Abandon Your Insecurities

Hello, my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your.

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I spend all this time teaching people how to share their voice with the world. You know, market their personal brand, get their story out about who they are and what they want to accomplish in life. And what One of the things that really surprised me when I started doing this was how many people would come up to me and say, but Brendon, how do you deal with rejection? And these were often adults, which really blew my mind because I was a really young guy back then and maybe, you know, 45, 55, 65 year old folks saying, well Brendan, how do you deal with rejection? I thought, what do you mean? And there would be this insecurity in their voice as they asked that question. And I thought, wait, you're an adult and still struggling with ideas about rejection. I think that's really unfortunate and I think it shows that sometimes people live an unexamined life that they're willing to not question themselves. I mean, shouldn't we have all gotten over and kind of dealt with rejection pretty young? I mean, high school, college level stuff? I'm not trying to be insensitive people. I just think that sometimes they don't understand math and odds, that we think rejection is this thing that happens all the time. So what happens is so many people guide their life based on this fear that they're gonna be rejected. So they don't take action, they don't start new, they don't chase their dreams because they're worried what other people are going to think that they're going to be rejected and deemed unworthy or unlovable or, you know, not adequate in some way or another. And you think, well, that's so sad. Because rejection, the actual form of rejection that shapes people's identity and hurts them, happens so rarely. And if you don't believe it, then that's an internal fear, not the reality of the universe. And let me prove this to you just with some basic data. I've traveled around the globe, you know, well over. Well, most of the globe now. And here's what I find out over and over and over again when I speak to audiences. I always do this little simple activity where I say, if you've ever been rejected in a way where it hurt, you know, it actually it hurt and formed and shaped your identity in a way. I mean, it was a significant hurt that you felt it and it changed how you felt about yourself and what you might want to go and accomplish in the world. If you've ever felt that before, would you raise your hand? Everyone raises their hand. I said, well, if you've ever been rejected by, let's say, three people who really rejected you in that way that you were really, I mean, just shot down, hurt, and it changed who you are and what you wanted to accomplish in life. How many ever happened that with three people? A bunch of people raised their hand again and I start escalating that number from 3 to 5 to 7 to.

10 to 15 to 20 to 30.

Here's what's amazing. I've done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them. Okay, thousands of people. Here's the average across all those audiences all around the world. Doesn't matter the culture, the average number, about seven. So anywhere between five and seven, meaning people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection. Not one of those, well, I'm sorry I can't go out with you. I'm washing my hair stuff. I mean, somebody where they really criticized you and rejected you in a way that hurt. The average person says five to seven people rejected me like that. Now, there are some people who have more than that, but I'm saying the average is five to seven. And yet so many people. When I ask, well, how many of you are so scared of rejection? Almost everyone raises their hand and it's like, wait a second. You're scared of something that barely ever happens? Cause the second question I ask is, well, how many of you have ever interacted with, let's say, 10 people? And when you interact with those 10 people, it went just fine. They were nice to you, they were polite, they were patient, or they just didn't care one way or another. How many of you ever met ten people like that? Everyone raised their hand. Then I said, well, how many of you ever interacted with, met, known, or associated with, let's say, 100 people in your life and you've known 100 people and 100 people, they were fine with you. Everyone raised their hand. I take that number up to literally thousands. Everyone's still raising their hand because we've all met with, interacted with, known, or associated with, you know, literally thousands of people in our lives. And most of them could care less, didn't criticize, were generally supportive. And it's like, wait a second, you're basing your life and you're directing yourself based on this fear of rejection that maybe has happened on average for people between five and seven times, but thousands of people you've interacted with were cool with you or at least let you do your own thing and didn't criticize it. And it's like, wait a second. If you realize those numbers, you did the math, like five people, thousands. Five people aren't supportive of you, but a thousand were, and we're fine with you. You think about that math for a second automatically, statistically, mathematically, five out of thousand. These are the freaks. They're the oddities, they're the weirdos. They don't make computational sense over here. You're worried about what? The minority. I mean, the tragic minority in that sense. Five out of thousand. You've got a thousand people who got your back. You could storm these five people, right? So you have to realize that rejection actually barely ever happens. We fear it because when we were young and it happened, it felt so real and so big. But come on, as we get older, we have to gain that Greater sense of awareness and maturity that says, you know what? I am my own person. I'm going to be myself regardless.

Hey, it's Brandon jumping back in here again. Are you looking to go to the next level in your life right now? The next level of joy, abundance, success? Then you already know that you need to journal about your lessons learned in your life. You got to track your moods and your habits. You have to learn from the best personal development coaches and teachers in the world. And you got to stay inspired and accountable so that you can be more focused, disciplined, joyous, and keep growing. That's what the Growth Day app is going to help you to do, my friend. It's the world's first all in one personal development app. It has all of the tools you need, all the coaching and the community that you need to level up to progress every week, to track your breakthroughs, and to keep growing in every area of your life consistently over the long term. So go start your transformation right now@growthday.com or just download the Growth Day app on your phone right now.

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Some people say, well, Brendan, you can't.

Expect that from people because they have so much fear.

It's like, why does fear get so much credit? Because people also have so much power. People have so much strength. People have so much in themselves that actually could be heroic tendencies if they focus on that as much as they focused on their inadequacies. So why are we giving everyone a buy card and saying, oh, it's okay that you're still scared of rejection? I don't think that's okay. I think it's rather we should say, let's have a higher ambition for ourselves as human beings to allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are, to genuinely express ourselves. Yes. Will some people criticize it? Absolutely. Everyone's gonna say something. So what? I'm not gonna limit my service or my message to the world based on what other people think. And by the way, who are we fearing the most anyway? Usually the people we fear are the harsh critics. But let's talk about the harsh critics.

Who are they?

Right? Most harsh critics, unless they're paid to be critics, are just jerks and we really don't need to listen to them. But why are people critical? Most people critical just for maybe Four reasons. The first reason is self boasting. Like most critics, they're just, they're braggers. They like to say, you're not good enough. I do a much better job.

Fantastic.

Good for you. Go do a better job out of my vision, please. Right? It's like, don't worry about the self boasters and the narcissists. You don't need to be concerned about them. They have nothing to add to the direction in which you're going in your life, Right? So just focus on your own thing. Don't worry about the couch critics or the apathetic advisors on the sidelines of life. They really have nothing to contribute to you unless you've asked for constructive feedback. And don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You know, I think the second reason people become critics often is because it's just. It's self protection. They're critical of you because they see something outstanding in you or something remarkable or something different. And they're scared of different because they're comforted in their own thing or it challenges their own beliefs or their own behaviors. Seeing you excel, seeing you have the boldness, the freedom, the joy, the ambition, the guts, the integrity, the courage to put yourself out there. So they're like, oh, yeah, who do you think you are? So they try to knock you down to their level. Do you need to be concerned about those people?

No.

What's the third reason? I think the third reason people do it sometimes they're just critical, but they're critical out of ignorance. They actually don't know you. They don't know what you're talking about. They don't know what you're doing. They don't know anything about your area of expertise or the thing that you're trying to share in the world. And so why be concerned about what somebody who has no knowledge about you or what you're doing has to say? And the fourth reason people do it, I think, is because they actually do want to provide value. They want to give you some direction, to protect you, to care for you. And they don't realize that sometimes the way that they do that their tone might be condescending, or maybe the way that they do it does hurt you or does limit you, but they didn't intend it. They weren't trying to be a tyrant to you. They're just maybe a little unconscious or lack some emotional or social intelligence. For those people pity them, but the rest of them ignore them. You know, I think give some of those people who are trying give them patience and pity. The other ones don't give them patience and don't give them a time and attention. And that sounds harsh to say and I'll be criticized for it, of course, but that's what I believe, so I'm gonna say it. You know, I want you to go say what you feel like with the world. Go give yourself to the world without concern about what the world thinks about you so much. Because if you don't, if you limit the expression of who you are and what you have to give in the world based on a couple people who might criticize you, what have you done? You've sunken below the lowest common denominator of mankind. If we all shrunk in our ability to serve because what some people might think, where would we be as humans? Go out and be great and never apologize for it.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Brendon Show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity, right? So I'm asking you to be the dealer of hope and personal growth and education in your tribe. So take a screenshot right now and share the screenshot and this link to this episode with three of your friends today. Post it on social media. Use the hashtag growthday. That's growthday, because that's the name of my company and we're always giving away prizes to our community. If you'd like to help me personally, then please rate and review the podcasts on Apple Podcasts. Give us some stars, cheer us on, leave a review. Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today, please remember, you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow. We're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community. So be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com.

Sam.