Transformation Week Day 5 - INFLUENCE

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to special series of the Brendon show. In this series we're playing for you our entire program called Transformation Week. Transformation Week was a program that Denise, my wife and I did to help people really understand what are the key habits that we know from science will help dramatically, I mean, really dramatically improve your life. It was an incredible video based program and online challenge that Denise and I did and we wanted to just capture it here for you in audio here on the Brendon show. So for the next seven days we, we'll release a brand new day of Transformation week and you'll get the audio right here on the podcast. If you're somebody who loves video and you would love the resources or the tools that we recommend as an example, the downloads or some special discounts to some products we might mention, please make sure you just go to transformationweek.com that's transformationweek.com when you go there again, you'll just enter your name and email. You'll be added to our newsletter list but you'll be sent this entire series by email where we summarize each of the days. We give you the PDFs, the downloads, the research, the tools, everything you'll hear in the audio on the Brendon show. With that, I hope you enjoy the series. Happy 2020, my friends. I hope you enjoy this year and this really becomes a transformation week for you as you kick off the new.

Decade of your life. Hey everybody, it's Brendon Burchard and Denise Burch. Welcome to HPX Transformation Week. HPX stands for the high performance experience. If you're new to this world, our belief is that we really believe. Everybody wants, I don't, I think I have to say our belief is that we really believe.

That everyone wants to live a more positive, connected, vibrant and excellence driven life. And just like us, like we do.

We want to strive for that high performance experience. That's why you're here in Transformation Week. So congratulations for being here. This is episode number five where we're gonna talk about developing influence and how you do that. Like this lady right here I'm so proud of because she has influenced me in such like tremendous ways in my life. And many of you all know me as an influencer. And I always say a lot of the joy and success I've had as an influencer has become or has come from just having a full heart of love to give to the world. And it's because she gives that influence to me. So first, I just want to flirt with you. That was it.

Thanks. Yeah, honey, you've influenced just a handful of people in the world.

Thank you. I like doing it today about influence. I think you're going to really enjoy this. Denise is going to share three things. I'll share three things. So please make sure you have your journals out. You share what you're learning with HPXLife TransformationWeek. Here we go. My first big idea is that it's incredibly important for you to be intentional in every relationship situation you have. That influence doesn't just suddenly, like, you don't just suddenly have it because you got lucky. You develop influence by being intentional with how you treat other people. And, you know, I think about the story of my father who was like my biggest influence. Some of you all know my story of my dad, who we lost. In 2009. He passed away from acute myeloid leukemia. And right before he passed away, I interviewed him and I asked him questions about life. And in that interview, he shared these things that he'd. He'd kind of said them throughout my life, but I never heard him say it all in one hour when I interviewed him. And he basically said the same seven things to us throughout our life. He would tell us, be yourself, Be honest. Do your best. Take care of your family. Treat people with respect. Be a good citizen. Follow your dreams. And what I hadn't realized was, you know, dad was always saying that to us. Whether he was just role modeling that or that's who he was or the simple things. If he called and had a bad day, he'd say one of those types of things. And what I realized really at the end of his life was he had been really intentional about the kids he wanted to raise and about the man he wanted to be. And I just feel like, whether you know it or not, you are influencing the kids and the people around you in a way more significant way than you imagine. Like, the kids are watching you, the friends you work with, your co workers, the people that you lead or influence or post to, they're seeing you and you're having a positive net effect with them or you're having no effect or you're having a negative effect. And so as I said in. I think we were in episode two, and I said, you have to be responsible for the energy you put into the world. Well, be intentional about the influence you want to have with people. The more intentional you are about that, the more your life can change.

That's great. Yeah, I think it's so easy to forget that you're always influencing people, whether you know it or not. So to walk through your day showing up how you want to show up.

What'S your first one?

My first one is to listen.

Oh, no. Oh, no. People. Oh, Brandon.

Listening, because I think everyone just wants to be heard and acknowledged is number one. But also. And it just feels so good, and you create so much rapport when you actually see and hear somebody and are interested in what they value and what's important to them and what their goals are. The other thing about listening is, I mean, how many times have you seen somebody who maybe is in a bad mood or walks in and you make that snap judgment about that person's not a nice person, or that person is lazy, or that person is something without really knowing the story behind it? And so if you can listen and observe and uncover what else is there? I mean, how many times have you maybe learned something like maybe that person just lost a family member or maybe they just got laid off, or maybe there are all these other things going on in their life that you have no idea about. So have grace with that and listen to people. And I would encourage you for this week, or maybe three times this week, if you find yourself judging or kind of jumping to conclusions instead of judging, inquire and learn something about somebody. So that's my. That's my challenge to you. Three times.

People often think that influences like you are just, like, just amazing without, you know, just like, you're so awesome. So you influence people positively, and there's like this huge active thing that you're doing. But often it's actually the slower, quieter moments that you have the greatest influence with people when they feel heard around you. They'll never forget that. And that becomes something where they trust you. They, they, they. They just know that when they go to you, you're there to listen. Denise is that way for me. I know I've been sharing.

Can I share a quote?

Yeah. What?

So tell me what.

I was in the middle. Are you listening?

I am listening, but you're probably going to go somewhere. But this quote that I absolutely adore, and I think this comes partly from listening, is the Maya Angelou quote that people may not remember what you do or may not remember what you say, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

Yes.

And I just. That really resonates with my heart. So sorry. I just wanted to share that because that's really good.

That's really good. I don't know what I was going to Say you interrupted me, but you're listening. I will say a big part of. I was about to brag on you. I'm sorry now I had to make fun of you. We have so much fun. And I don't know if you all know this, but Denise and I just started HPX together this year and it was a big effort. I'd been doing personal and professional development training for like 15 years and really had the blessing of meeting and interacting with and training literally millions of you guys. And what ended up happening was when she sold her exercise studio and she came over to help and to honestly launch HPX with me because we wanted to do a brand together that really represented our aspirational lifestyle that we feel we are always seeking, we're always trying to live the high performance experience and it is not easy. And I will also share starting a business with your spouse or your partner super hard way hard. God. But I would share the reason it works for us is because she's such a good listener and she can listen through my crazy ideas that all come out. And I try really hard to be a great listener. It's easy for me to do my career where I'm paid for that in my relationship. It's harder. And she has been such the role model for me in that. And I just, I wish I could, like, I don't know, I'm trying to, I'm just trying to brag up on her a little bit because she's been such a great listener, especially as we started HPX life and it was, it's been hard in so many ways. And so we appreciate all of you, you know, just sharing these, sharing in this transformation week with us because we are literally in this space where we're in transformation. I keep reminding people that like we're, we're, this is all new to us working together. We're in Puerto Rico as we're filming this all brand new gear, running it by ourself. You know, it's just like, oh, we got to learn how to do all this again. And it's been an incredible journey and I share that. Like, if you want to have people who are positive around you, be a great listener. That's everything. My second thing is to always be reinforcing how you want other people to think. All right. It's like you can't say something once and hope to have influence. You have to say it again and again and again and again. It's part of being intentional, but it's also, this is taking intention to like Explicit, recurrent communication. Right. You say something once to your team, you think they get it. No, they didn't get it. You got to say it again and again and again. Again. You say something, you make a request to your spouse. No, you can't get mad that you had to make that request again. You got to make that request every single time or every single month for the entire 30 years of your marriage. Like, we think that people, like, get it and it's there. It's. No, you always have to reinforce. So stop thinking. You say something once and start thinking, wow, I have to reinforce. And you guys know, I've been blessed to meet with, interact, know or interview or talk with, or sit down and have dinner with US Presidents. And I remember I sat down with George W. Bush and please don't judge. It's not a political statement. So if you like that person or don't like that person, this isn't a Democrat, Republican kind of thing. I just had this conversation with them and we were having this conversation about what he was surprised about as a leader in the White House. And he said he was really surprised how often he had to say the same thing over and over to really create a theme or something that new people got. Because when you're in a movement or you're creating a lot of new change, there's always new people coming on board. Like, we always have to say, like, like, I don't feel like we should have to still say HPX stands for the High Performance experience. But some of you, this is your first time you've listened to us.

Thank you.

Thank you. And so it's new and new. Like we live in this social environment where new people are coming on board all the time. So just realize you're always going to have to say and repeat things over and over and don't be upset by that. Recognize that as part of the process for developing influence.

Yeah. Just because it's not new to you, it doesn't mean it's not new to somebody else. And plus, I think it's like a, like a language of leadership. You're creating certain words, certain phrases that you want to speak in that, that you want to speak with people, to be able to lead them.

Yeah. And you want to say it over and over and over so they start saying it. So speaking of leadership, I think that was your second point.

Yeah, it is. My second point is to lead. And by leading, for example, if you have a team, then to lead, I think in addition to listening is to one, whatever you want Them to do, make the outcome doable, make it appear doable so that they have more confidence in succeeding. Number two, inspire confidence. I always say, I like to say I tried to have more confidence, so much confidence in somebody else that they have no choice but to believe in themselves. I love that because it really does come full circle. And then the third one is to encourage people. And as leaders, I think we need to show up and encourage in a positive manner to get people to rise and have it be okay for them to rise and not overwhelming or intimidating. And if you can inspire that, then there's so much more that gets uncovered within that same person. It's like opening the floodgates of potential. So leading, I think, in a positive way. Leading in a positive way is a big one for me.

Yeah, leadership is developing in confidence.

So my challenge for you in leading this week is to find three times where you have the opportunity, either with your team, with your family, with your friends, with your co workers, to either inspire confidence to make the outcome doable, or to encourage.

Oh, my gosh. The number one thing people always say, Brendan, what is the secret of being a great coach with people? If you all have been in my coaching program, which I hope you will join one day, I go live, and I really, really love coaching people. And some of you know, I've been able to coach some of the world's most extraordinary human beings. And people go, well, how do you do that? You know, that year that Forbes named me the world's leading high performance coach, and then Oprah Winfrey Network said the same thing, and all these other big magazines started saying it, and I got all this flood, like, how do you be a great coach? Because we have a lot of life coaches or business coaches out there, and I will say, one word is central to all of your influence with everybody you coach. If you want to be a great coach, you must realize all influence in coaching rests on you challenging your client. The challenge is the pathway to the highest level of influence. Right? You can have a good time with somebody. You can influence other people. You can be a person of influence. But if you really want to influence someone else, you've got to challenge them. You have to challenge how they show up. You have to challenge their energy, you have to challenge their character, you have to challenge their creativity. You have to challenge your contributions, you have to challenge their relationships. You have to challenge them to do better. You have to challenge their thinking. It's, like, central to everything. If you ever been to my seminars, you know, we've got 2,000 people there. And people are like, how do you, like, take hold of that audience so fast? Because I got to be with them for four single days each day. It's me. And they're like, how do you do that with people? I'm like, in that first hour on stage, I challenge the audience to take a real hard look at themselves and to demand better of themselves. And by doing that in that first hour, they're like, this guy's going to influence me in a positive way. Even without me telling them anything and without me being flippant, without me being rude, it's just me setting that tone in that frame of challenge of like, I better pay attention, I better take notes. I'm going to learn here. Because if people feel like they're going to learn and they're going to do self evaluation through you, then everything changes. So always be thinking, how do I challenge my team? How do I challenge, like, Denise challenges the cr. I mean, she challenges me. I don't know how to say it appropriately. She's always challenging me. And it's, I mean, major challenges that she's always putting towards me. Like how we talk together, how we walk together, how we treat each other. Like this morning, did I work out strong enough or not? Did I take care of myself? Did I like. She's always making me evaluate myself as a man, as a husband, as a contributor, as a servant. And she does it in subtle ways. She's not flipping or mean or rude. She just, like, she expects a lot of me, and thank God she does. I expect a lot of her.

Yeah. I think it's the marriage between the lead and encourage and be positive and the challenge. Yeah, you got to have both of those.

Yeah. If you're not challenging your team, that's why they're underperforming. If you're not challenging your spouse, that's why the intimacy and the zap and the pep went away. If you're not challenging yourself, that's why you're bored and unfulfilled. Like, challenge is central to all growth. And if you want to have influence with another person, you have to challenge them. Because if you're the person who challenged them and they get growth around you, you're like, bam. That person. They will follow you, they will like you, they will support you, they will cheer you on, they will buy from you, they will. They will invest in you, they will believe in you. But it takes a lot of guts to be willing to challenge another human being. And I hope that you will do that.

Great. My last one.

I'm fired up now. I need to talk about it. I know my voice is going because we've been doing so many episodes, but I'm so excited. I hope you guys are feeling this today. TransformationWeek. Let's go.

HPXI.

Hashtag, hashtag.

My last one is to. You talked about being intentional, and you talked a little bit about role models that you're always influencing, but then to actually step into the role model that you want to become. So showing up in a way that you want other people to show up and being congruent with that. And I know, like, for me, I have a couple people in my life who have definitely influenced me. I think for me, my dad, as well, was a huge influence in me. He always taught me, you know, you keep climbing the mountain, no matter how many times you fall down, for every three steps you take, if you fall back, too, you get back up, you keep going, you keep trying. You can do whatever you want to do if you work hard enough and are determined enough. And so that is kind of is really ingrained in me. He was a big role model. I think my mom was another huge one. And she always was very diligent about being conscientious and considerate. Like, you are not the only person. There's a whole lot of other people out there, and it's not all about you. You're. You're just one of the pieces, and you can be a positive piece and be aware and conscious and intentional with the people around you, or you can kind of just think it's all about you. And there were a couple other people, too. But I think if you really step into the role that you want other people to rise up to, and it's not easy, and there are going to be moments where it's, you know, easy to kind of sit back into yourself and kind of react or get upset about something. But I think where role modeling comes into play is when you make a choice in the moment to be who the better person is or who your best self is or who you want to. The people who are around you to become.

Yes.

And how you show them that.

I always like to say, whenever you're in a difficult situation in your life, always ask, how would my highest self deal with this and cope with this and lead through this and work through this. I like to do the same thing of, like, asking all high performers to adopt that role model mindset, to know that you are a role model, but also recognize the other role models like you Said, like, I had, you know, our parents, I had, you know, my teachers, I had, you know, so many early mentors in my career who I could look up to and what I learned from them. I want to carry on and show those values to other people because whoever was your role model, make sure you're carrying on some of what they did for other people. It's so huge.

Also, I think if you reach out, I love this. We did this last time, too. But if you reach out and if there's a role model or somebody in your life that made a difference, reach out to them and say thank you.

Yes.

I think the thank yous are the most incredible gifts of all. And if people were really intentional about being a role model and were really thoughtful about having influence on others like teachers and parents, to reach out to them specifically and give them a thank you and an acknowledgement, I think that goes a long way.

Goes a real long way. I love that. Our next episode is on demonstrating courage. You're going to love that episode. So make sure you come on back to Transformation Week. We know that you'll like it. Until the next time Denise has his thing.

She likes to say, remember, every day you have a choice. You can choose to be average or you can choose to become extraordinary.

So, my friends, go be extraordinary. All right.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of Transformation Week. Again, if you really love this and you want the video based resources, tools and downloads for Transformation Week, make sure you go to transformationweek.com again. That's transformationweek.com and your email there will send you the entire Transformation Week week series. All the videos, all the resources, all the tools you'll be able to access for free@transformation week.com.