you want. That is in your control. Other people's opinion of you, their perception of your old story, that's not in your control. Forget about that. Take the helm of your dream. Everyone say, I own my dream. Turn the person right, shake them. Say, you own your dream. Oh, my goodness. Number five, what judgment can be released? Now? Who found some release in this room at HPX last night? Ladies and gentlemen, listen, you gotta let go of the judgment. I had to let go of the judgment. I'm not capable. I think that is the biggest judgment you have in your life. I'm not capable. I'm not worthy. I'm not deserving. I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty. I'm not like these. I'm not underline. You got to release those judgments to go to the next level. That baggage is too heavy for you to elevate. You got to go. I got. What judgments do I need to release? What is it? What are the things I say to myself? And we did some of that last night, but I want to encourage you to keep doing it. Like, you got to let it go. I was. I thought, I'm not capable. I'm not somebody who can work with famous people. I said that to myself one time. My first fancy client. I was like mortified for days worrying about it. And then I said that's a judgment about me they haven't even made yet. And here I am stopping before I even get to play on the field. You go to the game. You get in the game. You get dirty. You get knocked down. But you get in the game. You get in the game and you don't judge yourself until the game is over. Until the fourth quarter clock hits.000. You don't get to judge yourself before the end of the game. You get in the game. You play the game full out. I said I gotta let this judgment go because I'm worried of their judgment. So I'm stopping myself. It didn't make any sense. Didn't make any sense at all. 6. What would make me. Oh, I love this one. You guys know I love the role model myself. What would make me a role model now? You know what would make you a role model now? Starting when you're uncertain. You know what would make you a role model now? Going forward despite the hurts. You know what would make you a role model now? Standing up for what you believe in sooner than later. You know what would make you a role model now? Speaking up for other people. You know what? You make you a role model now. Getting the education you need now. Not seven years from now. What makes you a role model now is when you take appropriate action for yourself. And what makes you a role model is when people see you do that over and over. They recognize that is true to your spirit and your integrity. And then they can count on you. They go, you know what? She's going to show up. She will show up. She will work on herself because she's always done that. She cares. And that's what's going to make you a role model is to almost all like the role models we look at. Like Jamie, you heard how many times she doubted herself in that story. Did you hear her keep telling that? She kept doubting and doubting and doubting but she kept going and going and going. And you proceeding through doubt is one of the fundamental reasons we look up to you. If I had the blessing of coaching or not knowing each of you, there's no question the reason I would admire you so much is that you're still here. You're still in the game. You're still working on yourself. You're still getting the education you need. You're still open to learning. You are still in the hunt. You are still going after it. You Are still believing you are still here. You are a role model for being in this room because a lot of people, they could work on themselves, but they don't. But you do. And that's why I have such reverence for this group, because I know this is my tribe. I always tell my coaches, I'm like, you're my peers. We do the same thing. We want to impact people's lives in a positive way. That's a beautiful thing. You might not know it yet because you've judged yourself in the past, but some of you inspired people in these groups of five here. You have inspired and lifted others and you've made a difference here even if you didn't know that. So turn the person left, right, shake them and say, thank you for your service. Yeah. Number seven. So what's. This is my favorite one. Every time I have a worry or concern, I might work through this framework. Do you guys like this framework? I will tell you, if you will ask these questions, you will unlock a whole new mindset. Like, I These are types of things for like four or five years of my life. These were printed next to my computer because I was a worry wart. Any worry or worriers in the rooms. I was like, oh, my God, these worry. These thoughts are so lame and I'm not happy. So I had to reprogram myself with these questions. I was. I would ask them over and over and over. My very favorite one is that last question. So what's the next right action of integrity? Yes, I'm sad. And what's the next right action of integrity? Yes, they cheated. And what's the next right action of integrity? Yes. It didn't work out. And what's the next right action of integrity? No matter what happened, it's what's next. No matter what happened, it's what's next. What challenges people and hurts people is when it's this happened. Period Ellipse, period. Ellipse, Period. Ellipse, period. Ellipse, period. Ellipse, period. Ellipse. And 10 years went by, and then they took the next right action of integrity. That's where pain is. The time between what happened and your next right acts of integrity. The longer that space, the bigger the pain. The longer the space, the bigger the pain. So we got to go. Okay. Whatever happened, got it. No one's discounting what happened. It was hard. It was brutal. It sucked. You didn't want it. You didn't ask for it. Damn them. Dang it. That sucks. And what's the next right act of integrity for you now, what would be good for you now? What would you be proud of now? And I had to think that too, because in my life as a coach, I was like, but I'm not perfect yet, right? That stuff of who am I? Who am I to try and inspire people. You look at that stage up there, I know some of you go, oh, I'd love to be on that stage, but I have no such simultaneous. Your brain goes, well, who am I? Why would they listen to me? Because you're you. They'll listen to you. Because you're you. They'll listen to you because you're you. They. The next right action of integrity is to take the stage of your life and communicate well. To take the next action well. To. To decide what you stand for and do it because people respect individuals and authenticity. It didn't matter. That. Didn't matter that Jamie, at the end of her story, you find out she made a billion dollars. You loved her in the first six minutes. See, is this true? Yes. Listen, we think it's the ending that gives us credibility. It's the being and relating that gives us the credibility to be who you are and relate with other people well. To take action integrity over and over and over, it starts to sit on you and people see it. And when you're a person of integrity and you sit with someone and coach with them, everything changes. That's what I had to learn. I said, the next right action of integrity is stop waiting and stop telling myself this old thing or I'm not perfect or this didn't happen. The next right action of integrity is to start coaching that. That's not for everybody. I'm sharing. That's my dream. That's my mission. That's my impact. I'd love for you to. To all be involved. One day I'll invite you in, I'll tell you all about it. But at the end of the day, you would have your dream. And when you have questions about yourself, you're going to go back this slide. Yes.