4 DUMB THINGS WE SAY (that prevent our growth)

Hey, everybody, it's Brendon Burchard. And today I'm talking about the four dumb things we say that prevents our own personal growth and professional excellence. Look, we all have internal thoughts that sometimes slow us down. I'm sure you know that. Sometimes you have negative thinking, sometimes you say things to yourself that justifies, you know, bad behavior or laziness or distraction. We all do. So there's no judgment to this. And. Except that, yes, it's kind of dumb. We say certain things that we just culturally get used to saying that we never really explore, and those things hurt our personal development. And so what I want to do is dig down into these four things we say because they're dumb. And I know once you hear a little logic behind them, you'll say, it's not worth saying that to myself anymore because it's not a true story and it's only holding you back. Okay? So first and foremost, before we go, I want you to think about a big dream of yours, something that you really care about, something you really want to make happen, or a goal that you also have had for a while. You've been trying to do it, but it's just not working out. Well, maybe you're telling yourself one of these four dumb things. Okay, so to start the first one with you, I'm going to move this aside. And here it is. I hear this one all the time, Brendan. I've tried everything. Whenever I hear that, I know I'm talking with a crazy person. I'm just teasing. Here's what I know. People often when they hear a new idea or you say, hey, have you thought about chasing that dream or pursuing your goal? They say, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've tried everything. And because they tried, one, two, three, maybe four things they say didn't work for me, that's not right for me. That's not possible for me. And those aren't true stories. As a high performance coach, often when I sit down with people, I talk about their dreams, they often say this to me, well, Brendan, I've already tried everything. And so I say to them, oh, great, then show me the list. And they go, what do you mean? I say, show me the list. They say, what do you mean? I say, well, if you tried everything, then of course you would have had to keep a detailed list of what you tried, when you tried it, what. What results you got, what worked and what didn't work. If you didn't have a list like that, you couldn't ensure things that you know were, like, mutually Exclusive. And if you couldn't tell things that were mutually exclusive, then you wouldn't know you tried everything. So have you ever told yourself that? I've already tried everything. Didn't work. Think about how many times in your life you give up too soon. You're at like that 10 yard line, the touchdown's right there, but you're like, well, I've tried everything. I guess it's not working. You back off. We know from the psychology of success, it's those who persevere longer than others and maintain more resiliency in the face of challenge that succeed more. So if you ever hear yourself saying, I tried everything. No, that's a big bad story you're telling yourself and say, no, I haven't tried everything. Let me get some advice. Let me ask some more people. Let me start keeping a trail of what I have tried so I can say, already did that, already did that, but I did this, but I didn't do it in that way. There's a lot of new things you can keep trying to keep getting ahead. Don't give up on your goals and your dreams just because you tried four or five things. It's very true that often you're closer than you think, my friend. The second big thing, walk with me, is a big one, a huge one, and this one, people say to me all the time, sure, that works for him or that works for her, but that wouldn't work for me. Have you ever said that? Right? You have this big goal or your dream, you see your mentor, you see your dream, they're doing it. But you're like, oh, that wouldn't work for me because that's not my style. Or I'm not like that, or she has this and he has that, and we false compare ourselves to others and we think they're so special. We still, in this culture today, we still pretend that there are some people who just have it and other people don't have it, right? We think, oh, well, he's just naturally good at that. She's just born to be that. But in everything that we study, those who achieve high performance in their life, they trained, they conditioned, they practiced, they sucked at first, but they were okay with that. They were cool with not being good. And then they just kept getting better and better and better and better and better. And now you watch them today and you're like, oh, wow, I could never be like that. But the reality is, you could. You just got to put in the miles. I share that with you. Just knowing how I started My career. I used to say that, too. I look at these people on television or these big YouTubers, I see these people, you know, on big stages, motivating people. And I thought, well, I'm not like that. Because me, I'm more of an introverted person in general when I started this career. And I've had to learn to be more and more extroverted, to be good at all of this. But I'd say, well, I'm not like that. And the reality was, I wasn't like that. But I had a mission and I had a dream. And you should never make your mission or your dream bow down to your current limited strengths. Instead, you should say, if that's what I want, how could I rise up into that? How could I train? What knowledge, skill, ability do I need to learn and start learning right now so that I can have that dream, my friend, because you deserve it. So stop telling yourself you can't have it. I get all the time. Well, sure, that works for Brendan on video. I'm like, what works for Brendan? Like, I came out of the womb like, hi, guys, I'm Ben. Richard. Like, no, this took me forever. I'm doing this extemporaneous in our new office. I don't know how it's going to go either. I just trust in that process. And, you know, for me, my first video that I ever did was so horrible. Okay. My first year of videos, they were terrible. They were awful. They were uncomfortable. Some of you still don't even like what I'm doing now. That's fine. It's okay. I just know that I'm always trying to get better and better and better and grow into the person who I know deserves that dream. Who earns that dream? No one you're looking to. None of your heroes just came out of the womb and by natural birthright or innate talent got there. They usually outworked their peers. They usually showed up more often. They usually were more strategic in getting a good peer group around them to support them, to champion on, to push them. Notice I didn't say they had a better peer group. They knew that was important, so they developed it. Because we often say, well, yeah, that strategy works for him because, you know, he's got a big community. Or that strategy works for her because, you know, she's charismatic. No, if there's a strategy, you can deploy it. You can work the same thing. Would you get the same results as someone who has 10 more years of experience as you? Probably not. They put on some more miles, but look, no matter how small, you start, start something that matters. It's the great Zig Ziglar who taught us, right? You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to become great. Never look at people and say, well, sure she can. I can't, because that's defeatist. It is wrong, and it is holding you back, my friend. Let's go on. That's number what? One and two. And here we go. I think this one is a huge one, and it kills people's lives all the time. The third big dumb thing people say is, you just don't understand. And then they quit, just like that. When they say, I've tried everything, they quit. Well, she can do it. Sure, they quit. And then they say, well, they don't understand me. You don't understand me. And then they quit. Here's the thing. If you think people can't understand your journey, then your ego has gotten the best of you. And I do say that with all due respect, but, you know, there's 7 billion people alive on the planet right now. Somebody not only has gone through what you're going through, somebody. Somebody is going through what you are going through. To have any imagination that people can't understand you is a false story. The ego says that I'm so special. And either I'm so special because I'm so great, or I'm so special because I'm so diminished and so hurt. And these stories are stories we tell ourselves, and it ends up dividing us from people. It builds a wall to protect ourselves because we don't want to be vulnerable, or we're bitter because we have tried to communicate to people, but maybe our communication style wasn't so good. That was the case for me in college. Many of you know I was depressed and suicidal after the breakup of the first woman I ever loved. And I thought, lots of people, I thought, they can't understand me. They've never had their heart broken like this. Not like this. And I told myself this story, and I kept saying, well, they don't understand. So I wouldn't tell my friends because I thought, well, they haven't been through a breakup like this. So I didn't tell them. Everybody can understand a broken heart. I've had to sit down with parents who lost their children to cancer and say to them, I understand this is difficult. And they'd say, well, you don't understand, Brenda. You don't have a child who's been lost to cancer. But we don't have to go through the exact same things to have human empathy and caring. See you by you not telling people what you really feel, what happens is they're not able to ask the questions to see what support you need. You're right. Maybe they can't help you, but they can understand and find someone who could help you. The more that you hold back, the more that you're going to be trouble when it comes to personal growth in silence, that's where suffering is. Sunnis used to say they don't understand. That's when you stop communicating. That's when you stop trying. That's when you wave everybody away. Because you know what people say when you say you don't understand, you know what you're less likely to do? Raise your hand and ask for help. Because you go, well, they don't understand. So now you just carte blanche. No one can understand. I'm not going to try anymore. Screw them, they won't listen anyway. And you go in your little silo and all sudden you're not living life fully connected with other people who are the ones who could help you in the first place. Sometimes in our own belief that we're so special or so hurt or even so good or so skilled and we think, well, they don't understand us. Whether you say that as a CEO, my team doesn't understand me or you say it as a spouse, you know, well, my spouse doesn't understand me or you say it to your family, my family doesn't understand me. That's just ego. Everybody can understand you now. You need to develop better communication style to help them understand. That's what I had to do. After I realized that maybe people could understand my depression, my heartache, I realized, you know what, maybe I need to learn how to communicate in a different way so they could understand how what was going on in my life was really affecting me and so I could communicate in a better way what I needed for some help. That's all. Sometimes we just have to learn to communicate more what we're going through with people to be more explicit, not drop hints but just say, this is what I'm going through. This is what I need help on. And you know what, if you tell people that consistently, often enough with an open mindset, you'll find you get more help in the world. So here we are. Three things. So far I've tried everything. Brendon. Sure. That doesn't that works for them Brendon, but not for me. And you don't understand Brendon. These things hurt your personal Growth. And then there is one more big one and this one, I hate it. Alright, this is the one. I don't have many pet peeves in my entire life. Been coaching professionally for 10 years now and I've been deeply immersed in the research in psychology, personal development, neuroscience and behavioral economics and everything I can get my hand on to understand the human condition. This one, I'm not gonna lie, I can't understand it. I hate it when people say this to me and they say this all the time on my Facebook post, on my YouTube thing. I have to go calm down because it's so obnoxious and I see it steal so many people's lives. Here's what they say though. Brendon. Sure. Easier said than done. Perhaps the dumbest reason ever not to try something, right? That's what people say. Easier said than done. Sure. So I'll say something like, hey, you know what, Be more kind to your loved ones and someone will post, easier said than done. I'm like, so you're not going to try, right? Hey, you know what, Try to develop a morning routine where you take, you know, five minutes for yourself. Easier said than done. I have children. I'll say, hey, you know what? Try to set goals that are a little harder easier said than done. You know, people can be disappointed. Easier said than done is a defeatist statement. And it's also kind of dumb. And here's why I say it's dumb. Think about this. Easier said than done. What isn't easier said than done, right? Everything is easier said than done. Gee, honey, I'm going to go get that ice cream in the fridge. Easier said than done. That'd be accurate, right? I'm going to pick up that paperclip. Easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done. So it's a stupid universal thing that we say, but we often stop after it and that's what I don't want you to do. So with all these things in mind, I know I'm playing fun a little bit that, you know, these things are dumb. But here's what I'd like to share with you. If you're struggling and you're trying to get ahead, examine them. Do you ever find yourself saying, I've tried everything that works for her, you don't understand or easier said than done? Because what would happen in your life if you just flipped it around a little bit? What would happen instead of saying, I tried everything you said, what else could I try that would help me feel fully engaged and more likely to progress that's all. What else could I try that would help me be fully engaged and progress what else? And start keeping that list? What if instead of saying, sure, she can do that works for her, but wouldn't work for me, what if instead you said, you know what? I see that working for somebody else. Let me try that and practice and get better and better and better and better. What if instead of saying, you don't understand, what if you said, hey, I'm struggling right now. I wonder if I could share with something. I'd love to see if you could understand or could give me some advice right now. And you entered the situation with humility and what if instead of saying, that's easier said than done, you said, let me try that? Because I bet that might be effective. Look, we can all be pessimists in life. I mean, it's easy to be that today. There's a lot of negativity. There's a lot of just disturbing information out online. We see it every day. It's why I spend so much time and my team spends so much time delivering to you guys great personal development as much as we can. And I appreciate all of your support of my books, my online courses, our 5 million people here on Facebook, our unbelievable community on YouTube, our blog readers, everybody who sees us out, seminars. Or maybe you'll see me out on tour one day this year. I'll be out on the road quite a bit. But we do all of that exactly to counter this negative thinking. So I'd love for you to just take a few moments, maybe tonight, and just ask yourself, are there some things I've been telling myself in my head that have been holding me back? And what if I flip them? You know, often we'll say to ourselves, what if this negative thing happens? What if we asked, what if this positive thing happens? I know that sounds so silly and you might just say, well, Brandon, you just teaching positive thinking, but I would be honored if that's what you thought I was doing. I think. I don't know. How do you feel about it right now? I think the world needs a little bit of positive thinking. I think people need a little bit of that belief in themselves. I think they need to believe that they can keep at it, keep going. I think right now we all need a reminder sometimes. You know what? You're stronger than you think. And the future holds good things for you. I appreciate you being here. I look forward to seeing you out on the road. Until then, go. Every single day of your life, remember that you can think more positively. Remember that the world is an abundant place. Remember that other people need you to rise and lead right about nine. If you can remember those things, you can live the charged life. Foreign. Hey my friend, it's Brendon. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Do me two favors. Number one, subscribe to this channel so that you continue to get updates every time I release new training for you. And number two, if you would like to get ahead a little faster in life, what I like to do is give you my 10 seconds steps to achieving anything 10 times faster. So if you have a big goal, a big dream, a big mission in life and you just like to achieve it faster, what would you need to do? You know, this is exactly what I keep next to my computer or next to my bed and every time I have a big dream, a big goal, I open it up and I kind of use this as my checklist to get ahead faster. Because you and I both know if you're going to be more effective or more productive or you are going to achieve your goals and your dreams faster, you're going to have to switch your perspective a little bit on achievement itself. You're going to have to adopt new thinking patterns and habits. You're going to have to have new daily rituals and habits and your entire approach to learning and skill development must be better. So in order to help you do that, just go ahead and click the link in this post or go to Brendan.com for that's Brendan B R E N D O N.com 10X and you can download this guide for free. Just tell me your name and email. I'm happy to email that to you for free. The same guide I use to achieve any goal or dream faster. Thanks for tuning in. Until I see you next time. Go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly and make your difference today.