Overcoming "Who Am I?"

Foreign hey, my friends, it's Brendon burchard and welcome to another episode of the brendon show. Have you ever heard that kind of self doubt in your mind where you're like, who am I to want this? Or who am I to deserve this? You know, who am I to start my business? Who am I to be giving advice? Who am I to be posting? Who am I to start my dream? Who am I to want to be happier? Who am I to want to raise? You know, we all have that, that when you start any new endeavor in which you are seeking a dream, there's going to be that self doubt. And that specific phrase, well, who am I to lead others? Who am I to earn more money? Who am I to be able to try to manage or build or earn this? So I want to talk about how do you deal with that? I got four big ideas for you right here today. The first thing is when you hear that who am I? Realize that that's a self doubt kind of conversation. And, and that's not bad. You know, I know a lot of people in my space will say, well, just obliterate that and have confidence and courage and overcome it. But I'm like, listen, self doubt is a good thing. I know that's gonna sound completely crazy, but listen, self doubt is intended to be a signal for you to either learn or take action. Self doubt only becomes a negative thing when you have the self doubt or the self talk that is kind of negative. And what you do is you stop. The difference often between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people, they have goals and dreams, but so do unsuccessful people. And the difference is that often a successful person, they go, I don't know how to do that or who am I to do that? And they go, well, I guess I better go learn and figure out and get at it so I can deserve to have it. Where an unsuccessful mindset would say, well, who am I? And I guess I shouldn't and they stop. It's the stopping that makes self doubt a bad thing, right? Because self doubt is actually a signal for you to go learn and act. And if you can immediately shift that mindset. Every time I have self doubt, I don't think, oh, woe is me or I'm stupid or insufficient. I go, wow, my mind is signaling. It is telling me, get at it, kid. Learn here, kid. And that's a positive thing. I also want you to adopt the mindset that says, you know what, you got to have that builder mindset. The builder mindset is, oh, I will build into the person who deserves to have that. I will build into that. Because rule number one that we're going to talk about today is that you've got to have consistent action when you have that. Who am I to do something? Well, no one is deserving who does not act towards the thing that they want to deserve, right? So if you're like, well, who am I to do this? I'm like, get at it. Show up every day, work towards it, earn that right. Because maybe it's true. Maybe your mind is saying, who am I to do this? We don't deserve this. Yet now there's that part of us that could be a self worth issue, you know, oh, gosh, Bren, I just don't feel like I'm worth it or I'm valuable. It's a self esteem issue. So make sure you watch some of my other videos or trainings on my YouTube channel for that kind of stuff, like dealing with self doubt specifically. But I want to tell you this, you're never going to mentally get over it. What's going to happen is you're going to take action and that action is going to give you more momentum and that momentum is going to give you more confidence. And as you get more confidence, you try more things, achieve more things, and all of a sudden one day you're like, hey, I deserve this hot dog. So please, I think what you have to do is realize you'll only ever feel like, who am I to deserve this when you take consistent action. Second big idea is that who am I to do this? Is the cue to develop competency. It means what you need to do. As soon as you're like, well, who am I to, you know, start this dream? It's saying, it's your brain going, hey, we better learn about this and understand it better because we don't have expertise yet. It's not that you have to be the world's number one expert, but it's your brain going, hey, why don't we do some reading on this? Why don't we find a mentor, listen to a few podcasts, go to a few seminars or training events where I can develop competency so I understand exactly what I'm supposed to do. And I will tell you this. I can always tell the people who are going to stop or fail when they say, who am I to do this? And you know who it is. It's the person who doesn't have a learning plan. When someone says, well, who am I to do this? And they don't have a map of what they need to learn. They don't have written down the top five skills they need to learn to be able to do it. They stop, they go, well, I guess I'm just not good enough. And they start blaming their identity, their personality or their past versus saying, oh, I guess I'm not good enough because I don't know how yet. Let me develop some skill here. And that's critical because I want you to know that was true for me. I thought, well, at the beginning of my career, who am I to be a writer? I've never written a book before. I've never taken a writing class. I've never been to a writer's workshop. I mean, why would a publisher want to publish me? Well, I couldn't think my way through that. I had to first, take consistent action, write. So I wrote my book. Second, I had to learn how to be a published author. So I had to go to seminars and conferences on how to publish and market a book. Right. I had to start developing competency in the area I wanted to do later on. I want to become a high performance coach, certified high performance coach, like somebody who's kind of like an elite level in the life coaching or business coaching field. And I said, well, I don't know how to do that, so I guess I'd better immediately start coaching so I can develop the competency to get better and better and better and become world class. That builder mindset again. It's like, yeah, I know I'm not yet, but the only way I'm ever going to get there is if I learn and do and learn and do and learn and do so. So if you find yourself, you keep stopping. Next time you say, who am I to. I want you to immediately sit down, go, what skills would I need to learn to be able to do that, become that and deserve that? Third big idea I think is so important is the who am I to do this is often triggering something in our mindset about congruence, right? It's like many people always tell me, but I want to become an influence. I want to become an inspiration. And I'm like, well, are you inspired a lot? And like, well, no. I'm like, well, then what you're going to feel like is a phony, you know? Well, Brennan, I want to teach people to change their lives. Have you ever changed your life? Well, no, I'm miserable. I don't like myself. I don't have good habits and a good mindset. I'm like, Maybe you're not the person to do that. Your brain is just going, hey, let's be honest. And when your brain is saying, let's be honest, that's something to listen to. So if your brain's saying, well, who am I to be an influencer or who am I to be a leader? It's saying, you have not yet been showing up congruent here. So congruence requires two things. Number one, it requires you to have the identity vision, meaning you need to say, who am I? Who do I want to become? And really focus on being clear about you, the identity piece of you. Second thing is you need to act like that and practice what you preach every single day. You need to get way more congruent in your action. Because listen, when I was starting like life coaching, I had already achieved like a lot of peace and a lot of happiness and joy in my life, great deep connections. I hadn't earned what I felt like I had to earn. I felt like, you know, I need to be a really high earning coach to have experience with other people. And then I realized, well, coaching is really about other people, not about me. It's about helping them. But I also said, you know what, I want to know that I am as successful as I can become and that each day I'm doing things to move towards that. So when I tell a client, hey, this is an opportunity for you to become the best of who you are. I'm congruent because I'm also trying to do that. And as I became more congruent in my life, more motivated, practicing better habits, developing better relationships, earning more, making a greater difference, being absolutely disciplined and focused and all these things that we talk about in personal development, it was easier for me not only to perceive myself as a good coach, but ultimately to start seeing myself as becoming world class. Your congruence, like whether you've been showing up as who you say you are, whether you've been showing up practicing what you preach is really the thing that is often triggering that mindset that says, well, who am I? Because I haven't been showing up yet. So the job, show up, my friend, last big idea. I think this is important. Do not compare yourself to other people when you say, well, who am I to do this? It's often easy to look at the most successful people in the world at it and go, but I'm not like that. You know, when I became an author, I would look at these people who had like six or seven New York Times best selling authors. I'm like, well, who am I to do it? You know, she's amazing and all over the media. Or he's amazing and has sold millions of copies of books and look at his fancy background and you start comparing your background to their current levels of success when neither of them are the relevant factor. The relevant factor is, are you doing the work, practicing what you preach and being consistent and adding value Right now, that's what it's about. Don't compare yourself. Ask am I working my hardest in the moment and really giving my all? That's the question. Not giving your all to be like her, giving your all to be you each day. Like your mind wants to know that you are showing up as your best. It hates when you go through the motions. It hates when you fake it because you're comparing yourself to him or her and you're trying to be like them. What it loves is like, I live this day as me, authentically on fire, connected. And when you do that, your mind knows it. Your mind knows it and it starts saying, hey, I don't need to compare myself to other people every day. Let me compare myself to yesterday. How was I yesterday? Today am I showing up congruent Today am I learning? Today am I taking consistent action? And all of a sudden when you get all these things in play, consistent action. When you're learning, you've got your learning map, you're developing competency, knowledge, skills, abilities. When you are congruent with how you think of yourself and how you actually show up, and when you don't compare anymore and you live your life giving your absolute guess what happens. That little question of who am I? Starts to go away and you start to say, I'm here, let's go. If you're ready to take your life to a whole new level, make sure you grab my book, High Performance Habits, How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now and when you order your copy, you're really supporting my channel and the message. And you're also getting a book that will reveal to you 20 years of my research into what is it that helps people go to a new level of success in their life? What does it really take? What habits are proven to help you reach long term success in your career, your health, your personal life, your relationships. It's called High Performance Habits. How Extraordinary People Become that Way. It's available on Amazon right now. Sam.