Stephanie Paul — Engaging Others with Powerful Storytelling

Are you thinking about how to grow your business with near and offshore staffing, but you're also wanting to make sure that it's reliable, cost effective and really well done. I think docsa talent is the way to go. Here's why. They don't just fill your jobs. They bring integrity, top talent and a people first approach that's hard to find. I've known the people at Doxa talent for over 20 years now and I say that you can count on them. I have talent to doxatant and you won't be disappointed. Go to doxatant.com Bill G Again, that's doxatant.com BillG. One more time. Doxatalent.com Bill G Check it out today. The music is as much for me as really anything else I like. Need it to start to feel good. Be a little loose. It helps to build my story about how the show is gonna go. We're talking today about storytelling, being a great storyteller, crafting your story, using it in all the places that you need to be a better storyteller with your employees, with your, with investors, with the market, with customers, partners. How do we tell a great story that's compelling, convincing, authentic, powerful, engaging? That's the subject of our conversation today with a fantastic storyteller with a great background from comedy to acting to story making and speech making, coach, trainer, etc. Stephanie Paul, listen in. Hey everybody. My name is Bill Gallagher, Scaling Coach, host of the Scaling Up Business Podcast. Our show comes to you every week and there's now hundreds of those episodes. Wherever you get this content now, YouTube, Apple, podcasts, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. All of those places, Stitcher and more. We've got loads and loads of those and more. Or you can go to our own website, scalingcoach.com to get the whole kind of back catalog of stuff. So everything to do with growing your company and the leadership required to help the company get there. I'm excited to be joined now by Stephanie Paul. Stephanie, welcome to the show.

Hi. Thanks for having me.

Are you in LA right now?

I am in Los Angeles indeed.

Excellent. We were there last week.

Oh well, the week before I was in Sausalito and had dinner with your wife.

Oh, that's right, you did. So. So for our listeners and viewers, my wife met Stephanie. She's like, oh, you got to get her on the show. She's great. You've been talking about storytelling, the need to do a better job with storytelling and it comes up almost all the time. Not Every day. But almost every day it comes up in one conversation or another with the leaders that we coach. And I think it's critically important to get better at it. So I'm excited to have you on the show. And she came back from her Boston meeting not only with a case of COVID but infected by the power of a great story. So I said a little bit. But you have a background in comedy. She's been a speaker in a whole range of things. She's also in our accelerator program with her business today, developing that which as some of our listeners know, I've been involved in just a little bit over some years now. And she's got a book, Unlock the Magic of Story, that's on Amazon, right? Oh, there it is. If you're watching on video, there it is. The magic of story. Stephanie Paul. Unlock it.

Unlock the magic of story. How to use neuroscience secrets and engage and influence any audience. So yeah, I wrote it based on originally it was a challenge from two of my clients who said, you know, you should really write a book. And I was like, ah, he's got the time to do that. And you know, in the back of my mind, I thought one day I'd do it. But they challenged me in the same week, oddly enough, unbeknownst to each other. And I decided, okay, I'll do this, I'll do it, I'll start writing it. So I started writing it. And that same week, the end of the week training organization that holds a conference in human hacking or human behavior. I was going to be doing the storytelling training there in, you know, like six weeks later after I started my book. And they were like, hey, do you have a book? And I said, no, but I will have one. So I managed to pull it together in a short amount of time. But it was really designed for my clients to help my clients or anybody who wanted to understand how I approach storytelling. You said my background was in acting and stand up comedy and I've also produced, directed and written. And so yeah, I started dancing when I was 4. Drama classes by the time I was 10 and I was professionally shooting commercials when I was 16. So sort of learning the professional art of it from a very young age. And when I left that kind of. So wait a second, wait, wait, before.

You leave all that, were you like, did you just pull your parents into this or did they really encourage this? Or how was that an equal push?

Pull. Interesting you ask that. Actually, my mother super supported everything I did and I actually devoted the book to my mother because if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would ever have got to where I've got to today. Because she. My father didn't really believe in it. He sort of was more sports oriented. And she paid for every single one of my drama, dancing, singing, acting classes. And my father never paid us for a cent of it. And when I started working professionally, he kept saying to my mother, when's she going to get up, give up this acting rubbish and get a real job. So I think my dad would be pretty proud of me today to know that a lot of my clients are PhDs. Biotechnology. And he wrote 14 books that were in the university. So your dad did. Because his whole bit. Yeah. So both my parents have since passed away. But yeah, so my mum very supportive because she always wanted to be an artist. And my dad not so much. Cause he was very cerebral in finance and economics and all that kind of stuff. And law was his whole thing. But when my mother retired, prior to her retirement, she told me that she'd always wanted to be an artist, like painter drawer. And she was actually very good with whatever she did, sort of in little sketches and things that she drew for friends along the way. So I bought her when she retired, a year of art classes. And she continued to take art classes until the day she died. And she produced some beautiful artwork after she retired. So there you go. I got to pay my mum back for what she did for me. So that's a nice story that goes there.

You know, it's funny, my brother, my nephew is an actor, he's pretty successful now. And my brother talks about like when he was really young, he's like, you know, there's only two kinds, but it really takes a parent who's willing to go to auditions and go to workshops and things like that. But, you know, now he's, you know, presenting on award shows and going into multiple seasons and, you know, like it, it pays off sometimes, but it is not, not an easy route.

Yeah, there, there are some variables. I mean, I make a joke in my book about how that's another story and another book for after I die. So, you know, to come. Because there's so many variables as to how an actor actually gets a job. That's the first story I tell in the book, in the introduction is the story of my very first real dramatic role. Because I did a lot of commercials sort of growing up through the field and then to get plucked off the commercial floor and be considered a serious actress by a casting director and get a Role where you could be dramatic was a big deal back when I was like 18 or 19 or something. And it made a huge difference for me. In that is like the next book I want to write actually is the most powerful story you'll ever tell is the story between your ears. So it's that self belief that you can actually do it. Like when your parents are saying, when are you going to give up this acting thing and get a real job? You know, I mean, or when people are saying, oh, you'll never succeed at that. Like, please. So many Oscar winners tell stories of when they were young actors, you know, being told by casting directors, yeah, I'm not going to make it in this town. You know, stuff like that, you know, maybe even drives people harder. But the belief system and the power of the belief system and the mindset is incredibly important with storytelling because part of it is getting past that. You know, I've got to do the facts and figures thing. I have a theory based on actual scientific research because there's a lot of scientific research around. Young children about the age of two start telling lies. It's part of their brain development. And the more plausible the lie, the more likely they are to be successful. Adults believe it or not based on the research. And somewhere along the line though, we get told stop telling stories because those stories are usually fabricated when we're really young. However, stories are incredibly important and they pre ride into our brain for the way we want to receive information. So my theory is, and I'd love to get a research grant if anybody's listening on this, to do some research around it, is that at some point we stop telling stories and only turn to facts and figures. And because that's what's plausible and storytelling sort of dies off and we lose the ability to do it because it's no longer considered data. However, one of my colleagues, Mark Bowden, who's very famous for his TED talk, he's a behavioral expert. I had a conversation with him about his TED talk one day at the Human hacking conference. We were having lunch together and he made a brilliant comment where he said, well, there's facts and figures and there's the truth. And the truth is just the facts and figures wrapped up in story because that's the way the brain engages and in the chemicals that we release when we hear really good story and it makes us feel a certain way, we're more likely to be inclined to make a decision based on that feeling because there's a huge buy in from the limbic system in our brain and decision making, because that's where our emotional memories are stored. And we don't know what we don't know. We don't make decisions based on the future. We make decisions based on our experience and our emotional memories, believe it or not.

All right, so we are, like, you, like, deep dive right into the theory here. So the first idea here is that there's a story you tell yourself. And I love this chapter of the book and this focus on, like, we make up stories. Like, we weave together the things, the events, the facts, the figures. And then we tell stories sometimes that make us. And sometimes stories that empower us. And other times we tell stories that disempower us. And we've got a whole range of things, and I don't think we even notice that. And you shared one. You could tell another one. But you talked about working with a woman, the woman in leadership meeting. But talk to us about that story or something else about the stories we tell ourselves.

Yeah, the stories we tell ourselves are incredibly important because that's what gets us out of bed in the morning. That's what gets us motivated. That's what demotivates us.

Well, that or the need to urinate. Right?

Yeah, well, that too. But, you know, sometimes for older gentlemen, that can be multiple times in the evening as you're sleeping. That's a story I don't know anything about. It's a story I've heard about. But, you know, one of the reasons why actors are really good at telling stories, good actors are really good at telling stories because they're basically creating a great story under an imaginary circumstance. And our brains don't actually know the difference between real or fake, which is why we can believe BS stories that we tell ourselves, or we can believe stuff, you know, that's really awesome, and we can get ourselves across the finish line even though our legs feel like they're gonna fall off, you know, in an ironman race. So there's a part of our brain, you know, that creates chemical. There's lots of parts of our brain that create chemicals. But actors essentially have used their ability in their brain to create fabrications that they truly believe biologically. And so they use their emotions, which are seriously just chemicals. Emotions are just chemicals that happen in our body, like serotonin and dopamine and stuff like that. They're able to use those chemicals to fabricate real feelings inside their body so that we. We believe them truthfully under an imaginary circumstance, and we can go on that journey with them laughing and crying. And, you know, oh my God, you know, I want to be like Superman and put on a cape and all that kind of stuff. So. And when we have actors that don't tell great stories and don't use those chemicals proficiently, we don't believe them. We just like, oh, that guy sucks as an actor. You know, I don't really believe that story. I don't want to follow along or whatever that is. So our biology, we can actually hack our biology with storytelling. And it's actually phenomenal what it can do for us when we get really good at it. And so we can persuade, we can influence, we can do all kinds of things with other people's biology when we tell really good stories.

Yeah, I think that's a really interesting thing to think about. Like, your interpretation of the facts, the emotional cast of them is having an effect on you as well as the people that you share it with. But it starts in your own head, right? Like, you start with, something happens and you think about something and then you start to put it together in a way without even realizing you're starting to construct a story. And your emotions could be going this way or that way, depending on your hope or fear. Right.

Like, I mean, I asked the question, have you ever been in a situation where you didn't really know? Like, perfect example, Covid, the whole Covid phenomenon, Nobody knew. The reason why people were so terrorized by the situation is nobody knew when it was going to end. Nobody knew what was going to happen. And our brains.

I'm not sure I know what's going to end now.

No, seriously, our brains are either in comfort or discomfort, but they're always assessing risk. And we had no end to that story. So when our brains don't get an end to a story, we'll make one up, believe it or not. Like if you, if you half ass a story in a presentation or a pitch and you don't finish the details, your audience's brain will decide upon the finish for themselves. That's just how our brains work. That's how they function. So it's really important to finish a story or to guide a story in a way that you want certain results as well. Because the brain will complete the story with or without you. Whether, you know, based on the audience.

Say that again. Your brain will complete the story. What do you mean by that?

What does that mean? So if I started a story, kind of like a joke, a setup and punch, but I didn't give you the punch, you would automatically make an assumption, Right? That the joke was going this way. And I actually talk about this inside the book in the section on humor. So that's why comedians can tell a joke, because they set you up. The brain then makes an assumption and the punch delivers it in a different direction. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So the assumption is essentially the brain finishing the story.

Yeah, yeah.

And the surprise is the punchline.

It's the expectation. It's the. It's the. It's the expectation, which is usually pretty similar for most people. One or two know where you're going. Maybe in a. In a smart room. If you got a room full of comics in the back, analyzing your material. With this one, it's going to be her dad again.

Yeah, yeah. I've heard the joke before.

Yeah, yeah. Or they intuit the craft. So talk then about the actress, Amanda.

Oh, yeah, that story. So in the book, I have a lot of science that backs up what I'm saying, because this might sound a little frou frou to some people who are listening, but there was an actress, and this was way before I went down the rabbit hole of neuroscience and understood the biology and how our brains communicate and the chemicals and all that kind of stuff that happen when we tell great stories. I had a student before I started my corporate business. There was a transition between training actors and moving into working with speakers and presenters. And she had a phenomenal role. It was a great opportunity in a short film. However, the script and this description of the character didn't really have enough information for her to do the scene that she needed to do. So the scene that she had to do was to break down in her car and almost have, like, an emotional meltdown and cry and laugh and sort of basically freak out and go through a series of emotions. It is very difficult for an actor or an actress to do that if they don't have a backstory. Like, there has to be quite a deep historical backstory. So if you think about it from a perspective of you as an individual, make your decisions or have your emotional reactions or your triggers based on your true Backstory, the last 30, 40, 50 years of your life, whatever that is, you know, makes up how you show up today. And so we had to create this backstory for her so that she could show up for that scene in a very specific way that it was written in the script. And so we dove into this really sorted historical childhood that she had, and she had these. These horrible, like, relation relations that had done some awful things to her and how she got to the Meltdown stage was. She had to go to a funeral where she was incredibly upset and moved. And she had to go and see all these relations that she hadn't seen in a very long time who'd done these awful things to her as a child. So it seemed to me that story.

Her character. What? Her character.

Her character? Yes, yes, yes. Not the actress herself, but her character had. We created this so that she could, as the actress, simulate this scenario. And so we rehearsed it, you know, a few times. And then one day we were actually rehearsing it in my living room. And she was super in tune with her story. And what happened was there was a synchronicity of our brains. And this is. There's real science behind it. And I talk about it in the book and I actually reference places where you can go and find it and learn about it from real, real neuroscientist. We had sort of a linking of our brains at that time. And when she finished her scene, I said to her, did your aunt character have like red kind of shoulder length curly hair? And she's like, no, no. She had red shoulder length wavy hair. And I was like, that's weird. She's like, why? I said, I got this real strong image of this horrible woman that I had an emotional reaction to. But that was the visual and it's a real thing. So when you're really tuned into the story, you can actually tune into somebody else's brain and take them on this visual, emotional story. Because we have these things called mirror neurons. And that's another whole thing to go down. But I learned about it, so I was very excited when I started learning about the science behind it because I. I didn't think I was psychic or whatever. I could read her mind or anything like that. But there is actually science to prove that we can actually collect our frontal lobes when we're in a space together. And story does it really well.

You know, I've done different communication exercises where we just try to get in sync. And it doesn't work well in an environment like this because there's a little bit of a. Like a little delay with the connection, right? And it's all. It just throws off a little bit like what you would get. And like when I'm looking at my feedback here, I could see my voice is not in sync with my lips and you're a little bit more in sync. But it's. Anyway, when you're doing this, right, we say things and then you try to say and repeat, but very Quickly we start to arrive at the same thing again and again and again. So if I just start saying colors and I say yellow and you say yellow and I say blue and green, or we throw out different, whatever it is, the prompt, pretty soon you can actually find yourself like more in sync where you're saying the same thing at the same instant. It's like, holy crap, that's crazy. Like how does that work?

No, you know, it's like, it's like your long term partner is like, they end up finishing your sentences, you know?

Yeah. You know them so well, so deeply so. And sometimes not in ways that they refuse to acknowledge themselves.

Well, interestingly enough, I've done a lot of work with some behavioral experts, you know, ex FBI and naval intelligence and all that kind of stuff. Some of them are now close friends and colleagues. And it doesn't matter where you come from or what you do, your values, whatever they are, whether you know them or not, actually depict your behavior, which might be, you know, if you don't know them in your behaviors a certain way, where's why your partner can be like, well, I know you're going to do this because that's your behavior. You know, we get, if we're not congruent with our behaviors, with our words, nobody believes you. Right. They don't trust you. And that's a biological thing that happens in the reptilian brain and the limbic system because those two brains receive messages before they get to the neocortex, which wraps around the top. And that's where language and logic and reason is created. And unfortunately all messages that we create get created with our language, logic and reasonable brain, which is our neocortex brain. But they have to go through our reptilian and our limbic mammalian brain before they get to that place after we've shared it. Right. So fight or flight and emotional reaction. And we'll read tone of voice, we'll read behavior, we'll do all that stuff and it happens real fast and we'll make a judgment, a snap judgment based on your behavior. So if it's not congruent with your values, what you say, it'll show up eventually in your behavior. Because we have over 4,000 human behaviors and some of them are micro expressions. And our logic and reason doesn't read that, but our limbic system does. And it does a really good job of it. So that's where you get that. I don't know. I don't know if I trust that guy. Right.

Well, so you talk about this in the book, and of course it's been covered in other books and by other speakers as well. The ideas are pretty consistent. So you start to, we start to lay out some facts, a narrative or whatever. Maybe we intend or don't intend for it to be a story. But then the other listener, the other person, the listener is whether you are intentional and conscious about it or effective or not, they'll start to put it together in a story and it may or may not match up with what your intention is. And as you're saying, then sometimes it's going to ring true, sometimes it's going to not ring true, but the facts, the narrative, and then the feelings surrounding it are all having an effect on the other person as well as yourself in delivery.

Yeah, no, it's pretty powerful what we do with our biology in front of other human beings when we communicate. Because depending on which expert you're talking to, our Non verbals cover 73 to 93% of our communication. And that's a huge chunk. Right. So your words are important. You know, the emotional delivery of your words and the tone of voice and you know, like saying like, oh, that was yummy versus oh my God, that was delicious.

Yes.

Evokes very different responses. Right. So it's really kind of important to understand that the way you show up and the way you deliver your behavior is incredibly effective or ineffective on your audience, depending on what story you're telling. Most people don't deal, you know, don't deal with it. They, they spend a lot of time on their slide deck, they spend a lot of time on their facts, they spend a lot of time on their data. And then they, they're running late and they rush and they get there and then they throw their slide deck up and then they start telling the thing and then they don't understand why nobody's listening and everybody's just picked up their phones and kind of switched off is because they're not there to actually intentionally communicate with somebody else's biology.

And that's really effective. A CEO I was coaching some years ago and he, he was in a fundraising round and he shared his deck with me and he, and, and it was fairly flat and there was logic to it and all that. But I like, I found even as his paid coach, I didn't care. Like in that moment I'm just like, it's nice. So what? So I said, so why are you in this business? And so then he why'd you start this whole thing? And he starts giving me the reasons and rationale for it, like the justification. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Where did you have the idea? When did you actually care about this? And then he's like, oh, well, I was like this. And then this happened and my kid and that thing and whatever. And I was just like, oh, I, no, this has to stop. This never should be for the rest of my life. I need to put an end to this. And I was like, that is where you need to open. Open with that. And then all that other stuff is just justification.

Yeah, I mean, I always think one of my taglines is if you're not having fun, then neither is your audience. Because our biology gets into sync with our mirror neurons. Like I explained with actors before, you know, I've got a couple of clients who come every time they, you know, get acquisitions, sell their company and go and CEO off to another company and start raising money. They bring me in just for that stuff because I'm not there to make your slide deck pretty. Although I can like, I can adjust it so that it supports. To me, your slide deck is essentially like jewelry. It's, it's what you put on at the end of the day. You know, it makes you look pretty and it supports you and all the rest of it. But at the end of the day, the buy in is biological and they are buying you. They want to get into bed with you. They don't want to get into bed with your slide deck. In fact, they probably never want to see your slide deck ever again. So, you know, I literally get hired to come in and sprinkle that powerful engagement lesson with people raising money and have had the opportunity to be very successful. I've yet to been told that anybody that I've worked with has not raised the money. And many cases they've raised 10, 15, $20 million more than they set out to raise. But that's when they buy in.

So this is the perfect segue, I think, for the big idea here. And that's that the story influences the decision making and therefore the action. So action, right. Actions get results. Results come from the actions. The actions are driven by decisions though. And what causes us to make decisions is that, that's the, I mean, that focus in your book.

So essentially people, and don't get me wrong, because most people, when I ask them to write out their story or it depends on how I'm working with a client, because I get them to tell me the story. And nine times out of 10, the story is a list of facts and figures. I got up in the morning, I put my shoes on, I went to the bathroom, I went and brushed my teeth. Like that, to me is a list of facts and figures. Right? It's a timeline, it's not a story. And there's actually story elicits emotions from us. So I guess because I've been doing this a while, my limbic system is super hyper aware of when it's buying in chemically. Does that make sense? So when somebody's telling me a story, I'm like, oops, I know. Oh, yep. My limbic system's this thing. And then when it's not, I'm like, no, too much data, facts. But, you know, so there's actually a scientist and it's quoted in many. But he's quoted in many books. His name is Antonio Dimasio and he's a neuroscientist and he's well known for consciousness and subconsciousness research. And he was actually doing a study with a group of patients who had damage to the brain where emotions were created. And one thing he discovered about them was they could discuss decision making logically and reasonably. But even when it came down to the simplest of choice, they couldn't do it because they couldn't. The neocortex, when it makes a decision, has to go back to the limbic system and say, how do you feel about that? And the limbic system has a huge buy in how we make decisions. And the limbic system is the one that listens to our storytelling, makes us feel good. You know, that old, you know, it's a quote that's been said a million times in a million ways. But you know, Maya Angelou said it best. Nobody remembers what you did or what you said, but they always remember the way you made them feel. So if you leave, if your story can leave somebody with a feeling, because you're super excited, you're super driven, you're really wanting to change the world, then you're gonna get buy in from somebody else's biology. It's contagious. It's, you know, those things are really contagious inside our brains and our biology. So, you know, when I get my clients going, hi, I'm really excited to be here today to present you our new idea. I'm like, no, how can that. So people have to drill down and find their excitement and their passion when they're telling stories.

In this chapter, you talked about your background in stand up comedy. Can you connect that? Here, tell us that story.

Well, humor. When I decided to leave the whole Hollywood Thing I was sort of in the height of my stand up stuff and I actually switched gears and decided I wanted to learn more about laughter and why laughter was important, why people sought comedy clubs and why people wanted to hang out with people who are funny and things like that. And so I became a certified laughter yoga trainer and leader. And I, instead of just sitting with one person, I studied with three different people because I wanted to see what other people were saying. I spent four years in the laughter yoga community, which is how I ended up meeting your wife, is because I was brought out to Boston to do a laughter and play training for them. And at the end of it, we laughed and had a really good time. And so there's not a lot of research, unfortunately, around why laughter is so incredibly important to us. But it is one of the first things we do before language approaches. Like children at the age of two months, they've been heavily researched as to when they start laughing. It's about two months. Even if they're deaf, blind, and not very, you know, they don't have a lot of tangible touch. We'll start laughing at the age of two. They believe it's one of the things that bonds us the fastest. We release 11 different chemicals into our body, like dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, when we laugh. And we want to do it a lot, although we start doing it about 200 times a day when we're children. And by the time we become adults, we're doing it about 20 times a day, if that, if we're lucky. But it's actually something that's the most contagious biological behavior that we have in our body. Like everyone's walked past a room of people laughing and gone. I don't know what they're laughing at. That's kind of funny, right? So yeah, and when people smile at us, we smile back and things like that. So those things release the good, good feeling hormones in our body. So humor is really important. Now, of course, when pitching for, you know, $100 million, it's not always appropriate to start cracking jokes. And you've got to really read the room. So, you know, but if you can.

Actually ruin it at the right, the wrong moment.

Right. But if you can get the right tone and tell a really good story, maybe it could be a company building story. It could have been a sales story, it could have been a pitch that went wrong. People connect to our messes, not our successes. They don't connect. When we stand up and tell everybody our accolades, they connect when we say, oh, I screwed this up, you know, so it's like, that's the human connector. And so when we can laugh about those things, because comedy certainly isn't about fluffy bunnies and, and butterflies. It's written about tragedy and horrible things that happen to us, you know, and, and, and we laugh because we're like, oh, yeah, I've been there, brother. I know all about that.

You know, so, so laughter is a great place to, to get connection. Right. Recognize humanity, the failings, the shortcomings of things. Right. And, and, and then the other one you talked about, like, the passion, letting the passion come out. I think being inspired by, like, seeing a better future is another thing that, like, is like, kind of critical. Let's share the future.

Yeah, that's a very important aspect of it. So when I talk about images, because it takes a tenth of a second for an image to be imprinted into our brain. So with your slide deck, you want really strong, supportive images for the story you're telling, not graphs and your graphs and data and all that kind of stuff. And pie charts are important, but when you're getting to the story component of it, you need really supportive emotional images that even though the neocortex will see it and be like, oh, that's a touching thing, your limbic system will buy in because it doesn't understand logic and reason or language. So the more you can get the story to attach with those imagery, the better. So when you're speaking passionately about your vision and how you're going to change the world, you have to get the buy in from somebody else's vision. And when they can clearly see your vision emotionally and passionately, they get excited too. You know, unless it's something that they absolutely like. If you're talking about nail polish, and I do not like nail polish, it makes me feel sick when I smell it. You know, I'm not going to necessarily buy in, but if it's changing the world and it's something to do with, with children or whatever. You mentioned your friend before. When he finally told you the story about his pitch deck and he was super hyped up, you were like, now that's the story. That's where you got to go. And you have to open with a hook, a really strong hook. I don't know how many times, you know, I went with my clients and I'm like, do not open with. Thank you very much for being here. We're excited to talk to you today. But no, that's what everybody does you will not stand out when you open with those kind of statements. You've got to open with a statement that is a visionary statement. You know, I can imagine a world like this. Can you? Whatever that. I mean, that's a real basic, kind of boring version of it. But if you can open with a really strong, passionate visual and say nothing and pause and let the audience go for a minute and really see that visual, that's your seed of your story, that's the seed of your funding.

But a hook could be anything, right? A hook could be a surprising fact, a disturbing thing. The hook could be any number of things.

Yeah. It could be a statistic. It has to be something that evokes emotion. So I often when I'm, when I'm presenting, I use, because it works for so many different things, I use a statement. And it's, if your presence doesn't make an impact, then your absence won't make a difference. And people are like, ooh, I get a lot of reactions from people because that's like, what does that mean? Kind of. What does that mean? Or, you know, and I let, sometimes I repeat it. I watch the way that falls on the audience. Some people think it's kind of mean. Some people are like, how can you say that my presence, like, doesn't make an impact? You know, but if we don't intentionally show up, how do we expect we're going to get the results we're looking for? If we're not intentionally tapping into the biology, intentionalizing the limbic system of our audience, how do you honestly expect to get the reaction that you want? It's not going to happen.

Yeah. I used to teach a leadership course and I would frequently open the course I begin with. So this is not an ordinary course. One in four of you won't be here at the end.

Same kind of thing.

Who's that going to be? And that's like, oh, I wasn't thinking about that.

Just the absence doesn't make an impact.

And then that could lead to a whole. I had a whole long build on. But that was like immediately, like arresting. Right. That's like opening with TED Talks often open with this, you know.

Yeah, they have. I've actually coached over 70 people in the TED format. When I first started my business, I was big into TED talks. I got an opportunity to work with a big TEDx event holder that, you know, they bought people, like, they had, what do you call it? Licenses to hold 2,000 people events and bigger. Yeah, they did TEDxLA. They did TEDxR Coast. They actually took me to Kish in Iran and I coached 20 of the 28 speakers that were flown in from all over the world to do that. I'm going to Iran was amazing experience in 2016. I would never change it for the world. I had a lot of people who were terrified that I was going during that time and you know, they were begging me not to go. My mother begged me. I was dating at the time, was an FBI agent, funny enough, nervous. He was me, you know, like. And, and I said, look, I know I'm going to be safe and people will be like, why? I'm like, I've got about 200 people praying for me around the world. I'm going to be fine. Because there's so many people were like, oh my God, I'll pay for you while you're there. And I'm like, I don't think I'm going to need that. And, and I had an amazing, amazing time. It was phenomenal. Although that story is also in the book because I proved even a seasoned professional should not wing it because I could have got arrested in Iran because I did something illegal on stage that I didn't realize was illegal.

Yeah, you kept your clothes on, I hope.

No, I keep my clothes on. No. Well, okay, I'll tell the story. So the producer of the event came up to me on this. It was a two day event and we had audience of like 2,000 people and the front row was all government officials from Iran. And he came up to me and he's like, will you go on stage and host in between the speakers? Because you know, we've just had men, mostly men, and we'd really like another female influence. And I was like, no. He's like, why not? I said, because I'm a stand up comedian with a 12 year improv background and this is, is not my western typical audience. It's not going to happen. I have. No, no, no, no. And I've been training all your speakers.

You can't tell jokes. That would work in Australia and Iran. Those are two.

I'm from New Zealand. I'm from New Zealand. I'm from New Zealand. I am not from Australia.

Sorry.

It's okay. So. And I, but also I didn't want to get in front of all the speakers that I'd been training all week unprepared because I had, you know, nailed them. You've got to prepare, you've got to practice, you've got to memorize. And here I was. So finally he asked me a third time and I had this little voice in the back of my head, go, just, just, just do it. Challenge yourself. Okay, I'll do it. Literally they started micing me up then and there. I had about three minutes to pull together my first hosting blah, blah, blah, you know, to memorize the next speaker's name and his basic bio. And like the, the speaking coordinator came up behind me, she's like, oh my God, you're terrified. I'm like, I'm freaking out. I have no idea what's going to come out of my mouth or what, you know. So I walked on stage and I knew I had about a minute to a minute a half in between speakers where they, I had to say something and fill some time while they changed the, the, what do you call it, the microphone battery out. Cuz they only had a couple, they had to share them and charge them in between. And you know, I'm chatting away and I look in the wings and there's no speaker. And I'm like, oh my God, I got to keep talking. So I started talking about the artwork and the statues on the beach and the food and the poetry and you know, I was just like stringing along as much as I possibly could. Look in the wings, there's still no speaker. I'm like, oh my God. So then I invited everybody to the party for the second time. Like, there's a party tonight. I hope you're all coming. You know, I look into the wings and third time, there's still no speaker. And I'm like, oh my God, what am I going to do? So I basically was like, well, there was a musical item on before me and if I had a guitar I'd play you a song, but I don't, so I'll just dance for you acapella. And I did like a Charleston step and a four, four step square. And the audience went crazy. People stood up, people were laughing, people were clapping. It was like the biggest like standing ovation I'd ever had as a clean joke that I even thought that was a joke. And I'm like, I have no idea what that is. And so I.

You're just being silly. Yeah, yeah.

I look into the wings, the speaker's there and I'm like, oh, thank God. I come off, I introduce him, I come off stage and the producer comes running at me. And the energy backstage was like super tense. And I'm like, oh my God, what's going on? He's like, stephanie, it's illegal for a woman to dance Seductively in public. You just danced on stage in front of 2,000 people. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna die. I honestly thought for the next 20 minutes I was gonna get arrested. I was freaking out. I could not control my heart or my limbic system. I was terrified. Honestly, I was terrified. Nothing happened. But. But, oh, my God. It was like. That is the perfect example of. Even a seasoned professional should not be unprepared for what they're gonna do.

So let's. Let's segue and let's close the show with some specific things to do to prepare a great story, a great pitch.

I think very specific or presentation.

Presentation pitch.

Regardless of how prepared you are or unprepared you are, have a mantra. Have an emotional mantra that gets you going. Mine is joyous, focused and relaxed. Joyous, focused and relaxed. Before I get in front of the camera, before I get in front of an audience, I just chant joyous, focus and relax. So that when I show up, I'm like, ha. Joyous, focus and relax. Like, what are we going to do here? You know, when we. When we stay joyous and we stay happy, all those types of good feelings, we actually are open to more creative ways of thinking and sharing and, you know, our thoughts don't get stuck as much in our head.

Here's mine. Just to give our audience a contrasting one. Right. That. Yours is joyous, focused and relaxed. Right. Joyous, focus, relax. Mine is. My whole life has prepared me for this moment. I'm ready.

Yeah. And whatever it is, it's gotta turn. It's gotta turn you on and up.

Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yep. Yeah. So if that might not turn you on, like, you gotta find yours that likes.

Yeah. I mean, is it people listening to this, to us chatting, you have to find whatever that mantra is for you. Yeah, whatever makes you feel good. Sometimes listening to certain music can help it turn it up for you as well. Certain music can get you, like, supercharged because.

Yeah, we have music on at the beginning and the end of the show, right? Yeah. If I do something terrified loud, music can be great.

That would be my. That would be my number one. And just deep breaths before whatever it is that you know that and. And believe. You have to have that story between your own ears. Believing the mindset and the belief system has to be like, we are going to change the world. I am going to up this thing. I am going to get what it. Whatever that is. You have to believe it. And Tara sorts book that I talk about in my book, she Talks a lot about that is that belief system and that mindset and energetically creating the stuff around it. And I would have a real strong hook that is really effective.

Practice it on another opening, attention getting grabber, like, ooh, I want to know more. Right? Yeah.

And closer. Have a closer. Not a sales closer, a change the world closer. Whatever the result you want, you have to open and close with two very, very effective statements that ping the limbic system that create emotions in other people and get them, like asking more questions. You know, those. Those are my two top things, really. And then you don't have to be memorized per se, but your. Your emotional content and the delivery of that emotional content that the. The part of the presentation that is really story or emotionally based. You have to believe in it. You have to deliver it like, you know, your life depends on it. And not in a desperate way, in a sincere, transparent, this is what I want in life and I want you to join me kind of a way, you know, whatever that is. Because the one way I describe this is we've all been in a situation where we've been at a wedding or a funeral or a baby shower or something like that, and somebody gets up and tells a really emotional story, but they didn't have any notes. They didn't prepare to speak. They just chose in this one moment to tell this one story about the person that we're all celebrating. And everybody laughs and cries and is moved by that story. Now, that person didn't have a slide deck. That person didn't have any notes. That person didn't have a pitch that they were trying to get or, you know, money that they were trying to, like, raise. They just told a story. And that's the number one best thing we remember from that event that we attended, is that that story. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Yeah. But just to underscore for people, the story isn't necessarily about something that happened. It could be something that you're creating for the future. Right. The story could be the brighter future that you're in building and that you want people to invest and help you build. And that kind of thing. You could open with something terrible that's going badly and that your whole project, initiative, company, product, whatever it is, campaign is going to do something. And that is something you care so much about and what's great about it, like that. That could be the story.

Yeah. I mean, there's different ways to change the context of stuff, but you want to tap the emotions. And like you said, it can be good it can be bad, it can be ugly, it can be whatever, but it has to charge me emotionally.

So I go, what do I care about?

Or whether I'm super excited about it or I'm like, oh, my God, I want that. I love everything about it. You know, it has to charge me emotionally.

Yeah. Yeah. Anything else? So, well, you said have a mantra, right? Right.

Read my book. Read my book. My book is designed and written for speakers and presenters, people who are pitching, raising money.

Yeah.

So if that's what you do for a living, you can find my book on Amazon. Unlock the Magic of Story by Stephanie Paul. Yeah, but, yeah, so it's like, it's. They have an opening and a closer, make them supercharged and emotional and have your own personal mantra that gets you supercharged in the place that you need to be to get others supercharged so their biology buys in with you. Those are my three top. Seriously, the content and the rest of it will take care of itself. If you've got those three things wrapped up.

Yeah, I think that's really good. Having that opening, having that close, and then letting all the power and passion come through in the middle, like whatever it is that has you care about this thing in the first place.

Yeah. Drop the fear. Who cares? Drop the fear. Drop the fear. Drop the fear. Drop the fear. Just get charged and enjoy it.

Well, I know we have people listening and watching now and later who have things that they really want to accomplish and getting better at telling the story, making that presentation, making it powerful, connecting with people is really critical to that. If you want to know more, you'll find the book, you'll find Stephanie. StephaniePaul Inc.com We've got it on the crawl here right now. It'll be in the show. Notes and that kind of thing as well. Stephanie, thank you for joining us on the show today, sharing some of your wisdom and ideas and your energy with us. If you loved the show, share it with somebody else, pass it along, turn somebody else on to it. Like it. That helps us subscribe to it, that helps you give us a review if you're really feeling sweet on us. That's a super good thing. But you'll find all our shows, hundreds of them now, at scalingcoach.com YouTube, LinkedIn, Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Podcast, podcasts, all those places. Big, big thanks to Vern Harnish, who created the whole Scaling up framework, the Rockefeller Habits in the first place, my mentor and friend to Wanda Mitchell, who produces our show out there in the background taking care of us. Throwing up our titles, thinking of thing on the screen and getting our guests ready in the show out and promoted every week, and the folks at podfly Productions who produce the show and the show notes and all that part of things. Albert Burch, Ana Padina and Tim McGowan. Thanks again everybody for listening for watching. We'll talk to you again next time. Keep Scaling Up. Are you ready to turn your goals into daily wins? You should check out our scoreboard software. Powered by Align, it's the official software for scaling up. With Scoreboard, you'll get an AI driven coach for priorities and KPIs and it'll help keep your team focused on what matters most. With Align, you can track your goals in real time and you'll even see results on the go. With their mobile app, you can rest easy knowing that Align has world class onboarding and support to set your team up for success. This is really more than just software, it's what I actually use to manage growth in our scaling up client teams. Unlock clarity and results with Scoreboard by Aligned. To try it now, go to aligntoday. Com Bill G One more time. Aligntoday. Com Bill G That's aligntoday. Com Bill G Check it out and try it now.