Why Your Accomplishments Aren't Making You Happy

Do you know how many people I've met who have money, cars, houses and great promotion and are miserable? Their ambition is not aligned to a path. There's only four aligned ambitions. The first ambition is about who you are becoming. Aligned ambition is about competence. You need to start learning the things to build the future you want. There is no learning without motion. There is no learning without implementation. How you treat other people. This year, elevate it. I want you to become extremely proud and capable. I want you to be a person who respects yourself and respects other people. Do you know how many people I've met who have money, cars, houses and great promotion and are miserable because their ambition is external and it's, you know, the fruits of something. Their ambition is not aligned to a path. Their ambition is not aligned to a path. So because there's no alignment to the path, they're all over the place. And they're all over the place, hunting, they're scavenging money, house, car, fame, power, influence, promotion. All day long. They're just always scavenging because they never aligned their ambitions to something that is internal and a path, a sense of who they are and a particular purpose that's important to them. So let me break it down to be very specific in case this sounds a little woo woo for some of you. Okay? What is an aligned ambition? Let me just give them to you and, and maybe this will help you. Because really there's only four aligned ambitions. The first ambition is about who you are becoming. It's called character. If you have no ambition about the character that you're going to forge within you, the strength of who you are, the personality you're going to choose who you are becoming. If I don't have intention for who I am becoming, and please listen, I have intention not just for who I'm becoming. Because remember I used the word ambition. So let me change the phrase. When you align ambition to this, I can say, I have intention for who I'm becoming. That's nice. Aligned ambition means ambition. I have intention for becoming more. That's what ambition is. More. Now I know some people don't like the word more. Oh, he's just teaching people to chase more things, be more things, be on an ever quest of never satisfied with self. I'm like, well actually ambition doesn't just mean more. Ambition can also mean deeper. I have the ambition to become deeper in my spirituality, my faith, my self confidence, my abilities, my capabilities, my leadership. I want to be a person of high levels of respect, respect of myself, respect of Others. I want to be a person of high trust. I want to conduct myself in such a way that you trust me, that you can count on me, that I'm a good role model for other people. Do you know how few people actually consciously say, I'd like to conduct my life in such a way? I'm a role model for others? You know what's so strange? That was table stakes earlier in the human development story. You know, you look back, I mean, go back thousands of years being a role model, a good member of society, a good mom, a good dad, a positive parent. These were expected, these were norms. When you read Marcus Aurelius or any stoicism, there was an expectation that we conduct ourselves to be trustworthy, to be respected, to be contributing members of our family and our community. This is the stuff of character. And for many of you this year, I know you can write all the goals down, right? You know, I want a new adu in the backyard where I can go do yoga or write. That's good. I love material goals just like anybody else. But we're not going to start there. We're going to start with, it's your year to become more. Your year to become more. That's big. That's a huge shift. Your breakthrough is the decision to become more. It's an aligned ambition. And when I say aligned ambition, the ambition is become more aligned. Is do it true to who you are, the best spirit of who you really are. Something internal that is beautiful, that is your gift, that is your calling, that is your divinity that you are going to amplify this year. You're going to open it up and you're going to amplify it this year and live in alignment with that truer nature of who you are. It's so important that you find that. Align ambition to character. Who are you going to become? I want you to become extremely proud and capable. I want you to be a person who respects yourself and respects other people. I want you to believe again in the strong capabilities and integrity that allows you to become a role model. And even if you feel like you're down and out, do not forget you can become the role model. Do not forget that other people need role models. Do not forget that we need positive lights right now. You know why you should turn it around? Because it's a sign of character that you can and that you believed and that you tried and that other people are watching. You can be an inspirational light, but it begins with choosing that character, that decision to become more, become more as A mom this year become more as a leader this year. I know every time I ask somebody to become more, it seems like I'm accusing them of not being enough. And it couldn't be further the truth, because it has nothing to do with enough, because you don't even know your potential. And everyone in our therapy culture got so stuck into, am I enough? Am I enough? I am enough. And we're completely blind to the extraordinary potential in them. Enough. What are we, teenagers? Am I enough? Am I worthy? Do you even know what you're tapping into? Do you even know what you're a part of? See, it's that independent part of ourselves that we lock ourselves in a room like high schoolers, wondering if we are enough, if we are worthy enough. And it's like, no. When you open up your conscious and you realize you haven't even tapped, like a tiny. It's kind of like you've been driving a car at 10 miles an hour and you're like, geez, am I driving fast enough? And you have no idea. You are driving a Formula One race car that can go 300 miles an hour easily. You're like, easily. I know, maybe 200. But you get the idea. It's like, easily. Like the car is built for that potential. But when you're playing small or you don't believe and you're so unsure because you're living with your foot on the brake, you have no idea. You're wondering, am I doing enough going 10 miles an hour? You don't even understand. You have 200 in you. And it's easy because you can become more. You can grow into the person who can handle anything that life is going to throw your way, even if it seems impossible right now. Aligned ambition, I said. There's a few parts of it. The first part about this aligned ambition is character. The second part of aligned ambition is competence. Competence. You've got to develop expertise and mastery in life. You have to become more capable. You know, I know finances are hard. Teach yourself wealth. I know getting healthy is hard. Teach yourself how to work out and how to eat. I know parenting is hard. Read some books, try more, ask more. I know it's hard. It doesn't matter that it's hard. What matters is you determine to develop mastery. There. That's it. Nothing I do was easy the first time, but I didn't gauge it. Well, that's hard. So I stopped. No, I said, that's hard. That's unknown. I don't get it. Does it match with where I Want to go and what I want to become. Oh, it does. I better learn it. Aligned. Ambition is about competence. You need to start learning the things to build the future you want. And I know that's easy for everybody here because you get that idea because you're learning. But don't forget, learning is not about consumption. Learning is taking idea into initiative to trigger a feedback loop. Idea into initiative to trigger a feedback loop. Idea into initiative to trigger a feedback loop. There is no learning without motion. There is no learning without implementation. And so if you've been learning, learning, learning how to build a webpage, but you haven't built the web page, build the webpage, right, that's competence. Competence is something of an action. It's not something that's just intellectual, right? Wisdom is different than ideas because wisdom is applied wisdom. You take the idea and the values and you deploy it. You live wise, not just think. And so I need you to understand that competence is in motion and doing. And for those who've been delaying and in procrastination, realize what's happening is as you're in delay and procrastination, the universe is going, oh, I guess she doesn't like it. I guess she doesn't want it because she's not even trying. She hasn't even put it into play yet. You got to be in play actively for the universe to go. She likes it. There's some momentum. Let's put some wings behind her. Third big idea in aligned ambition is about your level of contribution. Contribution. Aligned ambition means I'm going to be generous. Aligned ambition means I know what I'm going to contribute and how often. What's the unique contribution you want to make at work? What's the unique contribution you want to make in your industry? What's the unique contribution you want to make for your congregation, your community, your school? Without high intention there, you're doing busy work, but not your life's work. And this year is a year you shift boldly into your life's work. High intention, contribution and generosity versus going through motions, busy. The more all you do is going through motions busy. Listen, I'm okay if you're busy, but whatever. Busy is high intention for what the contribution is. Everybody can do the same task, but some people do it so differently. My great and my favorite metaphor is going, you know, going out to restaurants, like, everyone can make a bolognese, but man, when you get a great chef, the way that they are going to create the art of their bolognese is going to be so specific. They've really thought through how do they do Bolognese? Even though it's not that many ingredients, let's be honest, their unique take and their unique taste, that's aligned ambition. That's doing your life's work versus just tasks. You see, you have to find your way. Aligned ambition is. I'm going to contribute in my unique way. Is bringing way more intentionality to it. Right. When you see a great speaker or teacher or pastor or leader, the way that they share is so unique to them. It's like no one else could do it. It's not just because they're a specific individual. They're so unique, personality wise. It's just, it's unique to them. Right. Like me, I'm not that unique as a personality. I'm kind of boring, you know, I'm kind of a dork. I really love the research, I really love writing. I really love the one to one aspect of my coaching life. But, you know, I'm not that original. I'm not going to take off on TikTok because of my face. But what happens for other people is like, it's the high intentionality. They can see it in my frameworks and how I teach. It's a high degree of intentionality. It's another level of conscious thought before I teach. And they're like, oh, wow, he's pulling together a lot here. I hear psychology, I hear therapy, I hear a lot behind philosophy. Oh, I hear where he's going with this cultural thing. And people can see that now. Maybe it's not the best, but it's my. Remember Sinatra's I did it my way. Are you doing life your way? The contributions uniquely your way. That's aligned ambition. Is it settling in you getting this? That's aligned ambition. Oh, this is the year of high intention. Behind my contributions, I'm gonna learn the taste. It's like when I see my wife design our house. Everything is so thought out and so uniquely hers. It's high intention for the contribution of what she's designing and creating. It's like, oh, wow. It's like this pillow and this cover and this thing there. Stuff that I don't even understand. It's just like watching a chef who can out cook you. You're just like, okay, there's art happening here. Even though they're in the same kitchen, they're in the same thing. So that's your levels. That's going to make this year fly for you. It's going to open up new, it's going to be so different of a life experience. When you hear what I'm saying here, most people, it's not listen, money, power, fame, status, house, cars, yachts and whatever, like all that's great. I am not bemoaning if that's your material stuff, it's just not going to make you feel alive when you get it, what's going to make you feel alive? Aligned ambitions of character. First and foremost, aligned ambitions of competence, learning, doing. Aligned ambition of contribution, high intention, high generosity and fourth big aligned ambition, connection. How you treat other people this year, elevate it, striver, elevate it. Most people at the end of their lives, when they talk about what they achieve, what they had, when they talk about their ambitions and whether they were fulfilled or not, above all of that, completely tied and correlated, by the way to their longevity and their health span, is all about the quality of their relationships. They had some really great friends, they chose the right partners, they loved their spouse. There was respect and communication and fun and affection there. And just because you didn't have it seven moves ago or three chess boards ago, you don't get to blame anymore. As a conscious adult who's into renewal and leadership, how your parents raised you, you can be aware of it, you can't blame it. You can look back to all the people of your life, how they treated you, you can blame it, sure, and it will get you nowhere. But bitterness instead. You're going to play the pieces on the board right now. Who is in your life? Love on them, who's in your life? Put good energy and affection there. Even if you didn't get good energy and affection from other people or even from that person. I always tell people, hey, you know when you're living a conscious life is when you can still exude positive, good energy around people who are pessimistic and don't believe and don't even like you. There's a lot of people in this world who don't like me. It doesn't stop me from being me. Stop being the pure, joyous, fun, affectionate you. Just because some people don't get it, they don't like you. And they're not going to remember later. It doesn't matter. And if anything, you might be the spark that shifts them. You might be the lighthouse in their dark world that makes them go, oh, maybe I can. Can I have fun again? I've been that person who brought joy into people's lives because I teach that phrase, bring the joy. And they're like, Brendan, I forgot about Joy. Thank you for talking about it all the time. I forgot I could have fun. I forgot I could laugh. I forgot I could learn. I forgot I could enjoy learning and giving and serving. I forgot I could flirt in my marriage. I forgot I could, like, laugh with the kids. I forgot because they were in rhythm and hustle.