Best Of: The Real Cause of Overwhelm

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Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the Brendan show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes online to 10 of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world. Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're going to really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and, and start practicing some of those high performance habits. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something, I'm sorry, suggesting or motioning tool or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategies that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do Q and A and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly that's brendon.com forward/monthly B R E N-O-N.com monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this. So if you like this, you would love that training program.

But without further ado, let's jump in.

Right now to one of the Brendon show's best of trainings.

Hey everybody, it's Brendan Burchard and welcome to your monthly bonus training on Success and high performance. I'm so stoked to talk to you today about overwhelm. You know, as you've been hard charging this year to accomplish your dreams, to succeed, to just live that fully charged life. It's not always easy. So I'm stoked. Let's get to it. What is it going to take for you to not be so crazy? That's the conversation we're having today. I know many of you set big New Year's resolutions. Many of you were with us on our big New Year's resolution webcast where you kind of figure out, what do you want for this year? What's going to really make you happy? What are you going to go after? The challenge is sometimes you feel like you took on too much. Maybe your ambitions were too high. Well, that's what we start telling ourselves this time of year. You can't listen to that belief, oh, I took on too much. My ambitions are too high. Usually it's not how much we've taken things on, it's how we are taking them on. It's not the challenges we have in our life, it's how we are meeting them. And that's really the overall theme for this conversation today. You know, every single month I sit and I think about what am I going to teach and what am I going to talk about with you on these monthly sessions? Because I want to just keep this momentum going for you all year of you being able to go further in your life. And I know that as I've been reading the comments interacting with you in your online members forums, that there is this feeling right now, entering just the third month of this year, that maybe you took on too much. And I'm here to tell you it's probably not that you took on too much. It's probably the way that you're interacting with the day. And I know that's hard to say. And it's not true for everybody. Okay, it's not true for everybody. But let me make this blanket statement. Usually the ultimate challenge we have in our life isn't our daily tasks. Because you know what, A lot of people have a tougher day than you. It isn't our obligations to others, because you know what, a lot of people have more kids than you, have bigger businesses than you. It's not that you know our overall responsibilities in life. Because you know what? You're not the President of the United States if you're here, what up, Brock? But you know, the challenge is that sometimes we feel overwhelmed. We feel in the Chaos that we can't handle it all. And we start to back off of the dream, thinking that the dream is unattainable or the problem that our great ambition, our great goals, that's just not for us because it's too hard. And you'll remember if you can go back in the training of High Performance Academy or Success Accelerator, Achievement Accelerator. If you've read some of my books, you know that one of our ultimate fears is hardship. That's just gonna be too hard for us, that we're gonna be overwhelmed and exhausted or unable to meet the demands of the hour. And so you back down. So have you set any goals for this year that you already feel like you need to back down off of because it's too hard? That's what I wanna talk about today. We all do it. We take off as ambitious, high achieving people. We take on a lot. And sometimes the answer isn't that we don't need to take on a lot. Because you know, if you want to change the world, there's a lot of responsibility goes that with great power comes great responsibility. If you have that power inside that says let's go for it, you have that power inside or you feel like you've been gifted that dream or that purpose or that mission and you really want to go for it, there's times in your life you really got to go for it. And your schedule will feel like it's just so packed. Don't blame the schedule, don't blame the dream. Blame how you're showing up for those things. I know that's not a comfortable conversation to say. And a lot of people, you know, online in general get mad when I say those types of things because they think I'm lacking empathy. I'm not lacking empathy. What I am trying to address you as is a high achiever. Someone who is willing to adjust your approach to better serve. Somebody who's willing to adjust their perspective to be happier. Somebody who has that flexibility of mind, body and spirit, who can meet the more difficult demands of higher responsibility, higher aims and achievements and contributions. Because we're always there, aren't we? It's almost like a prerequisite of growth is the fact that we're going to struggle a little bit more, that it's going to be a little harder, right? It's harder to go to that next level. You know, there's times in our life when things are very easy and we're just humming along and everything's going really great. We're in our flow, we're in our zone. We're in that comfort moment where, you know, we have a lot of a high level of certainty about everything around us, you know, but as we go to that new level, there's a lot of new challenges that come on. As we seek to be better parents, as we seek to be better in our business, be better in the marketplace, better at our skill, our craft, our sport, our team, whatever it is. When you want to go to another level, it's a little bit of this. You're like, ah. And you shouldn't bemoan that. It's part of the process. It really is part of the process. But you and I both know there's days you're just like, I'm freaking out. I've had some of them. I'll share with you. I've had some of those recently. But the challenge isn't am I really overwhelmed by the tasks and the activities, it's that I am overwhelmed, period. That we allow ourselves to get all worked up into our reality and we lack perspective. And so in that lack of perspective, when it's just me, me, me, my task, my task, my task, oh, my gosh, the day has gone by. I can lose the broader picture of life. I can lose connection with my breath. I can lose connection with my own conscious will. Of what do I want this experience to be about? Not just in the moment, but of life. Because our first topic that we're going to jump into in depth is the real cause of overwhelm. The real cause. Overwhelm. It's not about what we have to do. It's about choosing who we're going to be as we have to do what we have to do. Right? Sometimes, look, you don't want to deal with the kids, you know, but you got to be there for them. Sometimes you don't want to take the team call, but they're waiting. Sometimes you just absolutely do not want to do the day's activities. And. But you know, if you back off of them, you're not going to move forward. And so it's about you being able to summon up a strength that's more powerful than the small tasks, the activities, the things that you have to do. It's coming from a place of higher being to be able to do the things. That's why we're human beings, not human doings. You've heard that a million times. It's about who you're being. The challenge is this. And the root cause of all overwhelm is that we're often being in our ego of expectations versus being in the spirit of flow. And they walk you to the. There's a big difference. The ego of expectation that is causing almost all the overwhelm you ever feel is an ego that says, I must do all these things myself. All these things are necessary. I'm the only person who can do them well. And all these things are necessary to do. Now that is where you stack on the overwhelm. If you ever find yourself overwhelmed, I guarantee there's some kind of expectation that says everything must be done now. It must be done by you, it must be done perfectly, and it must absolutely be done only by you in this moment. And all of a sudden, you're overwhelmed. Right. It's like 50 different tasks, and you get overwhelmed by all of them, partially, as we'll talk about, because maybe you didn't organize those tasks or they became random. And you know what? The world's randomness can really throw off our game if we don't have a routine to meet them from a good place of being, a good presence, a good spirit. And if we think we have to do everything, we. That's where overwhelm comes in. And sometimes the reason, the one quick way to rid ourselves of overwhelm is to be honest about our schedule. Look at it and say, how much of this do I really need to do? You know, there's so many hundreds of tasks that you do each week that you really don't need to do. You convince yourself you have to. And now you're overwhelmed. You know, you convinced yourself you had to check Twitter, and now two days later, when that proposal is due, you're like, oh, I have no time. I never have any time. Well, yeah, but you spent 15 minutes on Twitter, and most things that you actually need to create don't take that long. It's just that you never sat down and did it. Does that make sense? Or some things you just convince yourself must be done. And maybe they don't, given your time and responsibilities. Right. Even things that we think we must absolutely do sometimes it's not true. I love to challenge people on this, and I constantly challenge myself on this. Let me give a great example. Yesterday, feeling completely overwhelmed, and I was just like, okay, yeah, I do feel overwhelmed. So I hope that that's okay. I hope it's okay for that. You feel it, too. I'm just trying to give you ways to manage it because we're all human. There's going to be days that happens. It just a flood comes of opportunities or obligations and it's like, ah, yesterday woke up pretty good day. By the end of the day, I found out, you know, probably in four or five different areas of business and life that there were all these outgoing expenses that had to be hand and they had to be handled immediately. So it's like, oh, okay, I got to sit down and do, you know, write the checks and approve this and approve that. Like, all this stuff that came suddenly, I didn't know that was going to happen. There's stuff going on at the house. There was stuff going on in some friends, relationships. There was all these things happening all at the same time, and it was overwhelming. And then I found out I also had to do a live event. And I was like, I forgot about it. I just absolutely forgot about it. I was like, oh, my gosh. So I come barreling down to the studio to shoot this interview, and I get down here and I'm feeling overwhelmed. And soon as I start feeling overwhelmed, I go, what can I take out that is not necessary? What am I willing to take out that even if it's necessary, I'm willing to pay the consequence later to make it easier now. And here's how simple this little example is. I pulled up, I'm supposed to pay parking, and, you know, to pay the parking meter is really slow here. And I thought, you know what? I'm not going to pay the marking meter. Now for some of you, that sounds crazy because you feel like, upset about, you know, getting a ticket. But I was like, I know I'm going to get a ticket. But right now with everything else going on, taking a few extra moments, a few extra minutes to get a parking ticket, not worth my time. It's just not worth it. I have too many other bigger fish to fry. I'm willing to deal with the consequences later of a parking ticket. I. I'm willing to gamble. Maybe I'll get the ticket, maybe I won't get the ticket. But guess what? I don't care. Now it seems like that's an obligation we're all supposed to do. Pay our parking or, you know, pay for our parking. I said, is that true, though? Is it truly necessary now? Is there a consequence to it? Of course. But think about how many things you think you have to do. Could you remove a few of those things? Are there a few things that you have to do that you could remove that will bring a consequence, but it's actually not that bad. I really want you to think about that. It's a difficult question I like to pose to Senior executives and companies often go down. I'll sit down with them and I'll look at their schedule with them, and we'll go through committee by committee, meeting by meeting, obligation by obligation of their entire business life, and we'll be going through it. And I've never been able to do this activity with somebody where I couldn't pull away 50% of it. And they're blown away. They can't believe it. They're like, no, Brennan, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't. You know, you don't understand this meeting. I got to do this meeting, Brennan, everything else. And I say, have you ever been laid off before? And they go, what? I say, have you ever been laid off before? And they go, well, no. Have you ever quit a job before? Yeah. Has anyone ever stepped in after you and handled stuff after you were gone? Yeah. So the organization kept going after you were gone. They go, yeah. I said, that's why you can miss this meeting. And they're absolutely blown away by this. They're like, what? I go, hey, look, man, it's our ego and it is our expectation that we have to do all things that made you commit to all these things on your schedule. But I promise, if you got laid off next week or you got fired next week, or you quit next week, you know what, it'll be a mess around here, maybe for a couple weeks, but then the stream of this organization continues on without you. Now, that sounds really flippant to say, but isn't it true? I mean, have you ever quit a job and the company just kept going on just fine? Have you ever stopped doing something that you used to always do and nobody even noticed you were gone? You weren't even like. It's not that you weren't insignificant, it's just that the world tends to carry on with or without us. You and I are both going to pass away and the universe will continue on. The city behind me will keep running every single day. You know what? You'll find somebody else to learn from. Like, everything will be fine. Everything will really be fine with or without us. It's that level of spirit that says not all things must involve us. You know, I've always realized that, you know, there's communities even in my business and industries that I used to be so involved with. Conferences, meetings, associations. I was so involved and I thought I had to do those things, but they were leading to so much of the overwhelm. I thought, maybe it's not true. Is it true you have to be doing all the obligations you're doing? I really want you to investigate that. Because sometimes to go to a bigger level, to climb up, we need to let go. You need to find what if you find yourself constantly overwhelmed, you need to find what is in your life that is not a true necessity. And you'll find that most things in your life aren't a true necessity. I don't know about you, but I've been bankrupt in my life. I used to think I had to have all these, you know, specific material comforts. I lost them all. I used to think I had to have all this certainty about the day I lost it all. I used to think I had to have a certain wardrobe or a certain computer or a certain thing. I lost it all. I've been there before. And you realize you'll carry on just fine. You'll carry on just fine. Will it be as comfortable or easy? Not always. But the only thing that's going to dictate that is how you show up. Isn't it true? So no matter what you're dealing with, if you got nothing or you got everything, you have a lot of necessity or no necessity. The only thing, the only individual differentiators. How are you going to show up? Really? How are you going to show up to. How have you been showing up to? The things that you do feel like are your obligations that you don't want to get rid of. Maybe you don't want to get rid of the kids. So you can either choose, okay, I'm going to keep getting overwhelmed and upset and showing up all fired up, or I'm going to adjust my approach into this thing that usually overwhelms me. You know what drives me crazy is when people tell me, you know, they complain about their commute to work. It drives me crazy. Oh, the commute today. Ah, this off. Ah. And they just. All this negative commute. Ah, they're so frustrated. Why? You work from home. The boss won't let me. Have you tried? Well, they won't let me. I say, you know what? Just stay home tomorrow, work from home. What? Just stay home tomorrow, work from home. See if they even notice you're gone. What? They go crazy. And of course, I'm teasing a little bit, but half the time I'm serious too, because. Let's just see. Stay home and work. See if the wheels fall off. See if you couldn't stay home, work, and prove to the boss that you can do it. Just try. Why not? What's the worst that could happen. They go, why didn't you come in today? Oh, you know, I got a full day of work in at my house. It seems like everything went well. Does that work for you? And if they say, no, it's okay. Go to work. But give it a try. See, you believe you have to go to work. Is it true? I think most of the things that we believe are true or fixed or certain in our life, they are not. And dealing with overwhelm is looking at things and saying, not necessary. I do that with my email. I wake up in the morning, and if I have a full plate, there's so much to me that says email is necessary. I must get in there. And then there's another part of me go, not true. Because what's going to happen if I don't reply to those emails today? I'll be there tomorrow. I'll handle them then. Well, what if you miss a couple emails, Brendan? I go, what if I miss a couple emails? Now, it might sound like I'm trying to cause a revolution in your life or cause a bunch of havoc. I'm not trying to do anything. What I would suggest is that you revisit what you think is absolutely necessary in the moments in which you're overwhelmed. Second part of the person who's upset commuting. If somebody complains every day about something that they do every day, what that tells me is that person is at a very low level of consciousness. They're not mindful of the fact that they should be changing their perspective toward that which they must do. If you got a commute every day, and it's true, it's needed, it is necessary, you don't get to complain about it more than twice. I'll give you the one time, I'll even empathize. The second time, I'm with you. The third time, you are assuming the role of bitcher and complainer. Forgive my language, but that's what you're doing. You're just bitching and moaning about something that you know you have to do. It's kind of like that old thing that we learned when we were kids. You know, you got to dig that ditch. So you should whistle while you work. Like, if you got to carry the pail, you got to carry in the logs, you got to chop the wood, you got to do it. So meet it with a great spirit. You know, as we teach at High Performance Academy, I know I'm going to see a lot of guys at our upcoming event in San Diego. Cannot wait to see you there. Well, you know, what we'll teach there is you have to learn to bring the joy to the things that you're doing that maybe you don't want to do right now. Maybe it's a challenge, maybe it's a frustration and you're just like, oh, man, Brendon, you don't understand. I don't want to do this. Well, first, I probably understand. And second, maybe you don't have to do it. And third, if I can't understand and you do have to do it, change your approach to the thing you are dealing with. I'm telling you, you should not be complaining about anything that you have to do on a recurring basis. Anything. Either a, stop doing it or B, change your attitude to doing it. Those are our only two options. And it's very, very important to let this sink in today. Even though I'm speaking to you very casually, you know, if I could sit down in a more structured coaching environment with you and walk through this, I think that would help. But since we're just live and we're just like this, please hear the depth of what I'm saying here. It's time to question what you think you have to be doing. It's time to look at things you do choose to do, ultimately things you do choose to do and meet them differently. If you're going to continue choosing to do them because everything you're doing in your life, you're choosing to do that person doing the commute, they're choosing they can stay home. Their consequences, they might get fired. But you know what, they might get fired. They're still making a choice. Even if you're a parent, you're still making a choice to be a parent. You know, the world is full of about half interested moms and dads or moms and dads who walked out on the kids. They made the choice to leave, you made the choice to stay. So if you made the choice to stay, stay, be positive, be vibrant, be in it because you made the choice. And it's really hard for us to allow ourselves to do that. I do that all the time. There are days, believe it or not, that I wake up and I think about the overall businesses that I've created, invested in or advise and support. And it's a big network of a lot of moving parts involving hundreds of people, tens of millions of dollars every single month. If you look across the businesses that we're working in, advising or supporting or coaching in, it is a lot. There's days I look at the call sheet I'm like, oh, my gosh. And there's days that things come up that completely freak me out. The only way that I can deal with that is to realize all of it. I chose all of it. I can choose to continue doing. And all of it, I can choose my attitude that I approach it with. That's a higher level of consciousness that you have to take on in your life. Look at the things you're like if you're driving the kids to work and then you gotta go run to the chiropractor, and then you gotta go do this little thing over there, and then you gotta go to, you know, run errands for work, and then you gotta, you know, come back and you gotta cook and you gotta do all these things. Don't ever get away from the fact that you are choosing those in the moment to do them. You could stop the car, you could quit, you could walk away. But if there's something in you saying, don't quit, don't walk away, stay in the game, then. Be in the game with good spirit, good flexibility, with the ability to support other people, be in it. You chose it. Don't forget that overwhelm is the ego going, me, me, me. I need attention and validation for everyone to know how hard this is. But you know what? I tell you all this, I say this all the time, and it's so difficult. And I know I'm talking to you guys a little different than I would my regular videos that are more rah, rah, but that's our job here in these monthly high performance sessions, is to just kind of get in there a little bit more. And I want you to get in there a little bit more. Own that energy you're bringing to things. You chose to be in it. If you chose to do it, be in it. Well, you deserve that. And if you don't, then the ego takes over and it says, you don't understand. Oh, my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed. And the more you tell yourself you're overwhelmed, the more you tell yourself you're overwhelmed. My favorite phrase and one of the critical beliefs that got me this far in my life is this belief I believe my ability to figure things out. It can be a hot mess where I can't even see the way out. It can be 100 activities, 400 calls, unbelievable obligations. You know, this important person is calling, this person thing is going on. I don't know how I can manage it all. And what I tell myself is, who do I think I am that I have to manage it all. I don't have to manage it all. I get to choose which of these moments, which of these things I'm going to manage. I also get to choose when I will manage them, and I also get to choose how I will manage them. And by giving myself that personal power, that recognition that we're in conscious control of who we are and what we're doing at all moments that we want to be, then I get through the day better. I look at it all and go, I don't know. Seems like a hot mess. I'll make it through. Look, you made it this far. If you're in a space in your life where you get to watch something like this, you can afford a program like this. You figured stuff out before. Stop getting so overwhelmed. You come a far way. Don't ever forget your strengths, your successes, your abilities to carry on and move through and make things happen because you made it happen so far. So when it feels all stacked against you, realize you stacked a lot of it yourself. When it feels all stacked against you, look at it and go, got through just equally as bad stuff before. When it's all stacked against you, go, okay, this is a challenge on my character to see how I meet this. How are my kids going to see me handle this like a crying little brat? Are they going to see me as an enthusiastic, competent adult saying, you know what, let's get this kids, you're setting the mark. You're the role model. Don't ever forget that. People around you are watching how you handle stuff. Now, I'm not saying you can't go in a room and have a few tears or a pint of ice cream once in a while when it goes all to hell. What I'm talking about is your overall life approach. What's it looking like from this place that you are in conscious control from this place is you choose your own attitude. Let's move on. How do you say no like a pro? I love this one. How do you say no like a pro? I'm going to keep this short and succinct for you because everything else is the excuses and the stories we tell ourselves. Here's how to say no like a pro. Say no. First. Almost all the overwhelm that we get into later on is something we should probably. You should have said no to the meeting, you should have said no to the travel, you should have said no to the obligation. But you felt like you had to do everything and they needed you and so you kind of succumb to that and said, oh, okay, I'll do it. And then later on you're like, man, I wish I never said yes to this. Now, two realities. I've had a lot of things that you look at sometimes in your life, like, oh, I can't believe I do this and you do it. And later on you're like, I'm glad I did that. So realize that sometimes those things that you think are overwhelming or a pain in the ass end up being things that are good for you. So there's a component trusting in your decisions in life, right? Yeah. Maybe you should have said no, but you didn't, so meet it well. Maybe you should have said no, but you didn't, so meet it well. Meet that moment well, Meet that obligation well, because maybe the universe gave you some reason, a spark, a hint, an intuition to say yes, and you said yes. And now it feels like a pain, but maybe there's something there. I kind of have this habit of walking into everything and looking for the serendipity. Walking into everything, looking for the coincidence, looking for the purpose, looking for the reason, looking for the blessing, looking for the positive. And you know what I was finding? I was fine. So to those things that are already on your plate you wish you said no to, I can't change that. What we can look to in the future is have an automatic no response. And that automatic no response comes after you've had some success in your life. When you're first starting out and you're hustling and you're trying to do everything, it's like a yes to everything. You know, it's like you just. You're trying to get going. You're trying to, you know, set your mark. You say, yes, yes, yes, yes, lots of things so you can figure out what the heck you do and what you like and where you can add value and you're going to. But as you have more obligation or you experience more of what you would call overwhelm or stress or those expectations that you have to do everything, as more of that feels like it's sort of piled onto your spirit, you need to develop that mechanism that after you've done what I said in the first point, really evaluated what's necessary, and the second point is to set up a protective mechanism. It's like, nope, nope, nope. Until I feel like I get my life a little bit more balanced or I meet these obligations, well, my plate is full, and it's a no automatically. You have to. At some point, the more busy you get in your Life, you have to make the case or have others make the case for why you should do something. And if you can't make the case and the case ends up at the very end, you saying, yes, absolutely, then it is a yes. Absolutely no, it is a no. In my company, as many of you know or probably have received at some point, you know, you asked me to do something. You get this stock reply that comes back, it says, sorry, I appreciate your last minute request here, but unfortunately my plate is entirely full and booked with obligations, partnerships, promotions, projects that were scheduled months and months ago, many of them years ago. So you're getting a little late to the party. And unfortunately I can't ignore the rest of the guests. So I wish you well on your project. I'm sure it'll turn out just great without me because everything you do does, Brendan. It's just no. The plate is full. And unless I absolutely can understand why to do it, it's a no. Say no first. And then here's a tough one. Say no unequivocally. Have you ever seen someone try to train a cat or a dog who sucks at it? The cat gets up and they go, hey, no, get off of there. Puts the cat on the floor, and the cat goes, hey, if I get on that counter, I'm getting some kisses here. So the cat keeps jumping up on the counter. I've never experienced this personally. I'm just saying, sometimes that happens, okay? And you're like, hey, hey, why is this training not working? It's not working because you're not saying no unequivocally. No is a no, and you have to give that to people. What you tend to probably do is someone says something, you know, I can't do that right now. And you think, that is a no. I can't do that right now. Is not a no. They hear, I can't do that right now. So they say, oh, okay, can you do it later? You know, and you got to go, a no is a no. And you have to frame it and say it with the strength that there is no question around it. When I tell somebody no, I do it unequivocally not because I'm so important, because they deserve that respect from you, not to waffle. They deserve to know what is a yes or a no so that they can continue their planning. I think a lot of people are so selfish in the way they turn down things because they don't turn it down with a flat absolute. It's not going to happen. And now this person Keeps this hope that you're going to come through for them. They don't plan the next step. They're waiting and counting on you to maybe have a little bit more time or a little bit more generosity. And their life doesn't continue because you didn't cut it off. I think it's very important in all of your decisions when you say no that the people around you know that it means no. If you need to add a qualifier, be careful. If you need to add a qualifier, be very specific. A qualifier is Sally, I'm sorry, I absolutely cannot do that or help you with that. Now, if you'd like to revisit with me on that in 90 days, that would be. Let's see. Okay, great. In 90 days you can come back. That's going to be June 1st. Okay, I'll see you. You can schedule if you want, but it's no. I don't even want to hear the conversation until June 1st. Okay. It's like that. Direct it. Just. No, just get it off your plate. The best way to use that is to give people dates. If there is any condition or qualifier to your no, give them a date, be specific about it and tell them to follow up. Then that way they'll back off. If they come to you in the meantime and say, sorry, I told you not till June 1st and you don't even have to have a conversation just like, sorry, not until June 1st. And that gives you the calendar is incredible weapon with no's. Use it to your advantage and say no. If you say no, give them a date. Finally, I think this is really important. When you say no, realize that saying no doesn't make you an ass. Your level of guilt to saying no is something you need to deal with if you aspire to higher levels of growth and contribution. If you want to make your great mark in the world, you're going to have to learn to turn down projects, you're going to learn to turn down people. And you're going to have to learn to do it with facility and ease and no guilt. I'm never guilty about saying no to one person because I understand. I serve a lot of people. Does that make sense? If you serve a lot of people, you must be very confident in saying no to one person. You got to get over this. Well, I'm going to hurt their feelings. No, you're going to cut off a tether and allow them to go free in the world so that they can go handle it with somebody else immediately. As soon as you say a no, Unequivocally, they know there's no option with you anymore. They can continue on with their life. It's very important. Now people say, well, Brendan, how do you say no to family, to friends, to people that you care about? Same rules apply. You might change your tone. The answers are still nos and you got to stick by them. Remember, they'll carry on just fine without you. Right. It's kind of like when you're first raising the kids. You feel like you got to be there every single moment. And then that one day you allow yourself out of the room to like go have a nap or go out and cook something for yourself or take a walk or a breather and you come back and they're still breathing. You're like, oh my God, they're still breathing. This is great. I could leave the room. Never forget, you are in the flow of this universe, a very passing particle. You're going to be here and then you're going to be gone. And the world will carry on without you. It's not something to say in some negative way. It's something that is just a spiritual truth. Things come and go. The thrust of the universe has changed. Things will adapt without you. People will adapt without you. So don't have so much ego that you have to handle it for them. You don't need to be the caretaker for everybody. Matter of fact, the more that you say no to people, the more they tend to develop self reliance. Ever find that true? Don't forget to say no. Next one. Finding calm amid the chaos when you know there's chaos, when you know there might be overwhelmed. Defining the calm begins way before it. Defining the calm begins in the morning. For me, it's in the shower in the morning. I always ask myself this question. What might come up today that might create chaos or conflict? And how could I meet that better? What energy could I bring in? What could I prepare for that? Right? It's like there's so many things and you know you have to be calm. You got to find your practices for that. The other day there was so much going on in our business, it was crazy. And I had one of those days where just more and more kind of as the day went by, it seemed to get away from me a little bit. And I was getting frustrated about it because I was feeling like I was getting behind and I wasn't managing things well. And I just felt myself getting really frustrated about it and I could sense it. So a, you should know what your feelings are at any given moment. Start Teaching yourself to know, oh, I feel crappy. No wonder I was mean to somebody. You should know that, you know, know your feelings. I felt frustrated. My lady was going to be coming home and I had about, I knew she was going home in about 40 minutes. So I was like, okay, I'm in a crappy mood right now. Now what do I do? Do I hope she fixes it? Do I hope it passes like a storm cloud? No. For me, I went and got an intense 20 minute workout in. Really intense. I literally, I felt frustrated and I had all these obligations, all these things causing overwhelm. I shut the laptop off, I turned the phone off. I went, put my sneakers on and I went and blasted it for 20 minutes. Kettlebell, jog, HIIT training real fast. 20 minutes. Just blew it out. All the frustration, all the stress, cut it all up and just went for it. Then did 10 minutes of a calming stretch. So full 30 minutes. And then I went, opened back everything else up again, had a nice drink of water, was working. My lady came home. Hey, babe, how's it going? I was the calmest guy on the planet. Sometimes you need to physically dispel all of that frustration, that challenge. So I hope you have your workout routine in place. The way to deal with chaos is to prep for it. Prep for it physically by making sure you're active and healthy. We have proven nothing more in neuroscience and positive psychology that the ability to deal with stress is absolutely tied to how much you're working out and how much you're moving. It's absolutely necessity. That one is a true necessity. You must be working out on a regular basis if you want to handle the challenges of life well. Second, calm comes from intent and breath. If you condition yourself well, you're just getting rid of stress consistently by your exercise, by your movement, then calm is going to come from your intent and your breath. If you look at something and you're like, oh, I can't stand this. This is awful. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. You're going to deal with the bad. There's not going to be calm and peace there. But if you look at it and say, this is something that I'm blessed to do even if I didn't choose it, it's been put in front of me, so I'm supposed to deal with it. I'm going to meet it from a place of peace and calm. I'm going to take a lot of breaths, in and out, and I'm going to be very Conscious of my breath as I'm dealing with it. A lot of people can't find peace or center because they never breathe. And I'm constantly checking into my breath, constantly when I'm driving, when I'm speaking, when I'm writing. There's no time. It's very rare that I lose a connection with my breath over a period of moments or hours. As an example, I never wake up and like, oh, I haven't breathed. You know, you're breathing anyway. You might as well be attentive and use it as a weapon. Deep diaphragmatic breaths on a consistent basis serve you so well. You'll see it in High performance Academy. You'll completely change your entire physical state and your mindset. You'll be able to learn more and do more and feel better in a span of four days than you felt in years. And people are like, you must be doing some ninja magic, voodoo, hypnosis or something. Nope. I'm having you breathe more often than you usually breathe. I'm having you move more often than you usually move. I'm having you interact more than you usually interact. And by those very simple actions, you gain all this energy. People leave after four days feeling unstoppable. And it's not for any specific reason that they couldn't accomplish at home outside of maybe hugging a lot of random people. Okay. Which you could probably do, too. Just don't get arrested. Number four, being present and vibrant even when you don't like your schedule comes down to a few things. One, conditioning. Two, intent. Three, breath. And four, here's my favorite one. Challenge. Challenge yourself. If there's something on that schedule and you're just like, oh, I hate that I have to do this. Hear yourself say, I don't like this, and challenge the other part of your brain, your soul, your spirit to go. So I'm going to bring it. There's serendipity going on all around you. There's positivity and blessings all around you. These people, out of 7 billion people, have been put in front of you, Whether it's your kids or your spouse, your team, those who you're serving, they're there. You are there. That is a cosmic, undeniable coincidence or higher calling, that of billions of people. There's your kid asking for you right now. Out of billions of people, there's your team looking up for you for an idea. Don't fail to meet that in that moment. Meet it with presence and vibrancy. Zoom in, get there. Cut off from all the other Chaos and everything else going in. Get mindful of the moment. Take lots of deep breaths so you can connect with your breath. Look around, notice, activate your senses. How does the table feel? What does the room look like? Notice the colors. Look around, notice your breath. Get absolutely in that moment with your full vital senses, and it'll bring your presence back. Let go of all the worry, the concern. Just decide to focus what's right in front of you. What's right now. Let it go. Doesn't matter. The last set you played doesn't matter. The last three days doesn't matter the flight over or how bad you feel. You're there. You're there to serve. There's a coincidence happening, there's positivity happening. There's things to be blessed about. It's magic right now. Tap into that magic. Even if you don't want to be there, tap into it. And the way that you tap into it is that you summon it. You say, I want this. I want to meet life with presence and vibrancy. It's my goal, it's my intention. Here we are. Let me see. Let me see if I can rise up to meet this. Because the challenge isn't that big. You've dealt with bigger things. Other people are dealing with bigger things. You can do this, get there, meet it with joy, presence, vibrancy, whatever you call it. For me, it's just about being fully present and vibrant. It's about bringing the joy, even if I don't want to be there. Because you know what? You're leaving an impression. And what's the impression you're leaving? A scattered, scared person who all bemoans and complains all the time. There's so much going on. A person who goes, you know what? Let's handle this. Let's get this done. Let's meet this well. Let's serve our mission. Let's never forget that we're role models. Other people are watching us. The kids are watching, the team's watching, the community's watching. Let's not forget how we show up matters, not just to them, but to us too. Because you know what? Show up bad. Deal with the small thing bad this time. Then when the big thing comes, your big moment comes. You won't have conditioned yourself to do it well. Dealing with all those small tasks and all those things you don't want to do with a positive mindset, with a belief that you can handle it. If it's not necessary, you'll remove it. If it's something that you didn't want to do, but you made the decision and you're there to be in with it. You know what that serves you to do to handle the next big thing even better. People say, brendan, how do you handle it all so well? I'm like, because I handle the little things so well on the way up to the big things. I've been conditioning myself my whole life for that moment in front of those 40 people, my whole life been prepping so that when my time came, I got myself where I needed to be. Even though it was a difficult challenge, even though it felt uphill, even though physically I did not feel well, I got there. Does it make sense? Get yourself there. You can do that. If you'll do that. Then all this overwhelm starts to go away a little bit and you get back control of your life, get back control of the energy of it all. You get to experience what we call the charge life. You get to have that higher levels of performance and contribution in your life that you deserve and the people around you deserve as well. I hope that serves you. I know I've gone a little bit over it y' all today. I appreciate your time, your energy, few distinctions, a little bit of motivation. You can go out there and live every single day in extraordinary, highly efficient, highly joyous, loving, connected life. You have to have the will to do it. You have to meet life's demands from a good attitude, from a place that knows you can handle it, from a place that is protective of your space. So you're saying no. You're knowing what's necessary. You're moving in a positive direction until next month. Go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly, make your difference today.

All right, my friend. I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up? Did you love it? If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself listening to it. Make sure you hashtag the Brendan show. Because when you do that, I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that in the social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to brendon.com monthly. That's brendon.com monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings.

Like you just heard.

But we do that every single month. And there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B r e n d o N show.

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