How Clarity can TRANSFORM your life | 56

Do you ever find yourself throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks? Or trying 20 different things because you know God is calling you to more? Well, the reason you're all over the place and the reason you feel that something is missing, that there's a call for more, is because you do not have clarity. And clarity, my friend, is not something that you make up. It's not something that you do. It's something that is revealed to you. So it's a little harder to hustle and strive your way to it and, you know, set it as a goal. There's a strategy behind clarity because we don't pursue it and we don't create it the way we're able to create other things. Clarity is something that is revealed to us. When you think of Michelangelo, and his David, the statue of David, there was a big, like, narrow block of Carrara marble that had been years in the yard of El Duomo, and nobody wanted to work on it. Like, a couple artists tried to, like, work with it before, but it was, like, tall and narrow, and it had some veins that were inconvenient. They weren't pretty, they weren't ideal. So Michelangelo took on the project. He actually was like doing it like quietly for a couple years he was working on it. And he believed that the David, the statue, the figure already existed inside that marble. He didn't think he was gonna create the Statue of David. He felt that it was already there and all he had to do was remove the excess, remove everything that wasn't the figure of David. And that's how clarity is. Clarity is something that we chip away. As a sculptor, the sculptor and co-creator of our lives with God, we get to chip away the excess that oftentimes we have allowed into our lives, we have believed. We chip away the excess so that we may form the version of ourselves and the life experience that we were created to experience. So today we are going to talk about how to reveal the clarity that will help you stay laser focused on the thing that you are called to do, the purpose that you're meant to live, and the person you are created to become. We're going to chip away the excess so that the David in you may be revealed. Your purpose, the answer to your questions, the healing that you've been waiting for, everything that you're meant to be and experience in your life can become clear by you following 5 steps that I'll teach you today. And then at the end, I'll tell you the most important factor that will contribute to you gaining that clarity as soon as possible. Are you ready? Let's go! If you know me, you know that I love acronyms, and I think they're really good for you to remember the teachings that we share here. So we're going to use the acronym CLEAR to remember every one of those 5 steps that we're gonna discuss today. The C in CLEAR stands for curiosity. So the first step is for you to be curious, for you to pay attention, for you to like look, become aware, spend some time observing, noticing, naming. You get to ask questions like, what energizes me? And pay attention to what actually energizes you. What breaks my heart? What tugs at my heart? What emotions are strong when I'm exposed to XYZ? What keeps coming up? Like, what keeps showing up that you're like, oh my gosh, like, again? What signs are present that are repeated or that are impactful when you experience them? Because the thing about signs, it's something so personal and so yours. It's something that only you know that it's a sign because of how you felt. It's not just that it was a rainbow, it was a butterfly. It's that what you felt when you experienced that sign was real and deeper than you can explain with words. So ask questions like, what conversations won't leave me? They keep following you. People keep saying something that is repeated and that you've heard before. What keeps frustrating you? Because it's not just the things that make you feel good. We also get to pay attention Attention to the things that repel you, that contract you, that don't feel right in your body. That is really important information too. What scriptures or phrases or quotes show up that speak to your heart? What dreams will not go away? What do you keep dreaming over? No matter how dumb or simple it may seem, you never know if through a simple goal or dream you acquire the deeper longing for your life purpose. So nothing here is too small. You're gonna be curious about all the things, all the things. What emotions keep surfacing? What things keep haunting you that you can't get rid of or they threaten your peace? Are there certain people that keep showing up and that you become attracted to or curious about? So curiosity is about being open, And listening and observing and just allowing, allowing for things to come your way. And instead of resisting them or denying them or like, nah, if there's resistance, notice the resistance. That's part of the curiosity. Every time I'm with one of my coaches and they say like, oh, Betsy, you should consider releasing this identity or releasing this thing about your business. And if I feel resistant, like, what would— no. If I feel that in my heart, I get curious about it. I'm like, is this resistance? Like, it's me having a hard time letting go of something that I am meant to let go of? Or is it guidance? Like, no, that's not where God wants me to go. Right? Like, we get to be curious because we won't know what the reaction or the experience means unless we allow ourselves to observe it, to be curious about it without judging it. So part 1, the see and clear, is be curious, observe, be open, pay attention, Just name things, but we don't need to judge them. We don't need to make any interpretations about it. That L in CLEAR stands for listen. Listen, Linda, listen. Now listening in this case is more about, okay, you got curious, you asked questions, you asked yourself questions, you looked for other people's opinions in the curiosity phase, right? You were exploring, doing research. There's just just paying attention. Here, you're not actively looking for information. Here, you're taking a step back. You're sitting with it. You're practicing silence, surrender, stillness. You're creating space for God to speak because now you're quiet. When we're listening, we're supposed to at least, be quiet when we actively listen to someone, right? We don't do that very well sometimes. But when you're listening, you're quiet. And in that quietude and that solitude with God and with the thing that you are praying about, that you're setting an intention for, in that quiet, you listen. You listen for guidance. You pay attention to emotions that, that surface in that space of listening. I always tell my students and my clients, if your heart and your body contracts when you're thinking about something, when you're listening to the voice of God or the voice of the world, 'cause in order to discern whose voice it is, we must listen. If your body contracts, that's guidance of like, "Mm-mm, that's not where I want you to go. That's not the clarity that you're pursuing." But if your body relaxes and expands, or you get excited and you're like, you dream about the possibility, that's information that you're going the right path. So listening is creating the space, the silence, the surrender, the letting go so that you may listen to the guidance of God within you. 'cause it lives within you ultimately. And it can come in the form of a thought, it can come in the form of a message from someone else, but it's different from the curiosity part because in the curiosity part, there's like, it's an exploratory energy. It's like a research, like finding, getting curious, looking for information. Here you're not looking for anything, you're in surrender. You're in quietude and stillness, in solitude with God. And you're waiting. You're patiently, lovingly waiting for the next step so that you may obey. So listening is about creating space for prayer, for silence. Lectio is one of my favorite practices, Lectio Divina, which is when you listen to Scripture in a very meditative state 2 or 3 times. Like, they repeat the Scripture 2 or 3 times. Very, very softly and slowly to see what jumps at you, like what jumps at you and what message God has to tell you. That's a beautiful way of listening. It's a spiritual way of practicing listening. I do that every morning. I use the Hallow app, and if you go to the daily gospel, it'll give you the option of the Lectio Divina. Meditation, journaling, all of those practices or exercises are really good in this phase of listening. I've shared this exercise before. Maybe you have listened to that episode or not, so I'm gonna repeat it here. In journaling, many times I will journal what I have in my heart, and then I'll stop, I'll pray and I'll invoke the Holy Spirit and ask like, hey, can you write back to me and use my hand to write back to me? So then I'll write to myself, but having invited the Holy Spirit to see what message he has for me. So that's another way of listening. Listen, Linda, listen. This is really, really important. And this is where most of us fail. We are so good about taking action and looking for information and doing research and going to ChatGPT. But are we good about pausing and creating the space for silence, for listening, for surrender? So the L in CLEAR is listen. The E in CLEAR is eliminate. Many times when we're looking for clarity, we're like, let me find this opportunity and let me do this and let me try something new. And all of that is Really important, by the way, like taking action is a way of— we talked about this last week. When you take action, you receive important information. You cannot just get stuck in thinking energy and like, oh, what would I do? And let me just think about it. Let me just be silent. Action is important. But in addition to taking action, which is more of like adding something, doing something, eliminating, removing things really has the power to reveal incredible clarity. If we can't find the thing that is what we want to do or what we're meant to step into, we can let it be revealed as we remove the things that we're not meant to experience or step into. So elimination is a really, really important part of gaining clarity or allowing clarity to be revealed to us. Because think about it, if you're wanting to find something in your garage, something that you misplaced or you put it away so well that you can't find it now, but you kept on adding things to your garage and the shelves and there's stuff everywhere, sometimes it's a little easier to find the object that you're looking for By picking up the garage, by throwing things away, by removing the things that are no longer serving you or you're no longer using. And then before you know it, oh, there it is. You found it. The thing that you've been looking for. Elimination is a really important part of the process because it cleans up the space. Again, listening is about creating space. Elimination is a different version of that. You are chipping away the excess as Michelangelo did with the David. By eliminating things from your life that no longer serve you. Just today, I had a session with my Reignite Your Marriage program, and I asked one of my participants, I was like, listen, write a whole list of everything that you do and everything that gets in the way of you spending quality time with your husband. A whole list, like work, things with the kids, the house stuff, friends, like what is it that you do, like working out, praying, like what do you do every single day? Make a whole list and then number it in terms of priority, like what's more important, so that's number 1, and what's least important is the last one. So make a list of all of that. And when you make that list, see which ones at the bottom of the list are really not necessary, things that you don't have to do, that you can delegate, that you can just remove from your life. And let's chip away the excess. Let's eliminate those things because in the measure that you do that, now you have a shorter list to deal with. And there you, you can assign and reassign and gain clarity as to what is it that's really holding me back from spending the quality time that I desire to spend with my husband. So the third step in letting clarity be revealed to you is removing the excess or eliminating. So what is it for you? What do you get to eliminate from your life? Is it fear? Is it comparison? Is it busyness? Is it people pleasing, the need for certainty, the control freakness inside of us, the social media scrolling? Is it someone else's expectations that you get to eliminate or release? Do you have false beliefs or limiting beliefs that prevent you from stepping into the version of you and the purpose that you're being called towards? Is it mindsets like scarcity mindset? Like, no, I'm not the kind of person that can afford that, or I don't have enough money, I can't afford it. That's the biggest lie. If God puts something ever in your heart, he will always provide for it. You just get to find the way by pursuing it and by stepping into it. So what is it? What is it that you are holding on to? What identities are you holding on to? I'm going through this in my business right now. In the course of my business, I've had like 3 major themes. When I started branding Better with Betsy,— it was all about couples and relationships. I love, love, love working with couples and families. And my brand was couples. So most of my clients, my audiences were relationship-based. My speaking engagements were about communication and interactions and relationships and healthy, fulfilling interactions and whatnot. But then life, God called me to do some grief work. And I obeyed, and I was guided to grief work and hope and rising above adversity and pain. And I wrote my book, "Hurt to Hope," and I did a program, an online program, my first one ever, also called "Hurt to Hope." And I saw a lot of clients in that area. And my audience began I started attracting people who were going through grief or had experienced loss or adversities. They had experienced some form of pain that they didn't know how to overcome. And I was a beacon of hope. I embodied hope for them, right? So my first theme, my first identity was I'm the couples whisperer. That's what they called me in Miami. Then I was the hope girl. And then I had, the life coach certification that combines psychology and spirituality. And that is today my main focus. And because— and such is life also— because I had a business that iterated and changed, I had many different identities within the business. And I never stopped, closed down all my social media. Close down my email list, and, you know, like, start it from scratch. Instead, I kept on, right? Like, I had my audience of couples, and then I started adding the grief people, and then I started adding people who want to fulfill their purpose by helping others. And that's what FBCA is about. It's about, like, people who want to help others, and they want to be equipped and connected so that they may do so with intention and conviction and power and confidence. And those are 3 different kinds of people, and they are all in my audience. And I have created confusion because first I was telling them, oh, I do couples and, you know, relationships, and I also had teens group in my practice. So I had all these things, and then I am telling them like, oh, and I do grief work and hope. And then now I am telling them, I can certify you as a life coach. Help you become the version of you that you're meant to be while helping others, right? Like for others, for yourself and for others. 'Cause we're here on purpose to live our purpose. So what's happened to me in my business is that I'm a rocomango. There's a mess. There's a mess not just in my audience that like they're looking for different things. There's a mess in my messaging. I am still adopting parts of the identity of the Couples Whisperer, of the Hope Girl, of the purpose person, 'cause that's what I consider myself to be now. Like, I help you live your purpose of serving others, and in the process, becoming who God created you to be, 'cause you're transformed when you learn how to transform others. So when I talk to my audience, Sometimes I talk about relationship topics, and other times I talk about rising above adversity, and other times I talk about serving your purpose. And all my coaches are like, "What is this, Betsy? What is it exactly that you're doing right now?" And I'm like, "All the things, all the things." And it's so hard to release some of those identities. But there's un arroz con mango, and arroz con mango in English translates to there's a mess. There's a mess in the message that I'm giving my audience. I'm not clear. I do this and I do that. And yes, it's true that I do all the things, but how is my person, the person that God assigned to me, how is that person gonna know that I'm speaking to her directly if I'm all over the place? I need to speak to her where she is right now in the identity of the version of me that attracts people who want to become the best version of themselves for others, who wanna live in their purpose, who wanna be the best wife and mom and human to others, for others, and for herself, who is equipped and connected. How am I going to attract that person? How are you gonna know that I'm speaking to you if I'm so ambiguous and I'm so general? That's a problem. It's my problem in my business right now. If you can help me with this, please call me, because I've been at it, but it's so hard sometimes to chip away the excess because you've identified with it, because you've gotten comfortable in it. I know I have. I'm scared of letting go of so many things I love about my business. I love relationship work, and that's part of what I do, but that's not what I lead with in FBCA. I love bringing hope to those who have experienced adversity. I'm really good at it too. But FBCA is a different hope. Like, the people that I equip through FBCA are gonna be the ones bringing hope. I need to be clear. I need to chip away the excess so that David in me can be revealed. So elimination is a really, really, really important step. And I invite you to ask yourself, what identities, what old versions of you, what habits, what limiting beliefs, what fears, what thoughts, what friends, what experiences, what habits, do you get to release so that the clarity, the truth, your truth, the will of God for your life may be revealed? The A in CLEAR stands for Aligned Action. I know, I know, I had to choose both. I was like, alignment or action? I'm like, but I need both. Aligned Action refers to taking the next steps that are revealed to you, which by the way, may not be the grand finale. Something that I learned, I have to share this with you 'cause I thought it was such an impactful lesson for me. I had a coach once who told me, Betsy, maybe this thing that failed in your business was a room in your mansion, in your castle, And I built it thinking it was going to be the castle. And I love that I build everything as if it was a castle because I build everything that I do with such love, intention, purpose, energy. Like, I give myself entirely as if it were the grand finale, the mansion that I am going to live in for the rest of my life. I love going into any project with that energy. But what I've learned is that many times what I think is the mansion is just a room. It's the bedroom, it's the bathroom, it's the kitchen, it's the living room. They're all important. All of those are important parts of my big mansion, the Kingdom of God that I'm living in my life, or that I'm helping build in my life, I should say. And it feels like the whole thing, which is why life may crumble when it doesn't work out,— or it may feel like it's falling apart. But no, it's a room. And in order to build the bigger room or the bigger project, you needed to do that first. So do everything to take action as if it was the grand finale so that you do it wholeheartedly. But know that what you are building may be just a room. And how exciting is that, that for the rest of your life, you're going to be building rooms and you're going to build the most beautiful castle in the universe. You are going to be co-creating this kingdom. So do it with the same excitement as if it were the thing, but know that it may not be. So that as you, as you move forward taking action, you understand that the bigger picture will always continue to be revealed as you go. So aligned action is about taking action, taking steps. If you're called to do a program like FBCA, if you're called to attend a retreat, if you're called to make a call, you know, to connect with someone that you feel drawn to, that you think can support you, having— if you feel that you must have a certain conversation, or if you want to process something, like, just take those steps. Like, take the— go to the interview, connect with the person, do the thing. Take those steps always in alignment with your vision, your mission, your purpose, your— the expansion that is revealed to you in that place of silence while you're listening, right? So if you're listening and you feel God telling you to go to this webinar or make the call or connect with the person, you take that step because it's in alignment. It feels expansive. It feels exciting. It feels right. Always do things in alignment with what has been revealed thus far. I think that's really important. This is not about what makes sense and what's a great opportunity according to society or what people say. This is about what feels right in your core. So ask questions like, what decision gives me peace? What gets me excited? What's expansive? What choice reflects who I want to become? Does my calendar match what I say matters? Are you spending time on the things that are a priority, or are you wasting time and self-sabotaging by doing first the thing that's not important, that is insignificant? Does your business reflect your calling? Is your business and your career and your job aligned? With your gifts, your God-given gifts, your purpose, the, the role that you're meant to fulfill for humanity, for your family. You know, humanity starts at home, starts with your family. So, so I love the idea of considering alignment at the time of taking action because we're not just going to take steps just to take steps. When you do that, you are like going around in circles and being like searching for alignment and clarity is stewardship. Because if you don't know what you're aiming for, then you'll waste energy moving in every direction as opposed to being laser focused on and going on the path and towards the direction that you're being guided to by God himself and by that indwelling wisdom, inner wisdom that is you, that is inside you. So when we are thinking about aligned action, we are number one, taking steps, because as we learned last week, we ain't gonna get anywhere with just thinking about it, but we're gonna take steps that are aligned, that feel peaceful, that feel right. Not that they're safe, not that they're the right thing according to people, that make sense, that are peaceful. That's how God speaks to us. And then lastly, the R in CLEAR is for Repetition. When God is calling you to something, when He's wanting to reveal clarity, truth to you, it shows up over and over again. You know the story of of the naufrago, the guy that was in the middle of the ocean and asked God to save him. And then a boat came, and then a helicopter, and then a cruise ship. And he was like, no, no, I'm waiting for God, I'm waiting for God. And then he dies, he drowns, and he goes to God like, hey, bro, why didn't you save me? He said, I sent you a helicopter, I sent you a boat, I sent you a cruise ship. Well, there was repetition there. Like, he showed up in one way, then in another way, then in another way. And that happens to us. Clarity shows up because someone said something that like hit us in a special way. And then we saw a TV show that like, oh, or a movie. And then we saw a billboard or a sign, or we heard a message or we had a dream. It just, or a person said something, it just, it shows up. It shows up repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly until we're like, okay, I got the message. So there's, the R is about validation because God rarely says something once. He says it again and again and again. And He says it in your heart, in prayer, in unexpected conversations, in doors opening, in opportunities, in what seems like the world is falling apart, but it is really falling into place. That is guidance, and that is affirmation, confirmation that you are on the right path. So notice, and this is the most important part of this, I told you I was going to tell you at the end, Notice that none of these steps include or involve forcing clarity. Clarity is not forced. Clarity is received, revealed. God invites us to receive clarity. This is coming, it's not coming from striving and pursuing. This is coming from abiding, from surrender, from obeying, from silence, from listening, from removing, from chipping away the excess. So that the David may be revealed. So I pray, my friend, that clarity is revealed to you so that you may finally understand what God is calling you into. 'Cause you know there's more for you. There's something missing, and there's something that He's wanting from you so that you may live for others and in the process find the fulfillment that, that you don't even know exists within you. But that little void or that little thorn or that little discomfort that is within you that you know you're meant for more, that is guidance. And clarity is just a step away. So be curious, listen, create that space for silence, eliminate the excess, chip away the excess, the things that are not serving you, that are preventing you from stepping into that purpose and that more that God is calling you into. And then practice aligned action and pay attention to what's repeated. And that, my friend, will help you see clearly. And if it's still hard to do this, please, please, please, please, please go right now and put talktobetsy.com on the internet and book a call with me. I am going to take you through the Faith and Life Audit to help you understand what is missing, what's that gap that's preventing you from stepping into your purpose, into the version of you that God created you to be for others, 'cause you know you're meant to help others. I can't wait to support you in our call. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you, so thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom Join me at faithandgrowth.com. Thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.