Best Of: How To Deal With Self Doubt

Hey my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the Brendan show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on.

Some stages across the world.

Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students.

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Enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something I'm suggesting or motioning to or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Just take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategies that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do Q and A and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly that's brendon.com monthly B-R-E-N-O-N.com forward/monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this. So if you like this, you would love that training program. But without further ado, let's jump in right now to one of the Brendon show's best of trainings.

How do I deal with self doubt? Because everybody's got it and at some Point as conscious, mature people and people who want to succeed at the next level, we gotta deal with it and once and for all, we have to understand it and beat it. On a recurring basis. Self doubt is okay if it's a motivator for you to gather strength, to pay more attention. And we've got to realize in no place greater in our lives can we measure doubt. Then in the places where we are not moving forward on a consistent basis towards things that we want. If you're not saying and speaking and sharing how you feel in life, you're avoiding the difficulty that can come up from that because you doubt yourself. If you are not telling other people what you want, what you desire, what you need in life, you're avoiding that conversation because you doubt yourself. You're not taking the action, speaking, sharing, telling, asking. You're living in avoidance. And so many people live in avoidance because in the short term, avoidance is very comfortable. You don't have to deal with anything when you're in avoidance. So measure your life. Is there anything that you've really wanted in life but you don't have yet or, or you're not significantly moving swiftly towards or what am I planning and planning and planning and planning and planning and planning for? Because planning is not action at some point, planning is paralysis at some point without real action. So we really have to think about, is there something that I've been doubting of myself that is not allowing me to progress? And we got to deal with that. So that's the ultimate how, right? How do we deal with self doubt? How do we move from here to there? Well, first we need to know where this is coming from. And there's really only three major areas that this and this is coming from. The first one is straight up psychological conditioning, behavioral, mental conditioning. Right? That's it. Lots of people, they grew up around doubters and worriers. Maybe you had a parent or a caregiver who's always worried, don't do that, Be careful, be careful, don't do that, Stop. You know, maybe you're not ready for this, or that's not you. And they were constantly just perpetuating worry in your ear. So you've heard it so many times. Worry, worry, worry, doubt, doubt, doubt, concern, concern, concern. Stop, stop, stop that. Your mind is just on a rhythm. That's the pattern. The automatic first impulse is to stop, not go. The automatic impulse is to shut up, not speak up. The automatic impulse is to sort of shrink instead of demonstrate strength. And so we have to be aware of that maybe your conditioning from other people has implanted those thoughts. But let's not just blame other people. The reality is your behavior is also a conditioning. No matter what anyone else said, if you chose weakness yesterday, you're likely to choose it tomorrow. It's conditioned. If you choose courage and strength today, you're more likely to amplify and have courage and strength tomorrow. Your behavioral pattern as an adult has much more to do than what your childlike acquisition of thinking gave you. So what if someone bullied you in 12th grade, in 6th grade or 4th grade as a 40 year old person? That is no longer an excuse. We like to make it one in our society because it's so understanding. But there's a difference between understanding and excuse, right? Let's say Something happens at 10 years old. Is it important at 10 years old? Yes. Did it really happen? Yes. Was it significant, hurtful, traumatic? Yes. At 40? 40. Can we blame the thing at 10 anymore? The answer for any adult who's conscious, no, we cannot. Could that have been a pivotal place? Yes. Could that have made a major impact? Yes. Could that have set you on a bad path for a while? Yes. But you cannot say for 30 years that one moment in time caused you. No. 30 years. There was a conditioned pattern that you kept running over and over and over again. And if it was not leading to healthy, successful outcomes in life, it was on you. It is your accountability to say, you know what? I didn't deal with that. I better do it now. And if you need, get therapy, get support, get counseling. If you've studied any of my work, I never minimize that moment, ever. That struggle, that hardship, that challenge. It was real. It was difficult, it was frustrating, it was disappointing, it was hurtful and it was traumatic. Lots of people, lots of people had tremendous turmoil in their youth. But as Marty Seligman told the American Psychological association, as president of the American Psychological association, he says, we have almost no data at all that can support the reality that our childhood difficulties or traumas justify bad adult behavior. We just can't because too many people have amazing adult behavior. Most of us just have lack of good discipline, good mental awareness, good positive habits in the moment today. And we can't blame yesterday. Therapy is a good thing if you need it. Get counseling. If you're struggling with a recurring thought challenge behavior that just constantly leads to disease or bad habits or wrecked lives, relationships and careers, please frigging get help. Deal with it over and over and over again. We have millions of stories of people who went through horrible things and came out on the other side, okay, because they decided to get help there or just deal with it or they said, no more. I don't want to be like that. And they had a different vision for who they were, and they operated from that vision, not that history. And that's what changed their life. Second element of doubt. Well, a lot of people have doubt because they're projections of consequence. Consequence. They're using consequence as a negative tool to support avoidance. Let me say that again. When people struggle with progress or with a lot of doubt in their life, they're using consequence as a tool, as a negative tool to support avoidance. They're saying, well, if I do that, all these negative things happen. If you've read my work before, like the charge, you know how we talk about fear often is that it's really often a what if statement followed by a negative statement. What if this negative thing happens? What if I fail? What if they don't like me? What if I'm lonely? What if this makes me feel uncomfortable? What if this is too hard for. For me? What if I try all this and it turns out horribly? That's a what if statement followed by a negative statement. And that's how they're projecting the consequence for themselves. But consequence can be an incredibly positive tool for us. We can say, oh, not only can we flip it and say, what if it turns out positive. What if I do well? What if I gain, not lose? What if they like me? What if I suddenly change and I achieve everything I wanted? We can use that as a consequence as well, to avoid and to get rid of doubt. But listen to this one. We can also use consequence as a negative motivator against doubt. Not for avoidance, but against it, as in this ultimate question in coaching. What happens if you continue to do nothing your life? What happens if you continue to stay the course in this career and not ask for what you want and not do the projects you want, not ask for the raise? What if you stay in this relationship and you never got vulnerable? What if you stay in this relationship and you never truly shared what you needed? What if you leave that relationship only to find out that you never really even asked them what they wanted, what they needed? That when we consider a consequence that is negative, it can help us overcome doubt. Because if we look and envision a bad future, that can get us to act. And if we act over and over and over again, that is how we start defeating this doubt. It is through our own faith and action that we defeat doubt once and and for all doesn't mean it won't come up. But now, you know, the first time you fight doubt, it's kind of like it feels like, you know, you just. There's a big bag that you're fighting, you know, a big bag in the gym and you're just punching and you're punching and you're punching and that bag is not moving. But the more you deal with doubt, the more that bag becomes small because you're focusing more on your strength. And now you're at the speed bag over and over and over. It's easy, it's minimized, it's small. You got it, you can do it. Well, you can look over here, you can talk. Hey, what's going on with you?

This thing's.

Hey, man, what's going on with you? How's the kids? Oh, here we go. Nothing. You dealt with it. Because if you act, doubt becomes minimized. And over time you're conditioned to act because you prefer favorable consequences. And you've learned to defeat doubt. Last idea, the biggest one, the one that people forget all the time, and that is conscious choice. It's not happening to you. You didn't walk out the door and the doubt piano fell on your friggin head. You're choosing it. In this moment, right now, you're choosing to doubt who you are, the divinity in your heart, the spirit and the soul that has survived to be here. Is doubt really the best decision for you right now? Yes or no? Because we don't think of doubt as a choice, as a decision. We think, oh, it happens to me, or oh, it happens because I look at the. No, no, you're choosing it. So be aware the next time you're choosing doubt, go, oh, wait, I'm choosing doubt. Why am I choosing doubt right now? How is that going to serve me? And that's how life progresses. We can choose to avoid or we can choose to take action. It's your choice, it's your decision. Being here, I hope now you'll be more conscious of that choice. If you hear doubt coming up, address it, talk to it, look at it, question it, and say, what would choosing doubt do for me in this moment? And you almost always find it will do nothing. It will put you in the pit of avoidance, silence and misery. But address it and say, doubt shall not win. Today I have faith I can see something better for myself. I'm going to take that action, even if it's uncomfortable. Do that enough over and over and over and over again. And sudden you got that speed bag. You got something under control and you got acceleration in your life.

All right, my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up? Did you love it? If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself listening to it. Make sure you hashtag the Brendon show because when you do that, I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that on social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag, T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to Brendan.com monthly. That's Brendan.com monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings.

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But we do that every single month. Month. And there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers, in your personal life, in your health and you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little bit more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show. Sam.