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Foreign. Hello and welcome everyone to my podcast. I'm Sandra Wallace, living in my Shadow podcast. As always, we have guests on our podcast to answer questions as they relate to mental health. And we have an amazing speaker today to address just that. And speak, speak about possibly something you have not heard before or possibly something you are going through yourself. But I will let him share the exciting news of what he does and why he does what he does. So his name is Blake Bowman and I would like to introduce him and welcome him. He is an international recognized neurodiversity and independence coach with over a decade of experience helping teens and young adults on the autistic spectrum build the skills and confidence they need to thrive in life. His proprietary. I can never say that word. Sorry. Ideal launch system has guided countless families in creating real progress, boosting independence, communication and self belief one step at a time. As a proud parent of four neurodivergent young adults, Blake blends professional and expertise with personal experience. Living with autism himself, he understands the unique challenges that come with the journey and knows what it takes to move from stuck to independent. With compassion, clarity, and proven strategies, Blake empowers parents and their young adults to build brighter futures filled with confidence and independence. So welcome, Blake. Thank you so much for being part of our podcast.

Thank you so much, Sandra, for having me on. I'm very, very excited to be here.

Yes. And we're excited to learn more about this. And so what we've done is we've gathered some questions, some of the more common questions. By no ways is this an exhaustive list because we could probably spend hours talking about. So I wanted to start with the one question that people are asking is what unique challenges do individuals with Asperger's? And I know that that's we're not referring to Asperg's no longer. And you will be telling us that as the expert and high functioning autism face. And how does your coaching address these challenges? So two questions, the challenges that individuals themselves have and how your coaching addresses those challenges to be able to overcome them.

Absolutely. So I'll start kind of even before that a little bit is you mentioned the term Asperger's. So Asperger's was part of the autism diagnosis. And I think it was back around 2010, the DSM, you know, they changed this to bridge everything under autism. And now there's three levels, level one, two, and three. And one of the reasons for this is Hans Asperger's, who everything was named after that diagnosis was an Austrian scientist. But he was working during kind of that Nazi Germany time and they were doing some experiments with kids. And, and so it kind of has this negative connotation now. That's actually what I got diagnosed with, that's what my son got diagnosed with. But now it's all known as just level 1 autism. For more of somebody that has less support that they need. And then you have level two, that means you need medium support. Level three, that means you need really high support. That's more that around the clock support aspects. And so when you think about the challenges that come with autism, and I'm just going to kind of go from my expertise, which is more the level one, what we think about is we think about really around the social skill aspect, around the executive functioning aspect. And those aspects along with like sensory challenges, those impact a lot of other areas of life. And so when you, when you think about like the reasons for that, the prefrontal cortex, that's where your executive functioning skills, your social decision making skills are all housed. And then the amygdala, this is where more of your emotional element of being able to read emotions is house. Well, in autistic people like myself, it's formed differently. And so it's just wired differently. And so we just have, I like to compare it to like a Mac computer versus a PC computer. I like to call ourselves the Mac brains. And everybody else has the PC brains. Nothing's better, nothing's worse. It's just we're wired differently. And so when we start working with clients, one of the things that I really want to do is I really want to understand how they process information. Because there's a quote, I think it is Dr. Stephen Shore, he had a quote. When you meet one person with autism, you've only met one person with autism. So I have four young adults, 20 to 26. Well, my 26 year old and my 24 year old are both diagnosed with autism. My 26 year old could not do math to save his life. My 24 year old can do calculus and, and all of that really simple. But my 26 year old can take a Harry Potter book and read it in a matter of hours. And it's just their brains are wired differently. So you have to approach every individual a little bit different. And so when we think about how I work with them is I have, and you mentioned the proprietary is the word ideal watch system. And the I in ideal stands for identity. And so what I really do that's a little bit unique and different, Sandra, is I work on them. With their identity. And you think of an identity like a GPS in a sense, and a GPS is telling you where to go. Well, if you don't have any faith in yourself and you don't know where to go, it's just going to keep on rerouting you to the same place and you're going to stay stuck.

Very good.

And so I, I work on them with finding solutions specifically and customized to their wiring of their system.

Amazing. That's great. And that's a great analogy, for sure. Rerouting. Rerouting. I can hear that in my head.

That's exactly right. Exactly right. And they stay stuck when that happens.

Yeah.

Many parents and, and many people don't know what to do when they're stuck. And so that's where that component comes in.

Yeah, And I like the description and getting stuck, it's like even with myself with OCD and when I'm working with clients one on one and they get stuck, it's like quicksand. They're in this quicksand and they can't get out of it. They get, they. They go deeper and deeper. So helping them get unstuck one leg at a time or one moment at a time. So that's great. Thank you for that and thank you for clarifying because I think the DSM is making a lot of changes as years go on, but they only publish. And for those of you who don't know what the DSM is and expect you to, the Diagnostic Statistics manual where people get diagnosed. And it's kind of. I look at it like our psychiatric bible. That's where we go to. To make sure that we are diagnosing properly. And we're not putting. By no means are we putting labels on anybody, but we always want to make sure that we are diagnosing properly. And there's criteria that people have to meet to get diagnosed. And I always tell people, don't get stuck in your diagnosis. It's just a tool. It's a tool we can use to be able to treat you. Early detection, early diagnosis, and proper diagnosis goes a long way in recovery. Right. And getting the appropriate professional help. So. Yeah. So that's the dsm. Yeah. And they'll be coming out with another one soon.

That they will. And I'm sure there'll be changes to it. And I just want to say with like, the diagnosis is. Many of the people that I coach, you know, they're ashamed to have their diagnosis, but I try to talk to them about is. It's really just a Characteristic of who we are. It's like having, I guess my hair is a little more gray these days. So it's like having gray hair or brown eyes. And it doesn't, you know, label them in a. Fat in a. Or. Or keep them stuck. It doesn't have to. Right. And that's why we start with the identity is because we don't want that to define who they are. It's just part of how they're wired.

Yeah. And making them feel unique in the way that, you know, we've all got unique characteristics and we will all be able to motivate ourselves based on. Once we know it, then we can do something about it. Right. Knowledge is like Tony Robbins always says, knowledge is not power. Knowledge is potential power. And I love that because it's what we do with the knowledge that's the game changer. So.

Yes.

Okay, great. So the second question we have for you is how do you approach teaching social skills to individuals on the spectrum, and what techniques have proven most successful in your experience? And maybe we should just for the audience, explain what we mean by spectrum, if you wouldn't mind, Blake.

Yes. So when we think about autism, we think of, you know, maybe you have your own thought in your mind what autism is. I'm gonna. I'm gonna share. Early on, when I found out that I was diagnosed with autism, I said, there is no way. I said I can do all these things because I had in my mind that autism meant non verbal, that you weren't able to, you know, communicate with anybody whatsoever. And so what it is, it's truly a spectrum. It's far and wide. And so you have anybody from a non verbal side where they have to use different digital devices to communicate, sign language is a way that they communicate all the way up to people that you wouldn't even know that they're autistic. And because they kind of blend in, so to speak, and it's everything in between. So it's just different needs. Because again, with, like, my kids, one's great at math, one's not very good at math. Right. Social skills, one's really good at social skills, one's not so good at social skills. And so it's just this spectrum of needs. And everybody has their own needs in their own specific way as well. And that's. And when you get into the question of social skills, that's what makes it so interesting.

Right.

And is that what I have typically found is at the root of all social skills is confidence, is many times people on the spectrum are misunderstood. And when they're misunderstood, many times they're mistreated. And when they're mistreated, you know, they kind of, they lose that self confidence, that self esteem, or they, they start comparing themselves to other. They want to talk or they want to communicate like others do, and they're not able to do it yet. And so at that point they start kind of reclusing and kind of going in and not communicating with anybody. So the very first thing that I do is I work with them to build their identity of confidence up to ensure that they are somebody who believes they can communicate with others, because that is critically important. And so once we actually get into the social skill component, there's so many different ways that you can learn social skills. One of my favorite things to do is role playing. And so we'll role play conversations. But I usually give them a framework that matches up with where they're at. And so many times what I really strive is to give them the structure around anything. Because usually the logical part of our brains are what they kind of excel in most of the time. And if we add that structure in, it's something that's very easy for them to follow. And so we look at like anything from. I think I have an acronym called GASE G A S E. So G is greetings, A is ask questions, S is like share information, and E is extend conversation. So if we got right down to the basics, many of the young adults I work with, they don't know how to open up a conversation. And so we work on the greeting element. And then we show them that if you ask questions, then you don't have to do all the talking because the one thing they think in their brain is that they have to carry the conversation. No, what I try to actually do is show them how to ask the right questions that gets the other person talking, where they don't have to feel like they're carrying the conversations, but then we want to share so that we can connect and relate. And then, you know, we can either E is for exit or extend the conversation. And one of the, one of the great ways after role playing is I'll actually have them go to YouTube and because many times they have a hard time reading like body language and emotions. And so I'll have them put YouTube on mute and watch a scene and then try to see or think what is that person thinking? And what are they saying? Are they angry? Are they not angry? And things of that nature. And then we'll go back and we'll watch it together and we'll go through it and really show them how that they can practice on their own of starting to better understand reading emotions and body language and things of that nature.

Amazing. Yeah. Really good in real time. Experience. Experience and being able to go through that. I really like that idea and gaining that confidence. The more, the more they do it right with repetition. So excellent examples. Okay, so the next one is can you share specific strategies you have, you use to help clients with that are higher functioning advance in their careers, so in their careers, maybe their schooling, whatever it might be.

Absolutely. So there's a, there's a scary stat that I saw recently and I'm gonna, I'm gonna give two stats. One is that 73% of young adults between the ages of 18 and 23 that are on the autism spectrum have never worked. And then the next stat is 85% of adults don't have. With on the spectrum don't have full time employment. So only like 15 are working. And, and so when I started looking into this, what I started noticing pattern that people would often go into jobs, but they would be in the wrong career for them. So one of the things that I like to, to share with people, because not everybody understands, is that many times people like myself are. We're wired so differently that every time we're dealing with just like a, a small minor stress, it's causing us anxiety and it's depleting our battery life. And when you get into a job, you're dealing with a whole bunch of stresses many times, so it's depleting your battery life. And there's a theory called the spoon theory in the autism community. And that means you're dealt a number of spoons every day, and it's like seven or eight. And basically every time you have to deal with something that stresses you out, you give a spoon away. Well, when you're done with all your spoons and you have nothing left to give, you know, you, you start burning out. And it's, it's for neurotypical people. I like to equate it to being like hungry and angry at the same time. Hangry. So when you're just kind of depleted because you're hungry and angry, you start getting very rigid. You start getting very angry. That's what we get like when our battery is going down. And so part of the career side is helping them find the right place for them. That is so key. So most folks, this is where I believe like most vocational programs here in the US get it wrong is they're just trying to get them work and there's nothing wrong with that, but you put somebody in the wrong job and it depletes them. They're actually going to do something to self sabotage or get fired and then they're going to believe they were never capable of working because they ended up in the wrong spot. So, and, and I know, Sandra, I'm, I'm being long with this answer, but it's so critical for our people on the spectrum is one is find the right job for you. And, and what I do with clients specifically is I do an assessment or ass that take in consideration their sensories. It takes in consideration their intrinsic motivators. So like why they do things behind the reasons they believe. It takes in consideration their beliefs and their rules on top of their skills and on top of everything they're else they're doing so that when they get into a career it's actually something that's charging them or at the very least it's not depleting them as quickly as a normal job would, would deplete them.

Wow, that's incredible, Blake. That's so important. That's so essential. And what I was thinking about when you were talking about that was even you and I or general society as a whole going into a workplace where they're unhappy. How many of us do that? And then to have, have people go in and, and feel that way and, and no wonder that they're, those numbers are as high as they are. Right. It's just not asking them and taking the time where their passion lines because like you described your two children, one is really good at math and one's not. So if you were to put your child in an accounting office that was doing math that your, your child would not do so good. Right. So finding what they, they're passionate about and allowing them to, to really empower them. So what you're doing is you're taking the time, the crucial time necessary to make sure that you set them up for success, success from the beginning instead of getting into a situation where they don't even want to try again because it was, they were so traumatized. And I can see that trauma and the triggers that are associated with that trauma come hand in hand and they're enmeshed. So the next time you go to speak to that person about getting into a role of a job, right away those triggers and those emotions come flooding in. Right?

Absolutely. I have a, I have a client. Real quick story is I have a client that was A janitor at a church. Before he started working with me, he got fired. And he says, who gets fired from a church as a janitor? So he was literally playing video games in his basement, and he thought he was going to be just the typical autistic meme. And so his parents reached out to me and I did what I'm talking to you about. And what I found out about him and was he's an incredibly gifted artist, and he has a passion for helping senior citizens and young kids. And he was going to school and he was pursuing a psychology degree. And so when we took all of this, plus his intrinsic motivators and everything, we found out he's driven by connection. That means he was in a job where he wasn't talking to anybody, he was solo, and it was just grinding on him. And so he wasn't doing a very good job so we wouldn't laid everything over. We found that an art therapy assistant was an ideal job, and so we pursued it. He got two job offers. He took one of them, and he has been just soaring on cloud nine, and things have been going beautifully well. All because he got into the right situation. Yes, it makes such a tremendous difference. And he had so much confidence that he even asked a girl out. Now he has a girlfriend. Super. It's. It's so amazing. And. And then for anybody that's already working and. And they say, oh, I really like my job. I just. How do I kind of improve it? So I have a philosophy. And. And I don't know, it's not my philosophy. I. I stole it from somebody. I just don't remember where. But it's. It's managing your manager. And so what I do is I teach my clients how to manage their manager. And what I mean by that is I want them to show and train their manager on how to best support them. Because many times, you know, our managers may not have the training on how to support a neurodivergent individual. And even at that, everybody's so radically different. And so if we can teach our managers through communication, like, hey, for me, I need time to process and download. So tell them that you need extra time to process and download so that you can. You're not having to think of things on the spot because then that's depleting that battery life because you're anxious and you're not doing your best job. But you build these things in, and you can talk to HR about accommodations and things of that, but I'm going directly to that person, and I'M letting them know that I want to be the best employee for them. Here's how I can do that is they can assist me on these things. They can get before a meeting, they can give me and say, hey, here's what the meeting is going to be about so that I have time to prep my notes so I can be at my best where other people, they can think like that. You know, some of the clients, I'm one of those that I. I don't do a great job if I have to think on the spot. But if you give me a few minutes or a little bit to. To digest the information, I can prepare and I can be dynamic.

Yes. And even at the time of the meeting to. To allow for silence. Sometimes we feel really uncomfort silence that we feel we have to. And I know I was bad at this in the beginning, was filling. Filling the void and not allowing silence. But I learned very quickly on with my clients and with the patients on the psych units was silence was a beautiful thing because silence is an opportunity for us to stop and reflect and process the information. And that. That applies to anybody. Right. It also shows respect for the other person because you're allowing them to think through if they have to resp really quick. There's a difference between responding and reacting. And I love the ability to be able. Be able for and empower others to be able to re. Respond, not react. So that's great. Thank you so much. And I love the experiences that you're sharing, Blake too, with your personal stories. That really helps our audience understand it even that much better. And so. Excuse me. Life strategies. What are the key components of a life strategy that you help your clients develop to ensure they lead fulfilling and independent lives? I know we've. We've touched on that already, but is there anything else that you can think of that is really a key essential in making that happen?

Yes. And that's actually when I think of the ideal launch system that I have is IDEAL is an acronym. So I stands for identity. And I know we've talked about the identity aspect of it, but honing in that we're a person that can be independent and a person that can have whatever the skills are necessary to live that is, that's critically important. D is the direction. And this is making sure that you have a future, a compelling future that pulls you forward. Because if you're just going to live day to day, you know, you of all people know being an anxiety and depression coach, that people, if they're not in it for something that excites them, it's going. And they're focusing on the wrong things. They're going to cause themselves to go backwards, and they're going to cause themselves to have a little bit of depression. So if we can get them a direction that pulls them forward, that's something that's really big. E is for executive functioning skills. So these are the adult skills. So like time management, planning, task initiation. So that's important just to navigate life. And then A is for action. So getting ourselves to take action consistently, because many times, you know, we get stuck because we stop taking action. And so if we can have a system that pulls us forward and then L is the key life skills. And when I think of key life skills, it's career skills, it's basic money management, it's household management, it's your health and hygiene, and. And I know there's other skills, but if you have those core skills down, then you're able to move forward in life and you're able to build something around that that is a place where you can be independent and actually thrive.

Yes, very much. And I love the acronym because then it helps. It makes it easier for us to remember and retain it. So a lot of people like to learn through acronyms. So that's a great one, too. I love it. So the last question I have for you is harnessing your strengths. How do you help your clients recognize, first of all, recognize. And I think we talked about that earlier on, like, you do a very thorough. You get a really good snapshot of the person you're working with, which is really key because sometimes people just glaze over things, and it's in that deep assessment. And that thorough assessment is where you find all your golden nuggets. Right? So you find those, and then you allow others, the people you're working with, to recognize that and the people around them. But how do you get them to harness their unique strengths and talents? Like, you may see it, but maybe they don't. So can you share more?

Absolutely. One of the things that I have them do as an exercise is I call it a 360 review. And so in the corporate world, a 360 review is you. We would do quarterly performance reviews, and a manager would say, hey, you're doing well at this. You need improvement here. Well, I adopted this philosophy, but completely different. And what I have them do is I actually go out to 4 or 5 of the people that know them the best, and they ask them and say, tell me what five skills, gifts, or Talents you see that I'm really good or I have. And so they bring back A list of 25 skills, gifts, and talents where they can see that did not come from them because many times they doubt themselves. It's coming from people around them. And so they're not hearing it from me. They're hearing it from the people around them, and they're getting to see all what people are saying. And most of the time. And I'll. I'll ask them, I said, how does this sound? They go, I never realized that's what people saw in me. Or they saw that I'm a good artist or I'm good at, you know, graphic design, or I'm good at communication, or I'm good at math, or they just usually don't. And so. So when you have that aha, then. And again, I'm gonna sound like a broken record. You tap into it with the identity component, and you build it out because you anchor that in. So they start owning that as part of themselves.

Wow. Do you know how that is? Fascinating. Blake, do you know how we could use. Everybody could use that technique. I was just thinking, like, even for myself, I'm gonna use that with my clients when it comes to them, because most of the clients I work with, ocd, anxiety, or depression, or all three, they lack that self confidence. They don't feel they're good. And I remember when I wrote my second book, it was entitled ocd, Obsessive compulsive Disorder. Six Secrets to the Deliverance from ocd. I remember when I finished writing that book, I actually literally, like a cartoon came running down the stairs from upstairs. It was published on Amazon. And I went sliding towards my front entrance, and I put my hands up, and I went, who do you think you are? You can't write a book. You better get them to take that down. And it was the number one bestseller. And I'm like, no, you. You're not. You're not capable of that. And then, you know what I had to do to gain my self confidence back? I still didn't believe I was. I was worthy of it. Is I had to pull out my book. And. And to this day, I'm reading it. I don't have it right in front of me, but I read a bit every day of my book, and I go, wow, who is this person, you know, to gain that confidence in myself? So if we're already lacking it and we don't have it, and then you go out and you make them physically go out and ask those Questions to five people. Was it five? Five? That is incredible. And that has, that's so objective because it's not subjective coming from the client like you say, or coming from even you. Correct. So it's very objective and I love it. I love that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, if please take permission.

Absolutely. You got it.

That's great. Wow. So thank you so much. Is there anything else as we wrap up, I wanted to ask you what you're working on, but is there anything else that you wanted to say that I didn't mention or ask you that you want to, to share with our audience?

Well, I, I, I think the, just to kind of wrap us up here is that when you meet one person with autism, just keep in mind you're meeting one person with autism and I'm going to give you one more acronym. And it's, it's the HERE acronym and H E, A, R. And many times we see individuals that we immediately make judgment on. Maybe it's a little kid in the line, the grocery store line screaming behind you. Maybe it's somebody who's not acting normal at a funeral, or maybe it's just how you're being handled at work by another employee. And many times it's neurotypicalness is 1 in 20 or 1 in, or it's 1 in 5, 20%. And so 1 in 5 people you meet are going to be, are going to be neurodivergent. And so the HERE acronym is H stands for hold judgment. Don't immediately judge the situation. E stands for explore with curiosity. A is ask questions and R is reframe once you have those answers. Because many times the person you're thinking is strange or odd, that they, they're just wired differently, but they have something beautiful inside of them. And if you can pull that out, you can absolutely change the world and at least change that person's life. And that's like changing the world. And so I just want to remind your, the audience here is that just, just hear that person and, and, and look from your heart.

Wonderful, beautiful. One great way to wrap it up. And so is there anything that you're working on now that you'd like to share with us that's new and exciting or been in the making?

Yeah.

Oh, you do?

I do. I do. I, I've actually kind of like you. I've had a little bit of imposter syndrome before because, you know, I don't have a doctor in front of my name or anything. But I have lived experience and so What I have done is I've written a book called the Autism Launch Plan. This little banner is because it's a sample, it actually will go live next week on Amazon for anybody who's watching this live and for any viewers that watch this later, it should be live. And it's kind of my philosophy of what I did to launch all four, not just one of my kids, but all four of them in life successfully. They're all independent, they're all neurodivergent. And I tried to make it super simple where people can follow along and do it step by step. But it starts with, why are our kids stuck? And once you can understand why they're stuck, then you can start actually moving them forward. And so that's what the book is about. I'm working on a new website. It'll be BlakeBowman.com it's not out yet, but those are the two main projects that I'm working on. And then I have a parent community. So if there's any parents listening out there that want support and want to know that they're not alone on this journey. It's for primarily teens and young adults, their parents, but there's a group, and I teach and walk through and coach them through the process of helping their kids become independent.

Wow, that's excellent. Is there a email that people can reach you at?

So I'm going to give a website, actually.

Okay, sure.

And so the website is going to be. It's a play on words, so it's Aspie R. So A S Pease and Paul I e-r.com and I pronounce it as aspire. But when I got diagnosed, Asperger's, we were called Aspies. And then you add the R and that means an aspire means to rise higher or elevate. And so it was kind of play on. But that's. That's a good website to go through. It has all my contact information on there. And again, that's as p-ie-r.com and you'll be able to get a hold of me. So if you have any questions, that's the best way to talk to me.

Excellent. And so I want to ask you one last question. If there was a billboard on your main express highway and you live. Sorry, I forgot to mention. Do you want to tell the audience where you live?

So I am in the state of Texas. So I'm in the US in the state of Texas, but I coach worldwide. So power.

So you. Yeah, so internationally. But I want to ask you if they're the biggest billboard in Texas that you drive by an express highway, if one of those billboards, and it's a great big one, it belonged to Blake Bowman, what would the billboard have written on it?

That is a great question. I think it would say your difference is your advantage.

Can you say it again?

Absolutely. Your difference is your advantage.

Beautiful. That's beautiful. Yes. So taking those differences and rising above and sharing them with the world and you, you do a spectacular job of that. Blake, thank you so much and thank all the audience for watching live and for those who are watching the replay, I want to thank you for being part of our podcast. I again our My name is Sandra Wallace and you can reach me at www.theocdcoach.com. we have everything on our website that we have there we can offer to you. We also have a free clarity call, a 30 minute or 15 minute clarity call. You can reach out to infotheocdcoach.com to to get the link for that or join us on our website and you can get directed through there and set up a time that's best for you. And I just want to mention our next podcast. We always meet on a regular basis the last Wednesday of each month. We call it the Gathering place where we come together and we have a guest speaker, much like this evening with Blake. And our next podcast will be Wednesday 29th October at 6pm Central Standard Time. I'll meet you there.