Removing a Little Chaos From Life is Good

One of my favorite discussion points is talking with people about whether or not they're setting boundaries in their life and whether or not they're over committing themselves. And I'll bet if you think about the times when you've been craziest in your life and meanest to people or upset about things, it's because basically you failed to protect your territory. You got in a place where you felt like you had to say yes to everybody. I don't know if you've ever been a people pleaser. I was a people pleaser early in my career. People would ask me for things. Brennan, I like your book. Could you write an article for this thing and this thing and this thing and this blog and this blog and this bl. Could I interview for this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everything. Yes, yes, yes. And then suddenly I felt one day off path. I was saying yes to everybody's requests, but I wasn't saying yes to what I felt my real purpose was. And I know that sometimes it's easy to get pulled away from what we really want to focus on because, you know, we have family, we have friends, we've got business, we've got a lifestyle to maintain. But the challenge is the more you allow everyone to encroach on your day or what you desire of life or what your plan or your purpose is, the more you're likely to do it again the next day, the next day, the next day. Because, you know, we often get in the habit of giving ourselves over to people and at some point we feel like we lost ourself. And so if you've ever been in that place before, this is a good time to say, I, gosh, if I want more sanity in my life, I'm going to have to start to say no. And saying no is not a negative thing. Because right now, if that's been your association, you think, oh, if I say no, people get mad at me, people feel disappointed, they reject me. And whatever has happened for you that you've built up, saying no is a negative thing. I'm here to help reframe it. Saying no and setting boundaries is the most positive thing you could start doing for your sanity ever. Period. Because guess what? If you protect your sanity, you protect your day, you protect your life, you protect your purpose. Then when you deal with people, you're not angry at them. I mean, think about it. Is there some people that when they come around, you're just like, argh. You get upset about because you know they're going to ask you for something and you know you're going to say yes even though you want to tear your hair out. Well, that's not their fault. They're conditioned to ask you and you said yes so many times. They just keep taking and taking and taking. And now you probably have some bitterness or anger to that words, that person. And the only way to get it back, to release that anger, to release that bitterness, is to get your day back, to get your plan back, to get your desires back. I'm not pretending it's easy. I mean, we all struggle with balance. But this struggle that we have that saying no is negative has to be reframed. And here's the thing. If you can learn to say no more often to the wrong things, you. You'll start feeling better about life and you'll start pursuing the right things. Because a lot of people say, my life feels so derailed. I don't feel like I have anything I want. I often say, do you feel like you're a giving person? And they'll say, well, yeah, I'm a very giving person. I said, do you feel like you've given over your life's agenda to other people? You know, you wake up, you check your inbox, and you reply to everybody else, but you never do your work or the kids need all these things and, and you do all those things, but you forgot that one thing you wanted to do for yourself that day. And you did have time for it, but you just forgot because you're so used to serving. Well, it's time to set some boundaries. And it's vital that you do that for your own sanity, but also for your energy in those relationships. Because what I want for you and I want for everybody, I want them to feel when they see somebody engaged, excited and relaxed about seeing them, not bitter or upset. So here's how you do it. Setting boundaries. First thing, this can be so hard for you. You're just going to start to say no. It's the hardest thing ever. And here's why I tell people this. Just say no automatically to almost anything that comes to you. You don't actually have to say no to the person or actually reply no, just in your mind, when something comes in like that, just go nope. And then justify. Why would you say no? Come up with a reason. Well, I would say no because I have these other things that I want to focus on. If your first answer is no, your logic kicks in. You start building some reasoning about why it makes sense that that should be no and you should be allowed to do what you do, it's super hard. I know. But if you make that first move, it's a no. Now, let me think about why it's a no. And then convince yourself that from now on, you have to persuade yourself into a yes. Not them. You. So if there's a no first, now, you gotta change your mind. And as you know, changing your mind is sometimes hard. So if your first frame is. It's a no. And then you have to explain to yourself why it'd be a yes, you start to get an incredible amount of clarity about what is right for you and what is wrong with you. And then from there, it's straight up courage and bravery and protecting your day and your dream and your purpose and your mission and your family and your free time. It's just the bravery of now saying to someone, you know what? I'm sorry, I have to pass on that, because I know you're just coming to me with this now, but I've actually had other plans that have been laid down long ago, and if I don't follow those, then it's being disrespectful to other people. So I know it feels bad that I have to say no to you now, but otherwise, I'm cutting you in front of other people who they're just like you. I love them, too, and I can't do that to them. So I have to stick to this, and I apologize, but I have to say no. That's it. Now, the challenge in all of that is you're gonna get pouters, you're gonna get complainers, you're gonna get people who keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And now it's just a question of your character. How much, at this point in your life, are you going to stick to what you know to be right for yourself? Because sometimes we go through a couple years or a couple decades where we know it's right for ourselves, but we're giving. So we give ourselves over to other people, and we end up in a life that doesn't feel right. And I would just say if you struggle with saying no for so long, please give yourself that gift. Today is the day you're gonna be comfortable saying no.

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