In this solo episode of The Leader's Kitbag, Ben Morton addresses the common frustration of internal thinkers who feel unheard in meetings dominated by talkative, external processors. He explains the internal vs. external processing filter from NLP, clarifies that speaking a lot does not equal adding value, and cites Seneca’s warning about the risks of excessive speech. Morton then offers a clear, actionable approach for internal thinkers: resist competing for airtime, focus on deep listening, synthesize the discussion, and deliver a concise, high‑value summary toward the end of the meeting. By consistently applying this method, internal thinkers can shift perception, become the go‑to source for insight, and increase their influence without needing to dominate the conversation.
Chapters
Have you ever sat in a meeting thinking you didn't say enough? Perhaps everybody else was talking a lot and seemingly getting a lot of airtime, and you were there sitting much more quietly, thinking, processing what it was that you were hearing. Well, if that's you, then today's episode of The Leader's Kitbag is for you. In my coaching work and leadership workshops, I hear this a lot from people who think and process information internally rather than externally. There's this worry that in meetings, the people who speak up a lot, who say a lot, are the ones who are going to get on, the ones who are going to get the best opportunities, or they're the ones that have their boss's ear, so to speak. But here's a question worth thinking about if this resonates with you: are they really the ones that are getting on, or does it just seem that way to us? Because saying a lot isn't the same thing as adding a lot of value. In the world of neurolinguistic programming, or NLP, there's something called the internal versus external processing filter. External processors tend to think out loud. A lot of the time, they literally won't know what they're thinking until they've heard themselves say it out loud. Internal processors, on the other hand, tend to think first and then speak. They'll do their thinking or processing quietly internally, and once they've done that, they'll share what they think out loud. Neither is better, but it is the case that in many meetings, it's the external processors who tend to dominate the airtime, and it's easy to mistake volume for value. But as I've said, the key is that talking a lot isn't necessarily the same as adding a lot of value. The philosopher Seneca put this brilliantly around 2,000 years ago when he said, silence is a lesson learned from the many sufferings of life. I think the point Seneca was probably trying to make is that the more we speak, the greater the risk of us saying something that we haven't fully thought through. And I'm guessing this probably sounds familiar, right? Most of us can remember at least one meeting, I'm sure, where we've heard somebody talk and talk and talk that they've dug themselves into a hole, or they've said so much, maybe without thinking it through, they've ended up making some really bone remark that they probably regretted quite soon afterwards. So if you're more of an internal thinker and you're worried that you're not saying enough in certain meetings, then stop trying to be like your external thinking colleagues and really start playing to and leaning in to your own unique strengths as an internal thinker. So here's how to do it. Allow others to speak. Certainly don't try and compete for airtime with your externally thinking, externally processing colleagues. Instead, listen carefully, listen intently, and process all that it is you're hearing. And then towards the end of that particular chunk of the meeting or the entire meeting, be the one who pulls it all together. You could do that by saying something like, if I may, I've been listening carefully to what everybody has said and the different perspectives in the room, and here's what I've heard. And as a result, this is what I think. If you do that consistently, things will start to change for you very quickly. I guarantee it. You'll find that you don't need to fight to get your voice heard in meetings because people will be coming to you much sooner asking for your opinion, your perspective, or your thoughts on the topic that you're discussing. And very quickly you'll become one of the most valuable people in the room, not because of how much you said, but because what you do say has real value to it. So that's it for today's episode of The Leader's Kitbag. I hope you found it useful. And remember, look after yourself and those you've got the privilege and responsibility to lead. And until next time. Lead on.
