How to Choose Real Priorities

Here's how I choose a priority. And this is important because how many would you like to know? How to choose priorities? Better use this little simple tool. It's so casual and it's so fast. Okay, the first thing I say, is this planned? Brenda, how do you choose your priorities? First question, I go, is it planned? I don't let. Listen, I don't let someone else's false emergency become my priority. Don't let somebody else's false emergency become your priority. Sorry that this is suddenly a hot mess or a situation in your life, or it's due tomorrow and now you're reaching out to me. Cause you need it Now I am sorry. Cause guess what? My day was planned weeks or months ago. I'm sorry you're scrambling last minute to make this happen, but your inability to plan is not my emergency. Can I get an amen on a Saturday? And you gotta hold the line on that. People send me requests. I mean, literally. Great friends, too. Amazing people. And he said, brendan, could you endorse this book? Could you do this? Could you help out with this project? Could you donate here? Could you lead us here? And they'll be like, hey, I really need it on Thursday. Or something like that. And I'm like, wait a second, it's Tuesday. You need it on Thursday. Just because it's a hot mess of an urgent priority to you does not mean it's my priority. So I always ask, first and foremost, is this thing planned? And if it's not, I usually say no. Or. Or I know it's not a priority, because if it's a priority, you thought through it. Because now you're a strategic thinker. You're a what? Yeah, because high performers are strategic thinkers. You already knew what was the priority. If you don't know what priority is on Monday. And then what happens is you just become reactive. You just do whatever the world throws your way. And most of what the world throws your way is false emergencies. So you need to be wary of that. So I score it one to ten. Is it planned? One. No, ten. Absolutely. If it's been planned, it's a priority, right? If it's been planned for a while, it's a priority. That's why I planned it. Number two, do you own this issue? I love this one. I ask that all the time. Do I own this? Right? If someone walks up to me, a big platter of crap, and says, here you go, Brendan. You deal with it. I go, I don't own that big stinking pile of crap. Well, I Don't want that. I don't want that. I remember the Dalai Lama said, when someone comes, they said, they asked him, how do you deal with anger? When someone comes up to you and they're angry and they're mean and they're judgmental, he says, oh, I refuse to accept that gift. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You don't own everybody else's train wreck or problems. You have an independent march that you are on, too, and you cannot compromise every time everybody needs something from you. We talked about this earlier. So I score that. Because, see, I'm so giving. If I don't give a score, I don't have a logical reason to say no. So I use categories like this. Next. You know, do you feel it's right a lot? You see, we talked about this in the VIP group today. You need to listen to yourself, your intuition. If you're above 25 years of age and you're in this room, your intuition is much more developed than you know it is. It's way more highly developed than you give yourself credit for. And if something is put in front of you and you're trying to decide priorities, you probably know if it's right or not. And you need to listen to that. Don't always argue with your intuition. If something is saying no, listen and ask, why is it saying no? What is it saying? And make yourself debate your intuition, meaning, accept the intuition. Unless you can debate the other side of it and it comes out on the other side. Right? I debate my intuition all the time. My intuition says, don't do this. I say, okay, Brendan, make the case for doing it. And I'll try. I'll try to win the argument. And that helps me follow my right path. Because many of you. How many of you ever took a wrong turn and you knew it was the wrong turn? Right? Oh, by the way, I don't mean in a car. I mean in life. Who's ever took a wrong turn, you knew it was the wrong turn. How many of you ever went on a date with someone you knew it was the wrong person? That many. Dang, I wish I was at the bar with your bad decisions tonight. What a great fun time we would have. How many of you ever made a bad decision in your career? And you just. Honestly, you knew it. You knew it. So own that. Listen to that intuition. I'm here to tell you, you know more things than you give yourself credit. There's wisdom in you. Listen to that wisdom in you much more often. And if you're really struggling, let me give you this tool. It's a book by Rushworth Kidder K I D D E R. It's one of my favorite books of all time. It's called How Good People Make Tough Decisions. How Good People Make Tough Decisions by Rushworth Kidder K I D D E R. And Rush taught more people about ethics than anybody else in the history of thought leadership. And just an incredible book, how good people Make Tough Decisions. And it will help you figure out what is right. Because it's hard, right? He says that it's difficult to choose sometimes between two things that are both right. The easy decisions of life are right and wrong. The tough decisions of life are right and right. And he says, you know, because you know what, sometimes it's right for you to do your own thing. Individual value. And sometimes it's right for you to help others. Social value. And sometimes those values conflict. Right? Sometimes you want justice on something, but you also know you should be merciful Sometimes you know, you want something in the short term, but you know it compromises the long term. And this is a book about how to navigate all of that. So make sure you read that and you listen to your intuition. Next, is there a real need? Now many of you guys have probably gotten a deadline email from me in the past and here's the story behind it. When someone says to me they need something, remember that person says I need something on Thursday. I write them an email back. It's in high performance habits, the actual email, so steal it and use it. But it says something. I don't remember the exact word, but it says something to the effect of this. Thank you for letting me know that you would like this. On Thursday. May I ask you a question? Could you tell me the date and time in which if you don't receive this, homes burn down, people die, reputation is ruined, irreparable forever and catastrophic events ensue. I want the last minute. If you don't get it, then everything falls apart. Moment. Anything before that moment is your preference. And I have to be honest with you, hundreds of other preferences have come in before your last minute request here. So I have to be responsible and choose from all these other preferences and identify the real priorities and the real deadlines. So can you tell me the date and the time in which it is really due, the real deadline and explain to me why that is the date for the real deadline. And then from there I'll be able to appropriately prioritize and serve you with excellence. Thanks, Brendan. I send that a hundred times a week. It's just like an faq. I pop, pop, pop, pop. And you know what the person said Thursday. Oh, you know what, Brendan? The first of the month is fine. I'm like, that's four weeks away. Most people's deadlines are preferences, not deadlines. And soon as you know that, that's why I say, is there a real need? Now, most people's real need is bs. It's not a real need. That's their preference. Need versus preference. You learning to identify that will change your life forever. Next. Is this a passion? Do I care about this if this isn't a passion? If it gets a low score, it's rare that I'll do it. It's not going to be a priority if I don't care about it. Next. Will this help you grow? Is there personal development in this? When I'm choosing priorities, if I can't see growth in it, it's not a priority. Right. It's a nice to have. It's a preference. It's not a must. And then last, Will this help you lead? When people say, brendan, I'm trying to choose priorities, they're often thinking so myopically for themselves. I want you to see yourself as a leader of your family, and I want you to lead your family as if you were thinking about how Martin Luther King led the civil Rights movement. I want you to think of leading your team like a John F. Kennedy led us to the moon. I want you to think about those people who you serve as if you were that bright light in the darkness that they needed just then. When you do that, your priorities shift a little bit more. You have more of a service mindset. I think so many people don't realize the extraordinary power they could have in other people's lives. They discredited themselves. They didn't try. They got disappointed, and so they just stopped. And I think that we all have the opportunity to be leaders. And if that is true, then we also have the responsibility to use our influence with the most impact. We can raise your hand if you follow. Raise your hand if you agree. If it's upon you to lead your family, your team and society in some way or another, you have stewardship to your family or your friends or those who you lead. If you have that, isn't it incumbent upon you to make sure that your time is well spent on the things that we mention here? Because if it's not, I don't just think that you're cheating your potential. I think you're cheating a tremendous service to the world that you could offer. People say, brendan, you're so serious about your schedule. I go, yeah, because, you know what? What's the alternative up here? I mean, really, what's the alternative? That we're all going around doing a bunch of things that weren't planned, so we're reactive, that it's not even on our responsibilities, so we're carrying everybody else? It doesn't feel right to our heart and our soul that there's no reason to do it. There's no real need now that we don't care about it. It doesn't help us grow, and it doesn't serve others. That is not a life. If you score ones on any of these things and anything that someone dished up to you, it should be the most confident, roaring no of all time, right? No.

Feels great.

Everyone say, no. Feels so good. Think about some dumb request that comes into you and just say no to it. Some say, no. Feels so good. Right? But then think about, if something is so perfect for you and so right, and it serves so many other people and you get to say yes, how do you celebrate that? Yes. Say it like that. Yes. It feels so good. Both of them. Yes.

Feels great.

No. Feels great. In my life, I have no problem giving you a yes. I have no problem giving you a no. Because I got clarity on my priorities. Ladies and gentlemen, how do you like this day so far at xba? You know, See, I told you before, because I have that deep need to serve everybody. It's easy for me to say yes to everything. This little scorecard helps me say no. And then I don't feel bad. Because you know what? If you really have deep empathy in heart, sometimes you need a score, tie, or scorecard to rationalize why to say no. And that's why I developed this tool. It's just a rationalization tool to say yes and no and no. Why? Right? Now, you might have other categories that I forgot, so you might put them up there, right? They might be like, hey, does this serve my family? Does this help my finances? I don't know what your scorecard should be, but. But you need to know what it is. Because if you don't have a scorecard for your priorities, the potential projects, the potential opportunities, you end up saying yes to too many things. And remember, it's not that you might not achieve your goals, it's just that you might have achieved the things that don't matter. Not every mountain is worth the climb, so we have to make sure we choose the things that are right. For us. Not busy work. Life's work. Can I get an amen on a Saturday, ladies and gentlemen? Yeah, absolutely.

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