Building Trust

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and.

Welcome to a best of edition of the Brendan show.

These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes on online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world. Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and, and start practicing some of those high performance habits. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something I'm suggesting or motioning to or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategy that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do Q and A and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly that's brendon.com monthly B-R-E-N-O-N.com monthly to get deeper, deeper dive training similar to this.

So if you like this, you would.

Love that training program. But without further ado, let's jump in right now to one of the Brendon shows, best of trainings.

Everything that we're going to talk about today is something that I really am passionate about because it benefits both your career and your personal relationships. The people who you love, your spouse, your kids, the people in your community. It's like, you know, if we can't get this topic figured out that we're gonna talk about today, then almost everything is harder. And I know many of you have been in that place where you've like super struggled sometimes to connect with people, or you super struggled to make sales, or you struggled to introduce yourself, or you struggled to just feel as confident as you want to with other people. And I'm here to say it's actually easier than you think once you realize that we're all really trying to do the same thing with other people. And once you have intention in life, every initiative you take is so much more powerful. So today's big topic is something we're gonna talk about, which is how do you go about building trust with people? Now, obviously, this should be your intention, right? If you want to get anybody on your team, first you got to build trust with them. You want your kids to listen to you, you got to build trust. You want everybody else to come along with you, attend the party, come down, sit down, have a conversation at coffee, they got to trust you. And so this conversation today is just about some simple things you can do to achieve that. I'll share some high level things that make trust kind of go around, and then we'll break down exactly what you should be focused on and the intention you should enter with into your relationships. Now, obviously, the first thing here is, I guess one of the most basic things is this needs to be a greater attention for you, a greater focus for you. Too often you wander into social situations and you feel like, gosh, I hope I'm accepted here. And your mind plays a trick on you. The mind makes them selfish. The mind can tip into the ego where you're like, oh, do I fit in? Do they like me? And you forget, you're on a mission, baby. You got something to do in that relationship. You're not just sitting down to have coffee and have nice chatty chat conversation. You're sitting down to build trust. You're not just walking in to talk with your kid about their math project. You're sitting down to build trust so they feel connected with you so that they'll do their homework. Right? Building trust is the essence. It is the outcome that you are after in your social interactions. And because people don't often have that top of mind, they often don't build the relationships necessary to have the quality of life they want. Because Think about it. What's most often top of mind in new social situations? Our own insecurity, our own doubts, our own hopes to fit in, not to do. Hey, my to do in this social situation is to create connections in such a way that I've got trust and rapport with other people. So that if I want to connect more deeply with them, share something with them, sell something with them, they're more likely to engage with that because they get me, they trust me. And that's your job. So from now on, if I can give you any simple gift, you've got to go back into your social relationships with an outcome in mind, and I'm here to cheer you on. Your outcome is trust. And once you're aware of that, isn't it true you start asking different questions, you start paying attention to people, you say things differently. You just always need to have some type of framework when you go into social situations. Like, my first intention usually in my mind is joy. I want to have a good time. I want to connect. I want to enjoy this life because it's blessed and it is short. But I also realize all the joys and all the spoils of life come from our social relationships. So my second intention going into social relationships, A, have fun. B, trust. Let's build real relationships here. Let's build some trust. And so today I'd like to walk you through just a few items you can take down in your notes and think about. On this one, The first one isn't so much, I guess, as a tactic, as much as it's a reminder for you that ultimately the most important thing at all in everything of building trust with another human being is their overall sense and belief in your congruence. That is, you are who you say you are. You show up as that person consistently. If you said you're going to send that email to them, you send the email to them because you honor your word, you are consistent as a human being, meaning you're reliable, and you honor your word. This is the stuff of being congruent, right? And what happens these days, and one reason people might not trust folks is because we have a lot of people who aren't congruent with who they are. And I mean this in both a psychological sense, in the way they speak, but also in a spiritual sense or a self sense, meaning a lot of people, they're not being themselves, they're being somebody else. They're trying to project or portray who they think they should be so that other people like them. And because other People have such good radar, they can pick up on this and they're like, I don't know this person. Something seems off about them. And what often seems off about you is you're not fully engaged and present with yourself. You're not connected with yourself in a social situation. You're connected with maybe a fear, you're connected with maybe a concern, but you're not fully congruent with who you truly are. You're trying to be somebody so they like you versus being who you are to attract those who should connect with you. And so it begins with asking the hardest and most elemental question. Are you truly being yourself? And I know that's such a simple one that you would teach your high schooler, right? But if we looked at your life the last six months and we showed up and we followed you around, are you living in alignment with who you really desire to be? That's the question of congruence, right? It's a fancy word to ask, are you living in alignment with who you truly want to be? Like your deep down real sense of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, values, Are you living a congruent life? So when you show up, it's like, man, they just sense you and they don't feel like, oh, you're trying to be somebody else. It's you and they know it's you. Because people have a radar for fakeness today, right? They really do. They're just like, there's so much concerns about like, you know, fake everything, right? Whether it's fake news, fake food, you know, fake oils. Like people are concerned. People want authenticity. It's one of the reasons they love your company, right? That authenticity shows up in congruence. Like I would say authenticity showing up four or five times, that's called congruence. You know, it's like when you are like if they meet you on Monday, it's you again on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. If you promise something on Monday, you get it to them by end of day Monday. This is being congruent and truthful and authentic. And I think that while this is sort of a big fancy word, congruence, we know that when you're not congruent with who you really are, it increases your self doubt over the long term. We know that people who are more congruent with their values, their beliefs and their words have greater success in life and get rated higher on their levels of influence with their co workers, their peers and their customers. So if you are somebody who you just know that you kind of turn into somebody else when you meet somebody new, your job is to figure that stuff out and start challenging yourself to show up authentically again. Stop thinking you have to be somebody else for the world to love you. Because, listen, the reason you are doing that is because you just want permission or approval or sense of belonging. And those things are nice, but you don't need those for you to achieve and grow and contribute to your family. And what I mean by that is their permission or their approval of you is not required for you to make progress or for you to be who you are. What I mean by that is there's a lot of people who don't like me. There's a ton of people like, I don't like Brendan's style, I don't like his shirts, I don't like his stupid palm trees. You know, I get judged a million ways. But if you watch my videos on YouTube over the last decade, it's still me. I'm this annoying all the time because I don't have another version of me I'm trying to portray in the world. And that has made me successful in the ways I've wanted to be successful, right? My family knows who I am. You meet me in the airport, I'm the same guy on stage, maybe a little louder. But you know, for me, I think it's important to challenge ourselves, to be more congruent with the best of who we are. And I think that is a beautiful gift. When people get who you are and you honor your word, right? They can tell you are being you and you honor your word, everything changes. Next big thing is people trust experts. There's this thing about competence. When somebody gauges you as a competent, meaning you're informed, knowledgeable, capable. You have, you know, knowledge, skills, talents that allow you to do what you do. And it's on display, like they can see, like, oh, wow, this person knows what they are talking about. Everything shifts in that trust relationship, right? You got to think about your products. If you go in and you're talking about oils and the magic of all the other products you have, but they have a basic question about one of them and you're like, oh, I don't know, that doesn't make you look good. And people often think competence is about intelligence. And I'm like, no, most competence in the way in which you are judged with others is less about like natural talent or natural intelligence as it actually is, my friends, about preparation, you know, you just. If you're going in to sell Steve's, you gotta be able to go and sell it. You gotta be able to talk about it. If you're expounding about how the peppermint is your favorite thing, you better know some benefits of peppermint. I know it's so simple and straightforward, but here's what happened often. Listen, please, closely, because I'm going to challenge you on this because I'm your high performance coach. I know I have to remind you every month, it's like when I'm here, I was like, I'm not trying to be a know it all. I'm not trying to be hard on people sometimes, you know, if you're not challenged, what are we all doing together?

And my job is to challenge you as a leader.

And one way I want to do that is challenge something I know you probably do, and that is you don't want to show off, so you don't share as much as you really know, and that's hurting your sales. And I want to decouple some things here. Often when someone knows a lot, they have expertise in something. What's happened is they've shared it before with people that didn't want to hear it. And those people basically made fun of them or shut them down or said, shut up, I don't want to hear about that. And then they just stopped communicating. And you probably know a lot about your business, about your life, about the products, about what you're doing. But I'm here to tell you, you're not talking enough about it. You're not talking about the products enough. You're not talking about the details of, in which you know about the products. You are not talking about the process enough, the company enough about how great things really are. Because what you're doing is you're like almost apologizing that you are asking for somebody to join your team or buy your stuff. And I'm here to tell you in the area of your expertise, overdo it, right? If I sit down with Elon Musk and we're going to talk about Tesla, I want to geek out with him. I want him to tell me too much about Teslas and rockets, right? If you sit down with a Dalai Lama, you want him to talk about spirituality until he goes blue in the face. Like you want to be like, we want to be with people who have domain expertise. And you've got that right. Once you get to know the products, dork out, talk about them. Like, if you hang out with me, I'm a dork about human nature. I'm going to talk about human nature. I'm going to talk about high performance, productivity, influence, clarity. I'm going to talk about personal development until you're like, Brendan, everything. I'm going to get to know everything about your family. I'm going to talk about what's going on with them. I can't help it. I'm that annoying of a person. However, people also love that because they know that's my thing because remember I'm being congruent. And so they're like, oh, when you're congruent on something, you're passionate about something, people want you to talk about it. That your passion, your enthusiasm and your knowledge of your subject is the winning combination. But listen, you can have all the enthusiasm in the world but with no expertise, no trust. Lots of enthusiasm, lots of expertise. Boom. They want to hear from you. They want to talk with you. Man, it's so fun to talk with a nerd or a geek, right? I know people don't like that language usually like I don't want to be the nerd or the geek. But I'm like, no, you do. Because people love that. I love sitting down with people who are passionate about their topic. And I know nothing about it. I mean nothing about it. Last night I was talking with somebody who knew about production stuff. I had no idea what they're talking about. They do Internet like or I'm say they do like digital stuff for videos and movies. I have no idea how they do anything they're talking about but I was fascinated by it, absolutely fascinated by it. So I want to encourage you, go way deep, get competent in what you are doing.

All right my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up?

Did you love it?

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You know, just go out, post it.

Somewhere, post yourself listening to it, make sure you hashtag the Brendon show. Because when you do that I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that in the social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to brendan.com monthly. That's brendan.com monthly that's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard. But we do that every single month and, and there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode.

Of the B R e N D o N show. Sa.