Do the Work, Become Your Best Self

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the brendon show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes on online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world. Or these might be some of my monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits with. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in these special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something that I'm suggesting or motioning to or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategy that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I try on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do q and a and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendon.com monthly. That's brendon.com monthly B-R-E-N-O-N.com monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this. So if you like this, you would love that training program. But without further ado, let's jump in right now to one of the brendon show's best of trainings.

This week. It's all about self mastery. It's about getting into your head and figuring out how can you be specifically more confident, focused in what you're about in your life? You know, I talk to people all the time. They tell me, brendan, if I just had these two things, I think my life would change. And I often say, what are they? And almost always they come back to saying, gosh, if I was more motivated and more driven every day, you know, if I could just stay focused because I was more motivated about things, everything would change. And then they also say if I was just more confident, you know, if I was more confident, I'd express myself more, I would push myself more. I would, you know, try to go get that new job or walk up to that person I've wanted to meet. I'd extend myself into the world in a bigger way. You know, this is one of my favorite topics because I used to be a very unconfident kid, if that's an actual word. And I mean, I didn't have the confidence that I knew I needed to live the quality of life I wanted my life. I was scared to talk to girls at the time. I was scared to put myself out there and walk up to groups of people and associate with them and social search social situations. I was scared to express myself in my classes in college. I remember that it took a long time to find my confidence, but now I can wear shirts like this. I mean, you gotta be confident to wear a picnic table cover. I mean, I'm telling you what, we're gonna have some fun in this confidence and how you feel about your life. Self mastery should be fun. This should be a joyous journey for you, no matter what you've been through in your life. Because as I'm going to share with you later on with confidence, at some point there's got to be a demarcation line in your life where we're now at today. And the emotions we felt about ourself yesterday don't matter anymore. And that is a big ask for a lot of people because they're carrying in their own self esteem from their history versus saying what are the emotional needs of my life today? How do I need to feel about myself today if I'm going to achieve the things that are important to me, regardless of how I felt before? Hey, look, I felt really crappy about myself in high school. That is not relevant today. It has nothing to do with who I am and what's important to me today. And if you've got negative insecurities or thoughts or beliefs that are carrying on decade after decade or Year after year. It's just because you haven't had that deck demarcation line yet where you said, you know what? Okay, today's a new day. Who should I be? How should I start showing up so I can set up new beliefs and behaviors in my mind to become the person I know I'm capable of being? I don't really care in my life. I'm very not interested in people's decades of recurring thoughts and beliefs and behaviors as much as some other trainers are. And I don't discount those things. Look, I'm not here saying what happened to you in your past is not important or the things that happened to you in your past weren't meaningful or painful or important in any way. What I am here to say is that all those things come back to this moment, to a decision on your behalf about who you want to be now. You know, even all the great therapeutic work that we have out there, and if you've ever been in my training programs, I tell people all the time, go talk to psychologists, go go see a psychiatrist, go see a professional. I'm not any of those. I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a neuroscientist, I'm not anything that ends in ist. As far as I know, I'm just a guy sharing my journeys as well as sharing the best practices I've learned from some of the world's most remarkable and high achieving people. And what I can share with you about all this experience, having blessed, literally trained millions of people, now millions of people, and see millions of comments and work one on one with some of the highest achievers in the world. I can share with you. They're very into self mastery. They're into this great belief and this great understanding. The greatest personal power that we have is the ability to take back our focus from the immediate impulses that come up to us that might be fear driven or insecure or feeling of, you know, scared or feeling of guilt or feeling of any what we might call a negative behavior or negative feeling and saying, you know what? I don't want to feel that right now. Right now what I need to focus on is this right now where I need to bring my attention and my awareness right now. I need to be mindful to these things, not things that happened five years ago. And if you take all the great therapeutic work, every effort that even a psychologist or psychiatrist has is the same. And that is even if they journey into your background, into your history, into the negative or unresolved feelings from the Past. Even if they do that work, you know what their job is and they'll tell you this. Their job is ultimately to bring you right back to today. To finally make better, healthier decisions for yourself, to enact better behaviors and habits for yourself. So that no matter what, we start to find out in self mastery, especially getting control of our confidence in our mind, that look what you've been through. Hey, you could go and you could wade through the territory of the past as much as you want, but at some point you have to pull yourself out of the muck, stand in today and say, how do I want to show up now? Regardless of the good and the bad. Look, we got a lot of people out there who also would love to live their high school glory days. You know the football star who just can't get out of the football high school game and he's a 40 year old dude and he's still talking about the glory days of the senior year. It's like people hold onto the past for good and negative reasons. Some people live the glory days, some people live the dark days. Over and over and over. My invitation to this world of self mastery is to say, welcome to today. Who do you want to be? How would you like to show up? What thoughts are you now going to start conditioning in your mind to give you more confidence and joy and happiness today? Regardless of yesterday? Once you know your purpose, once you know how your interactions are supposed to be, once you know who you are, many of you gave yourself three words to describe yourself. You gave yourself other words to describe your interactions. You know the questions you're going to ask, you know what's important to you, you know what major projects you want to work in your life. When you got more clarity about who you are, how you want to interact with other people and how you want to serve, you start to have a little more confidence. See, it's usually in uncertainty that people start to lack confidence. They don't know who they are anymore and so they feel unconfident. Well, if you don't know who you are anymore, it's not because you're going to wake up and suddenly discover who you are. No, you need to do the work, start doing the work, and then you wake up and say, I got a little more clarity about who I am. When you got more clarity about who you are, something magical happens. You're able to start showing up into situations as who you are. I know that sounds so simple, but so many people, they walk into a networking event, they don't know who they are, they don't know how they feel about themselves. And they feel very lacking in confidence. And it's because they're lacking in clarity in that moment. They don't know who they're supposed to be. Does that make sense? Have you ever been there? Like you went to a friend's party and you didn't know how you're supposed to be? Or you were dating somebody and you met their parents and you didn't know how you were supposed to be? How committed to show who you and that person were together? Because did they know the whole story? Did they not know the whole story? It's usually when we don't know who we're supposed to be that we lack the confidence. But what if, in your mind, you decided who you are going to be so that despite the circumstance, despite the chaos, despite the people involved, that you knew who you were going to show up as? I have no question who I'm going to show up as. In pretty much every situation I go into, I know without question I'm going to force myself to engage in a situation. I know without question I'm going to force myself to bring the joy, to amplify my energy. And I know without question I'm going to inspire some people or make them laugh or make them engage. There's no question that each day I'm going to live, I'm going to love, I'm going to matter. And because there is no question about those things, I've got clarity. Because I've got that level of clarity. I've got that level of confidence. So if you feel like what we've covered so far is just too abstract or in any way you think it's too fundamental, let me share with you the very simple truth that any psychologist would agree with. And that's your next level of psychological confidence comes from your next level of clarity and commitment to who you really are, to how you want to interact with other people, and to what you want your days to be about, to what you want to do, how you want to serve. I'm going to say those three things again. When you get more clarity about who you are, about how you want to interact with other people and about what you want to do, you'll have more confidence. The second piece here, it's so vital for people is that they've got to master their conduct. Your conduct is. Your conduct is. How are you showing up? Now, I know that's so basic, but you can know who you're supposed to be. But if you don't show that, right? Your behavior. If your behavior isn't there, then we're screwed and your conduct is no more. The most important thing in your conduct is that element of confidence. Does the way that you are expressing yourself now reveal a confident person? Yes or no? Does the way that you are expressing yourself now reveal a confident person? If it doesn't, then choose to be more confident. You say, I don't understand. How do I do that? Well, how would you stand if you were more confident? How would you breathe if you were more confident? How would you gesture, move and talk? So bring in the non verbal elements of confidence once you know mentally how to be clear and confident. The second thing is now demonstrate it. Show it to the world, right? Talk that way, move that way, interact that way. And at first, that next level of confidence to people, often it feels like you're like being egoic or it feels like you're forcing it. And in some ways that's where that old saying in self help came from. You know, fake it until you make it. That we kind of have to live into our ideal. Now, I'm personally against that statement of fake it till you make it. I don't want you to fake anything. I want you to amplify the best within you that is needed in that moment to demonstrate what is necessary for that moment. So if you need to have confidence, then generate confidence. Don't be like, I hope I go in that networking meeting and I feel confident today. Because you're not. No more than you will feel energized or happy over the long term, you generate confidence. So stand, move, think. I mean, before you go into that networking meeting, go into the bathroom, close the stall door, close your eyes and think, okay, how would I move, talk and feel right now if I was my best self? How would I do it if I was going to walk in that room like I was my highest self, my strongest, best, most confident self, how would I go enter that room? How would I talk to people? What would be my outcome before I left that room and then go make it happen. Even if you step on yourself, even if you feel stupid and awkward. Look, part of confidence is learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable, right? I'm totally cool that I'm gonna rumble and bumble into something. Like, I didn't know exactly what I was gonna teach right here in the session other than I was gonna talk to you about the conduct. But I know I'm gonna trust my ability to show up and just serve. I'll trust Even if I'm rumbling and bumbling, it's a hot mess. I'm gonna trust in myself. Real confidence comes from the trust in oneself. You trust yourself. Look, maybe I'll be a fool, but you know what? I'll be a fool and I'll have fun at it. You know what? I'll be a fool and I'll learn from being a fool. But you got to demonstrate your conduct. Has to be another level of confidence. So challenge yourself. Would you do that just today? Just say, I'm going to challenge myself. That throughout the rest of this day and all day tomorrow and throughout the rest of the week, I'm going to be more confident. I might not know how, but I know if I can get more clear about who I am and how I want my interactions to go and what I want to do, I'll start feeling more confident. So let me base my days each day. Let me get clear about those three things. Okay, great. Now when I show into a situation, I'm going to just. I'm going to stand and I'm going to walk in there like I'm confident. Just act like doesn't matter that you doesn't feel right yet. Because what happens is over a period of time, you have to conduct yourself, or what we often call behave yourself into your highest self. It's not good enough to just imagine your highest self. It's challenge yourself to conduct yourself that way. Right? If you know what your ideal character is, challenge yourself to be that person. And enough time, over and over, with enough habit and force and will and consistency, that character starts to be shaped and forged like a great sword, right? Suddenly you hammer that thing down over and over. Suddenly your character has been molded into what you wanted it to be, because that's what happens. Confidence is something again, you have. You're molding it. You're constantly generating it and creating it. Create the character who you want to be. Imagine who is it I want to be and start being into that, living into it. At first, no change ever, ever, ever feels easy or right and for many people, even authentic. And that's okay. It really is. And it sounds crazy for me to say that the guy who's always preaching authenticity. But the reality is, when you first make a change, everything feels awkward, right? If you walk into a new martial arts studio and you've been doing judo your whole life, and all of a sudden you walk into Taekwondo, it's awkward. It's weird. You know, it's something you want to do, but it's just it's different. It's a shift, it's a shape. And until you do it over a bunch of sessions, it doesn't feel natural or even authentic way to move your body. But enough habit and routine, it becomes automatic. It becomes you. So give yourself that trust and ability. Show up more confident and just trust. Doing that enough times, you'll start to feel it, even if it doesn't feel quite right. Show up that way over and over and over and over again. Extend your highest self into those situations. Extend full engagement into that situation. And then one day you'll be like, weird. I used to be uncomfortable in rooms like this. I used to be terrified to meet a celebrity or a billionaire or a fancy person. I always call all my friends, I say, I met a fancy person. I'm from Montana. We don't know many fancy people. Now I meet a fancy, I don't even think about it. It literally isn't even a thing for me. It's just like, oh, hey, how are you? Because I put myself into the context. See, placing yourself into the context of the things that you fear over a period of time, you stop fearing those things anymore because you've been in the context, you've mastered it, you're good. Same thing applies to your confidence.

All right, my friend. I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up? Did you love it? If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself listening to it. Make sure you hashtag thebrendon show. Because when you do that, I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and posting that on the social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people, we send them gifts, autograph books, swag, T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you let us know, share what you thought about this episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to Brendan.com monthly. That's Brendan.com monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard. But we do that every single month and there's some live Q and A there and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R E N D O N show.