Challenges of Authenticity

Hello my friends. I'm Brendon Burchard, host of the Brendon show and founder of growthday.com and I'm honored to be your high performance coach today. I believe that every day we can be inspired. We can live with intention and purpose. We can bring the joy and honor the struggles of each day to push ourselves to grow, to serve, to be a role model, to lead extraordinary lives. I believe that every day is a great day to grow. That's why I started my company, growthday.com it's an online personal growth platform where you can get me and the world's best personal development teachers live coaching you every week, sharing our wisdom, keeping you motivated and accountable, encouraging you to find the aliveness and the connection and meaning of life that we're all after. If you're not a member yet, please go sign up@growthday.com and join our huge worldwide community of achievers. For less than a dollar a day, you get the world's best teachers live every week. And look, you've probably known for a long time that you needed some expert guidance, an inspired community and life changing tools. So please, your breakthrough awaits you@growthday.com now let's get to today's episode. My friends, please listen closely. Maybe you take some notes so you remember these insights of personal growth and share this episode with three of your friends because we all have to share more positive messages in the world today. So share this with three friends just like you who are committed to their personal growth. And also be sure to tag me or DM me on Instagram. Rendon Burchard, Join our million plus community there on Instagram so I can say hi. Thanks again for listening. Now let's begin.

Does authenticity ever suck? Yeah, I think it probably does once in a while. Good question. I mean we, I think authenticity is so celebrated, right? Which it is. It should be. Be authentic, be real, be the true you. I mean, it is the oldest and best advice still in all of I think life philosophy, personal development, psychology, neuroscience, happiness studies, you name it. It all comes down to be yourself. And that's so critical in a world where it's just constantly threatening for us unless we conform. That when the world wants to make something of you that you're really not, that's when we feel pressure, that's when we feel tyranny, that's when we feel oppressed. That's when you feel so frustrated and trapped in other people's expectations and rules. That's an awful place to be in. So I think that's the best advice ever. Be yourself. My father, who I lost to leukemia, as many of you guys know, in 2009, that was his advice to us. Be yourself. And I love that. It's still. It's what made my whole career, my whole success with that's happening. Because they know that I'm just doing this. You know, I don't have a script, I don't have notes. It just. I get the question. I go, I have the note. I talk, you know, whatever it is. And so here it is. I think this idea, though, that authenticity is always a good thing. Some people take it in a weird direction, right? Be authentic. And authenticity is such a buzzword. Some people use it as an excuse to be socially rude. You know, well, I'm just telling you. I'm just being real and telling you how I feel. You're like, no, you're being an ass. There's a difference between being real and authentic and being an ass. And I think that's really important to realize, isn't it true, like, authenticity. You want to know how people really are. You want to know what they really think, what they really feel when they act. You want them to know that's their true intentions and true actions. Not doing it from manipulative bases, right? We want to know. It's like, oh, that's really who they are. But it's just like, you know what some might say, well, you know, who I am is I'm someone who doesn't take a shower. And they show up at your house stinking, and they show up all around stinking. And at some point you're like, yep, that's genuine. That's authentic. You stink. But come on, there's also social appropriateness. I mean, look, we live on a planet with 7 billion other people. I mean, a lot of people, it would be authentic for them to say very, very rude things to people, to point out someone's weakness. Isn't that being real? Right. When someone is weak and hurting to comment on it. Well, I feel my natural inclination. What's genuine for me is that, you know, you suck at this. We could dash a lot of dreams by being super authentic and genuine all the time. I mean, there is this thing called social intelligence. The idea that we can support and inspire other people, that we can also be kind, compassionate, empathetic human beings. Right? Could you imagine if someone has lost their parent and you're like, well, you know, when I lost my parent, didn't mean much to me. Because if you had that situation where you had a bad parent and you didn't have a relationship with them. And you could say, sure. You could say that. Be genuine for you. It didn't mean anything to me. Don't know why you're crying. That would be genuine for you. But it could destroy them. It could be so rude to them. So there is that appropriate thing. And I hate the word appropriate in general, but I think it's important when we start talking about the power of authenticity, it's like, yes, be genuine. Be truthful. Be you. And also be compassionate to other people. Recognize that other people might not have the same journey, the same feelings, and the same reality as you. And if you can understand that, then you'll know, well, what is appropriate to share and not to share. And if you think about it, some of the greatest conflicts you've had in your life is when you said what was true for you. But someone said, well, that's not what's true for me. They had a different interpretation. So you battled. And it's not that they weren't being authentic and you weren't being authentic. It's that we interpret things different. We have different values, different meanings. And so if your authenticity is this, well, this is just the way I am, and you push yourself to the world, and it's kind of a little bit immature that other people are also doing their best to be themselves, and we have to be honoring and respectful of that. So I think authenticity only really fails when we fail to realize and to accept other people and to be compassionate to other people, to never allow our authenticity or our genuineness to be rude or discourteous. Because I also think we have a lot of people right now. I mean, I don't know about you, but our culture has gotten incredibly critical, incredibly rude. And those people would say, well, I'm just being genuine with my feelings. No, you're being an ass. And let's learn the difference so that we can all be honoring and respecting of each other while we maintain our own individuality and authenticity.

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I would say the second place that authenticity gets in the way of our lives is when we define who we are and we stick to to it and we stop evolving and growing. People say this all the time, well, that's just the way I am. And they say it with a great medal of pride after they've done something maybe wrong or after they've done something that wasn't appropriate to the social context they were in, well, that's just the way I am. Or they say like, well, that's not authentic to me and what the reality is, it's a challenge to them. It would require them to go outside their comfort zones. A lot of people use genuineness or authenticity as a shield, as a mask, as a thing that would prevent them from developing and learning, attaining new skills and competencies. And so it's an excuse. Well, I just don't like that. Well, how do you know you don't like that? Have you tried it? Well, yes, I tried it when I was 9 years old and I didn't like it then. Well, maybe it was authentic for you as a nine year old, but you're an adult now. Could we give it a try again? You know, it's like, come on, if you are stuck in your life because you are so proud of who you are, maybe it's time to explore who you could be. Maybe it's time to explore, gosh, could I learn some new thoughts? Could I develop some different senses of feeling and presence? Could I learn some new behaviors that maybe would have pushed me outside my comfort zone where I don't feel like that's me. But look, every great growth that ever happened from every great person, they were required to do things that they didn't want to do in order to attain their mastery, in order to attain their degree, in order to attain their greatness. Look I never wanted. If I went back to my younger self, I was terrified of speaking. Public speaking terrified me. Like it terrifies most of the public. I mean, you know, I would be. If I had to present something in class in like middle school and high school, I was terrified. But after my car accident, after I realized that we all get second chances in life and I wanted to share that message, I thought, you know, if I want to share a message that inspires the world, I'm going to have to become a different person. And I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean, that is, we have stages of our own development. I mean, I hope that you're a lot different today as you were when you were 18. If not, unless you're 19. I know you're still at it, but I mean, come on, if you're the same person, if you haven't developed any new ideas, any new skills, any new abilities, any new interests, any new relationships in the last decade, then you're not growing. Don't fool yourself. You're not being authentic, you're being fearful. And there's a big difference between the two. And I had to do that myself. So I'm not challenging here. It was the same thing for me. I say, okay. Back then it would have been easy to say, well, I'm just not a public speaker. You know, it's just real for me that that's uncomfortable. It's just real for me that I'm not good at this. I wasn't born with that. So it's not going to be a talent. No, no, no, no. Don't fool yourself. Everything we have learned in talent development is that it is about focus, it is about discipline, it is about hard effort and habit over and over and over again until those things that we find uncomfortable become comfortable. We learn to gain a confidence in things that are uncomfortable because we know we will figure it out. And if you're not willing, it's like if you can look at your dreams, sometimes to achieve those dreams, you got to become the next level of you to get there. And if you're just like, well, that's not my style, that's not who I am. I'm so authentic in my bubble of competency and reality today, then I worry for you and it's time to have a different mindset. As we learn from positive psychology, there's.

Two ways to approach the world.

A fixed mindset and a growth mindset. And that growth mindset allows you to push through your own self labels to say, who Would I have to become to deserve that dream? Who would I have to become to move toward that dream that is real for me, that is authentic, that is in line with my values, but is allowing myself to stretch myself to go there? Because if you won't stretch yourself, your concept of yourself, your own boundaries of belief and behavior, you're never going to reach that next level of success. And I know that's not nice to say because I'm the inspiring guy on YouTube, but let's be honest with ourselves. Sometimes we limit our own definition of ourselves and we call it authentic and real and genuine and what we are is scared. And we need to look at ourselves and say, okay, let's go to the next level. What's it going to take? What new thing would I have to develop? What new part of me would I have to find? I had to find the communicator within. It was there. I never saw it before, but I knew if I'm going to deserve this dream of making a difference, if I'm going to get to follow my passion to be a writer and to be a trainer, I'm going to have to teach myself to do those things. I mean, if I want to reach the world, those things are important to me. I better learn them. Even though that's not me now, I would never have said I'm going to be the YouTube guy. You know, I never met 30 million people watched my videos in the last 12 months. I never thought that would happen. It happened because I said, you know, years ago, this is important. This medium could be important for me to serve and to make my difference in the world. So I'm going to challenge the style and the person who I am that says I can't do this and I'll.

Become the person who can.

It's that important to me. I hope that you'll follow that same idea in your own life because the real you is a much stronger you than you probably ever anticipate.

Okay, my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the brendon show. Tell some people about this episode. It's on each of us to spread positivity and empowerment during these times of chaos and negativity.

Right?

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Because believe it or not, that stuff actually really does help. And I read all of them. So my last thought for today Please remember you are stronger than you think and the future holds good things for you. Tomorrow can be an inspired day. Every new morning is a second chance. Every day is a great day to grow, but we're thankful to have you here in the Growth Day community, so be sure to go deeper with us@growthday.com. Sam.