WHY you must stop avoiding PROBLEMs in your life!
Brendon Burchard argues that avoiding problems costs you more than facing them. He shares how he stopped dodging financial issues and shifted to solution-focused thinking instead of waiting for perfect conditions.
Is there any problem in your life that you've just been not looking at and avoiding? Early in my life, until I developed that real, I would say the real solution mindset, I don't think it set in until my mid-20s, to be honest. I'm never going to get out of this. That was my mentality, right? Until I adopted some of these other mentalities. These mindset shifts. No, okay, this is a problem. I own this problem. I'm going to face this. So at some point you have to identify the things you're avoiding. Personal agency, right? You are the agent in your life. You're the, you're the key actor in your life. You're the one writing the script. You're the director and the actor. You are the captain of your ship. You are the responsible party in your life for your behaviors and your actions, your situations, your circumstances. That that personal agency says, I got a problem, I own this problem, I gotta deal with this. I gotta face this head on and I gotta problem solve here. And this is where most people, their personal development and personal growth becomes stunted very early on in life. Where there's a problem and they want somebody to ride in on that proverbial white horse to save them. They got a problem and they don't take ownership of the problem. So they lack personal responsibility. Think about those two, the curious effects on someone's life. If early on in their life, they have problems in their life, but they think someone else is going to solve it. So they don't engage the problem, they avoid the obstacle, they don't face it. And at the same time, no part of it is ever developing personal responsibility or ownership to the circumstances of life. This is how you get people who develop what most philosophers would call apathy towards life. Like a laziness towards life because I'm disengaged, not my problem, right? But also lack that personal agency and responsibility that's so critical to psychological health. And where they now the opposite is victimhood. So imagine a disengaged habit and a victim mindset versus do it yourself personal ownership and solution mindset. And so that was a habit that changed my life. A habit of seeing a problem and going, I'm going to problem solve that. And a habit of saying, okay, that's on me. And that came from my mom just seeing her do stuff that she didn't know how to do. But she, she's like, hey, there's a problem. These two boys in this basement, they are fighting all the frigging time. We, we have One bathroom on the main floor for four people. This is not going so well. We got to figure this out. We got kids in school and work. We need another bathroom down here, and we don't have the money to hire someone to do it. So instead I'm going to go get these books from the library, figure out how to do it myself, and go scrap together the materials and resources. I'm going to figure out how to do this. All throughout my life, I saw my parents do that in every possible imaginable way. And I know many of you had role models like that too. And if you didn't have a role model like that too, be that for someone, be that for somebody you know. Show your kids what you're capable of. Be proud of that. Show them how to engage problems, not to complain about them, not to get a bad attitude, not to swear, curse, or get upset about it, but rather go, you know what? I'm going to show them how to handle this right now. Even if you don't handle it perfectly. See, the worst thing a parent can ever do is to believe that their kids expect perfection from them. What your kids expect is engagement, not perfection. What they're inspired by is engagement, not perfection. We're the ones telling ourselves stories. The kids need to see us perfect. And when I deal with this, and I deal with this a lot in high performance coaching, I get an executive who's got a new parent. I'm sorry, who's a new parent at the same time, and she's judging herself because she's so busy and she's not being a great parent. She has to be perfect. I'm like, I'm like, how old is your toddler? Oh, so and so months or, you know, in one year, two, three year, whatever. I said, oh, okay. I say, so you think that you need to be perfect for this little animal that is pooping itself all day long. Now, where did that come from? You think you have to be perfect. That is not what that little being is expecting of you. You got to rewire yourself because you're going to develop so much self hatred for not being perfect that it will stunt you and it will stunt your child's growth. Engage, do your best, have a good attitude, and don't worry about the outcome being perfect, but get in there. And so I think it's important for us to realize, is there any problem in your life that you've just been not looking at and avoiding? Early in my life, until I developed that real, I would say the real solution mindset I don't think it set in until my mid-20s, to be honest. And one area for me was my finances. I just, I wouldn't look at the credit card statements. I literally was that person who would get the credit card bill. I'd see it, I'd put it on the desk, I just wouldn't open it. And maybe two or three, four months later, I, you know, I just throw them away. I have them there telling myself, I'm going to open it. I just wouldn't because I was in so much debt from college that I just was like, I'm never going to get out of this. That was my mentality right until I adopted some of these other mentalities, these mindset shifts. No, okay, this is a problem. I own this problem. I'm going to face this. I'm going to learn about finances and wealth. I'm going to learn how to at that time, get promoted at that time start a business at that time understand investing and finances and saving, how to pay off credit card debt. So I read books on it and many of you have received the benefit of that because I read a book by David Bock on how to start late and finish rich on the automatic millionaire. And as you all know, pro members, you have access to David's training in his replays from his incredible. He gave a master class all year, last year, every month he was live for pro members teaching wealth. And he was unbelievably great because he was teaching not, you know, not get rich quick stuff just like financial management and literacy. And I would never be here if I had not done that ever. I would have never figured those things out. So at some point you have to identify the things you're avoiding. I knew I was avoiding the finances and then one day I decided to engage. Is there something you need to engage? Your health, that relationship you're trying to avoid or have that difficult discussion, that problem on your team that, you know, difficult reality with one of the children you're avoiding. What is it for you? Be honest, it's okay. And you know what the beautiful about personal development work is? And you're going to learn how to do this. You're going to learn how to do personal development work with the solution in mind, with ownership in mind. But same thing, not expecting perfection. See, I'm solution mindset, I'm do it yourself. But I also don't expect perfection. And that allows me to keep going. And just like that first habit of learning to manage my emotions and releasing the outcome sa.
