3 Kinds of Friends and the Secret to Great Friendship

Welcome to the charged life. This is Brendon Burchall. Hey, everybody, it's Brendan. And I have a question for you. Have you ever felt guilty that you're not a better friend? You know, you have these great friendships or these old friends from school or college or from work from down the block who you just haven't kept up with and you kind of feel bad about it, or have you ever been frustrated you don't have better friends? Friends, you know, people who are more positive, supportive, inspiring, achievement driven or just happy. If that's the case, you're going to love this episode. Let's talk about those things. You know, a lot of people carry a lot of guilt around friendship. You know, they don't think they're a good friend or they haven't seen a friend in a long time or they did something bad to an old, you know, friend who they have. They just still carry stuff about. So let me give you three categories of friendships that might help solve some of that. You know, as we mature and we get older, we all have to realize that we go through different stages of friendships. And wherever you're at in your life today, you kind of have groups of friends that will probably fit into one of these three categories. Once you recognize the categories, there's not as much guilt about it anymore. You can kind of just let it go and go, oh, well, that's the bucket these people are in now. And you don't have to feel bad about it. So the first category of friends that you have are old friends. These are friends who maybe you went to school with, you had your first jobs with, were in your first city. These are old friends. Meaning they are not old age wise, but they truly are old friends. They're past friends. A lot of the guilt in our life comes up thinking, gosh, I wish I kept in touch with those some people over here or these groups over here or those folks over there. And what I tell people often is like, let it go. Those friendships are old. They're past. They're not current anymore. You don't have to feel connected in any way. You had the memories and the time that you were meant to have with them. A divine timing lined you up with them, but it also moves you on from them, you know, so you don't have to feel like, oh, gosh, I've got these 50 friends I never keep in touch with anymore. It's like, no, if you don't keep in touch with them, guess what? They weren't meant to be. A different category of friends. They were meant to be at that time in life, and now it was time to move on. Just allow that, be cool with that. I've got hundreds of people who I've interacted with in my life that in some way I became friends with, but I didn't keep in touch with hundreds. I kept in touch with maybe dozens. And that's okay. I have no guilt about that. And when I do hear out from, if they ever reach out to me once in a while or say something like, hey, how are you doing? It's exciting. But at the end of the day, sometimes we have to categorize people in an old bucket. Just like you would categorize a job in an old bucket. Like, you used to have a job over here, and now you don't have that job anymore. You don't have to be attached to that job anymore. I don't mean to make, you know, a task orientation like job connected to people. I know that they're different, but I think too many people carry along too much upset by not letting go when it's time to let go. I think the second category of friendships are what we call maintenance friends. These are friends, and maybe they're old friends or, you know, they were old friends in the past, but maintenance friends are different. You want to maintain those friendships, but really not do much more than that. You know what I mean? These are the people you send, you know, annual birthday cards. So I guess a birthday card wouldn't be annual, right? You send holiday cards to, you know, you reach out. You make that one or two obligatory calls each year. You send the email once or twice a year. How's it going? You have a quick 2, 3 email exchange and that's it. And a lot of people feel guilty there, too. They're like, oh, I wish I did more with that. No, it's cool. You got to have your maintenance friends, too. I have lots of people who I keep in touch with just once or twice a year, I call them. How you doing? Everything great? Okay, great. We razz each other up, we relive some old times, but that's about it. They're not going to go into that next category. That's where they're at. And I don't have any stigma to it. Neither should you. There are some people, including some of your cousins or your family members, who are just maintenance friends you check in on once a year or two. That's okay. Know that's where they live. That's the type of friend they are. You don't have to tell them that, but that's just where they're at. And now once you know that's where they're at, it's cool. Because there is another category of friendships that you want to be very attentive to keeping lots of contact with. And these are what we call growth friends. Growth friends are people that you see your life evolving and maturing with. You see yourself having continual joy, fun, trust, adventures with. These are people who you just, you feel a kindred relationship for whatever reason that says, I really need to have them in my life on a regular basis. You know, on a weekly, monthly, or even sometimes daily basis. These are some of your best friends. This is that tight group of you who stay together. You know, that squad of you, they're just always keeping in touch or on a group email or always keeping each other in the loop or meeting for lunch. This is a group of friends that you want to focus most of your time, energy and effort towards. And this is a group of folks who, once you've decided these are going to be growth friends, you need to be diligent about making time for it. You need to say, hey, you know what, guys? Let's all go to Vegas. Hey, you know what, girls? Let's all go do this. Whatever it is. You need to set times to have new adventures with, because it's the new adventures and the new times together that grows the relationships. The best friendships of all are those relationships in the growth area that have these defining qualities that make them amazing. First, great friendships. Growth friendships. These people in this bucket are fascinating. They're interesting to you. Like, you love hanging out with them because they make you laugh or you learn something about them, or they share a similar passion or interest. They're people you deeply trust. I mean, really, you can trust them with stuff that you wouldn't tell other people, sometimes even your family. These are really folks you're just tight with, you know, these are people that you respect. You respect them, what they struggle with, what they challenge themselves with, what their dreams are. You respect how they hold themselves. You respect their values, their ethics. You respect how they respect you. And ultimately, they're people that you have a high degree of empathy for, for whatever reason, just your heart connects with them. You know, you care about them, you feel connected to them, and you think about them and you don't know why, you just do. And you really, when they're having a bad day, you feel bad for them. It's real. It's a connection. And so some people in their lifetime, they'll have one or two growth friends. Some people have five or 10, some people have dozens. Doesn't matter. It's not about the number. It's about the depth of friendships you have. And no matter where you're at in your life, it's a good time, you know, just because we're watching the video and we're on the topic to say, huh, how are my friendships? Do I have any, you know, negative or guilty feelings that I don't keep in contact more? Okay, let me, let me just kind of divide the lines a little bit here. Sometimes I got old friends, sometimes I got maintenance friends, and sometimes I got growth friends. Let's be diligent about keeping these growth friends continually growing. And if you'll do that, you'll start to have a different level of connection with all of your relationships. I always tell people, the people who are the best leaders, best influencers, best thought leaders, best doctors, best people. People are those persons who have a deep, deep relationship with their friends. Doesn't matter how many friends, if you've got great friendships, you tend to be a better human. And that's what we all need to strive for. So for you, is it you need to deepen some relationship with some growth friends. You need to release some guilt about old friends or maintenance friends. Is it for you? Maybe you need one or two or three more growth friends. Maybe it's time to bring some more people into the growth friend bucket. People who, you know, like trust, have empathy for, are interested, fascinated by respect. If you can start to build that growth area of your life, everything amplifies. Now it's like those times when you're lonely or you're down. You got some better quality people to call to connect with. Those times when you're interested to go out and experiencing a new concert or a new show or a new restaurant, something. It's an immediate call and it's a quick yes, and you guys are out having a blast. We all deserve to have great friendships. It's one of the great joys of life. There are very few things in our lives that last as long as friendships. There are very few things in our lives that can bring us so much joy and connection as our friendships. There are very few things in life that can make us laugh as much and care as much as our friendships. So do an evaluation day. Just take some time to journal and think about how am I doing my friendships? Who deserves a call from me? Who do I need to go hang out with again? Who do I need to call and just let them know that I love them, that I miss them, that we should see each other again. Who do you know that you can call? Tease, prank, make fun of? Have a great time with you. Got some friends out there. They've been waiting for you. Give them a call. Go do something awesome and you'll start to experience what we call the charged life. Hey everyone, it's Brendan. Did you like this episode? Be sure to subscribe to the next one and tell a friend about us. If you want free books and world class training on motivation and high performance, visit me@Brendon Burchard.com and enter your name and email for our newsletter list. Until next time. Stay charged and go out there every day of your life and live fully, love openly and make your difference. Today.