Best Of: The Key to Lasting Relationships

Hey, my friend. It's Brendon Burchard.

And welcome to another episode of the Brendon show.

I'm excited to start this best of episode with you, but before I do that, I wanted to let you know that my new high performance planner is finally out into the world. I'm so excited about this, guys. If you haven't heard about it, I spent the last three years putting this planner together for you. I wanted to help you, give you a tool that would make you more productive, that would make you more focused on the things that mattered, that helped you prioritize like a pro, that helped you really get ahead faster by asking the right questions of yourselves each day, each week and each month. And this planner is kind of like a two in one tool in that it's basically a day planner meets a productivity journal. So every single day, there's your day schedule available to you. But it also begins with a morning mindset section where you ask yourself 10 questions. It ends the day where you ask six strategic questions. So you can capture your learnings and your ahas and your breakthroughs of the day. But you can also score yourself because there's a scorecard for each and every day of your life where it helps you measure whether or not you're staying on your high performance habits. There's also full assessments every week and every month, like your whole life assessment. So you're looking at different areas of your life to see where you're on track or where you're lagging behind or where you need to focus more. There's things that really help you get in the right mindset, habits and behaviors that we know will help you succeed over the long term. So you can go on Amazon right now and you can just type in high performance planner. And I'm so pumped for you to get this because we really did a lot of work on it. People are like, how do you spend three years to make a planner? I'm like, well, it's not one of those pseudo gratitude journals where it's like a couple nice quotes and a bunch of empty pages. This is a workhorse of a planner. It is a strategic plan, thinking person's sort of tool that will allow them to get ahead faster. Here's the description on Amazon and I'll tell you all the different ways you.

Can get it in all the different.

Colors and all the specs because I'm super pumped about it. And I've never really done much talking about this type of product here on the podcast, but this is really the culmination of 20 years of my research. I'm pumped about it. So here's what the Amazon description reads. It's really well done. I thought I'd read it to you. It says this combination planner and journal helps readers strategize their lives and increase their performance via writing prompts, self assessments and calendars, all backed by science and the author's 20 years coaching the highest performers in business, athletics, entertainment and beyond. That's me. The High Performance Planner is a two in one day planner and journal based on the world's largest study of how high performers increase productivity, set goals, prioritize projects, outperform their peers, and create the positive mindset and habits needed to win the day. Through morning mindset, journal prompts, daily goal boxes, evening scorecards, weekly habit assessments, monthly project planning, and proprietary whole life balance sheets. The planner helps you think more strategically prioritize, achieve your goals faster, and become more focused, happy and productive. And we've measured it, so I'm pumped about this because if you'll just go to Amazon and get this, you're going to be blown away by the price because the These planners, they're 60 days each, so they last 60 days. And we also have a full Year Planner pack where you can get all the colors. There are six different colors. There's like, you know, black, red, yellow, green, orange and blue. And amazingly classic black is the most popular. But I hope you'll go get one because I really want to hear you crush it this next year and I know that's gonna take a lot of discipline and focus on your side. So I apologize for the long rant.

Here, but I'm really excited about it.

And if you didn't hear when we launched it, I don't know when you're listening to this, but we launched it four days ago through Instagram and it immediately became a top 20 best selling book across all books on Amazon. Which is amazing because it's not technically a book, it's a planner. But I'm pumped that it did that well. In fact, both the single Classic Black Planner and the full Year Planner pack both charted in the top 20 of Amazon just upon announcement. It was crazy. And that's good news and bad news. Good news is I'm pumped. Everybody wants it. Bad news is I do know their inventory. And listen, you need to order this the second you are listening to this right now, my friend, because they'll be all gone by the time you know the end of this week. So I think you better go get it Especially if you want to get this by Christmas and it is necessary to go place your order. I know Amazon just placed a big order of the classic black one, so those should be available all the other colors. And the full Year Planner pack might be sold out by the time you're listening to this. So make sure you go to Amazon. Just type in High Performance Planner or just go to highperformanceplanner.com so that's on Amazon. Highperformance Planner or highperformanceplanner.com if you're listening in the UK, Australia or Canada. Um, we have the Amazon links available for those specific countries to all of the colors and the options available to you. Again posted@highperformanceplanner.com y', all, I'm excited about this. This is what I've used for the last three years in beta with groups, but also with myself to pull together basically everything I've ever taught in high performance and put it into one tool that can really keep you on track. So if you've ever gone through my programs or you've watched my YouTube or you like these episodes, these, these best of episodes, this is going to help you operationalize that learning. And why does all this matter? Because you shouldn't feel so overwhelmed, you shouldn't feel so distracted, you shouldn't feel so stressed, you shouldn't lose focus so often and you shouldn't lose momentum. That comes with great personal growth tracking. And when you're assessing your habits and your whole life every week and every month in the strategic ways that we do that are science backed to help you get higher performance, I, I promise you it'll be a game changer for you. Go to highperformanceplanner.com or go to Amazon. Just type in High Performance Planner. Get yours now. Get a bunch for your team, for your family, your friends. It's the holiday gifts of gifts, my friends. Highperformanceplanner.com thank you for all your support. Now enjoy this episode of the Brendon show where we're going to jump in to some of the best of training. Here we go.

Are relationships. These are super secret ninja moves that people don't do enough of and they're so simple. Schedule time and recovery with your partner, spouse, lover, marital person. I mean it is a marital person, husband, wife, whatever. You got a schedule. I mean, if I should parachute in your life right now, could we sit down and say open up your calendar, show me your getaway times with your lover right now? Where are they and do you have one in the next 90 days? If you don't, you're heading for trouble real bad. Promise. Oh, God, it is going to get bad. You got to schedule getaway time for you and them one on one. I advise every couple, every high performer. You got to understand, I work with Fortune 50 CEOs and their wives or their husbands. I've worked with Olympians and their wives and their husbands. I've worked with top performers in every category, every industry you could possibly fathom. This is my life. I don't do this just as some flip chart. I do this with human beings. And I've done it for 19 years. And I can tell you, on that journey, nothing is more important for a couple than them getting away together and having some time to reboot, reconnect, rekindle the magic to. Whether that means, hey, go to the Caribbean for a week or, hey, do a staycation, you know, give the kids out to that babysitter for a couple days or your parents a couple days or someone for a couple days, but even if it's not a couple days, one night away every other month, one night away every three months, you know, or scheduling, even if you, if you're like, Bren, that's impossible. I can't do that. Okay, then a weekly date night or a monthly date night, whatever it's going to take. Some of you can do more, some you can do less. I know that's a difficult and challenging situation. And I also promised at the top of this video, I said, maybe this applies to intimate relationships, but it could apply to your kids, too. You know, maybe you're not in an intimate relationship, but you've got kids and you love those relationships. Well, with those relationships, let me tell you what. Schedule time to really have magical moments with people. If you're not scheduling time to rejuvenate, reconnect, have magical memories with people, that relationship will continue to decline over a period of time and it will be very difficult to ramp back up. And you know this because if you're someone who has not been scheduling anything with your spouse or your partner, you probably are on the downward. And you know it because it is very difficult to maintain unless you schedule because the world snags at you. It takes all of your time, your energy, it demands of you, and the next thing you know, you're both wiped out. You haven't talked, connected, made love, had a new memory, laughed your asses off in years. And that is not what life is meant to be. You're Prioritizing the wrong things. You know, it's not about career and work. It's not about chasing every new opportunity, opening every new business. It's about you two. That was what you signed up for.

That was what you wanted.

You found that love and you thought, man, I want more of this. So you know how you're going to have more of it? You're going to schedule more of it. I mean, isn't it true when you first started dating, you saw each other more, you had more memories together, you did more things. You know, you literally scheduled multiple date nights, you scheduled trips, you scheduled fun time, you scheduled the movie. You did things that required a calendar to together to coordinate. And now people just kind of. They're so crazy in their life, they kind of crash back at home. What are you doing? What are you doing? I don't know. What are we eating? Oh, my God. You're just trying to survive. I get that. Hey, look, I'm not judging it. My job here is to tell you.

What the next level is.

That's it. I'm never going to judge. Ever. And if anything I came across in this or any of my videos ever come across as judging. I'm not. I'm baselining. I'm describing. That's all I'm doing. Because you and I both know there is one quality of life and relationship here. And we both know the other one is here. My job is this. The acceleration what's going to put us back up? No matter where we've been, I'm cool with where. Look, I've sucked at relationships in my life. I've had terrible ones. I had a relationship go so bad, so south, I became suicidal. I mean, I couldn't get out of bed. I decided to go to another country and try to escape it. I mean, I've been through stuff too. I've had my heart broken and I have broken hearts. Trust me. So there's no judgment here, okay? What I'm trying to convey is the next level for you, no matter where you're at, will come from these things. So don't make excuses, don't justify. Just put them in play and things will change. Number five, so important, you gotta forgive. And you and I both know, even before I jump into this one, you gotta forgive yourself. You gotta forgive those who you are with. Cause look, isn't it true you kind of messed up along the way? I don't care how good your relationship is right now. If you can be honest and you look at these things, you can say you know what? Sometimes I don't do as good a job as I should do there. Well, we all have that. And unfortunately, we tend to on our shoulders, carry a lot of guilt about it. And the more guilt we weigh ourselves down, the more our heart goes like this and they can't connect. And the more guilt we throw on to someone else, the less that they can connect. And sometimes that next big breakthrough, that next acceleration of relationship, you both got to let it go. Not the relationship, the anger, the hurt. That time he cheated or she cheated, that time that they let you down, that time that they lied. And you got to take this day as day one and say, you know what, honey? I messed up. You have messed up. Do we still love each other? We do. Then what do you say we start at day one? Let's give some forgiveness. And by the way, I don't pretend any of this is easy forgiveness. It's hard. I've been trying to work up this. I started this video on purpose, on fire, to lift you up a little bit, because I knew when we got to this one, it's like, oh, it's so hard to do. But you know what? This is a spiritual power. When you can forgive people, you have reached a whole other level. Tell me one spiritual text in the world that doesn't have forgiveness as its central element. You usually have just a few tenants of all spirituality that all have in common. And those are always things like love, truth, fairness, responsibility, respect and. And forgiveness. It's always there, man. You gotta have some forgiveness. How do you have more forgiveness? The only way is the same thing the spiritual text would tell you. Only way to have some forgiveness is to have faith. You gotta have faith things will get better. You gotta have faith in that person to do better. You gotta faith in yourself that you can do better. And I know it's difficult, and I know it's a challenge. So let me ask you to do one simple thing that'll be the easiest thing and the hardest thing. To sit down the person you're in love with and say, I've been carrying around some guilt. And I know I've been bitter. I feel guilty about doing some of these things. I'm going to let them go today and do better. I know I've been bitter towards you about some of these things. I'm sorry about the bitterness. I'm going to let it go. I love you and I choose us. I'm going to reframe my emotional life. Going to reframe what's been going on Here and just ask, how do we do better? And I know maybe you've had that conversation and it didn't work. Got to have it again. It's the hardest thing in the world. People forget that relationships are like gym memberships. You can't go in and out of the relationship every few months and hope.

To develop a stronger relationship.

Just like you can't go into the gym every few months and hope to get a stronger bicep or. Or better abs. You gotta be in that relationship, committed, working, pushing yourself against great resistance. Bitterness, anger, hurt, humility, just frustration, embarrassment, guilt, all these things. Resistance. Push against that resistance. You gotta be in that relationship pushing against those things that usually knock us down every day. The way to get healthier in your physical body is to have a routine set up to support that. You need to have those routines scheduled. You need to do the heavy lifting of the relationship to get better. And I know you know all this. My job is to just simply inspire you to do more of it, to do better at it, to stay more present at it, or to inspire other people to do it so they can have that level of success in the most important parts of our lives, our relationships. Last one. You know, if any of these get two big red exclamations and a red.

Underline, it is this one.

Praise, man. People need a lot of praise. Did you know the number one reason that people leave a job in the United States of America is in their perception, not pay, not compensation. It's lack of appreciation. Did you know that? That's my data. That's science. It's not my opinion. The number one reason people leave a job is lack of appreciation. And you think about that. Dang. You know, it's like people don't feel valued. People don't feel seen. They don't feel like other people think they're worthy or they're competent or they're enough. And boy, in our relationships, it's so easy to forget to champion somebody on. You gotta be your spouse, your partner, your lover. You gotta be your lover's greatest cheerleader. You have to be that. You have to be that, not someone else. You can't let their parent be their greatest cheerleader, their girlfriend be their greatest cheerleader. The secretary be their greatest cheerleader, their first lieutenant, their cheerleader. The kids can't be the cheerleader. You, that's your job. That's on your shoulders. You gotta be the champion of. Of your lover. And the way to do that isn't once in a while to show up for them when they needed it and they were painted against the corner. Your job is to have daily praise to your partner. If you've ever seen me with my lady or even my team or my family, it's constant praise. And people are like, well, Brendan, you know, if you praise a child too much, they get a big head about it. I'm like, not really. It's not true. Because there's a difference between causation and correlation. Right. A lot of those studies missed the boat. They were just poorly scientifically studied or they studied 10 kids. And that's not how science should work. We need broader sampler sets, and we need controlled studies that cause for causation and correlation. What do we know about this one? If you give praise to others, if you're that champion, you're that person of positivity, of appreciation, of cheering them on, you will always have a more positive relationship than the people who aren't doing that. You can accept that as truth. Yeah. So if we can do that, then let's compel ourselves to do that. Just like all these other things, we have to do them on a more consistent basis. We've got to get more consistent in this. When your spouse, your lover comes home and they're sharing about their day, even if it's frustrating and you're like, gosh, you're tired. You don't want to hear them complain or bitch or moan about something, you know what you still say? You say, you know what, honey? Sounds like a tough day. You know what? I'm just cheering you on and giving you some love for making it through it. Good for you. I mean, you still came home. You could have went to the bar. You could have went out with your friends, got drunk. You could have done something irresponsible. But here we are together. I love you, honey. Thanks for. After a tough day like that, you still came home. I love you. Give a big kiss, Cheer them on, make a joke, flirt with them, reframe what's going on. Ask them how you can help them. Help them change that situation, that feeling. Schedule some good times so they can expect that together versus all the stress of the world. Forgive when they get it wrong, but always praise them as a person. Praise them when they help you. Praise them when they see you. Praise them when they value. Praise them when they praise you. Give them much more praise and love and spirit in your relationship. The same thing will happen in your spirituality. Give the Lord, give your belief, give the cosmos, give the universe more praise. There'll be greater connection, greater Positivity, greater opportunity. Same thing in your marriage, same thing in your loving relationships. Give the praise out there, people. You'll see the magic start happening in your relationships and in the most important part of your life, you'll start to accelerate your success, your connection and your joy.

All right, my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring?

Were you fired up? Did you love it?

If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself, listening to it. Make sure you hashtag the brendanshow because when you do that, I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that on social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode and out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to brendan.com monthly. That's brendon.com monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard. But we do that every single month and there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program, tickets to myself, seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little bit more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show.