How to Be More Assertive

Don't finish a Friday without an email going out or a voice message going out with a bold request. Find that person on LinkedIn, email them, DM them, message them. You think, oh, no, no, no, I need to wait until I have a million followers. I need to wait until I have a hundred thousand downloads. I need to wait until we hit 5 million. I need to wait until we hit 50 employees. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Now, make the bold requests now, because later is perennial. Make those bolder requests sooner, faster, get in it. Successful people are assertive people. Assertiveness. Assertiveness. Again, psychologists, you might think of this like personal agency, but I don't like just the personal agency because it's an idea, it's a philosophy, and it's a theory. The way that real personal agency is manifested into the world is a forward lean, an assertiveness, a take it on ness, a do the workness. That is what it looks like. That's what it's going to take. Another level of assertiveness where you don't avoid anymore. You approach, you assert your real thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, dreams into the world. When there's a problem, you assert yourself, say there's a problem. When there's a goal, you assert yourself, say, we have a goal. When someone messes up, you assert yourself, say, I need to give you some feedback. That's what it means. And so many people have lost that forward edge of assertiveness. So the whole time they're staying silent. The whole time they're being private. The whole time, they I'll bring it up with her later. And later becomes the cage. I'll address the problem later. That's the cage. I'll do the thing later. I'll build the thing later. I'll invest in it later. I'll do it. I'll join it. I'll make it happen later. And later becomes perennial. You plant the ground. Listen, you plant that seed of later in your life. It just keeps springing up all the time. It's like that flower bed that never goes dead in your brain. Later, later. Cause you know what? Later looks like Flowers. Later is comfortable. Later is the comfortable life. The comfortable life looks real pretty. But then when the comfortable life is no longer joyful, it's because there's a bed of roses out front. Your big house called Later. And over and over and over again, you keep watering the later. And soon you over water the later. And those flowers become weeds and they take the house. And that's what a lot of people do. They don't make the decision. They don't move. They don't take action. Even knowing when they know they need to do it. And what mostly, I would say the most impressive people I know, it's like, you don't know about this. Jamie Kern Lima, let me tell you what. She's incredibly assertive. She will come up with an idea. She's asked me to do things or ask me to be part. No one's ever asked me before. And I'm like, ooh. Sometimes I go, that was pretty direct. And then my high performance brain go kicks in. I'm like, that's awesome. Oh, my God, Jamie, that's awesome. Shoot. No one's ever asked me that before, ever. My entire life. You know what she asked at this event? You know, she asked at the event. She's like, can I have four hours on stage? Do you know how many people I've had on this stage in 15 years? Remember some of you, you're new to my room. I've done this eight times a year for 15 years. Tony Robbins been on my stage. Wayne Dyer has been on his stage. Marianne Williamson's been on my stage. Deb. The late, great Debbie Ford was on my stage. Larry King's been on my stage. Harvey McKay's been on my stage. Brian Tracy's been on my stage. Jack Canfield's been on my stage. Everybody, 7 8-789-billionaires have been on my stages. I've been doing this a long time. No one ever asked me that before, ever. How badass is that? At first I thought, what? What are you talking about? You know, because if you've done something, you're comfortable, every new request seems crazy. But you know what? Those crazy requests change the world. I want you to think about that. I want you to think about that. Now, we had already had an agenda, so that wasn't gonna work for this particular one. But she still got an hour more than she was gonna get because she asked, because she asserted herself. She goes, I want more time on stage. I'm gonna ask for that. Does that make her crazy or bad or awful? No, it makes her successful. Where are you asserting yourself? Where are you asking the big questions? Where are you asking for the favors? Where are you pushing? That's what I want you to do. That's your next level, and you don't even know it. This is part of the things I do with all my groups. Many of you guys know this. I even teach this sometimes in growth day that I want to make sure you finish Every single Friday part of your Friday finishers, you make a bold request. You don't finish a Friday without an email going out or a voice message going out with a bold request. Find that person on LinkedIn, email them, DM them, message them. You, you think, oh, no, no, no. I need to wait until I have a million followers. I need to wait until I have 100,000 downloads. I need to wait until we hit 5 million. I need to wait until we Hit 50 employees. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Now, make the bold requests now, because later is perennial. Make those bolder requests sooner, faster. Get in it. Successful people are assertive people right now. When they're ready, they go over and over. And it is a difference maker, I can tell you. It's like you would think that they're so. Like, sometimes you think they're breaking a boundary or they're bold, but remember, even Steve Jobs. Here's to the crazy ones. Think about that. Turn the person left, right, give them a nice shake and say, you look a little crazy tonight. You look crazy, man. I want you to be a little crazy once in a while and allow yourself to do this. Hey, here's my question. Where are you lacking this? Is it your career? And sometimes I'm not lacking that. Go. Okay. Do you have any employees? Yeah. Any difficult employees? Yeah. Any employees you should let go of five months ago, six months ago? Yeah. Okay. You're lacking that. Hey, you have a good dream? Any big ideas? Yeah. How long you had that idea? Three, four, five months? Yeah. Have you done anything about it? Make any bold requests? Pushed it, Made it happen, Bought the thing, Invested? Gone? Yes. No, no. You're lacking that. And you're. In my world, everyone's like, what are you doing as part of your coaching? And our coaches in the room, our CHPCs, you know, I have this thing. It's like as a coach, as a mentor, I'm paid to push. I'm here to push you into another level of assertiveness. Notice there are good ways to be assertive and bad ways. Right. Some people are very assertive, but they know how to communicate. They don't know how to give, they don't know how to serve. And that's the stuff we were talking about earlier. They're assertive, but they're takers. There's a difference. You learn to be in full of your, like, literally in full of your full powers. When you ask you're okay if they come back with no takers. When they are told no, they get mad. They stop trying, they get bitter, and they're in the back of the cage. But listen to Jamie Kern Lima. She comes out here, says, guys like, let me tell you, I heard no so many times. And she's smiling when she says it. It's almost like she liked the nose. Did you pick it up on it? She liked it. But it's so different, isn't it? It's different. Be more assertive. Allow yourself to do it. You can do it with grace. All you have to do is go. I'm not taking, I'm asserting. And if it's a no, it's a no. Let me adjust, let me pivot. Let me go again. Let me be kind. I can receive a million no's. And don't think the person giving you a no, I, I, it's just, I just for me, I talk not the time, not divine guidance right now. Not supposed to happen with this person. I can keep trying, but I'll always try in a graceful, respectful, professional manner. But the thing is, I will try. I will try. I will be assertive, and I want you to do that. I want you to close your eyes with me for real, fast, and just put your hand on your heart again and tap it with me. I just want you to just close your eyes and say it again. Time to be more assertive. Time to be more assertive. Time to level up. Time to push it out there. It's okay to push. It's okay to push. Because I'm ready. Because I'm ready. Because I'm ready. All right, give yourselves a round applause. You know, we're doing the work. We're doing the work.

All human beings, what we really desire, once we get past safety and sustenance, are these four aspirations. We want a greater sense of aliveness. That might mean presence, consciousness, awareness, vibrancy, passion, enthusiasm.

We all want more of that.

Some people call it adventure. Some people call it just the spice of life or joie de vivre, whatever it is. We want a sense of aliveness. The second aspiration we talked about was deep connections. That means your relationships at the end of our lives. It's the relationships that matter so much to us. And we know from research that the deeper relationships you have, the longer we live. Third, meaningful pursuits. Some people get this through creating. Some people get this through service.

But I'm here to tell you, the.

Important phrase here is meaningful pursuits. You have to pursue something. We all want to get better, to become more, to be a better leader, a parent servant role model. That sense each day that we have something to do that matters. Growth Day. World's number one system for achieving it from research to improve your life long term. You got to track your habits. You need a mindset journal. You got to have a goal setting system. You need deep dive education.

You need coaching.

You got to have ongoing conversations with other people about your personal and your professional goals. Our goal for you is to help you make self improvement a way of life by giving you things that give you the guidance, the inspiration, the drive and the motivation to continue becoming more and more successful, healthy and happy in your life. Every day is a great day to grow. We say that every day in Growth Day. Let's make this day the day you begin that journey.