The High 5 Challenge with Mel Robbins

Hey all, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a special episode of the Brendon show. I really wanted to bring this incredible training to you because so many people right now are dealing with tremendous self doubt or the uncertainty of our times and we're struggling to take back our lives but also revitalize our lives. And so I wanted to bring this training to you from Mel Robbins, author of the new book the High Five Habit. We had the blessing on growth day, my platform for personal development, to have Mel on to talk about the genesis of this movement that she has created all around the world called the high Five challenge. And that is essentially about how do you acknowledge yourself, hear yourself, see yourself, validate yourself and celebrate yourself in times that have been so challenging? How do you be the primary encourager in your life when so often you actually beat yourself down or don't give yourself credit or just simply get discouraged and lose your focus or your momentum or your confidence? And so I know you're going to love this training. Please, please, please listen closely. I know you're going to love this. Also, if you're enjoying this, please go to high fivechallenge.com again, that's high five challenge.com and you can take a five day training right now from Mel Robbins on growth day for free. It's only running this week only, so I don't know when you're watching this but click the link in the descriptions down below or in the show notes to be able to join the challenge for free because we've got some online training from her now available to my community. I'm really excited about as part of my app Growth day, what we're always trying to do is help you make self improvement a way of life. And I really believe that whatever habits you practice, whether it's the high performance habits, my book or her book or her book, you know, the high five habit. I think that the habits that we create in our lives that keep us going are so critical, we have to do them consciously. We have to make sure that they're consistent and we have to make sure that we're really engaging in them over and over and over again in ways that really empower us. So please enjoy this training from Mel Robbins, author of the High Five Habit.

This is definitely going to be a session that, to Brendan's point, whether you're watching it somewhere else or you're in the app, make sure you're taking notes in the app because I know you're going to want to come Back to this, okay? You're somebody who is investing time and energy into your growth. And some of the things that I'm going to talk about today have been game changers. Not only in helping me be successful and helping me achieve goals and helping me dream bigger, but these have been game changers in allowing me to let my mind, body and spirit work for me instead of against me. And these have also been game changers in helping me stay grounded, present focused, and in control, no matter how fast, no matter how chaotic, no matter how everything around me is unfolding. And I have a confession to make that everything that I'm about to teach you is something that I have either only incorporated recently, or I've only recently understood the profound power of making these simple things I'm about to share with you, which of course are all backed by research, all backed by science, and will work for you when you practice them. It's only recently that I've either understood the power of what I'm about to share with you, or that I started using it and have experienced its transformation when it comes to having a calm and a centered and a sense of control over your level of productivity. And so let me just start in broad strokes, because you've asked for us to talk about this topic here at Growth Day, and we've already done a lot of training about productivity and productivity. In my mind are all the things that you do right, it's like about getting the important stuff done. And there are lots of things that I know that you know based on the research, have a demonstrated impact on your ability to focus. Things like getting a better night's sleep, exercising and moving your body every day, removing distractions, having a really empowering morning routine that sets you up in a way that allows your day to end up being focused on the things that you care about for at least an important amount of time. Now those are all things that if you feel like you're losing control, that you should go back to because those are the basics. Removing distractions, doubling down on your morning routine, and how you set your day up so that how your day ends up is something that you're proud of. Exercising and moving your body, even if it's just getting up in the middle of the day and walking around the block for 10 minutes and sleep. All things that have a huge difference make a huge difference. On productivity. I want to talk about the bigger things. I want to talk about the stuff from a mind, body, spirit level that not only will help you be more productive, which in my Mind being productive means that you are making progress on things that matter. See, to me, productivity isn't about being busy. You're not going to go to your grave and wish that somebody wrote on it. Boy, could he or she get through a to do list. Like being busy, racing around, getting a ton of unimportant things done, feeling distracted and reactive, that's not the game that you want to play. Being productive in my mind means being so focused and confident and in control and connected to yourself that you are able to make progress on the things that matter to you, that you are able to stay focused and confident and connected to your values when the game starts to change, when life gets chaotic. This type of productivity isn't outside of you in terms of the things that you do. It's about building tools within yourself so that you can come back into your own power when life gets tumultuous or chaotic or uncertain, or when the things you've been working on don't work out. The first thing I want to introduce you to, and I'd say I think all of the things that I'm going to talk to you about, all of them except for one, are things that I write about extensively in this new book, the high five habit. And you're going to hear me talk about this book a lot because of all the things that I've put out in the world, even including the five second rule, which Brendan's right, it's a game changer in terms of your own productivity, in terms of getting your ability to push through fear and self doubt and take action. But the high five habit and the tools in this book are the most important things I've ever put out in the world because they don't change your ability to take action, they change you and how you relate to yourself, what it feels like to be in your body, what it feels like to look at yourself in the mirror. And so where we're going to start today is we're going to start with a tool and a habit that I call high fiving your heart. And there's a particular reason why we're going to start with this tool. And I want you to make this a daily habit. And I'm going to explain how you do it. I'm going to explain the science. I'm going to teach you why this is essential for you to be doing every day in order to maintain focus, in order to maintain connection with yourself, and in order to build what I call body confidence. Body confidence is feeling comfortable in your own skin. Body Confidence is being able to root yourself and ground yourself in your own body when life tries to hijack you. This has nothing to do with your appearance. This has to do with what it feels like to be you. Living your life so high fiving your heart is very, very simple. And first thing that I'm gonna do is explain why you need to do this. Okay. The reason why you need to start incorporating a high five to your heart into your day to day life is because research from Dr. Judy Willis, who is one of the world's leading neuroscientists, she was with UCLA for a long time. Tons of research studies, her research proves that it is impossible for your brain to effectively focus when your nervous system is on edge. It is impossible, I'm going to say it again, for your brain to effectively focus when your nervous system is on edge. And the reason why you've got to learn how to high five your heart is because it is a science backed tool that will switch you from a state where what's called your sympathetic nervous system, Your sympathetic nervous system, you have two nervous systems in your body. Your sympathetic nervous system is the nervous system that is activated when you're feeling anxious, when you're on edge, when your heart is racing, when you feel like the next shoe's about to drop. When you watch the news. Psychologists call it a dysregulated nervous system. And the fact of the matter is, I do not need to be a medical doctor to tell you, you right now, you have a dysregulated nervous system. It would be impossible for you to have survived the last 18 months and the world that we've been living in and not wake up and feel on edge and not wake up and feel like something else is about to happen. Because something else always is, are we wearing masks or are we not wearing masks? Are the kids going back to school or they're not going to. Are we going to the office or are we not going to the office? Like everything is changing, which puts your nervous system in a state where it's waiting for something to happen. Now, when you're in that state, it's very hard for you to change behavior. It's very hard for you to learn new things, anything. It's very hard for you to do creative work. It's very hard for you to be productive and focused and calm. And so I'm going to teach you this incredible tool that you can use at any moment when you start to feel the stress level rise. And it could be any moment. You could be texting a friend. And you see the three dots coming up and you feel the wave. You could have just sent an email. And it's a really big pitch and it's somebody you admire, and you're like, oh, are they going to write back? And you feel the stress come up. It could be any moment. You could be on a plane. And they say, we're going to have to have an emergency landing, which is a true story in one of these books. And you can feel your nervous system brace anytime you feel on edge. You can use the high five to the heart to activate science, to get you grounded back in your body and to flip on what's called your parasympathetic nervous system. Your parasympathetic nervous system is your calm and your cool nervous system. And this is the nervous system that you need in order to feel a calm, striving sense of productivity. If you want to feel in control, this is the fastest way to do it. And here's how you do it. We're going to do it together. Now, you can do it by putting your hand on your heart. I can see you. So this is not like something that you're going to observe. We're doing this together. Put your hand on the heart. Or I've got big mitts. So I put my hands kind of right here because then it touches my heart. Now, when you put your hands here and press against your chest, what you're going to do is you're going to be stimulating what's called your vagus nerve when you high five your heart. We're going to do it together. And then I'm going to explain the science of what's happening. First of all, we're going to take a deep breath together. Okay, so here we go. Then you're going to repeat three sentences to yourself while you hold your hands against your heart. You're going to say, and you. I'm going to say it and pause. So then you can say it. Here we go. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. And what's going to happen is you're going to repeat that to yourself. You can say it out loud, you can say it to yourself. You can think it. I'm okay. I. I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. And there may be some mornings that you do this 53 times. There'll be some mornings that you do at once. If you can say those three sentences. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'M loved. While your hands are right here, you want to know what it's true? In this moment, despite the fact that there's all kinds of stuff going on and your nervous system is on edge, you are safe, you are okay, and you are loved. And you're actually demonstrating that to yourself. And your brain sees it. Now, the reason why your hands go here on your heart is because the vagus nerve, which I've talked about in a couple of the trainings on growth day, because it is a treasure inside your body that you need to know how to use. Your vagus nerve runs all the way from your seat through every major organization, through your vocal cords and up to the top of your head. When you put your hands on this part of your body, you are toning the vagus nerve. When you start to repeat those sentences, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved. You are activating the vagus nerve and it is the on, off switch between your sympathetic, on edge, dysregulated, stressed out nervous system and your parasympathetic, calm, cool, centered, grounded in control nervous system. Every single morning, I have the same habits. I wake up when the alarm rings and I count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and I get out of bed. I then put my hands on my heart and I give my heart a high five and I say those same three sentences over and over until I feel myself grounded in my body. Then I make my bed, and with a calm and cool nervous system, I then go into the bathroom and I practice one of the other habits that we're going to talk about today called the high five habit. And what it does is it allows me to begin my day, set up for success. It allows me to have a level of being comfortable in my own skin and calm and cool and centered and present before the rest of the world comes in. It allows me to use science and my body intelligence to not only switch from a stressed out nervous system to a calm and centered one, but that then gives this sucker right here, my prefrontal cortex, a shot at helping me. Because now that my nervous system is calmed down and cool, now I can focus on what I actually want to do. Because if you're in a stressed out state, it's impossible to focus. I can give you an example. Let's say as you're sitting here watching this growth day training, the fire alarm goes off and you smell smoke and you start to hear crackling and there's a fire happening. Would you be able to do a math problem in that moment. Of course not, because your alarm system in your body is going and it overrides your clear thinking. This is what's happening to you all day long right now. One of the reasons why the exterior world, the chaos around us, all the uncertainty, and let's not forget the sustained situation that you've been living through, which has caused you to feel on edge and to feel stressed out. You're not the only one. We are all emotionally gassed. This is why it's hard for you to focus. A lot of it has to do with your nervous system, and that's why I want you to practice this. And it does work. If you have a mindfulness or a meditation or some other type of mindfulness practice, it does work hand in hand with these things. I'm here to tell you, you have to start to take advantage of what happens when you become in control of your own body and nervous system response. It is a game changer. Game changer. You will be less triggered, you will be more focused, you will feel more energized. You will be able to direct your attention on what you want. You will not feel emotionally spent at the end of the day because you know how to bring yourself back into your body.

Hey, it's Brandon. I want to jump in here real quick. If you're really loving this training and you actually like to see Mel Robbins coaching you live every single month, make sure you go to growthday.com and become an official member of Growth Day. Growth Day is the the world's all in one personal development app. It has your digital journal, your goal planning. It has your ability to take online wellness challenges and personal development challenges. It has courses, audio books, and an incredible community from around the world of people just like you who are inspired to live beyond mediocrity, who are inspired to develop themselves so they're better parents, caregivers, leaders, team members, contributors to the future. If you really want to change your life and go to the next level, please make sure you go to growthday.com because if you sign up for the pro membership, you get me live training and coaching you every month, as well as Mel Robbins and 10 other personal growth and wellness teachers from around the world. I know you will love this app. So go to growthday.com and check that out right now.

Now, as I go on to the next tool that I'm going to teach you, which is the high five habit. I think I've explained it once or twice here, but it bears repeating because you need this. And by the way, keep Writing down your questions because I'm going to give you three things that you can do all grounded in science. You have one already, the high five to the heart. We're going to talk next about this moment in the mirror that I call the high five habit, which if you have not heard what this is, it is going to sound corny, it is going to sound weird. You are going to resist this idea and if you resist this, it is the biggest mistake of your life. I am probably next to brendon and some of the other coaches, one of the most successful and productive and fulfilled people you will ever meet. And I didn't even understand how fulfillment or happiness truly could feel or be part of your day to day life until I discovered the high five habit. The five second rule made me a machine when it came to pushing through and getting stuff done and checking things off the list and go, go, go, go, go. The high five habit has taught me how to truly be fulfilled and be connected to myself, to support myself. And that's what you need right now. You can't rely on anything outside of you. You cannot rely on the world fixing itself. You have to find your power inside you. When you know that you can have your own back and when you know that you can literally move the needle on anything through your own attitude and your own effort, you will have a sense of confidence you have never experienced before. I see. Bridget asked, does the high five habit serve as a reset for our brains? Yes, it does. In fact, it does something even more profound than a reset for your brain. What it does, bridget, is and this is a game changer and I'm going to explain the science right now. It not only hits the reset button and breaks all of those negative habits that are in your mind, the negative self talk, the bashing, the judgment, the shame, the all of hits the reset button on that and more importantly, it programs in an entirely new soundtrack as it relates to how you see yourself. And you want to know the coolest part, everybody? You don't have to say a darn thing. Your body and your mind are designed to do this for you. And so I'm going to explain the science to you because this is honestly bananas. So what you're going to do, and again, I write about it extensively in the high five habit. I'm not going to belabor the story because we're going to be talking about it a lot. You're going to learn about it in the high five challenge, which I definitely want you to take. You'll learn about it, when you read the book, which I absolutely want you to get, it is the best thing I've ever put out. But let me tell you what the high five habit is, okay? So after you wake up, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And you get up, and then I make my bed, you go high five to the heart. You got a calm nervous system. Now, I want you to walk into the bathroom. And when you walk into the bathroom and you stand with yourself in front of the mirror, I want you to take a moment, okay? And I want you to just be with yourself. Because I guarantee you right now, you have a habit that is part of your morning routine. And that habit that you have, that's part of your morning routine is the opposite of a high five. This is the part of your morning routine where you're brushing your teeth and you basically check out and you start to bash your appearance or you ignore yourself, or you think about the day ahead and you automatically think about everything that's about to go wrong or that you haven't done. This is the part of your morning routine that is a habit where your mindset goes negative. And so what I want to do is I want you to create a brand new deliberate and intentional habit right after you brush your teeth. Because you got to clean those teeth. Ears, you know, you cannot go out in the world with dragon breath every day. You got to clean the teeth the second that you put your toothbrush down. Now, we are going to do the high five habit, and I want you to do it right after you brush your teeth. Because science tells us when you stack a new habit with something you already do every day, it makes it much easier for your brain to remember it and for it to become part of your subconscious routine. So as you put the toothbrush down and you stand there, I want you to take a minute and I want you to look at yourself and look past your body. There's a human being in there, a human being that has been waiting for you to wake up and look them in the eyes and start showing up and supporting and cheering and celebrating them. As you look at yourself, I want you to think about something. Who are you going to be today for that person? How are you going to show up today for the person you see reflected in the mirror? As you think about your life and what matters to you and what your goals are? What's the game that you're playing? How are we going to inch the ball down the field today? Because, remember, I believe that productivity is about making progress in something that matters to you. So what is the game you're playing today that matters to you? And how are we going to inch the ball down the field? And once you've set that intention, which based on recent research, everybody, all you need is just a minute of intentional reflection about how you're going to show up today and who you're going to be. And based on research, it increases your productivity, it changes how you behave, and it increases the impact that you have on those folks around you. So this is based on research. Then what you're going to do is this. You are going to raise your hand and you are going to high five your reflection in the mirror. Now this is where things get interesting. So first things first, this is what you're going to notice. Even though you're somebody who's working on your own personal development, I want you to expect it to feel weird. I want you to resist it. I want you to expect that you're going to do it, okay? You should expect that you will stand there tomorrow morning and you're going to feel weird and you're going to resist it. And I want to unpack why you're going to feel that way. Because one of the reasons why you feel that way is based in science. The other reason why you feel that way is based in psychology. And it's sad. It's really sad. Because this resistance, everybody, this is what's keeping you from having the happiness and the fulfillment that you deserve. So let's talk about what's there between you and high fiving the person you see staring back at you. So why is it weird? Well, it's weird because you're changing a habit and your brain is not wired for change. Your brain is wired to resist change. So, for example, I'm a right hander, okay? I can write all day long with my right hand. The moment I put the pen in my left hand and I go to write, how's it going to feel? It's going to feel weird. I'm going to resist it because it's a brand new behavior. In order to write with my left hand, I'm going to have to forge new neural pathways. I'm going to have to try something different. My brain puts resistance up to it. One of the reasons why you will feel weird and your brain will resist the high five is because your current default is to look at yourself and go, oh my God, I look terrible. Look at those bags under my eyes. Look at the wrinkles on my neck. Look at the jowls hanging down. Look at One boob is lower than the other. Look at that saggy skin on my stomach. Look at that. That is what your habit is. Or ignore yourself. There are people right now. If this is you, I want you to admit it. You can't even look at yourself because you see a failure or you see somebody you don't like, or you don't like what your face looks like. You know that guy? You know Shaun T. The amazing, energetic, exercise like amazing dude. I talked to him yesterday. He admitted to me that for years he couldn't look at his face because he hated how he looked. This is most people's day to day experience. So it's going to feel weird because I'm asking you to do the opposite of what you normally do. And it's new. Second reason why you're going to resist it. And this is where it gets sad, everybody. This is where it gets really sad and really deep. When you stand before yourself in front of a mirror and you look at yourself, you drag with you your entire past. Standing between you and the person you see reflected is everything that's been done to you. It's all of the abuse and the trauma and the mistakes and the disappointment and the heartache. And so many of you take all the stuff, the bad stuff that's happened to you or in your life and you use that as evidence to say, I'm a failure, I'm not worthy, I don't deserve it. See all this evidence, that person I see is not somebody who deserves a high five because of what's happened to them. Or maybe like the rest of us, you've done things in your past that you deeply regret. You were doing things because you were trying to survive and you haven't forgiven yourself. And so you stand there every morning and subconsciously what's there is judgment. And so if you're resisting raising your hand and celebrating yourself just for standing there and just for being there and just for showing up for another day, despite all this stuff that's happened, you, the resistance is the problem. Because until you forgive yourself, until you start to look yourself in the eye and say, because of all this stuff, I deserve a high five. I've survived this because of everything that has happened to me and because I still show up and try a little harder. I deserve support. I deserve celebration and I need, need it. I need it. It's so obvious and yet none of us do this. We stand in judgment. You think because you got fired or your last business failed, you are a failure. And that's why you won't cheer for yourself right now. You want to know the third reason why people feel resistance to doing this? It's because you have bought into this lie. That until you get to that number on the scale, until you have the money in the bank account, until you drive that right car or launch that right business, or you have the person that somehow has chosen you and loves you, until you have the right body or you live in the right neighborhood, or your hair isn't so kinky, or whatever the hell it is that you say to yourself, until you get those things, you do not deserve celebration. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Ridiculous. You know what that's like? Have you ever watched a marathon? You know, where runners are running 26.2 miles? Do the spectators stand back with their arms crossed at mile eight and go, I'm not cheering for you. You're only a mile eight, you loser. You're not even running that fast. Is that what the spectators do at a marathon race? I don't think so. Clapping the entire. They're high fiving people. They're raising their hands and celebrating. It's the empowerment, the celebration, the support, every step of the way that keeps somebody going. Do you understand? I didn't understand this, everybody. I used to be that person that stood in front of the mirror. And despite the fact that I make millions of dollars and I have a healthy family and I am healthy and I have built a business and I have literally clawed my way out of almost a million dollars in debt, I used to stand in front of a mirror just a year ago and see a woman who has f ked up her life. I used to stand in front of a mirror and judge myself for all of the horrible things, many of which I write about in this book. You're going to read this book and be like, Mel Robbins. You were like in law school, girl, you're screwed up. You make me feel like I'm normal. Girl. Literally read how screwed up I was because I didn't know what. I didn't know what to do. I was just trying to survive, guys. My nervous system was so out of whack. I was constantly stressed out, constantly anxious, constantly reacting. I didn't understand half this stuff until I started digging into this book. I only discovered the high five habit because when the pandemic hit, and it's not a pandemic book we don't need. Nobody wants to hear more about the pandemic. But when the pandemic hit, I literally lost my dream job. Every speech I had Booked for a year, got canceled. My old publisher canceled my book contract and then wanted the money back. I found myself, like, in a state of free fall. And one morning I woke up and I had that feeling that I'm describing where I saw myself in the mirror and thought, you look like hell. I felt sad for myself. And the fact of the matter is Vicki or Chris or any of you watching, if you had walked into my bathroom that morning, I would have been able to lift you up. I would have forgotten about my own problems, and I would have been able to pick. Just like you can pick up everybody in your family. You can throw people a birthday party. You can cheer for your favorite teams, you can buy your favorite musicians concert tickets. You can, you know, show up for everybody in your life. But when it comes to consistently showing up for yourself, none of us have been trained how to do it. And one of the reasons why this high five habit is cheesy as it sounds, and as much as you're going to resist it, the reason why this is so powerful is because you don't have to do anything. Your body is actually designed to receive this. So I'm going to explain this. So in the comments, I want you to write down right now. When you give somebody a high five or somebody high fives you back, what does that gesture communicate? Without saying a word, you go to high five somebody. What does it say? I want to see it in the comments. You high five somebody. What does it say? Everybody, I care about you. Yep. I support you. You're cool. You rock. Great job. You're awesome. You're amazing. Celebration, acknowledgement. I love you. We're jumping it. We're connecting. Exactly. Have you ever high fived somebody with the intention, I hate you? Of course not. No. It's only ever a positive gesture. You've been doing it your entire life. Now comes the cool part. Everybody. When you stand in front of a mirror and you raise your hand in celebration of yourself and you do that gesture, you don't have to think anything. The gesture alone communicates everything. All of that stuff that you guys just put in the comments, it's already programmed right here into the subconscious part of your brain. The second that you raise your hand. This is called neurobics. It's an entire field of study. Neuroplasticity plus aerobic physical activity. When you do something physical that's unexpected, like high fiving your own reflection, you don't ever do that and you marry it with a positive thought. It's the fastest way to Create new neural pathways. The positive thought is already in your brain. The reason why you can't think something negative when you high five yourself. You may feel a little weird because it's new, but you can't think something negative is because your brain won't allow it. It's already got this motion fused with I believe you. I love you. I got you. We're in this. Let's go. Come on. Now pick your chin up. Come on. You got this. That's what's in this celebration. Love, support, connection. All hard work. You don't have to do anything. You know, I was talking to another one of the growth day teachers, Dr. Daniel Amen. He flipped out over this thing. He said, mel, do you realize why you feel energized after you've done this five days in a row? And I'm like, no. Why? He goes, well, because think about what you do when you cross the finish line, everybody. What do you do? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you wave hello to somebody? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you hug somebody? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you high five somebody? You put your hands in the air. Your nervous system is also coded and encoded with that energy of celebration when you raise your hand in that manner. So if you keep practicing and making this part of your morning routine, it's going to re energize you. It's going to work because your nervous system is programmed this way from a lifetime of experience. The other reason why it works is, and you feel your mood boost, everybody, is because you get a drip of dopamine when you do this. How cool is that? So when you talk about calm, striving productivity, being grounded in yourself, you got your nervous system now working for you now you got your brain shutting up that jerk that lives in your head silencing it, and then reprogramming. This is not even a reset, everybody. This is a complete reprogramming. Do you know I've been doing this now for over a year? I don't even need to raise my hand to feel the effectiveness. I have completely and utterly reprogrammed my own brain. I don't see a person that I would criticize when I look in the mirror, just like I would never criticize one of my kids, at least not to their face. You know, I literally would not say anything negative to my kids about how they look or who they are. It wouldn't even occur to me to do that. Now do you know I've spent 45 years beating the hell out of myself? How exactly is being hard on yourself helping you? How exactly is harping on what you're doing wrong helping you? It's not. It's just that nobody trained your parents how to cheer for themselves, which means they didn't train you. And so what I'm offering, between the high five of the heart and this little ritual every morning is to stand in front of a mirror and to raise your hand and every single day send yourself into the game of life, knowing that no matter what comes your way, you got your own back, that you're doing your best, that you support yourself, that you've got your own back, that you love yourself, that you believe in yourself. It's absolutely unbelievable how powerful this is. And I have the science to prove it. So if you're a science, not like I am, I tell you the story in chapter one. Chapter two is nothing but science. Including the fact that there is a research study done about NBA team. So we got sports fans here, check this out. So NBA teams, they did this study where they wanted to know, are there any like, patterns that you could trace back if you took the championship teams and then trace back all the way back to the preseason? Are there defined patterns that are consistent with the championship teams that are not present with the teams that perform the worst? And sure enough, there were. You can predict who is going to be in the championships rounds of the NBA by a simple pattern in the preseason. And you want to know what it is. The teams that go on to win have the most number of high fives, backpacks, fist bumps and gestures of encouragement in the preseason. Why would that make a difference? I'll tell you why it makes a difference. Because those high fives, just like you, high five a runner every step of a marathon to encourage them to move forward. They build trust, they transfer energy. They say, I believe in you. They build partnership. And I'm here to tell you, life is hard. You need to build a partnership with yourself. When you stand with yourself every single morning with a calm and cool nervous system grounded in your body, and you look at yourself in the mirror with compassion and forgiveness and love and understanding and support, and you decide what game you're going to play today and who you're going to be and how you're going to show up, and you raise your hand and you seal that with encouragement, support and celebration, you will be unstoppable. Because you will know the secret to life. And that is never giving up on the person who is staring back at you in the mirror and making sure that no matter what happens, the one person whose back you've always got is the one that's always going to be with you. And you've got an opportunity every single morning to start your day by taking care of that person instead of criticizing and ignoring them. And if you're serious about changing your life, if you're serious about feeling more fulfilled, if you're serious about enjoying your life and being content and feeling like you're in control no matter what's going to happen, that you have the ability to survive this, you have the ability to grow from this. You have the ability to take this opportunity and make it something even bigger. You can do all that every single morning with a simple gesture backed by science called the high five habit. All right, I am going to bring brendon in because I am like, literally, like, ha. And I got so much more to teach you. But we are going to save a lot of it for the challenge. So let's take some questions.

Woo. My gosh. Would you all give Mel a big round of applause as high fives virtually over zoom here even. Because, listen, this is why we started growth day. This act of encouragement, this energy, the team teaching that you did based on science and very practical things. This is one of my favorite sessions of all time. Mel, this was unbelievable. It was so powerful. And I saw all the comments lighting up and people just feeling that what you talked about, that sense that we can create partnership with ourself. I love that. I love that. I also loved how you mentioned that the vagus nerve is like a treasure in our body. I thought that was so cool that. Oh, right, we can activate that. That's a blessing. We can find that every day. So many great moments. But I will jump to the team questions here and the community questions that have been sent in here. Michelle is asking, is it normal to be this emotional when you first high five your heart? I instantly had tears and a big wave emotions. It was like my heart finally said, finally you're listening to me.

Oh. Oh, God, Brendan, that is going to make me cry. You know, it's interesting. This hits so deep for people. I mean, even like the tough guys like Dave hollis and ed millette, when I talked to them about these tools, started crying. And I think that what you're realizing, everyone is just how busy you've been and how disconnected you are from yourself and that you've been sitting around waiting for somebody else outside of you, your spouse or the person you're dating or your friends or your family or your boss or a colleague at work to make you feel like you matter, to make you feel seen. To give you this deep and profound affirming emotional support that we're all in need of right now. And so it's true. Yes, it is. I think the resistance is just as much to be expected as breaking down in tears. Because you have withheld this from yourself for a long time. And you've been waiting for somebody to show up and make you feel validated and make you feel seen and held and heard. And when you finally fulfill it for yourself, it's not only nourishing because it's like having a really awesome cold glass of water when you've been on a big, gusty hike and it feels so incredibly satiating, but it's also in some way sad because you realize, I could have done this all along.

Yes.

Why have I been waiting for somebody else to come along? I could do this for myself. And I think that's the secret to everything. Because we have been looking for our worthiness outside of ourselves and the most important relationship that you have in life. And look, I didn't get this. Like, I didn't get this in my bones. I knew I needed to put myself first, Brendan. I knew that I was supposed to love myself. I didn't know how to do it. And so I, in the last year, have had the most enormous breakthrough in realizing the extent to which I have never accepted that Chris, for example, could truly love me as much as he says he does. Because I don't love myself the way that I need to, and I don't support myself the way that I need to and that I will never feel worthy if I'm always looking for somebody else to show me that I'm worthy. I must first treat myself like I'm worthy. And when your relationship with yourself changes, it changes every relationship that you have. Because your relationship with yourself is the foundation of every relationship.

Yes.

If you're insecure with yourself, everyone, you'll feel insecure with every relationship you have. If you don't love yourself, you'll find it hard to believe and you will doubt that anybody else can love you. And this stuff goes at a subconscious level. And so what I love about the high five habit and the hands to the heart and all the other tools in this book that you're going to practice is that we are giving you the positive thing to do that has an immediate boost. But the way that it works starts to reveal these layers and layers and layers of things that you haven't been able to make movement in and you haven't been able to have a breakthrough in. And that's what I love about this, how deeply it works. And that's why you're getting emotional when you use it.

I love this, I love that. That's so true. Some are questioning that. That idea of, you know, it's hard to give yourself a pat on your back and why people resist that. As you talked about as well, how do you feel like this is different than just saying, you know, attaboy, or pat yourself on the back?

I think it's different because verbal affirmation doesn't work if you don't believe it. So the beauty of this is that, you know, if you hate your body, for example, you can listen to every expert out there about self acceptance and body positivity, and it's really important. But if you hate your body and you've spent decades saying, I hate how I look. I'm the biggest in my family. I hate how jeans feel. I hate having my picture taken, you have reinforced that message for so long that simply standing in front of a mirror and going, thank you, body, it's not going to work. Because your brain's like, sorry, you've been telling me something else for 20 like, I don't know what to do here. But if you raise your hand, hand. And you don't say a thing, there's a couple things that happen that's amazing. And there's a study in this book that involves kids and the best way to motivate kids. And they found that of anything you could do, a simple high five with no words are the most effective way to motivate somebody in a challenging time. When you raise your hand and you don't say anything and you hate your body, what it says is, I get it, you're not happy with where you are. Guess what? I still love you. I recognize that this is hard and you can do it. There's an affirmation that rings true for you because a high five is also given in moments of challenge, and it's encouraging. And so over time, continuing to do it, you silence the beatdown, which then gives your brain a chance to start to put a new track in and through the motion itself and the celebration that starts to get jolted through your nervous system and the programming that's already in there, you stop seeing your body and you start seeing a human being. There's a woman that wrote to us, Brendan, that Has suffered from body dysmorphia for over 20 years. She hasn't looked at herself in the Mirror for 20 years. And when she first did the high five, she couldn't look at herself. And then, you know what's interesting about a high five is everybody. What happens when you give a high five and you kind of miss the hand a little bit? What do you do? You go back, you give another one? Yeah, you go back, you do it again. Because there's an intentionality behind it that requires focus. And so by the second day, she had to look at herself. By the fifth day, she was not seeing her body, and she was able to smile at herself. And it's because the programming associated with a high five recognizes subconscious, subconsciously. This isn't perfect. This is hard. And I still got you.

I love that that's related. You know, Anna said something I thought was so vulnerable. She said, what if you feel like your face doesn't match the person you are inside?

I think it still works, and here's why. Who said your face doesn't match the person on the inside? You did. Life did. Someone else did. That's that judgment I'm talking about. You're withholding the very support and celebration that you need because of this judgment. And so we need to break the habit of you judging yourself, and we need to build a new habit, which is seeing, celebrating, and encouraging yourself exactly where you are right now and exactly where you're not. And look, you may not like your face. I don't like my chin. I don't like the stripes on my neck. I don't like these little jowls that are starting to come in. I don't like a lot about me, but I used to harp on that. I used to focus on it and then make it a reason and then resist myself. All of it is a habit of rejecting rejection. That's what that is. And so I need you to who? Trust me when I tell you, you practice this high five habit. You push past the resistance and the weirdness. You do it for five days a week, whatever, you're going to stop seeing your face. You're going to see that there's a human being in there that needs you.

Yes. Oh, my gosh, yes. There's a human being in there that needs you. That you can be in partnership with this habit. It is so powerful, y'.

All.

I want to share with you that I had the blessing of sitting down with Mel and filming for two days on this topic. And if you're a Growth Day member, you're going to get that filming for free. It's called the High Five Challenge. We'll be running it exclusively in Growth Day for you. So if you love this today, would you do me a favor for even spending the time to film with us for two days for this, would you go and make sure you go to Instagram today and give a shout out to Mel. Thank her in the DMs. Let her know you saw this on Growth Day. Let her know you're excited about the challenge coming up. Let her know you're supporting her book. Just reach out and cheer her on because she's taking this time to literally just encourage the world. I don't know about you all, but I feel encouraged today. And it reminds you, like, oh, I can stack positive habits. I can say things to myself, but more importantly, activate things for myself that make me feel better even as I'm trying to get things done, even as I'm going through a difficult day, even as, you know, I judge myself that I have the power to change that conversation too, with a simple and powerful new habit. So make sure you check out the High Five Habit, her new book. It's so incredibly powerful coming out. And also join us when you see In Growth Day, we'll make the announcement on October 1st. We'll have you being able to register for it. It runs October 4th through 8th right here in the Growth Day app and you'll be able to take it exclusively here. We're really excited about it. Mel. This session was transformative. Maybe my favorite session of all time in Growth Day.

Oh, it's definitely my favorite session. I'm just going to drop a hammer right there, but then I'm going to have to outdo myself right next time. So one thing I do want to say, first of all, thank you everybody that has pre ordered the book. It's super helpful to authors like Brennan and me when you do that, mainly because people pay attention that this is a book that's worth talking about because they see people buying it before it's even available. And you know, I want to just thank you. And so I know Brendan won't mind me telling you that if you go to high fivehabit.com if you've pre ordered the book, I've got a couple free things for you. And one of them includes my morning routine. And so I would love, love, love if you're buying it. Please let me take care of you. Just go to high5habit.com and register your receipt and brendon and I cannot wait for you to be part of this challenge. It is incredible. And you want to know why it is incredible? It is because I did something that I probably never would have done in the past and that is I said I've never done anything like this before. Brendon, would you help me? And Brendan stepped up and he is a co creator in this and it is literally going to change your life and I cannot wait for you to be a part of it. And we hope that you will invite all of your friends and all of your family to join you in taking it. So, Brendan, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything that you're doing to help me get this high five habit out into the world and to impact people's lives together. I love you.

I love you too, Mel. Such an amazing session and I just, I'm so honored to do this mission with you and even be a part of it. Please go to highfivehabit.com, preorder her book, support the book, get this message out there because you know somebody in your life who needs a high five and not just from you, from themselves. So please check out highfivehabit.com, support Mel, cheer her on in Instagram, let her know you're coming from Growth day so she sees you and can acknowledge you. We appreciate everybody today. This was an incredible session. Mel Robbins, everybody. Thank you everybody for an awesome session. Hey, I hope you enjoyed this session with Mel Robbins, author of the High Five Habit. Make sure you go pick up a copy of our book the High Five Habit. And if you'd like to go through a free challenge that might be running right now, make sure you go to high fivechallenge.com if it's expired by the time you're watching this, no problem. Go to growthday.com All Growth Day members get active access to her challenge and they can take it anytime they want at their own pace. So Growth Day members also receive coaching from Mel every single month, as well as coaching from me and 10 other personal growth and wellness teachers. It's the world's number one personal development platform for a reason. We architected it with your self improvement in mind. How do you make all the self help stick? Sometimes you need an app for that. You need your digital journal, your goal setting, your challenges, your community, your courses, your audiobooks, all in one place that tracks your habits and helps you get targeted recommendations to improving every area of your life. That's Growth Day. Just go to growthday.com.