How to Achieve Success Without Burnout

Foreign.

The challenge and the stretching is the payoff in the moment. It's not the status, the accolade, the bank account later. Those things are great. Those things are like wonderful external validations. But internally, your soul is just saying, am I growing? Am I pushing myself right now? And when it is, it's joyful only if it's pushing yourself in a sustainable and harmonious way where you actually feel the fulfillment. You got to set the mindset right to win the day every morning, every. If it takes us encouraging and cheering you on, or you got to run laps around the house or do your 10 pushups, drink that coffee. You got to start your day off in a good place, and you got to protect that. You got to work for it. You got to strive for that. And what better way to start with me and Jamie Kern Lima every morning of the weekdays. Jamie, good morning.

Good morning. Happy growth day.

Happy growth day.

Good morning, everyone.

What a great week we've had about talking about mindset. How is your mindset today, James?

So powerful. My mindset is grateful. My mindset is grateful. I am. You know, as we grow in life, one of the things that I think is Oprah always says, when we learn a lesson, if we don't really learn it the first time, it comes back again. And then it comes back again in our life, right? And it comes back again.

True.

So many of us like not to just get TMI in the morning, but, like, we've dated a guy that didn't treat us well. Whatever. Whatever it is, right? If we don't do things differently, it comes back again. And it comes. Or a friend, or it could be anything, Right? And so I am in a space where, like, you are also right now, so much going on. And I have been in that before, and I have done it the wrong way before, meaning I was just in survival mode, not feeling the day, not getting joy. So I am in the midst of challenging myself to grow and to do it differently this time. So I don't relearn the same lesson as Oprah would say again and look back and say, oh, that was amazing, but I didn't enjoy it, you know? And I think when we go through times that are tough, right? Like all morning, I'm getting legal stuff popping up. This, that, like, all the stuff that's the not fun part. So the event's coming up Monday, and there's so much amazingness happening, but with every amazing speaker, there's all these details, the admin stuff behind the scenes right of the track and this and that, all the things, the speaker agreement, all the stuff. And it can get so much. And that's the part that's not fun. And instead of worrying or focusing or magnifying just all the stuff to do, I'm like, you know what? How blessed am I to spend this morning with Brendan, with so many people, part of the growth day community, talking about mindset. I'm going to do it differently.

Because you know what? She learned because she learned that. And we all learned this and we learned it multiple times in our lives, right? That striving and stressing yourself out, or let's say a better phrase, building with burnout is not fulfilling. And it might get you somewhere amazing. You know, it's why all these social media stars are always like, hustle, grit, give away your twenties. Just work and never enjoy life because one day it'll be all worth it. It's like, actually no, what you did is you just taught yourself incredibly hard to reverse habits of burning yourself out, not feeling the day, lacking presence. Why is it the mindfulness movement is perpetuated and begun by 40 and 50 year olds? Because they learned that they didn't enjoy it. They didn't feel passionate, they didn't feel their heart. Oh, yes, no. But they're passionate and they're burning themselves out. I'm like, actually no, they're hurting their long term success, joy, fulfillment. And that's not my opinion or all of the research and science shows it. You can achieve long term success and have well being and positive relationships the whole time.

Yeah, the whole time.

And this idea that you have to compromise, that is our zero sum world. And I just, I don't vibe with that. That's not my mindset, y'.

All.

I'm like, enjoy life and do what you love and work hard and those exist together.

Yes. And the other thing is so many people that go through those, like, tough years. Like, I'll never forget this. The years of building at Cosmetics, right, where we had groups and we could finally afford to start hiring people. But nothing was glamorous. We ran out of space. It was so much. And like we, if we had a big FedEx box or UPS box, that would be the welcome desk for the new employee. Like, it was just, we were outgrowing our space. And at the time, at the time there was a lot of chatter of like, this is so hard. It's so much. We're wearing so many hats. And now I'm super close friends with every one of those people that helped me in the Beginning grow. Even, like the first 50 employees, they all look back at the most, like, with the most fond memories that it was their favorite time ever. They wish it could be now, like it was then. And so it's just a reminder to me that even in those hard, scrappy times, like, even then, even when stuff. Because stuff was not going my way then, and every day there was a fire to put out or another rejection I got or another no. And, you know, a lot of the days were like, how are we going to make payroll? There was. There was a lot of hard times. Yet now all the entrepreneurs right now.

Are going, yep, I get it. Because it's every entrepreneur ever trying to make payroll, trying to figure it out, trying to deal with team, trying to scale, trying to make the money. Like, yeah, you all know it.

And how do you find, you know, the joy in the moment, even in those moments? And it's everyone that was part of those moments with me now thinks of them as the most fond part of their whole journey. Right. And so I just think it's important because when we're in it, sometimes it's hard to see. And, you know, all week I'm doing.

The challenge is the payoff.

Yeah, yeah.

The challenge and the stretching is the payoff in the moment. It's not the status, the accolade, the bank account later. Those things are great. Those things are like wonderful external validations. But internally, your soul is just saying, am I growing? Am I pushing myself right now? And when it is, it's joyful. Only if it's pushing yourself in a sustainable and harmonious way where you actually feel the fulfillment of it all.

Yeah.

I think that's the magic.

And it doesn't mean it's going to be perfect. It doesn't mean you're going to do it perfectly. Like, maybe tmi, but we're all family at this point. And the Growth Day morning show. First time in my life, no joke this week because I'm working so hard. I don't know if you ever use natural deodorant, Brendon, but I've been wearing natural deodorant for a couple years now. It's great. Everything. It stopped working this week. I'm like, no, something's wrong. It's not working. And I don't know if it's just because there's so much going on or all the stress or all this stuff. So I asked a few of my girlfriends. They're like, oh, yeah, natural deodorant never works for me. I'm like, it's been working for me for a long time. It's not working this week. So I'm like, all right, you know what? I'm going to just get secret. I got secret from the hotel lobby, the secret deodorant. I'm like, you got to do what you got to do sometimes. Doesn't mean everything's going perfect, but at the end of the day, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm not even going to let the natural deodorant take me down. Not this week. Brendan, you're like, I don't know if I'm going to come speak now.

Listen, I live my whole life around people who are stressed, and I definitely experience my fair, fair share of it all.

And.

And what I've realized is, you know, everyone's busy in their own way. Everyone's trying. You know, you're staying at home with your kids, your family. Right now, you're really trying. And if you're starting your new business, you're really trying. And if you're trying to scale the business, you're really trying. Like, people who watch Growth Day, like this membership, this community, if you're new, welcome. We love you. Like, people who dedicate themselves to personal development, they're trying, and they tend to be trying harder than most anybody else around them. And with that, trying is just try to pull up from suffering or that trying is just trying to break through the next level.

They're.

They're putting it in, man. And those are. They get it. They understand the morning sweats, the night sweats, the exhaustion. They understand needing that next cup of boost or coffee or, you know, ask. They text me, should I take the sixth pill of Optimize today?

Or something?

Like, no, don't you just like, no, it's just like, you know what you have to do. Instead of figuring all the gimmicks, you figure out a more sustainable way. And that more sustainable way. Right. Because right now, and I'm sorry to use your metaphor, but right now, like, the natural deodorant that did work months ago was because you're in a more sustainable season.

Yeah.

Right now, you're unsustainable. Like, you can't keep doing this.

Right.

And everyone who's pushing, really, I can't keep doing what I'm doing right now. As we're scaling Growth Day, the way are Jamie and are in what we all call a launch window.

Right?

The launch window is you got a huge project coming up, deadline is imminent, you're understaffed, under sourced Freaking out. The boss is at you or the customers at you or their team or the partners are at you and you are. It's imminent, that launch window. That's when it's not always, that's just not sustainable. Those hours, that time and everything. And your body shows it to you, it smells worse. Your body, it doesn't sleep as well. Your body shows it to your heart is like, ah. Like, that's why I'm always telling people don't like, launch windows are fine, but know when it starts, when it stops. Communicate to everybody. This is my intense season. This is super bowl for us. This is super hard for me. Please support me, Please be aware. I'm going to be a psycho during this little time right here. But I promise you, it ends. It ends. Those who fail and hate the success journey, they never have ends to their launch window. The launch window is 20, 30, 40 years and then they're just like blown out, you know, So I think it's just knowing the sustainability of being busy and working, really fine tuning it to allow for these moments like she's talking about. We used to, you all know we did eight events a year and if you've ever thrown a wedding, imagine throwing, imagine throwing those for 2,000 people each time. It's an unbelievable amount of hard work and team coordination and people movement and. But I'm telling you what the mindset is. I'm going to find a sustainable way to strive in my life. I'm going to find the way to feel the day. And I wanted to kick out a new mindset for them today. We talked about the role model mindset, we've talked about the enthusiasm type mindset, we've talked about all these different today. I'd love to throw this one out for you. And people usually don't love this one. So I'd really love your take on it, Jamie. I believe that high performers and successful people have an assertive mindset, that they are assertive individuals. Jamie shared yesterday how these people had rejected her time and time again. But she still, still walked up to the table, still made the pitch later on, say, time's different, I'm different, this is your time, right? Like speaking up for yourself, having the impulse inside and the desire and the drive inside to say, you know what? I have worth. My efforts matter. I have something to stand up for here and I'm going to use my words, I'm going to use my actions, I'm going to speak up for myself and I'm going to have that forward lean to be assertive to achieve my dreams versus apathetic, which is waiting and hoping and just chilling that maybe one day, you know, the door opens and the light comes in, or one day the lottery is won. It's like every high performer, they have this. They're assertive. They're not controlling. They're not, you know, they're not dominating other people. That's what people go, I don't want to be assertive with other people because they might not like that. I'm get over it. Realize assertive is a forward lean aggression in a positive way towards your dreams. It's being, it's being moving forward. It doesn't mean aggression toward others. That's what people fear. They think assertive is aggression towards others and they don't want to be inappropriate. Assertiveness to me is daily action that is proactive and that is vocal and expressive towards your dreams. But that's my take. What's your take?

Yeah, I love that. One thing I want to say about that too is you can be assertive and still be an introvert. You don't have to be an extrovert because a lot of people think like, oh, I'm intro, you know, introverted. I'm not that way. I can't just like walk into a room and you know all those things. And I think like in real life, Oprah talks about how she's an introvert in real life, which surprises people because when you see someone on television all the time, I'm such an introvert in real life. And you know what I mean? And so like, like, you know, Brent, when we're sitting all with a group of people around the table, like, I just love to listen. And I love to. You know what I mean? Like, I love to listen. Go ahead, go ahead.

I went to her house the first and we're meeting up to talk about this book, actually, which is crazy. So this must have been a year plus ago or something. I don't even remember what that was.

A year and a half ago. Over a year and a half ago.

Okay, so she was just working on Believe It. Her book comes out next week called Believe It. And I went to her house and I've just had such a blessing in my life to be around so many amazing people. And most of them you meet are very, actually humble and quiet when you first meet them. They're very thoughtful. And we're working. We probably only spent like 15 minutes together. And I'm just watching her and I've been paying attention to how she was thinking and what she'd said the previous day. And I just stopped and I go, you're a weapon, aren't you? Remember that? And I told you you were a weapon and underestimated. I was like, people underestimate you all the time. You're like a weapon, huh? And do you remember that?

I remember that. Yeah. I remember that.

And I'm like, go out and gobble up this book. I just could. I could tell that whatever next for Jamie Kerr and Lima. People had no clue the tidal wave coming at them. That is Jamie. I just, they didn't know it, you know?

You know, though, you've never. Look, you've never underestimated me. You don't underestimate people. But I think, which is very rare because most people that do meet me definitely underestimate me. And I think also this is true of anyone out there who's even just kind or, or grateful. They're easy to. And they're easy to be underestimated. Anyone who's introverted, right? Because when we go into a room, I'm like, usually I'm the quietest person in the room and easy to underestimate. Someone who's an introvert and all that. I just want to call this out because I know we got a lot of introverts here in Growth Day. And by the way, I love me some extroverts. Like, like, so when I go to parties, Brendon, I will bring some of my friends that I know are extroverted because it takes all the pressure off me. We can, you know, because a lot of people at parties, you don't know everyone. Everyone, you know, does chit chat. I don't even know how to do chit chat. Like, I don't like, like I don't even know what to say unless it's like, you know, you know, I'll ask someone else about them. That's what I do the whole time. But when I bring an extroverted friend, especially if it's like a big once. Once l' Oreal acquired it cosmetics, I started getting invited to all the big Oscar parties. And I'd never been to stuff like that before. And so I bring an extroverted friend and then I'm so golden because they'll just. They could talk about anything and they love it. And for extroverts, it fills their tank. Like it fills them up when they're able to just like, you know, command the room and be on. And for me, it fills my cup when I'm able To listen to other people, and it's so different. But if you're an extrovert right now or an introvert, I don't believe one or the other, you know, increases your chances of being a weapon, as Brendan would say. I don't think one or the other increases your chances of making an impact on the world or serving at the highest level. Just want to shout out to all the introverts this morning.

I love that. I love that. I think that is a great reminder, a totally great reminder that you can be an introvert. Like, people never believe me. Jamie, I am on all the psychological. I've taken dozens. I mean, I've taken almost all the psychological tests you can because of my career. I'm right down the middle of introvert and extrovert, and people never believe me. And I'd go, well, introversion and extroversion is not you. Like, that's a psychological framework that was created by people who were writing and who are interested in studying human behavior. But it's not an actual. To me, I actually do not believe that it should be considered or conversation. Have a conversation as a specific overall trait. Because what it does is it limits people. Just like a fixed mindset. Well, I'm an. I'm an extrovert, so I can only do that. Or I'm introvert. What you should do, in my opinion, having coached a lot of people, is what's helpful for people is to go, oh, there are certain situations that require me to deploy this part of myself.

Right.

Like when I'm on stage jumping around. Yeah, you would think, oh, he must be the most. I'm like, oh, no, that's me too. Yes, you too. You're like, chart. That's a situation that requires full expression in order to serve.

Yeah.

You have to ask what is called. Like, I always tell people, stop worrying so much about your strengths or your preferences or your traits and ask what is required of me to serve here? Yeah, you know, like, if you like new parents, their tendency and traits aren't to get up at three in the morning and to neglect their sleep for four weeks to care for. No, that's like. That is part of the deal, man. Like, there's just parts of things that you have to rise up and become and grow into. I was the worst communicator. Worst. And I hated it. I was so awkward around women, which is what originally, like, got me to go. I want to. I want to learn to talk to people. And I wanted to. You know, I was reading all these personal Development books about making a difference. I was like, I guess if I'm going to make a difference, I have to learn to talk to people. So I read all these communication books. I ended up getting a master's degree in it. Like, I really studied because I sucked at that. And I just feel like this is such a great. I thank you for taking us there. I think that's so good. Reminding. Assertive doesn't mean you're an extrovert. Assertive to me means action and expression. Yeah, action, expression. Do you speak up for and take consistent action towards your dreams versus apathetic is waiting and complaining.

Yeah.

You know, I think when I hear someone complain, my first question is usually not, you know, oh, woe is me. It's more of like, okay, tell me where, where did you communicate there? Did you share there? Did you take the action there? And trying to learn and put people back in that personal responsibility mode of personal development of going, oh, right, I don't like this, but it did so that I take an action to improve or to learn or to grow or to ask. And I think you're an incredibly assertive person. How did you develop that?

Yeah, I just knew that the fear. Well, first of all, self doubt, but also the fear of failure. It holds everyone back. And I just embraced this mindset that I'm not going to be afraid to fail. I'm not going to be afraid of rejection. I'm more afraid of looking back and going, oh, what if? Or you know what I mean? I'm more afraid of that than I am a failure. And right now I'm more afraid of, you know, one quote you say that is so powerful and maybe you'll see it better than I will if you could just share with everyone. Because there'll be people right now that need to hear this. But you talk about. You have a quote that says something about when you get to the end of your life, the worst thing that could happen is if you look back and say, wow, I forgot to enjoy it. Right. Well, you say it actually exactly how it is. And then just one. And then I have one thing to share about that. Do you remember exactly.

Okay, yeah. The framing of that was the only. I was talking about fear. I said, the only man I fear is the person looking back to me in the mirror at the end of my life and saying, you forgot to enjoy it.

Yeah.

And I just know you're going to look back at yourself in the mirror and you're going to contemplate the last 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, God bless. 70, 80, 100 years. And that older, more mature, wiser, having lived through a lot, person wants to impart to you. Calm yourself down, enjoy the ride, stand up for yourself, do what you care about, really love other people around you because that's all that's left at the end. Please enjoy this. And you know, for those who've been here with us a long time, and we have a lot of people here who face their death multiple times or have had a near death experience or something like that, I've thought I was going to die twice in my life and that's. It didn't take two. The first time I got it, it was like knocked in my head. I was like, okay, live, love matter. I want to live my life. I want to love, I want to make a difference. And if I can do those things proactively versus hoping I end up that way, then I'm architecting a legacy, I'm architecting a life versus just taking what life throws at me.

Yeah, I think that's so good. I'm in a hotel room right now, so I'm not home, but I have that quote you said and saved it because it's so powerful. And it's like right now I'm in a place where I fear that more than being assertive and failing and rejection. Right. I fear not enjoying it now. Right. I fear not enjoying it now. So that's why I'm like, okay. And you know, to tie it kind of all in together with assertion. I think for people that are more introverted, when you do, you're going to have to take care of yourself in a different way after you have an assertive moment. Meaning sometimes people that just are super extroverted to go back to that term, but can just ask, like they can just go after something, make an ask, make a pitch, whatever they're doing, show up at the school, drop off and go talk with all the other moms. For some people, that fills them up. And for other people that are more introverted, when you're assertive, the important part is then also to take care of yourself afterwards. You might need a little bit more time to recover, a little bit more time to do self care, a little bit more time to maybe not look at your phone for a couple hours. And for me being introverted and all that, I knew to pull this event off, I'm going to risk failure, I'm going to risk rejection, I'm going to call up a lot of people, some of them I just met this year. And say, hey, would you show up on my stage and speak? Right? So as you know this story, Brendan, but like, when I was a waitress working at Denny's, I'd save my tip money to buy Tony Robbins personal power tapes, right? So I had to be assertive this last month, reach out to him and say, hey, Tony, will you speak live on my stage for an hour? And by the way, for free. And by the way, we're donating everything on the data charity. And Right. But so doing that was like, I risked rejection. I risk. And I did that for you. I asked you, Brendan, Mel Robbins, Robin Roberts from Good Morning America, Victoria. I mean, I could go on the list of speakers is incredible. But it was. But to do that, I had to have a mindset of, okay, I'm going to be assertive and I'm going to risk rejection, risk all those things. And I'd rather. And then after making those asks, like, no joke, Brendon, you've seen me do this before. At the end of the day, I'm inside my barefoot dreams love blanket, like, curled up, just trying to, like, okay, okay, okay. And trying to restore, right? Trying to restore. Making sure I do morning walks. Sometimes it's the simple things. I just want to call this out because a lot of people go, oh, you know, if you're so assertive all the time and you're someone that typically is an introvert, that alone can burn you out, too. So make that call out too, to take care of yourself in the midst of this mindset.

So good. So good, Jamie. Like a huge distinction. Huge distinction. Because there is this worry that if I assert myself, I'm going to exhaust myself or hurt others. And I'm like, oh, that's no, that's a depletion strategy. Like, assertion is a building strategy. It's an expansive strategy. It's saying, oh, I care enough about the things that are important to me to move them forward and to move them forward in ways that might require a little courage. Right. I think you're saying that in effect of what you were talking about earlier of like, you want to make this contribution so much, this difference so much, you're willing to step outside of your comfort zone to do it. And what I love to tell people is the good news is your comfort zone expands where being assertive at some point, you know, when you first do it, it's like hitting the gym for the first time. You know, planning, preparation, discipline, persistence. All these things super suck. They're terrible. The first 10 rounds, they feel like the fight of your life, you know, but then on your 20th fight, you step in the ring and you're like, this is who. I just naturally respond to things this way. You train yourself to be assertive. You don't ask, am I like that? I didn't ask, can I make a difference? Because I'm a great communicator. I go, oh, no, I want to make a difference. So I have to train myself to be like that. I think if everyone took that part of themselves offline that says, well, I'm not like that, so I can't.

Yeah.

And instead they adopt the mentality of like, oh, to be like that or to achieve that or to serve in that way. I'm gonna have to grow into this person. I'm gonna grow into these skills. That's the mastery mindset.

Right.

It's like, I will grow into what I must become in order to have what I want and serve the way I dream. You just, you have to assert that it's not, it doesn't land. Skill sets don't land on you. You build them like a muscle.

Yeah, I love that so much. And I love when you share how you weren't a good communicator. Right. Because again, everyone knows you now as being the communicator, the person that Oprah and her teams hire to help them. The person that trains all these people all over the world. Right. And I just, I think you're exactly right that sometimes we think like, oh, I don't have that skill set, that's not me. And we almost put a label on ourselves or we think that we, you know, don't. We aren't able to do that one day. And it's like for you to share that you were the worst communicator, that you weren't a good communicator. Just like how you just took ownership of it and decided, oh, here's what I need to learn to make the impact I want to have. And then put in all the hard.

Work like that and also have totally reasonable and self care expectations. So what I said, and here's how I did it, I said, I. By the time I. So I set the goal to be a good communicator. For me, that meant being able to stand in front of my classroom in college, I was scared to talk like that. And I didn't be like, I'm going to be Martin Luther King by the end of semester one. I said, by the time I leave here, I have four years here. By the time I leave here, I will be a phenomenal expert. Unbelievable. Great communicator. I gave myself four years because I had a lot to overcome. I was like, okay, I'm terrible at this, but I really believe anybody can develop any great competency or skill if they practice sort of high performance learning, which is what I was learning about at that time, to go a little faster. So for those who have high performance habits, read the chapter on productivity, and there's 10 things that high performance learning allows you to. You learn skills, you develop competency way faster than other people. And so. But for me, I gave four full years. I said, I will practice every day. Every. My college rug was worn out in a circle because I would walk around practicing talking out loud. I would read my.

Did you have a roommate?

I didn't at that time. Not at that time. I was like, a second have been.

Like, I'm out of here.

I was like, no. I was working three jobs and I was like, I can't handle a roommate. It was so much work. I really did. I just. I would walk around with quote books, inspirational quote books, and I would read them like people read, you know, fiction books, just about. But I'd read them walking around in this circle. Just learned my voice and learn how to enunciate and learn bigger words because I didn't know big words. Anyway, I hope you all adopt the assertive mindset this is today with Jamie. The future definitely holds good things for you. Every day you can change your attitude, show up with a better mindset. Every day is a good day to grow.