The High 5 Challenge with Mel Robbins

Hello my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth and also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now let's begin. Hey all, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a special episode of the Brendon Show. I, I really wanted to bring this incredible training to you because so many people right now are dealing with tremendous self doubt or the uncertainty of our times and we're struggling to take back our lives but also revitalize our lives. And so I wanted to bring this training to you from Mel Robbins, author of the new book the High Five Habit. We had the blessing on Growth Day. My platform for personal development to have Mel on to talk about the genesis of this movement that she has created all around the world called the High Five Challenge. And that is essentially about how do you acknowledge yourself, hear yourself, see yourself, validate yourself and celebrate yourself in times that have been so challenging. How do you be the primary, encourager in your life when so often you actually beat yourself down or don't give yourself credit or just simply get discouraged and lose your focus or your momentum or your confidence. And so I know you're going to love this training. Please, please, please listen closely. I know you're going to love this. Also, if you're enjoying this, please go to high fivechallenge.com again. That's high five challenge. Com and you can take a five day training right now from Mel Robbins on Growth Day for free. Click the link in the descriptions down below to be able to join the challenge for free because we've got some online training from her now available to my community. I'm really excited about as part of my app, growthday. What we're always trying to do is help you make self improvement a way of life. And I really believe that whatever habits you practice, whether it's the high performance habits, my book or her book, you know, the High Five habit, I think that the habits that we create in our lives that keep us going are so critical. We have to do them consciously, make sure that they're consistent and we have to make sure that we really engaging in them over and over and over again in ways that really empower us. So please enjoy this training from Mel Robbins, author of the High Five Habit.

Where we're going to start today is we're going to start with a tool and a habit that I call high fiving your heart. If you want to feel in control, this is the fastest way to do it. And here's how you do it. We're going to do it together. Now you can do it by putting your hand on your heart when you high five your heart. We're going to do it together. And then I'm going to explain the science of what's happening. First of all, we're going to take a deep breath together. Here we go. Then you're going to repeat three sentences to yourself while you hold your hands against your heart. You're going to say, and I'm going to say it and pause so then you can say it. Here we go. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. And what's going to happen is you're going to repeat that to yourself. You can say it out loud, you can say it to yourself. You can think it. I'm okay, I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. And there may be some mornings that you do this 53 times. There'll be some mornings that you do it once. If you can say those three sentences, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved. While your hands are right here, you want to know what it's true? In this moment, despite the fact that there's all kinds of stuff going on and your nervous system is on edge, you are safe, you are okay, and you are loved. You're actually demonstrating that to yourself and your brain sees it. Now, the reason why your hands go here on your heart is because the vagus nerve, which I've talked about in a couple of the trainings on growth day, because it is a treasure inside your body that you need to know how to use. Your vagus nerve runs all the way from your seat, through every major organ, through your vocal cords and up to the top of your head. When you put your hands on this part of your body, you are toning the vagus nerve. When you start to repeat those sentences, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved. You are activating the vagus nerve and it is the on, off switch between your sympathetic, on edge, dysregulated, stressed out nervous system and your parasympathetic, calm, cool, centered, grounded in control nervous system. Every single morning I have the same habits. I wake up when the alarm rings and I count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and I get out of bed. I then put my hands on my heart and I give my heart a high five and I say those same three sentences over and over until I feel myself grounded in my body. Then I make my bed, and with a calm and cool nervous system, I then go into the bathroom and I practice one of the other habits that we're going to talk about today called the high five habit. What it does is it allows me to begin my day, set up for success. It allows me to have a level of being comfortable in my own skin and calm and cool and centered and present before the rest of the world comes in. It allows me to use science and my body intelligence to not only switch from a stressed out nervous system to a calm and centered one, but that then gives this sucker right here, my prefrontal cortex, a shot at helping me. Because now that my nervous system is calmed down and cool, now I can focus on what I actually want to do. It does work if you have a mindfulness or a meditation or some other type of mindfulness practice, it does work hand in hand with these things. I'm here to tell you, you have to start to take advantage of what happens when you become in control of your own body and nervous system response. It is a game changer. Game changer. You will be less triggered. You will be more focused. You will feel more energized. You will be able to direct your attention on what you want. You will not feel emotionally spent at the end of the day because you know how to bring yourself back into your body.

Hey, it's Brandon. I want to jump in here real quick. If you're really loving this training and you'd actually like to see Mel Robbins coaching you live every single month, make sure you go to growthday.com and become an official member of Growth Day. Growth Day is the world's all in one personal development app. It has your digital journal, your goal planning. It has your ability to take online wellness challenges and personal development challenges. It has courses, audio, books, and an incredible community from around the world of people just like you who are inspired to live beyond mediocrity, who are inspired to develop themselves so they're better parents, caregivers, leaders, team members, contributors to the future. If you really want to change your life and go to the next level, please make sure you go to growthday.com because if you sign up for the pro membership, you get me live training and coaching you every month, as well as Mel Robbins and 10 other personal growth and wellness teachers from around the world. I know you will love this app. So go to growthday.com and check that out right now.

Now, as I go on to the next tool that I'm going to teach you, which is the high five habit, I think I've explained it once or twice here, but it bears repeating because you need this. So after you wake up, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and you get up and then I make my bed, you go high five to the heart. You got a calm nervous system. Now, I want you to walk into the bathroom. And when you walk into the bathroom and you stand with yourself in front of the mirror, I want you to take a moment and I want you to just be with yourself. Because I guarantee you right now you have a habit that is part of your morning routine. And that habit that you have, that's part of your morning routine is the opposite of a high five. This is the part of your morning routine where you're brushing your teeth and you basically check out and you start to bash your appearance or you ignore yourself, or you think about the day ahead and you automatically think about everything that's about to go wrong or that you haven't done. This is the part of your morning Routine. That is a habit where your mindset goes negative. And so what I want to do is I want you to create a brand new deliberate and intentional habit right after you brush your teeth. Because you got to clean those teeth, ears, you cannot go out in the world with dragon breath every day. You got to clean the teeth the second that you put your toothbrush down. Now we are going to do the high five habit. You are going to raise your hand and you are going to high five your reflection in the mirror. Now this is where things get interesting. So first things first, this is what you are going to notice. Even though you are somebody who's working on your own personal development, I want you to expect it to feel weird. It I want you to expect that you're going to do it, okay? You should expect that you will stand there tomorrow morning and you're going to feel weird and you're going to resist it. And I want to unpack why you're going to feel that way. Because one of the reasons why you feel that way is based in science. The other reason why you feel that way is based in psychology. And it's sad. It's really sad. Because this resistance, everybody, this is what's keeping you from having the happiness and the fulfillment that you deserve. So let's talk about what's there between you and high fiving the person you see staring back at you. So why is it weird? Well, it's weird because you're changing a habit and your brain is not wired for change. Your brain is wired to resist change. So for example, I'm a right hander, okay, I can write all day long with my right hand. The moment I put the pen in my left hand and I go to write, how's it going to feel? It's going to feel weird. I'm going to resist it because it's a brand new behavior. In order to write with my left hand, I'm going to have to forge new neural pathways. I'm going to have to try something different. And so my brain puts resistance up to it. So one of the reasons why you will feel weird and your brain will resist the high five is because your current default is to look at yourself and go, oh my God, I look terrible. Look at those bags under my eyes, look at the wrinkles on my neck. This is most people's day to day experience. So it's going to feel weird because I'm asking you to do the opposite of what you normally do. And it's new. Second reason why you're Going to resist it. And this is where it gets sad, everybody. This is where it gets really sad and really deep. When you stand before yourself in front of a mirror and you look at yourself, you drag with you your entire past. Standing between you and the person you see reflected is everything that's been done to you. It's all of the abuse and the trauma and the mistakes and the disappointment and the heartache. And so many of you take all the stuff, the bad stuff that's happened to you or in your life, and you use that as evidence to say, I'm a failure. I'm not worthy. I don't deserve it. See all this evidence, that person I see is not somebody who deserves a high five because of what's happened to them. Or maybe, like the rest of us, you've done things in your past that you deeply regret. You were doing things because you were trying to survive, and you haven't forgiven yourself. And so you stand there every morning, and subconsciously what's there is judgment. And so if you're resisting raising your hand and celebrating yourself just for standing there and just for being there and just for showing up for another day, despite all this stuff that's happened to you, the resistance is the problem. Because until you forgive yourself, until you start to look yourself in the eye and say, because of all this stuff, I deserve a high five. I've survived this because of everything that has happened to me and because I still show up and try a little harder. I deserve support. I deserve celebration. And I need it. I need it. It's so obvious, and yet none of us do this. We stand in judgment. You think because you got fired or your last business failed, you are a failure. And that's why you won't cheer for yourself right now. You want to know this third reason why people feel resistance to doing this? It's because you have bought into this lie that until you get to that number on the scale, until you have the money in the bank account, until you drive that right car or launch that right business, or you have the person that somehow has chosen you and loves you, until you have the right body or you live in the right neighborhood, or your hair isn't so kinky, or whatever the hell it is that you say to yourself, until you get those things, you do not deserve celebration. Do you know how ridiculous that is? Ridiculous. You know what that's like? Have you ever watched a marathon? You know, where runners are running 26.2 miles? Do the spectators stand back with their arms crossed at mile Eight and go. I'm not cheering for you. You're only a mile eight, you loser. You're not even running that fast. Is that what the spectators do at a marathon race? I don't think so. Clapping. They're high fiving people. They're raising their hands and celebrating. It's the empowerment, the celebration, the support, every step of the way that keeps somebody going. And one of the reasons why this high five habit, as cheesy as it sounds, and as much as you're going to resist it, the reason why this is so powerful is because you don't have to do anything. Your body is actually designed to receive this the second that you raise your hand. This is called neurobics. It's an entire field of study. Neuroplasticity plus aerobic physical activity. When you do something physical that's unexpected, like high fiving your own reflection, you don't ever do that and you marry it with a positive thought. It's the fastest way to create new neural pathways. The positive thought is already in your brain. The reason why you can't think something negative. When you high five yourself, you may feel a little weird because it's new, but you can't think something negative is because your brain won't allow it. It's already got this motion fused with. I believe you. I love you. I got you. We're in this. Let's go. Come on now pick your chin up. Come on. You got this. That's what's in this celebration. Love, support, connection. All hard work. You don't have to do anything. You know, I was talking to another one of the growth day teachers, Dr. Daniel Amen. He flipped out over this thing. He said, mel, do you realize why you feel energized after you've done this five days in a row? And I'm like, no. Why? He goes, well, because think about what you do when you cross the finish line, everybody. What do you do? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you wave hello to somebody? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you hug somebody? You put your hands in the air. What do you do when you high five somebody? You put your hands in the air. Your nervous system is also coded and encoded with that energy of celebration when you raise your hand in that manner. So if you keep practicing and making this part of your morning routine, it's going to re energize you. It's going to work because your nervous system is programmed this way from a lifetime of experience Those high fives, just like you, high five a runner every step of a marathon to encourage them to move forward. They build trust. They transfer energy. They say, I believe in you. They build partnership. And I'm here to tell you, life is hard. You need to build a partnership with yourself. When you stand with yourself every single morning with a calm and cool nervous system grounded in your body, and you look at yourself in the mirror with compassion and forgiveness and love and understanding and support, and you decide what game you're going to play today and who you're going to be and how you're going to show up. And you raise your hand and you seal that with encouragement, support, and celebration. You will be unstoppable because you will know the secret to life. And that is never giving up on the person who is staring back at you in the mirror and making sure that no matter what happens, the one person whose back you've always got is the one that's always going to be with you. And you've got an opportunity every single morning to start your day by taking care of that person instead of criticizing and ignoring them. And if you're serious about changing your life, if you're serious about feeling more fulfilled, if you're serious about enjoying your life and being content and feeling like you're in control no matter what's going to happen, that you have the ability to survive this, you have the ability to grow from this, you have the ability to take this opportunity and make it something even bigger. You can do all that every single morning with a simple gesture back by science called the High Five Habit.

Hey, I hope you enjoyed this session with Mel Robbins, author of the High Five Habit. Make sure you go pick up a copy of her book, the High Five Habit. And if you'd like to go through a free challenge that might be running right now, make sure you go to high5challenge.com. All growth day members get access to her challenge and they can take anytime they want at their own pace. So Growth Day members also receive coaching from Mel every single month, as well as coaching from me and 10 other personal, growth and wellness teachers. It's the world's number one personal development platform for a reason. We architected it with your self improvement in mind. How do you make all the self help stick? Sometimes you need an app for that. You need your digital journal, your goal setting, your challenges, your community, your core, your audiobooks, all in one place that tracks your habits and helps you get targeted recommendations to improving every area of your life. That's Growth Day just go to growthday.com.