032: Mike Birdsall - Connecting Your Life Purpose with Your Business.

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Hello and welcome again to the Scaling Up Business Podcast. I'm your host and a Gazelle's business coach, Bill Gallagher. So we're doing a very special show today for the season. We've got a couple, couple of special shows for you and this one is on purpose, but it's a live coaching call. So I'm going to have a conversation with an entrepreneur now about the purpose of their business and the purpose of and their life's purpose and how the two go together. So we're going to explore what this entrepreneur has already done. With me on the show today is Mike Birdsall. Mike Birdsall, welcome to the show.

Thanks, Bill. Happy to be here.

Now you all should know that I know Mike for many, many years now. Our offices used to be near each other. He lives near me in the suburbs of the San Francisco Bay Area. And Mike's had a rich background. He's been a president of the San Francisco EO chapter and a board member many times. So he's been active in the entrepreneurial community here. And Mike, he's held other regional positions. Mike's had a range of business. Mike, tell us a little bit about the kinds of businesses that you've been in.

Yeah, we're actually husband wife team. So I've been married 30 years since June and we've been working together as husband wife. Thank you. As husband wife for 23 of those 30 years.

Congratulations.

We started doing websites. It can be done.

Yeah.

So that's a whole different conversation, I'm sure. We started doing web design back in 94, right at the cusp of all the web work. And then I've done 800 websites since 94. Then we got into the mobile application space in 2004 and started building in game applications for sports fans at different venues. And then we started our new business, a monthly subscription business, about 20 months ago, almost two years coming up here.

Yeah, so tell me a little bit about the evolution of that. When we started talking to plan this show, you were talking about how you came up with a business idea and the problem that you were solving. Tell me what you were dealing with for many years in the web world and then how you went to work on this.

Yeah, so the good and the bad of doing 800 websites is we've done 800 websites and we've seen a lot, a lot, not a lot new. The web interactive space has become more commoditized over the years. People can do it themselves with WordPress and those types of content management systems and then there are lots of resources. So our value to customers, which is, you know, good user experience and design, was really undervalued. They didn't see a lot of value on that. So we were struggling with, you know, doing projects that we wanted to do for a price, that we wanted to do them for. And also, if we do a website correctly, the customer doesn't need us again for another, another four or five years. So it's really a one off. Constantly hunting for new work, no relationship type business and that's tough. So we had always hoped that we could come up with something that was more of a widget type business, something that could do, you know, we could sell the same thing once a month and sort of build on all that and sort of build a base of recurring revenue. So that was our goal. Datebox Club came about when our two boys got older and were leaving high school and heading off to college. And we suddenly found ourselves as empty nesters or soon to be empty nesters. And I kind of scared us a little bit. We decided that, you know, we better work on our relationship now that we're not focusing on the kids and, you know, how do we do that? And so we started doing activities together outside of the house or some, you know, different things where we kind of re dated each other and tried to reconnect with each other on a, on a deeper level. Like we used to have four kids.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, you all focus, right. Suddenly the kids come and you're like, oh man, I haven't even seen you for two weeks. And we live in the same house.

Oh, I, I can relate. I'm on the road continually and, and we have one kid who's going on, our last kid going off to college.

So yeah, so you look and go, okay, well how do I stay Connected with that spouse that, you know, we've built this life together and this family together. And so we, you know, we started doing activities and, you know, our friends started asking, well, how. What are you doing? And where'd you learn about this? And, you know, how'd you hear about this event? And we said, well, hold on, this could kind of be an interesting idea. So we played around with a couple iterations and Datebox came out. It's a monthly subscription business at home. Dates for couples to help them stay connected.

Yeah.

And so it was our passion and concern and willingness to stay connected ourselves. And we realized that that would be something great to offer other couples.

So it's interesting, I think that the. So the purpose here, right. Is to create a more stable business base. And the purpose here is to solve a problem for yourself in reconnecting. So you saw this need in your own life and you realize there's an opportunity there for other people in this similar situation to create something. So you create something that marries your business problem with your personal problem and something that everyone else shares, Right?

Correct. Exactly.

Except as we were talking before, that, like, romance and, you know, having relationships work. So, like, relationships and romance isn't really the primary driver. It isn't the thing that gets you up in the morning.

No, not, you know, I don't know how to answer that. It sounds strange. So I'm just going to answer it the best I can. I'm concerned and aware of that need to keep my relationship with my wife healthy. And so that doesn't necessarily get me up in the morning, but it is a constant focus, as I think it should be for a lot of people. So that doesn't, you know, keep me up at night or get me up in the morning. What sort of gets me up in the morning is to see that Date Box Club is also wanted and needed by other couples and the validation of what we did. And then now what we're offering other people gets me up in the morning.

So what you're offering, just to clarify and recap for people. Right. Because it sounds like we didn't really talk about what is Datebox Club. So Datebox Club is a subscription service where I get once a month, Right. A kind of a date kit in the mail as a subscriber member to your service. I get this kit and it creates a fun, new, unique experience for. For me to have with my partner.

Correct at home. Everything's included and you can put it on the calendar, open it up at 8 o' clock at night, when the kids go to bed or when you have some time. And it's a thought through fun date night. And the three goals of it is to interact, engage and communicate.

So interact, engage and communicate. Can you give us some idea of some of these?

So we're going to do a lot of, you know, think. Let me think here. So, I mean, we've got. We've done about 25 of these dates now. So I'm trying to remember exactly where.

Let's just pick the last couple.

Yeah, yeah. So the one we have right now is. Is all around a game called Tango. You are trying to tell your partner. So you're communicating to your partner how to create different shapes without being able to touch the shapes or tell them, you know, what you're trying to make. So it's sort of a fun little communication game together. And then we have a connector piece we call it. It's kind of our secret sauce is the connector piece of. Finish the sentence. My best friend is, you know, my best friend in high school was the first concert I went to was, you know, those kinds of things to sort of remember who we were in the past. The greatest influence in my life was those kinds of things. So it's, it's. And then there's also a fun activity. So the fun activity is making reindeer pretzel candies. And the activity is there to kind of distract you from the exercise or the connector piece. So that it's. It's a fun, you know, if you sat down and just sort of interviewed each other, it wouldn't be all that engaging or fun at all. So we're trying to have a fun piece with an engagement piece and a connector piece altogether.

Well, I did a series of exercises. Now I'm a total, you know, workshop kind of guy. And so, yeah, doing an exercise exercise and all that sounds fun to me and often to my wife. But we did a pretty long one recently as we were celebrating our 22nd anniversary. But we did it on the beach and actually a couple different beaches over the course of three days. Sounds awful.

Sounds awful.

Sounds terrible, right? But there was something about being on the beach and these things where we had a chance to reflect on our life and talk. And so we did some. Now there was some structure to the whole thing and it took us to different places that were interesting in conversation and relationship. But I think you're right. There's something about the activity combined with it there that helps to not have it just become like a homework piece, right?

Yeah. Or too intense or too Intense. Not supposed to be intense. Right. The whole purpose is to reconnect and engage with your partner. And so if you can do that in a fun way, that is date night together. That's what we're trying to do.

So here's the thing that I get. I'm hearing something already kind of in the background that I just want to check out. So people subscribe to Datebox and they get these regular things in the mail on a regular basis, and it can help them connect in a healthy and fun way with their spouse and. And keep that world alive and without going into the sex toy world or like that. Right. So it's a meaningful connection.

Non romantic. Non sexual.

Non romantic. Yeah, non sexual. But really connect as human beings. And from that, find the play and all that. And I heard something, you used a word before when you were talking about the old business. You said there's nothing new in it.

Right.

And you said that the particular focus on the romance and relationship wasn't so I mean, it was important and useful, but it wasn't your real driving factor. When I think about. So what you do is you create these date box things that go out there and you have to continually be creating new ones.

And.

And along the way you're creating and communicating with. Then your spouse and your customers are all doing that same kind of thing. And what struck me is that when I think about you, that like novelty and creative, like having a sense of. And an experience of newness, exploration, being fresh, new, alive and creative, challenging. When I think about purpose, the purpose of your business maybe is that is creating opportunities to create, invent and experience new things.

Yeah, I agree. I mean, that definitely gets me up in the morning. I mean, I love to be challenged. I'm competitive. So, you know, seeing the sales come in validates. And then we say, well, you know, what can we do next month? What can we do the next month? And so for me, it's just, it's a constant challenge where the web design business was not, I mean, any longer. I mean, it was obviously at the very beginning because nobody was doing it. And we were early pioneers of all that, as well as the mobile apps and stuff. But that's what we like about it.

So if creating and experiencing new things and being challenged in new ways is what excites you, consider that that's what you care about in the kind of product you do and what it provides for people in their lives. What do you notice there?

Yes, again, the challenge that I see here is so there's two different people in this business, Right. It's a husband, wife, team. So Maureen is more on the creative. The date, planning the date, what is the activity? What is the connector piece? I'm on the business sales side, operations side. So for me, I'm trying to figure out a more streamlined way of putting the boxes together and a better price for the items that are going to the box and an easier website experience. Those types of things are what I'm focused on. I don't know if that answered your question at all.

No, it perfectly does. So ultimately, the answer to this question of purpose, a powerful purpose, right, is about aligning the two things and getting yours and your partner, in this case both your life partner as well as your business partner, getting your two things in alignment and finding that place where they intersect and expressing it together in one unified way. But what you tend to go back to a lot is kind of problem solving, right? I've got to tune this and do that. And that is about improving something and building something. And so there's a problem solving piece that is in your world, but then I also know from your travel and the kinds of things that you do that having new experiences is fresh and makes a difference. So if we consider. So Simon Sinek, in his great book and his TEDx talk that's been watched almost more than most of the others, even on the TED stage, he talks about the importance of starting with the why. So a lot of us talk about what we do. So you produce the date box things and then how we do it. We could talk about how it arrives to people and how you produce them and how you design them and so on. But the very best companies lead with what they care about, what they're passionate about, the why of their work. And the reason why why is so important is because it's that sort of the emotional resonant center. And the place where the emotions come from is a deeper part of the brain, the limbic brain, not the higher, more modern evolved part of the brain, the neocortex, where we think through and solve problems. But it's that kind of emotional core of the thing that we really care about. And that passionate area is where decisions are made and what drives action and behavior. So the things that I feel strongly about are what propel action and what actually drive decisions. And then we rationalize them with the what and the how and the discrete, concrete kinds of things. But the source of it is the other. So we're interested in articulating our purpose for our clients, for something that you have some emotion about, that you feel strongly about, that gets you up in the morning and that you could tell others. Now, if we take that purpose and we think about it, what is the contribution to the world? So if I want something for me, right, And I want a particular experience and there's things that make us feel proud and like that, right. Those things that touch us most deeply are where this purpose lives. So if I take your purpose and I see that for you, there's creating things and being challenged and growing and inventing that, that world of things, that's the area for you and your wife to articulate together now and express something out like that. So the purpose of our business is creating novelty and staying alive or something like that. In your own words. And if she was here right now, we'd be doing this a little bit differently. But we're talking to you today. So this is actually another exercise for you guys to go do as a couple, but as a business couple, right, to go and talk about. And we want to get it to express like this is not just something we want for ourselves, but for everyone. And if you think about it, the core of that, like what keeps the relationship happy and people connected and excited about each other is that feeling like alive and growing and new experiences when it just becomes like there's nothing new here. Like you spoke about the old business. It's not very exciting for us. And I think that's the area that really touches you and where you get excited.

I agree. Yeah. I mean, I feel challenged. I feel. That is definitely where I feel purpose. Very true.

So we like a challenge, but it's the area or the aspect of challenge that is interesting and gives it some color. If we go to work on like, this is what we do and the reason that we do that and why that matters. So we probe that question a bunch of times. So what do you do? Great. Why does that matter to you? Okay. And why is that important?

Uh huh.

Interesting. And why does that matter? And we keep teasing that question back with each other. That's really the why does it matter? Why do you do that? What difference does that make? All of those why questions about what it is that you do ultimately get to something like heal the world or fix the world and the sort of the step or two back from that is purpose, your business purpose. And interestingly enough, we're going to segue here to personal purpose for a minute, but that's kind of the core of it. And so that's the work for you to Finish up and then express that as something not just for the two of you, but for your business's impact on the world. And then that can become front and center on your website when you talk about it to potential customers, to marketing partners, to vendors and so on. And when you talk that way to all the people that you touch with your business partners, employees, customers, and members of the press, that purpose becomes highly motivating. So the purpose of my business is helping leaders build a better world. Right. And I think your new business is all about doing something new and that makes a contribution to the world. So I have fulfilled a little bit my purpose today in working with you. To create and articulate, fun, fulfill your purpose.

Right.

Make sense.

Awesome.

All right, so now let's just touch on briefly the personal purpose. So what do you think is the purpose of your life?

Well, that's a big question, right?

I said we were just going to touch on it briefly.

Yeah, just briefly. In the next 30 seconds, let's just deal with this. You know, I don't know if I've ever been asked that question or thought much about it. You know, I feel like my purpose is to be a good human being and, you know, leave the world a better place than, you know, I got it. But, you know, to me, that sounds like more of a cliche than anything else.

So I'm not sure it does a little bit. And yet it matters right now. You were a Boy Scout, right?

Yeah, Eagle Scout.

Right. I was an Eagle Scout, too. So there's not as many of us around anymore, but there is something. So if you think about it this way, now, I don't know, would it bother you for a second to consider your funeral?

No.

Okay. So some people find that a little bit morbid. And for those people listening who are like that, consider instead maybe a retirement party. But I like actually the funeral one. Because, you know, we go through life, we thrash about, we accomplish some things, we have some good time, and then one way or another, at some point, it ends. Right? And when our lives are over, all of the people that love us get together in some way or another. And, you know, usually it's around a memorial service and they all say really lovely things about us, and then they go have lunch. Hopefully.

Hopefully they say really good things.

Oh, they do. Every single time, the people that love you gather around and they say nice things about you, and then they all go have lunch. And then, you know, life goes on and it's somebody else's turn to share the spotlight. So if you Think about that for a minute. What would you really love your children to say about you? Your best friends, your. Your relatives, your family members? Like, you know, what would you, what would you like people to be able to say about you?

Yeah, you know, I have, I have thought about that, as I said before, for a number of reasons. One is I've been to those memorial services and I have said nice things about people that can't hear him anymore.

Right.

So one of the things I've done before, you know, since those experiences is actually tell people that I care about what I think about them.

Nice.

And what makes them special. So I've been doing that.

Nice. So what makes you happy to hear from people about you?

Yeah, I mean, you know, it's not going to be. He was a great business person. It was, you know, if somebody said about me he was a good father and a good husband, that would be what I'd want them to say. You know, I was honest. I was, you know, take. I had integrity. I had, you know, I was trustworthy. Some of those adjectives that I would hope people would describe me by.

Got it. So is it being an example of good in the world or is it something else?

Well, you know, it's. It is being a good example. I don't know about the world because, you know, there are those people that are just doing tremendous things to help the world more than my little niche as an area here. But yeah, I want, I want, you know, I want to be able to be a good person. I want to be able to be polite, you know, and be positive and, and to help each other, not bring anybody down, you know, just because that makes me feel like, you know, the right thing to be doing.

Yeah, so I hear. So the purpose of my life is making a difference. And, and I hear in, I think many of us, it's. There's some form of contribution that we'd love to be. So, you know, if you look at sort of Maslow's work and that after we get done surviving and making it and connecting and all of that kind of thing, we get to this place of self actualization. Now, the truth is, I think there's actually something that we yearn for even before we've gotten all our survival handled. And if you start actually sort of reaching and claiming that thing, a lot more of the survival end of things, the basic needs begin to get handled by the world around us more naturally and effortlessly. So if you think about the purpose of your life is being some kind of contribution, it's nice to figure out what particular words you would say in your own words that touch you that you could say it. So I just find for me, saying the purpose of my life is making a difference is moving, and I can say it freely, without reservation. I don't feel like I've gotten it wrong or anything like that. So coming up with. With what the expression of it is for you, but you have been talking around it about being an example, but I think it's more just plainly about being a contribution, being sort of a generous thing to the world. So putting it in the words that matter to you is a useful thing to do. Do you hear anything in that or does anything leap to mind as I'm speaking?

Yeah, I mean, trying to put it down into. I mean, you know, I like helping people. And so to me, you know, that. That actually ties really well into what we're doing for business, actually.

Does. Does. You know, you hear the connection? So try this, try this on. Now say this just. Now just repeat in your own words. The purpose of my life is helping people.

The purpose of my life is helping people.

What do you notice?

It sounds true.

Okay, good.

It doesn't sound fake. It sounds super simple.

And we can hear the connection to the business purpose. There's this stuff that you do, and it's a contribution to others. So here's my coaching for you to begin to wrap this session, right? Is for you to take this out and start to play with it a little bit. And the way to play with it is to actually share it with people. So go tell your wife, hey, I just had this conversation and here's the thing I came up with. The purpose of my life is helping people. And I began to see this other thing and start to see how it feels to speak it to others, right? Not so much what they say back from it. Actually, that doesn't matter a whole lot. The point of purpose mostly is to motivate and inspire you. The point of purpose for your business is to motivate and inspire not just you, but everyone. But really, purpose is something we make up, right? We make it up. It's not something we go find outside ourself. If anything, you find it within yourself. And then if you find that some other way of expressing it is important, then go ahead and change it and don't hesitate to share it with people because you made it up. And you could change it any time. So if you find a different word fits that you like a little bit better, you wake up tomorrow, then that's Your purpose now.

Sounds great.

Really good. Yeah. So your thoughts, insights and like that to wrap up this conversation.

I thought it was great. I appreciate your time with me and we don't take time out to do a lot of this so I appreciate you doing this for me and it was very helpful.

No, I really appreciate you coming on our show today and to explore purpose a little bit and just to make it real by not just talking about it but actually engaging with one for folks. I want to let people know that we'll have a video up shortly on purpose as well how to do purpose for your business a little bit like with our worksheet and so on that you can download and then we'll have a link link to an article here and we'll have some stuff in the show notes about PRPs following up our conversation today. So thanks so much for being with us. We'll also put links to the Datebox Club on that in case you're like totally intrigued with that and you want to go sign up right away. They're ready for more folks and would love to spread the love and the word about Datebox.

Thanks.

All right, thanks again for being on the show.

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