How to Build Greater Connections

Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is a consequence of practices. That's all it is. Loneliness is not a disorder. It's a symptom of bad practices. Like we forget to being response able for our relationships. I want you to have vibrant relationships. We all want connection. Connection now. We want connection on. On usually on three different levels. We want connection with ourself. Like the human drive to know thyself is legend. We want to connect with others and we want to connect with something bigger. Presence, universe, God, spirit, something like that. Whether it's scientists staring off into the stars and the universes to try to understand our place in it, whether it's physics or spirituality at the same thing, there's something for all of us beyond in some way. And so as we try to understand those things, important to know. That's really important. And most people don't understand how huge this is in personal development. On the relationship side. We want deep, meaningful relationships. Deep, meaningful. Let me add it alive, authentic relationships. And you have to build those. You have to what? Build those. You got to build them. Oh my gosh. Do you have to build them if you don't have five amazing friends, five great friends. I want you to do the best gift yourself ever. We showed all access with growth day. I want you to get that. I want you to upgrade to all access. And I want you to go to the learn section. I'll show it to you tomorrow, I'm sure. And I want you to go if you didn't know. You can go to the learn section and you can sort by coach or sort by topic. The past classes. We have 200 classes in there from literally the best in the world, the best teachers in the world. And I want you to go and sort by friendship. I know it sounds so crazy, but it was one of our most popular months we ever did on how as adults to make great friends. Because many people don't have any new great friends after college. Many people have one friend and they have no deep, meaningful, alive, authentic friendship groups. Do you know we used to say friendship groups? Did you know that in the research pre1960s it was friendship groups was a big concern of sociology and study. Like you remember used to say peer groups. Y' all heard that phrase? No one says it anymore in research. Now it's a friend. It's bowling alone. It's single experiences of life. Now it's a headset where you're imagining other people there and there's other people in the other rooms around you to go talk to We've lost that real connection. But I hope, if anything here, I hope you meet somebody awesome here at Growth who's met somebody awesome at Groet Day already.

Would you keep in touch with each other?

I hope you will. I want you to challenge yourself. Everyone's like, oh, Brendan's selling something. I am. I am selling challenge. If you want to know what I'm selling here, I'm selling challenge. I want you to challenge yourself again. I want you to get back in the charge. I want you to be more conscious. I. I want you to get in that called zone. I want you to feel so much different. And my challenge to you is to dramatically improve your relationships. I mean, to put that aliveness and that authenticity and that depth in. It's not about having 10 more. It's about deeper, real fun, engaging, heartfelt, loving relationships.

I want you to have those.

I want you to. And zero. Listen, some of you have money goals, and you never set a goal for that. I hope I have a partner. I hope I found a spouse. I'm like, oh, no, no, no. See, maybe it's because I'm a small town. When I came to the big city, San Francisco, California, which is another story. And it's super funny. When I came because I was so young and naive and dumb. And I showed up in San Francisco, I was like, oh, my goodness. And my mom and I showed up. We pulled off on that famous Mission Boulevard. And we pulled off and we went down to Main Street, Market street, and there were just. I mean, there were hundreds of thousands of people all around. And I was in a. I think I was in a van or a U Haul, and she's in the Honda behind me. And we had walkie talkies. Cause we're from Montana. Or a cell phone that was like a walkie talkie. I can't remember what the heck that thing was.

And we envisioned.

We ended up pulling in. We go into town, and it was so crazy. And we went down to this area where the realtor was, and it was in the Castro area. And what happened is when we pulled off, I was like, whoa, San Francisco is alive. This is crazy. There's people walking around. They're nake it all around. Everything's going on. We didn't know. We showed up during Pride Week.

And Pride Week in San Francisco used to be 100,000 people down on Market Street. We pulled right off the highway, right into the middle of it, and I was like, whoa, San Francisco's different. I was like, whoa, this is a party. I was like, she's like, oh.

Oh. And she was.

She just like, what's happening here? Where's my son? What's happening? And we had no idea the whole weekend.

It was hilarious. I mean, we were just so dumb and we had the best time, met so many amazing people. And I share the story because what ended up happening is I remember getting there and thinking in my mind, I don't know a soul in this city. By the time I leave this city, I'm gonna have so many friends here.

Hey, guys, it's Brendan. I'm jumping in here real quick. First, I want to make sure you've gone to progressmode.com to join the newsletter.

Because I have a resource for you.

Related to this episode and I have an upcoming meetup with my private group, Ultra. If you've ever liked to be in a private group with me where I help you get more progress towards your passion projects or to build your business or your brand in a bigger way, just go to progressmo.com, click on Private group to apply to. See you can get into Ultra. And we can take it to the next level by getting in person and meeting up virtually once a month online as well. Just go to progress mode.com.

What I found out was, no, no.

I am going to make so many friends in this town. People are going to be. I'm just every town I go to. And, you know, I got that from my dad. My dad, who worked at DMV and was in the military. My dad, everywhere he went, he made friends. He would always make a joke. He'd ask about your kids, he'd get to know you. When we wheeled him out of the hospital after he had fought his second fight with chemo, when he got acute myeloid leukemia and we wheeled him out, the nurses cried because they knew he was going home to die. And he made him laugh every day. Every day as he's literally life is draining out him. For weeks on end, they cried. Your dad was amazing. He was so fun. He always made us laugh. Everywhere he went, he made friends. It was something to see. And also when I was a kid, it felt so uncomfortable because he just talked to the person in the elevator. I'm like, dad, oh, God. But it was hilarious. He always commented. He always did that. And I said, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna be that person. I'm gonna make friends everywhere I go. Some of you, you haven't had that as a goal for a while. You just got into adulthood and you Were doing the adulting thing with the job and the career and the kids and everything. And you have casual acquaintances, right? You go walking the thing with kids and the mom and everybody else, and you got the, you know, you got the crew from the neighborhood. You meet at the Starbucks once in a while and you're kind of casual about it. Hey, you're cool, you're cool. We know each other. Our kids hang out. They're kind of friends or whatever. And it's so surface level that you're wondering, what the hell is life about. You need friends who are alive and authentic and deep and engaging with you. You need, like, you know, I call ultra friends all the time. It's like, my friend.

If you met my friends, I mean, they are ultra.

They are funny. They're up in your grill. They are. I mean, none of them in my industry, like my closest friends, like, I met them long time ago in San Francisco or in college. They are funny. My current friends in the industry, some of you guys see it on social media. Like everybody in my industry, we're friends. We get together just to be together. I mean, the rooms that we get together. I'm just like, how do you do that? I'm like, oh, everyone thinks it's a trick. I'm like, no. Amazing people want to be with amazing people.

That's why we are all here in Austin. Can I get a hell yes. Yeah. 10% check and say, you're amazing.

Connection. You're dying for it. Find it, build it. But please listen to me. I'm sharing something with you. Please listen. Because we think that the most successful, happy people in the world are doing crazy things. These are practices for them. They're what? And they're how often you got it. Daily practices to connect. This is why I send out three voice messages to three different people every single day praising them, often telling a joke, recounting an old story, rekindling that relationship, saying thank you, cheering them on. I saw you got this going on online. I hope you're great. I'm praying for you, you know, and I've generated that so many times with so many people that even at this event, I got so many texts from people who I haven't heard from or. Or seen in years writing me these long. Brennan, I'm praying for you to have the strength and the energy to serve your people. I know how hard that is for that many hours. And just these beautiful notes cheering me on because I send it to them. Even people I haven't talked to for a while. I'm that guy who shows up in your life. And we hadn't talked for five years. I still remember everything. We have this great time together. I want you to be that for other people. Like, we have all these goals to become the millionaire and the billionaire now, and no one has any friends. You think I'm kidding? Do you know how many really successful people, I mean, really successful people who. They forgot that part. And I had mentorship. I didn't find this out, you know, by myself. Like, everything I'm teaching you here. I had the blessing. I came up, you know, seeking out psychologists and personal development people and history people and business people. And, I mean, I learned from all the best. And I remember one time, Brian Tracy. You remember Brian Tracy? Oh, Brian, he's so amazing. And he taught me this. He said, you know how. He said, brendan, you know how some people say it's lonely at the top? I said, yeah. He goes, if you're lonely at the top, you did it wrong. I was like, I love that. You should never be lonely. We live in a lonely epidemic. And, you know, we blame loneliness.

Have you seen the media vilify loneliness?

As if loneliness is a problem. There's this old thing called cause and effect, right? Loneliness is not a problem. Loneliness is a consequence of practices. That's all it is. Loneliness is not a disorder. It's a symptom of bad practices. And no one wants to say that today because that sounds rude. I'm like, wait, no, no. Loneliness doesn't happen to somebody. Like, we forget to being responsible for our relationships. I want you to have vibrant relationships.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Some of you, like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, go. I mean, go home and just have, like, the most amazing connection with your spouse ever. I'll talk a lot about that on Saturday about how to do that in your relationships. Unbelievable. Have unbelievable, deep, connected, intimate, loving, physical relationships. Your spouse or your partner have incredible, authentic, alive, fun, joyful relationships and conversations with your friends. Can we make that a goal?

Yes.

I promise you. I promise you. I just changed your life. Because so few people have a goal for that. So few people, they just go through the motions. They go through the motions in bed, they go through the motions at the breakfast table. They go through the motions with their old buddy who still talks about the high school win of the last time and haven't updated their stories together and gone on adventure, done anything to alive. Oh, my God.