From Fear to Courage

Hey my friends, it's Brendon Burchard and welcome to a best of edition of the Brendon show. These best of episodes feature training that I have done live, sometimes on online to tens of thousands of people or live on stage where I was speaking on some stages across the world.

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Monthly training programs and highlights of those that I do every single month with our monthly students. So I know you're gonna really enjoy these because these are a little bit more of a deep dive look at some of my training as a personal and professional development trainer. You know, I focus so much on helping you find that deeper level of motivation and start practicing some of those high performance habits. Well, you hear me talk about many of those concepts in special episodes here. These are my best of trainings only and exclusively right here on the Brendon show. So I hope you enjoyed them. Please note that as you hear me speak in many of these, you'll hear me reference something because sometimes I'll have been training live or on video or on stage or through a broadcast. So you might not be able to see something I'm suggesting or motioning tool or maybe even drawing out on a flip chart or motioning towards on a presentation, but you'll get the gist of it. So make sure you bust out your journal. Take some good notes here because this is really valuable insights on the mindset or the strategies that you need to adopt in order to improve your life. And if you want to go and get more content like this, but much more deeper and have more of an interactive relationship with me in this type of training, make sure you join our high performance monthly training program. That's our monthly subscription program where I go live with you and our high performance students every single month and I train on a new topic or a new piece of research that we've created from the high performance institute and I train on that and then I do Q and A and actual live coaching, interactive coaching with people every single month. That's called high performance monthly and you can Access it at brendan.com monthly that's brendon.com monthly B-R-E-N-O-N.com monthly to get deeper dive training similar to this.

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What are the secrets of the world's most successful high achieving, influential, happy, fulfilled, awesome human beings? We what can we learn from how they think, how they behave, how they interact with other people, and how they stand out to build the life of their dreams? So let me jump right into where I think the basis of the problem is for people who are dealing with sort of a sustained fear that is preventing them from starting their own business or going to the next level and seeking a promotion to their company, or approaching the person they love, or confronting the person who's been challenging them, hurting them, or, or finally starting that hobby or that goal or that dream that they've always wanted to do, but something was pulling them back and they weren't sure exactly what that was. We're going to talk about that today. I think the number one challenge that people have in overcoming their fear is right here. It's not that they're not smart, capable, incredible people. It's that in their lifetime they've never really had the opportunity or had someone tell them or coach them or mentor them on this very important idea in gaining greater confidence, greater sense of self, higher self esteem in life. And it's something most people never do because they're on this treadmill of the next achievement. They're on the treadmill of just dealing with the stress, trying to make it through the day. And they never take the time to do this. And this is to integrate their success. What ends up happening is we go throughout life and as we achieve one thing to another to another, another, as soon as we hit one sort of plateau, we're already looking to that next mountaintop to climb, right? We're already like, wow, we climbed up, we did great, let's go to the next one. And we're always ushering forward. And very few people take time to sit down and contemplate what they've just done in achieving something. See, I would venture to say, and I would bet if you and I sat down, there's a lot of things in your life that you have achieved, or there's a lot of things that you've broken through on, or a lot of things that you've accomplished or become that you never really gave yourself full credit for. I mean, what you never did, you never integrated that success into your identity as a human being, right? You might have felt good, like a short term, maybe you even went out and you had some beers or some champagne, or you went out with some friends to celebrate. Maybe you took a little vacation to give yourself a pat on the back. But then you are right back at it and you didn't allow that success to actually Enter into your identity. So here's what we have. We have very high achieving people all around the world with low self esteems. What's up with that? They never quite make it in the top 2%, right? They're successful. They might be in the top 10%, but remember the definition of top 2% as we've been talking about is successful, influential and fulfilled. Right. There's a well being component to what we've been talking about in the top 2%. It also includes the world's healthiest people and happiest people. And when we get into this top 2%, here's what we see over and over and over again. They have a strong sense about themselves. They're good with themselves, if you will. They have a real authentic confidence. And that confidence doesn't come from one day they woke up and just said, I'm going to be confident. It's because they've done a little bit of work on themselves of thinking about their past and what they've overcome. They know their stories of struggle and they've said, you know what, good for me, you know, I had these challenges and I went out and I learned the best I could. I got some mentors. Gosh, I struggled, man. You know, I slept on couches or I went bankrupt or you know, I just spent four or five years really busting my ass and then one day I made it. And they honor themselves for that work. See a lot of people, they never feel enough. Even as they climb the corporate ladder, even as they reach that next six figures of income, even as they become more and more well known and famous. If you're just, you never sensed a high enough self esteem or you feel like you don't have enough confidence in your life, it's not because you need to go out and do more things. I'm sorry to be the person to tell you that if that's what you think it is, it's like, well, Brendan, I'll feel better about myself when I make my next million or buy the new house or I'll feel better when she says yes or he says yes or that thing goes through. You're fooling yourself because I bet you've already been through things before that you didn't integrate your success. You're just going to get more successes. But if you don't take the time to really integrate them into your identity as a human being and the only way to do that is through contemplative journaling, then we're just going to be back on the treadmill again, I know that maybe sometimes amidst all the craziness in the next day, you forgot to sit down at night and say, man, did good today. You know, we all need to give ourselves a little bit more of a pat on the back as we're going. Not out of ego, not out of, you know, this is not about integrating false success. This is about integrating genuine successes. The wins, even if they're small wins. And, and you know this too, if you're somebody who's led other people, you know how vital it is that you stop amidst the project management, amidst that next project you're going to roll out, you stop the team and say, hey guys, look at what we did here. You know what we should, you know what we should really celebrate? You guys are doing important work. You know, as a team, you're making a difference as a team. You pulled through. I'm proud of you. See, leaders are often very good at saying I'm proud of you to their team and they forget to do it to themselves. And it's no wonder we have so many leaders who burn out, who never achieve the level of success they could have achieved because they just didn't believe it in themselves yet. So I hope that you'll take this to heart. I hope you pause the program at some point, write down all those things you've overcome, all those things you've achieved, all those things that you've learned, all the reasons you're a better person today than you were a year, five years ago, a decade ago, several decades ago. You're a better person today. I honor you for that. Why not honor yourself for that? The second idea I want to share with you today is that people often, it's so funny. The only thing is, you know, as we've heard, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And that's what people really do, right? They genuinely have fear about fear. I'm scared to be scared. Like what? But they often don't understand the actual mechanics of what fear is at a mental level and a spiritual level, outside of the physical impulse of fear. And here's what I mean by that. Look, just so you know, most fear that you think you feel is not fear. And it's hard to tell somebody that. But from a psychological perspective, if you actually look at our evolution as human beings, most of what is real fear, authentic, genuine fear, those are the physical impulses that come up that are all about self preservation and safety, right? That's when the lion is chasing us. We're supposed to feel that high level of anxiety that cortisol is supposed to shoot in, that unbelievable amount of adrenaline supposed to pump through our body, supposed to run like hell, right? That's what real fear is. It's a physical impulse for self preservation and safety, right? Most of what we actually think we experience as fear today. Guess what? We're the ones humans, we're the ones unique of all the species who bastardized that physical impulse and made it about the ego. We took it from something that's self preservation and safety for the physical body. And we're the ones who applied that fear to worry about our identity and our ego in this social space, right? Most fear that we actually have is not fear. And I know it's controversial when I say this, but if you actually think about it, and as I work with clients over and over and over again, we're able to decode their fear really fast and realize that's not really fear they're dealing with. Most fear is most often three kinds of worry. And there's a vast difference between real fear and worry. And most fear is just contemplative worry. It's a negative recurring cycle of worrying something so that we spin ourselves into over outright high anxiety that we might associate and feel. That is fear. Does that make sense? But there's a big difference between that mental thing going on and this physical thing going on.

Travis, I just ran in one place.

That's pretty funny. Okay, so it really does happen, right? It really does happen that it's just worry. So what do I mean, three kinds of worry? Most fear comes down to three kinds of worry. And if you will, if you want to call it fear, that's fine. But it's fear of specific kinds of pain. We worry we're going to experience three kinds of pain. And that's what the real issue is mentally. Once we discover these three kinds of worry or three kinds of pain that we're so scared of, boom, we can turn that sucker around and reorient our mindset to be more healthy and productive. The first kind of worry that we have that makes us feel fearful or high anxiety or highly stressed about something is what we call a fear or concern or worry about loss pain. If I take this new action or I do this new thing, I will lose something that is important to me, right? If I quit my job, well, then I'm going to lose my connection with my co workers who I really love. If I quit smoking, well, I'm going to lose that smoking break that I love, that gives me peace and sanity throughout the day. If I quit eating these terrible things that are my comfort foods, then I'm going to feel a high level of anxiety. I'm not going to feel satisfied. I'm not going to feel happy with my diet. I'm not going to. I'm going to lose the foods I love. I don't want to lose the foods. Go on a diet. I don't want to lose the foods I love. Have you had the chocolate cake? Right. It's like we totally freak out that we're going to lose something. The way to change that is to analyze will we really lose something for real and what is there that we will gain? Because there's a flip side to that, right? You're right. You might lose something, but what would you gain by changing that thing? You have to flip it in your mind. I'm not saying avoid that maybe you will lose something, but is that loss a greater effect in your life than the gain? I think that what most people do, just like they focus too much on their failures and they don't integrate success, they also focus too much on what they might lose versus what they might gain. The second kind of worry that we often have is what I call process pain. Process pain is to make any change in our life. We often have to go through the struggle and the challenge of new learning or new ways of behaving. It's just the process of change is difficult, Right? It might bring hardship or uncertainty or things we don't like. And that process pain is like, oh my gosh, if I'm gonna quit my job, I gotta create a resume. I gotta go online and find something else to do. I gotta actually look at my life and figure out what am I really about, what do I want to do with myself. I have to accept the fact that maybe I've been doing something that wasn't right for me. That will make me feel uncomfortable, right? Oh, gosh, the process of quitting smoking, that's going to be so horrible. I'm going to get the shakes, I'm going to sweat, I'm going to smell. I'm probably going to eat 50 pounds of meat every day to overcompensate. I'm going to start sucking on weird things throughout the day. People might think I'm weird. It's like we go through all this process pain. We also think, oh gosh, go on a diet. I'm going to have to stop at the grocery store more often. I'm going to have to learn to cook new foods. We Talk about all these things. The struggle it's going to be to change. That's called process, worry, process pain. Well, what could you do to enjoy the process of change? See, we're flipping on its head again. What could you do to enjoy it? Well, gosh, if you're going to quit your job, you know, to go do something else, enjoy that process of finding what's right for you. Enjoy the process of interviewing other people and asking, how did you figure out what you're going to do with your life? If you're going to quit smoking, how can you do it in a way that you enjoy that process? Right. How can you do it with some other people who might cheer you on? How can you do it in a way that the kids are involved? How can you do it in a way in which you just feel good about what you're doing? Because maybe you're supplementing with activity and moving your body again. What about diet, exercise? Well, that's easy, too. It's like, you're right. I'm going to have to learn to cook some new foods. Maybe I'll learn to cook some new foods with my spouse. Maybe we'll get healthy together. Maybe that process, I can make it easier on myself and have some things delivered to the house. Maybe, you know, I can get somebody else involved. Maybe I can take some cooking classes, maybe. Right? You can do all these things to make it better. So if you're going to do a change, think about, yes. What are the hardships that that change might bring? I don't want to not be at least factual, but let's also ask, how could we enjoy this? Then fear becomes something that you realize is just a contemplative column of ideas. Like usually if we have fear, we're just focusing on all the negative and we didn't focus on the positive. What about the last kind of pain? Well, that last kind of worry, that thing we think we fear or have high anxiety or stress about, is what I call outcome pain. Outcome pain is, well, maybe, maybe we finally achieve that thing, right? We break through and we as we're thinking about, well, maybe I'll make it. Maybe I'll make it happen. Maybe I'll get the outcome I want to. But what if it's not as good as it was over here? What if it's not greener on the other side of the fence? What if I go through all this struggle to find a new job and that new job isn't as good as this job? What if I go through all that Struggle to quit smoking and only pick up some other bad habit? Or what if I go through all this challenge of learning to cook new things and starting this exercise routine, but I don't lose the weight? So we start fearing what's going to happen on that other side of all that struggle and hardship. Even if we get it right, what if I lose all that weight but my spouse is still fat and I'm not attracted to them anymore and I got to do something with that. That's real, right? We all have those concerns. Like you have to think about, well, what do I. But you have to say, okay, yes, there could be some outcome pain, but again, where could there be some outcome joy fulfillment from going through that process? If this just sounds like, you know, turning things on its head for positive thinking, well, you're right, it really is. Because isn't most fear asking the question what if? And following it by a negative statement? Right? Asking the phrase I should say what if? What if I lose these things I care about? What if it's too hard for me? What if it doesn't turn out well? That's what fear really is. It's asking the phrase what if? Following it by a negative statement. I'm encouraging you to be bold enough to ask, well, what if? And follow it by something positive. What if I gain all these new things? What if I enjoy this process? What if I finally get what I always wanted and I get to enjoy it and to stew on those things? Because most fear is just stewing on the negative. Why can't we choose to turn that? Now, I know you know this, but I've told you at the outset of top 2% is. I'm hoping that maybe some of these things become more common practice in your life. But you also start to use these things to influence the people that surround you. Your kids, your spouse, your team members. Is there somebody in your life who might need to hear those three designations? Might need to think differently? I hope there is and I hope you help.

All right, my friend, I hope that you enjoyed that best of episode. Was that inspiring? Were you fired up? Did you love it? If you did, make sure you do me a favor, go out on social media somewhere and share that episode. Just go out, post it somewhere, post yourself, listening to it. Make sure you hashtag the brendanshow. Because when you do that, I can look you up and we can find you on Instagram and post that on social media. And sometimes we do all expense paid trips to people we find. We just randomly select people we send them gifts, autograph books, swag T shirts, all expense paid trips to some of my seminars. So make sure you you let us.

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Episode out there on the social media worlds and then we can find you and celebrate you. And also I would love to invite you to join us in our high performance monthly program. So just go to Brendan.com monthly. That's Brendan.com monthly. That's where we do deeper dive trainings like you just heard. But we do that every single month. And there's some live Q and A, there's and I do some giveaways and we give students in that monthly program tickets to my seminars and some extra special training on leadership. So make sure you check it out@brendon.com monthly. I appreciate you being part of this community of so many people dedicated to finding that deeper drive of motivation and practicing high performance habits so that they can become extraordinary in their careers. In your personal life, in your health, you can live an extraordinary quality of life. And sometimes you just need a little bit more training and a little bit more nudge, a little more energy, a little bit more drive and consistency. And I'm hoping that being part of this community with the Brendon show, I'm providing that to you in some way. So thank you, my friend, for listening. I look forward to seeing you or listening with you on the next episode of the B R e N D O N show.

Sam.