4 Healthy Debate Practices

Hello my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, Join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening.

Now let's begin. I like the phrase take turns. It means you take a turn. Many of you are so silent in what you really think, feel, need, expect, deserve, want. Many of you never speak up for yourself. Many of you get bulldozed every single conversation and you keep blaming them for bulldozing versus speaking up. Many people do not participate in conflict. They just listen. They get mad, passive aggressive, they quit, they stonewall, they refuse to set boundaries, they refuse to ideate. And they just get more and more disconnected, disengaged. Stop participating. And if you've ever been in a situation like that with someone else, it drives you mad. It's just you're like, I can't believe they're stonewalling me. I can't believe they're not participating. And it gets very, very upsetting for me. That's a big one for me when someone like I know that triggers me when they won't participate in a respectful process.

I got to breathe, I got to move, I got to self talk, baby.

Emotional regulation, because that one will get me going. But I see it all the time. And so take turns means you take your turn and you set up the space that they're going to make theirs. You ask the questions to draw them out. You give them the platform to speak. You express what you need to express. You take a beat and you don't wait. Listen, this is so important. If you want to be a great communicator after you've expressed what you needed to express, please don't expect them to comply, accept, validate, or say yes to what you just said. Think about it this way. You just got to take your turn now they get to take their turn, then you get to move towards resolution. But what you just said was not the resolution. What you just said was your peace. You took your turn. Now they get to take their turn in taking their turn. Their turn is not set up. They have to agree or comply. They just get their turn. And when they get their turn, you listen. When they get their turn, you reflect. That's the key. Most people, when you take your turn, you expect compliance. And that's where the whole thing falls apart in conflict, that they have to do it your way all the time, immediately. Oh, man, that sucks. I don't know if you've been there before, but the reality is most people think they've been there before but don't realize they put others there before too. And we have to take ownership of that. Again, this is not, Brendan Richard, being perfect to you. I've done this a million times accidentally. I mean, I don't know how many conversations I've had where I feel like I've made a great argument and they should just go yes. And then they don't.

And I'm like, how can you not agree with that? And then I argue with them and.

It devolves from there instead of builds from there because I didn't make sure.

They took their turn.

Now that I have vented or I've expressed now they get an equal part to share back. And when they share back, even if.

They didn't agree with me yet and.

I just want them to say yes, I've got to go. Okay, Brendan. Fine.

Feelings, interests, needs, expectations.

Listen for those, reflect those back. Because if they feel heard right now.

Then we can move to resolution. Hey, it's Brandon jumping back in Here again, are you looking to go to the next level in your life right now, the next level of joy, abundance, success? Then you already know that you need to journal about your lessons learned in your life. You got to track your moods and your habits. You have to learn from the best personal development coaches and teachers in the world. And you got to stay inspired and accountable so that you can be more focused, disciplined, joyous and keep growing. That's what the Growth Day app is going to help you to do, my friend. It's the world's first all in one personal development app. It has all of the tools you need, all the coaching and the community that you need to level up to progress every week, to track your breakthroughs and to keep growing in every area of your life consistently over the long term. So go start your transformation right now at Growth Day or just download the Growth Day app on your phone right now. Every day. You can keep improving every day. We are here for you and every day is truly a great day to grow together. So let's make self improvement a way of life. Let's make that self improvement stick. Go to growthday.com right now, Please.

Do me a favor. Make sure you take your turn. Make sure you share your feelings and your interests and your needs and your expectations. Make sure that you breathe and manage your self talk as you're doing that. A lot of you never speak up for yourself and that makes conflicts actually worse because you're training the other person to keep taking their turn and not listening through yours. So now their expectation is, oh well, you don't share, so I'm just going to share and think you should comply. And we train the other person because we never set our own boundaries, we never use our voice, we don't speak up. And I can tell you I've had a tremendous number of clients who we had to work on this throughout our coaching practice with them. Just like often did you share your real thoughts, feelings, needs, desires and dreams in that conversation. And often they say no. And what we do, instead of making them feel bad for it, we go back to identity and ask, do you want to feel like you're living your authentic life?

Do you want to feel like you're.

Authentically expressing who you really are? Because maybe now's the time to start doing that.

Even if.

And why do people not do that? Well, you and I both know because they haven't had this training yet, so they don't know how. The last time they go, Brennan, you understand the last time I tried, she railroaded me, he railroaded me, they bullied me. You don't understand. The last time I tried, I'm like, I know, but just like riding a bike, it takes a lot of practice and there's some fundamentals and principles we've talked about that I hope will help you next time. In almost all of the research and communication, one of the most profound things you can do throughout conflict is taking turns, just taking turns. And these are ancient traditions. You get the talking stick passed to you at the campfire and you feel like you belong to the tribe. If you don't get the stick and you'll get to talk, you don't feel as connected to the tribe. Like this is. This is old school stuff. We just forget to do it. Common sense, not always common practice. Make sure the other person got their turn and make sure you take your turn. And even if that creates messiness in the first couple times, you'll learn to respect the process. Maybe if you have a willing participant or a team member who's watching this. If you're in Growth Day, get Growth Day for them, for your team or your enterprise and let them watch this and you can learn new ways of doing this together.

That's the hope. That's the power of personal growth. Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity, right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's Growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on, leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com. Sam.