Overcoming Jealousy

Oh, I got this tough question. How do you deal with jealousy? Not when someone else has it. When you have it. Great question and thank you again for all of you who post questions here on YouTube or on my Facebook channel, because a lot of these shows are just for you guys answering your questions. Here we go. Someone wrote in, she said, I've been in a long term relationship, found the guy of my dreams, but I'm poisoning it because I'm so jealous of him. And that jealousy keeps coming in. How do I stop feeling that way so that I can have a good, positive relationship? And I think a lot of people have that old feeling of jealousy that comes up a lot from when they were younger. And so let's talk about three ways to get rid of this feeling. Number one, awareness is always key. So you realize that jealousy is just fear dressed up. That's it. If you have jealousy about other person, it's just your fear coming in. It's your fear coming in because either two things, one, their past behavior because they've done something to trigger off the thought, well, they're going to cheat on me. Or two, your insecurities. And that's the only reasons that you have it, period. You have it because this person has done something that makes you worry. So if that's the case of why you have jealousy, that's a sit down, honest, open conversation saying, hey, look, I'm having a lot of trust issues because something that you did and I have to be honest about it and talk to you about it. And you have to be an adult, not an accuser, not a pointer, not a hater. You just have to say, I'm feeling this way because this happened and I need to process that with you and I need to ask you to change your behavior or I just need your help in understanding what happened because I don't want to feel jealous because I know jealousy will kill our relationship. If it's your insecurities, you got to realize insecurity that's just coming from some kind of nonsensical trauma that happened in the past or real trauma that happened in the past that keeps coming up for you that makes you feel less than. So you feel like they're going to leave you. It's fear of loss. You feel like I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough. And you know, I've done things in the past that people maybe didn't approve of. Or there's just something in your psyche that's saying my insecurity is so bad that they're going to leave me. That. That's my fear. And you have to recognize if that's fear, because what fear is coming from is a what if statement followed by a negative statement. Meaning you're saying, what if he leaves me and I'm alone for the rest of my life? What if he also stops talking to me? He goes quiet on me, he doesn't love me as much anymore. He bails. She does this, she does that, she thinks this. Whatever it is, that's where the jealousy appears from. It's a fear of insecurity. And that insecurity is saying, what if because of who I am or what I've done, they leave me? And so be aware. That's number one. You just got to know, where is it coming from? Is it their rebar behavior or. Or your internal stuff of insecurity? And be honest about it and get into it. Think about it, don't avoid it. Don't be scared. Be like, okay, what's really going on here? This is a problem. It's taking away from my joy, from my vibrancy, from my connection with this person. They probably don't like that you're jealous. So you have to be aware. It's painful, it's causing pain. And until you deal with one of those two issues, their behavior or your insecurities, trouble. So let's talk about that second one, because we can do something about it, too. The second thing that you can do is to remember your strength. You know, if you're coming from a place of that fear of inadequacy, thinking someone's going to leave you, it often comes from a place of you're not giving yourself credit. You know, you do good things, but you don't feel. And integrate those into your identity so that you become a stronger, happier, healthier adult. A lot of people, they're actually pretty extraordinary people, but they don't feel extraordinary because all those extraordinary things that happen, they never integrate it. Someone gives them a compliment, they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And they can't hear it. It doesn't penetrate into their identity. Where they start going, you know what? I'm all right. I am good. I can be confident now. I've achieved enough. I've come far enough, I've survived enough. It's about giving yourself credit and remembering your strengths. You come through such difficult things, things in your life that you're stronger than you know. So why is that so important? Because, you know what if they do leave you, you'll be fine. And that is the hardest thing to believe when you have this fear of jealousy. They're going to leave and I might be wrecked. You won't be wrecked. You survived a lot in the past. Someone's probably already left you in your life. Not to be a blamer or making fun of you. It's just true, right? Lots of people walked out on me. Lots of people left me. I've had lots of breakups in my life. That happens. And I'm still here, I'm still surviving. I'm still pretty annoyingly happy. Dude, you can be happy with or without anybody or anything. You don't need more wealth, you don't need more people. You don't need more higher career. You don't need anything. You can choose in this moment to feel grateful and blessed. You can choose to focus your attention on things that you appreciate, to take in the good again. And if you start taking in the those good things that you hear about yourself, if you start taking in those good wins, those small daily actions that you did when you hit that goal, when you got that project done, when you did what you're supposed to do, when you said something nice and start feeling stronger about yourself, you stop worrying about other people and you can start to say, you know what? With or without somebody, I'm fine. Because you know what? That makes you attractive. Third big idea, to get over your jealousy love on that person more. You don't want somebody to leave you. Be awesome on somebody. You know it's true. I know, I know, I know. Maybe in the past you have. You've been awesome to someone. You gave your heart. You were vulnerable, you were loving, you were caring, compassionate. They were your one and only, and they cheated on you. That happened to me and it broke me. At the time, I was young, though, you know, at some point with time, with perspective, you realize, you know, what if they ran off and they cheat on you? They weren't right for you. They just weren't. But if you're loving on that person and you're giving, the odds of them doing that go down, right? It's when you neglect someone, when you stonewall on someone, when you're cold on someone, when you're jealous on someone, when you're pointing and blaming and being a bastard, a jerk, a bastard, an asshole, or mean to somebody, that's when they're more likely to say, screw you and walk away. But when someone is fulfilled in the relationship because you're giving and you're allowing them to give and you're allowing to Meet them where they're at. You're paying attention to their love language about how they talk, how they feel, about what they need from you. And you're fulfilling those needs and you're really giving into the relationship, not holding back. The odds of them staying are higher, right? You can't argue against that. You could say, well, I could do all that, right? And then they leave. That's fear. Go back to step number one, okay? Don't forget that. So give more into the relationship. Don't be afraid to live your life full on. It's easy to walk around and not give our love because one time we got hurt. So we build up the walls to keep out the bad guys, but we prevent the good guys from coming in. Never forget that it's in our own self protection that we block out the very things that we want. Connection, love, vitality. So if you haven't been vulnerable, be vulnerable again. If you haven't been loving on that person, love on. If you're not sending flirty, fun texts, start that again with them. Start engaging them. Give them gifts, kiss them on the face. Love them so much that they feel vibrant and loved and adored by you. They'll stay around a whole lot longer, we know that. And you will start to feel love in your heart again. And the more that love comes in, the more jealousy can't be there when it's real love. And you know what I'm talking about. About. So watch this video again. If you're struggling, do the homework in your own mind of identifying where's the problem? What's the struggle? Start bringing more strength into your life so you can stand alone, be confident, be sexy and attractive in your own person no matter what. So you can overcome those fears and love on somebody again. And you'll start to experience what we call the charge. Hey, my friend, it's Brendan. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Do me two favors. Number one, subscribe to this channel so that you continue to get updates every time I release new training for you. And number two, if you would like to get ahead a little faster in life, what I'd like to do is give you my 10 steps to achieving anything 10 times faster. So if you have a big goal, big dream, a big mission in life, and you just like to achieve it faster, what would you need to do? You know, this is exactly what I keep next to my computer or next to my bed. And every time I have a big dream, a big goal, I open it up and I kind of use this as my checklist to get ahead faster because you and I both know if you're going to be more effective or more productive or you are going to achieve your goals and your dreams faster, you're going to have to switch your perspective a little bit on achievement itself. You have to adopt new thinking patterns and habits. You're going to have to have new daily rituals and habits and your entire approach to learning and skill development must be better. So in order to help you do that, just go ahead and click the link in this post or go to brendan.com 10x that's Brendan B R E and you can download this guide for free. Just tell me your name and email. I'm happy to email that to you for free. The same guide I use to achieve any goal or dream faster. Thanks for tuning in. Until I see you next time. Go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly and make your difference today.