How to create a POSITIVE NETWORK

A lot of you are lone wolves. A lot of you are hard, hard workers. And you are working so hard, but you're working alone. And the harder you work and the more you work alone without tapping into a network who can help accelerate your career, help you work with higher caliber clients, help you open doors to the dream projects. I'm just here to tell you it takes longer and, and I'm not here to tell you that braggadocious because I just told you, oh gosh, I met the people in these industries I wanted to. It took me 10 years. Sometimes, sometimes I did in two or three, sometimes I did in 10. But I can also tell you that there was plenty of misery and upset and difficulty along that way because I wasn't as strategic as I needed to be and as consistent as I needed to be. Hey everybody, it's Brendan Burchard and we've got a high performance topic you guys have been asking me to take on forever. And, and this is going to be an incredible session to talk about your network. How do you do better networking? Why is it at this stage of your life or this stage of your career, you actually don't know all the people you need to know to accelerate your career even faster, achieve your dreams even faster, contribute to your community, or serve your cause even better? Now, I know that's a challenge, but that's my job. I'm your high performance coach. How are you doing in this area? You know, do you feel like you are serving at your max levels of potential? Do you feel like you are creating the connections and the contributions you really want in your life? Do you feel like you're high performing in every area? Now I know those are big questions, but that is why we are here. And today I'm going to share with you my top strategies and philosophy about networking so that if you want to meet anybody that you have that ability within the next two years of your life, not 10 years from now, not 20 years from now. But if you go at this strategically and you really realize, you know, that old thing in personal development and personal finance that you know, your net worth is defined by your net work, I totally believe that to be true. You've also heard that thing of, you know, the people that you surround yourself with ultimately guide your success and ultimately mimic, mirror or guide your, your emotions. And I find that to be really true too. You know, that old idea that the most people, you know, the five people around you really kind of dictate your life. I believe some of that to be true. Some of it, not so much true. I think it's about, you know, some of you, the five people around you in your life right now, you're like, you know, I was there when I was growing up, I was like, wow. The people around me, I mean, outside of my mom, dad, immediate family, everybody around me was not going to be the role model for me. I. I had to go create and find and build the connections, the friendships, the mentors that I wanted in order to have an exceptional life. And I know you know that to be true. My question for you today, Team hbx, have you been consciously, consistently building your network with excellence over the last two years on purpose? Not once in a while. Not when you go to that party. And once in a while, like, hey, how's it going? You wanna talk about the weather? Boy, the punch is sure good. No, have you really been like purposely architecting it or not? And that will have a lot to do with the session today. Because what I wanna do is I wanna put that bite in your back that says, okay, it is your time to now build a network of extraordinary people. So many people online and DMs were texting us and saying, oh my gosh, Brendan, you assembled the Avengers of the inspirational world. And I was proud of that. Because if you ever watch the Avengers, there is a group of people who are working to gather these humans just like an X Men, right? They're gathering great people. You should be the person gathering great people in your industry. You should be the person trying to get into those groups, trying to join those masterminds, trying to bring people together. But most people don't do that because with they want is to be liked. What they want is to be accepted. What they want is to be popular. What they want is for it to come to them. And I'm here to tell you today, if we're going to achieve the next level of success in your life, we must architect the next level of network for you. Let me say it again. If we're going to achieve the next level of success in your life, you're going to have to architect the next level of network in your life. I know you know that, but my question is, today is Wednesday, as we're filming this live. My question to you is, on Monday, when you woke up in those first three hours of the week, did you think about your network? Did you think about the most influential people that you know and how you could serve them, how you could prompt them, how you could ask them a question, engage with them, add value to them. Meaning if your network was not on your mind in the first three hours of this week, please don't tell me you're good at networking yet. Please don't tell me you're conscious about it. Please don't tell me you're strategic about it. And I know that might be like, oh my gosh, Bren, it's really hitting me in the gut today. But that's my job as your coach, is to ask you the tough questions and not to philosophically sell you an idea, but to actually gut check your behavior. You've probably already met the person or persons who are going to help you make your first million dollars or your next million dollars. I mean, you literally met them already. Think about that. You met them at a party, you met them through a first association, you met them through one friend who knew another friend, or, you know, they're in your network. But what happens is we all have lots of connections, but we don't mind them and serve them. I mean, do you have a box of business cards sitting around in a closet somewhere that you've just, you know, you went to the conference, you got a stack of business cards, you never reached out to them, you never connected with them again? You're gonna have a whole entirely new structure and strategy for networking with people. You're going to have a new approach just philosophically about how networking really works. But I'm going to give you like, tangible and tactical things to do to connect with people, to ask the right questions, to follow up intelligently, and most importantly, hopefully overcome some of your self perception issues that prevent so many people from being confident in a room of new people. I got a network. I know some people, but I never follow up with them. I didn't know how to follow up with the people. You know, I have big dreams, but I didn't have the people around me. I took your networking session that one time, Brandon. It changed my life forever. That would be my hope for everybody here to hear what I'm sharing today. Put it in practice. Change your life. Achieve your dreams faster. This is why we are in coaching. We all need this kind of coaching. We all need this kind of like gut punch. And so if I ever get too strong on you in this session. No, it's a little bit of that hard love that just says, hey, I know you got a lot of extraordinary talents and abilities that the world needs to know about. You got passions and goals and dreams that you need to activate. And I'm here cheering you on. We're here Today to talk about your network, your connections of people who you are able to get to know, connect with, serve, and draw value from on a consistent basis. I'd love for you, just as we start this right as we're gonna jump into some of this, I'd love for you to do yourself a real gift in your journal. Just start writing down the most influential people you know or you know you're like, one degree away from. Just start writing down, oh, I know this person in my community. Oh, I know this person in my downline. Oh, I know this person in my industry. Oh, I know. Just start writing down those people. Oh, I know this person from chur. Oh, I know this person from that community group. Just start writing it down. The people you already know who have success, influence, achievement, who can open doors, who maybe they don't know you yet. That's okay. But I want you to start compiling this list to give you an idea of how strategic I am about this. In my laptop, I have an Excel spreadsheet where I list out every person of influence I know. I list out how did I meet them or how do I want to meet them. I list out things like what I know about them. I list out things as we'll talk about what I know about what they want to create or build, who they want to connect to. I write out things like whether they're websites or their social media handles, I rank them based on the personal connection I really do have with them. And I scorecard them based on how much I want to meet them in these coming six months. And I look at that on a very consistent basis. I used to look at it every week. Now I have it as a practice on the first of the month. I'm always considering my network. And we're going to talk about how you should have something like that, too. Because if you just right now think, gosh, who do I know? And you're really struggling to make this list in your journal. I am here to tell you you are now entering the first few steps of becoming obscenely wealthy and influential again in your life or for the first time you know. Cause when people don't know this, when I ask them, who are the most influential people you know or the most successful people you know? And they're like, well, I think my cousin knows somebody. I'm like, oh, my God, you haven't even touched the richness of life yet. And this is not about getting to know just like wealthy people to know wealthy people or influential people to know influential people. It's so that you have the influence you need in the world. Because how are you going to activate your difference in this world? How are you going to activate the difference in this world? Through other humans, with other humans. And when you want to activate your difference in this world and you have access to people who have greater influence, obviously you are able to activate that difference faster. And any dream you have, you want to shoot a documentary one day. Well, guess what? If you already have a network of filmmakers, way easier than going down to Best Buy and asking the guy at the counter about cameras, right? If you want to, like, start a school in a foreign country and make your difference in that way, guess what? That's super hard to do by learning about on the Internet. But if you mind your thing, you go, oh, I met this person from that country at Brendan's seminar, and I have their business card, but I never followed up with them. That's the first person you should call to say, hey, I want to make a difference where you live. Let's have a conversation. I know you get this philosophically, so let's dial in to what prevents people from really mining and exploring their network better. Okay? I'm going to share a couple of ideas with you. The very first one I think is, frankly, the most important one, is that most people, when they think about a networking event or situation, right? You're at my seminar, you meet some people. You are, you know, at church, after the sermon, after, you're all standing out, you know, at the parking lot, ready to go home. You're in that networking event in your industry at nighttime, everyone's having those nice little warm, like, weird appetizers that you always eat too many of and you feel sick the next day. You know, you're doing all the networking events. What is your primary aim there? Like, what is the aim that you have socially when you meet new people? What do you want to think about? What is your aim when you meet new people? Now, I'll tell you what most people's aim is their dream, their goal, their unconscious pattern of behavior is being stemmed from their desire to be liked. I just. I hope they like me. I hope I fit in. I hope I belong. That human yearning for belonging. We all want to be accepted. We want to be liked. And yet, if you look at your behaviors in networking situations, I bet most of your behavior is actually about you wanting to be liked versus being a linchpin. Let me show you this philosophical difference. Some people want to be liked. Some people want to be the linchpin. Some people want to be liked. Some people want to be the linchpin. If your aim is to be liked, you kind of hang around and hope people come up to you and talk to you and get to know you. And they like you, they understand you, they validate you, they accept you. When you choose to be the linchpin, you have a completely different aim, a completely different forward lean. You're ready to be complete. Like you work the room in a completely different way. If you're working a room, that's what they call it, networking, right? To work the room. And you want to meet people and you just want to be liked. What do you do? Oh, how you doing? And you're all sheepish. If you want to be linchpin now, it's not about you. Once you decide to be the linchpin in your network, everything changes. You get to be more confident because it's not even about you. I really don't care if people like me. I know, in fact, most people don't. Big deal. What I like when I walk into a room. When I walk in a room, I don't look at the room and go, oh, my God, I hope I get to meet this guy. I walk in there and go, I'm going to unite these people. They don't even know it yet. I'm going to be the linchpin in this room. By the end of this night, I will have introduced more people in this room than probably anybody else here. That strength comes from humility. I don't think I have to be there. Do you ever hear that thing? There's a person, there's two kinds of people who enter a room. One person enters a room and goes, here I am, look at me. Everybody come over, talk to me. And the other person enters the room and goes, oh, there you are. How you doing? Two different types of people, two different types of personality, two different types of aims. I don't really care if anyone likes me in the room. I'm not there with my elevator pitch in my pocket, ready to go? I haven't thought about my elevator pitch. I'm almost totally not interested in myself. What I'm interested in when I'm in that situation is, huh, how can I find out who in this room has commonality, needs, a connection with each other, are trying to create, build or serve the same thing, and could I introduce them to each other? Even if I go in the room, completely cold, I go, I walk in the room, there's 30 people. I don't know any of the people trust me by the end of the third hour, while everybody else has had their fourth, fifth drink or they've eaten 60 of those things and their stomach is bad, so they spend half the time in the bathroom, I'm the guy. I already ate, I already hydrated, I already worked out. I hit that room. I'm ready, I'm in great mood, I'm in great spirits. If I'm there to work, I'm there to work. And what do I do? Boom. I just walk up the first person and I start talking with that person. And once I learned a little about that person, and it's a natural break in the conversation, which we will talk about, I'm on to the next person, and then I'm on the next person. And after I've met five people, my rule is, after I've met five people, now I circle back and introduce the five people. So the last person I met. So if I meet, you know, person one, two, three, four, and five, when I meet person five, I go, hey, do you know this person? Referring to person one, that person over there. Oh, you don't come over here. Let me introduce you. That's it. Walk person five over to number one. And then when those two people are there, I'm like, hey, do you know that person over there? Person number two, you don't come over here. And I put. Now I put three people together and they're like, man, this guy Brennan's great. He did the networking for me. Oh, snap. Do you know what's scary at networking events? Networking. Do you know what? When you solve the problem for them, who do they love? You're not the problem in the networking event unless you want to be liked and. And you're sitting around waiting, you become the hero of the networking event if you do the networking for them. Because think about that. Isn't our aim in life to add value to people? Like, if our aim in life is to add value to people, and here we are with 30 new people who all have their insecurities and their self doubts, and they're going, oh, my gosh, I don't know what to do here. And their aim at that thing is to get over themselves and network. And you come in and solve the problem for them. Who's the popular guy there now? Who do they like now? Who solved their problem? Who they're going to look to next time they have another problem? You become the linchpin of the group immediately. And so in my networking practice, I'm always like that. I'm going to go talk with five people and then I'm going to circle them together. Number five. Did you meet number one? Number five and one. Did you meet number two? Number five, one and two. Did you meet number three? Number five, one, two and three. Have you met number four? And all of a sudden, guess what I did for them? I didn't just connect one to one. See, in networking what happens is people, they can handle that usually. But what they don't know how to do is how do you get a group of three people vibing and jiving, right? Have you ever been to a party? You ever notice if you're there with one buddy, it's kind of cool, but even though there's two of you there, you can still feel a little bit awkward. You ever notice that at an event, like even though you got your buddy, you might even have your spouse, the person you have sex with. You are standing within vicinity of someone you have sex with and you're still awkward. The most intimate person is right there and you still don't feel okay in the room. And then what happens? Guess what? When a third person is there with you guys, isn't it true you feel a little better? It's almost like in groups of three in a social environment, we feel less awkward if it's just us two weirdos on the side. Feels a little awkward. If we can get a third weirdo with us, that's way better, right? So what are you doing? You're uniting the weirdos? No, I'm just teasing. That metaphor went too far. But I think you get the idea. Meet five, Connect five. And that alone will be powerful. If that's all you got from this session, if that is blowing your mind, if you didn't do that at your last five networking events, please don't tell me you don't need coaching. There is another level of life practices. That is what we call the high performance experience. Right? It's like lots of people go to a networking event, but very few experience the high performance experience at that event. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people go there. I met one person, I feel good. But some other people leave. Knowing five people and having five real relationships, it's a different level of experience they have. That's why you're in coaching. That's why we are here together. This is why we do the work. It's just to get this idea right. I want you to think about this. Go in, be the linchpin at that networking event. Now, can I broaden this for you. What if you thought about this word linchpin in your career, so not just at the next event, that will change your life, that will change that event experience for you, but now you thought, how do I be the person who brings together my own industry? So let me give you some examples. My career was taking off pretty strong in 2000, I think. You know, by 2011 and 2012, it was like wham. I had achieved pretty much everything I wanted to. And the truth is, between us, I didn't have that big of dreams. I just wanted to be able to have enough money to write and coach people and teach. That was it. I've always been a teacher and sometimes it happens through writing, sometimes that happens through coaching, sometimes that happens through events. But I just want to have enough money that I could stay home and write and do my own work and. But for me at that stage, you know, a lot of people were starting to say, oh, Brandon's having some success. But I was new. I was new. I'd only really begun at that. I'd only been in the industry five or six years at that point where I felt really super secure. And I noticed something I didn't like in my industry at the time. The industry we called the expert industry or the thought leader industry. This is before, we now call it just, you know, the influencer industry. And I didn't like that a lot of the expert industry or the thought leader industry had become a mesh and enamored with just straight up online marketing. This was a time when online marketing was still, you know, in that 2002-2010 sort of era where there was a lot of black hat marketing, meaning there was a lot of guys marketing and doing things that were just not good, that were not fair, that were not clear. They were, you know, indiscriminately charging people's credit cards without permission. They were, you know, doing things online of, you know, these crazy testimony. You know, you saw it all. It was like push button money. You make a million dollars tomorrow. You know, just buy my today. It was like there was a lot of that kind of marketing going on. I didn't like it, and yet I didn't know a lot of the rules. And there weren't a lot of like shared rules in the industry, the community yet. And I thought, you know, other industries have associations. They have groups that get together. And I didn't see it in my career. So I said, you know what, let's get some people together. So I described the problem in detail in an email and said, I don't know the answer, but I do know a group of leaders is going to come together to talk about it and to set the norms and to maybe publish some of the practices that we think would be good for our industry. Would you like to be a member of that? Would you like to be a participant in that first conversation? Would you like to be in the room when this industry got its professionalism together? Here's the dates. Here's where we'll be, Brendan. And so I went out to the industry leaders. I wrote that email to probably 100 people in my industry, and I probably only knew 20 of them. And, you know, I got like. It was one of those things when one person says, yes, you use that. So I read. So I hadn't heard back from some people, so I emailed them. I said, hey, this person said, they're going to be there. Just check. And I'm starting to create a room list. Are you going to be there? Even though I only had one person, then another person, okay, I'm in if they're in. I said, great. And if they didn't hear back from the 48 hours, I say, hey, I don't want. I'm not publishing the whole list yet. But, you know, this person I told you is in, and so is this person. I think you might know them. It'd be fun if you came. Just let me know, because I'm compiling the list to start ordering the food and stuff like that. And if you could help me out, I'm trying to plan this. And more and more and more people. Well, at that first Expert Industry association, which it became after that, for the next five years, we had a hundred. A hundred of the movers and shakers in that room. And you know, how many knew me? 10, 20, I think it was not a lot of people. They were coming because of the cause that I put out that united the industry and offered to set some standards. Now, that's just an example. I'm not saying everyone needs to do this, watching this, because you might be like, well, Brendan, I'm not even, you know, I'm staying at home right now. I'm just trying to get my dream off here. I don't even know people or who I need to know. I'm just trying to paint a big picture for you of a different way of thinking. What do you think happened after I got all those people together? I was a linchpin. I was the leader. I was the facilitator of that group. And then once after that event, anything I needed, some of these people, they never replied to any email, any text, any outreach on LinkedIn, nothing. For years now, Bam. On the phone, anytime. So that was being the linchpin, bringing people together, right? I see a big shift and change happening in our industries and our culture. I know you do, too. And so anytime you see a big shift or change coming, that's the time to gather people in advance, get their perspective about the shifts and change coming, get their understanding of what's happening, find out their priorities and how you can serve it. Create those bonds now. Because if you don't have the bonds now of friendship, camaraderie, networking now, when the stuff hits the fan in the economy in the next year, when we have industry shakeups, platforms changing, you need those relationships sooner than later. And that is something I'm going to tell you as another secret here, and I'll come back to. This idea is that you either wait or you assert yourself. That is, I mean, isn't this a fundamental of life, Guys like type this down below, wait versus assert. You are either being assertive in building the network you need to protect your brand, your career, your future now, or you're going to get to a future where you needed it and you're screwed. Because don't be the guy or gal who waited too long, this waiting thing, because here's what you do. Tell me if this is true. You wait until you have success, till you think you can approach success. And that's not always true, especially if you're going to assert yourself the way we're going to talk about here. I need you to be more assertive, just like in that networking room. I need you to assert yourself in that room and meet those five people and reintroduce those five people. I'll talk about what you should say to those five people here, too. I know you guys are asking that down below, but to assert yourself in your own industry. Remember, I was just starting in my own industry and I said, let's bring the leaders together. Let's get some clarity. And they didn't come because of Brendon Burchard. Maybe 10 or 20 of them came. Everyone else came because the idea of them coming together was valuable. I didn't charge them. I just put them in a room and facilitated a conversation. I spent my own money to do that. I brought in the appetizers and the burritos and the water and the, you know, the coffee and all that other stuff, and I spent on that. But that group became defining for the next decade of my life. This group I just gathered here will become defining for the next decade of my life. Do you have a group that is currently going to help you define the next decade of your life? Are you consistently chatting with them on a text string, sharing gratitude, sharing wins? Are you talking to them once every five months or is it like daily or weekly? Like all the movers and shakers in my life who I really need to know, not only for my career, but also my friends, we're all on text strings and we communicate almost on the daily. We're sharing something that active participation in a network is way more important than you reaching out once in a while, right? Because listen, I assert myself into my groups daily. I don't. Wait, I'm not like, oh, maybe someone will bring me up in my text string or in my Facebook group. It's like, no. How do I add value into this group? What can I share from my journey, from something I like, something that is funny or something that is valuable to this group? Now, everyone has different types of group. Sometimes you're asserting yourself by dropping in some jokes, dropping in some funny videos. I'm someone who tends to drop in research articles, papers, videos, things I think are valuable to people. I really. That's kind of how I assert myself into groups when I go to those networking meetings. I told you, I've got that forward lean. I'm going to be the linchpin there. So let me come back to this idea of you becoming a linchpin with more of assertive edge in your career. I want to make sure that you are very clear of who are the top 20 most influential people in whatever you want to do, right? You want to build schools in another country. Who are the people building the most schools worldwide? You want to raise some money in your community for a cause you believe in. Who are the major philanthropists giving in your community already? Who's the top 20 already? You want to become the most liked or followed person in your topic area as an influencer. Who are the top 20 people in that industry already and how do you start asserting yourself into their world to connect with them? So when you think about getting to know the people in your industry and you combine these two things, what I want you to have is a list of the 20 most influential people related to any major activity or dream you have in your life. Any not. Look, I'm not just saying you're 20 most influential people. Like, oh, I'd love to meet, you know, Bill Gates and this person And Elon Musk, that person. And, you know, this woman and that celebrity and this person over there. No, no, no. Think about what I just said. Who are the most influential top 20 people that you would like to know in every major activity or dream that you want or need to master in your life? Let me give an example. In my life, like you guys always hear me say, if I meet you at a party, I often say I'm a writer, I'm a coach, and I'm an online teacher. Well, guess what? If that's what I am, I need to know who are the 20 most influential writers in the world and how can I support them, promote them, or do work with them. Some of you guys saw the fruition of that simple effort where in, gosh, I don't even remember now, in 2011, 12 or 13, I get the call from Paulo Coelho, who is the most successful author, really of our time. He wrote the Alchemist. Some of you guys know a book that has spent more time on the New York Times bestseller list than any book in history. Consecutive weeks. You're talking about hundreds of millions of copies around the world. Paulo Coelho. I get to help him with his book launches. Like, I couldn't even believe it. Some of you guys hear me just tell the story at my events. When the phone call and he was like, hello, Blend? And you know, he had his beautiful, you know, Portuguese accent and he says, you know, hello, Brandon? Brandon? Yes. Yes, it's Paulo. Paulo Coelho. And I'm like, really? My voice cracked. I was so dorking out about it. How did that happen? I'd added so much value to the book publishing industry that word spread to the top. Not because I was the top best selling author. Let me say that I'd added so much value to the book publishing industry and there's so many influencers in that industry that when it came time for the big guy like Apollo Coelho to ask, who can help me with this? Oh, that guy, Brendan Burchard. They didn't say your next competitors who sold the most books. They said, Brendan can help solve that problem. My phone rang and then we've launched two books together now, and he's one of my great heroes and mentors in life. And I can't believe I get to know him and work with him. Why? Because I thought, oh, I'm a writer. I need to add value into that industry and to the top people. What about speaking? I had to think of like, okay, who's the top speakers in my industry? You Know, it was like, oh, Les Brown's the legend, okay, Gotta meet Les Brown. Tony Robbins legend, gotta meet him. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, gotta meet him. Marianne Williamson, gotta meet her. I just had this whole list of people. Every single person on that list has now spoken on my stages. Every single person on that list I've probably done a lot of money with. I spoke on their stages, we've networked together, I've supported in some way or another every person on that list. What about online training? I had to learn how to do online marketing. Who are these people? And so what I'm telling you is, I'm not telling you just broadly. Who's the top 20 influential people you want to meet? What I'd like to do is what are your dreams? What are your dreams? What are the major activities that it would take to achieve those dreams and know who you want to meet? And I know inevitably people are typing down below going, I don't know, Brendon. I'm like, great, there's a thing called Google. Well, I don't know who I want to meet, Brendan. I'm like, what is this, high school? You only know the people in your high school? No, Google is the world's high school now. Google and social media, this is the world's high school right here. You can tap into any popular group you want. You just need to know, well, who are the kids here who make the difference and who are the kids moving? And that's what you need to do. You got to get in the game and identify these people. Because if you don't have that target list of people you want to meet, don't pretend you're being strategic. Don't pretend you're actualizing your dreams as fast as you could. Because here's the truth. A lot of you, and I love you guys. I know you, I work with you. You're with me in the airports, you're with me at my events. I'm on the road with you all the time. I'm interacting on DMs, constantly on comments, constantly in our courses, constantly. A lot of you are lone wolves. A lot of you are hard, hard workers. And you are working so hard, but you're working alone. And the harder you work and the more you work alone without tapping into a network who can help accelerate your career, help you work with higher caliber clients, help you open doors to the dream projects. I'm just here to tell you it takes longer. And I'm not here to tell you that. Braggadocious. Because I just told you, oh, gosh, I met the people in these industries I wanted to, and it took me 10 years sometimes. Sometimes I did in two or three. Sometimes I did it in 10. But I can also tell you that there was plenty of misery and upset and difficulty along that way because I wasn't as strategic as I needed to be and as consistent as I needed to be. So when I asked you, please do this on a Monday, think about the network and the people can add value into now, today, you can hop into anyone on social media, send them a DM and get your community involved promoting something of somebody else's and they see it. They know, inevitably, let's help this person. Let's take care of this person. This is my number one fan. Let's do something for this person. It makes a difference. And I'm not just saying that as a public figure because I do that to add value to other people's lives, too, which is how I met some people who inevitably came just this last week who I met for the very first time who already had 2 or 3 billion video views. I mean, come on. So I know one of the questions you're going to get is, well, Brendon, what do I need to say to these people? And I want to get to that because what I'm trying to do is establish in this first hour with you, a very different mindset for the rest of your life. Stop trying to be liked. Start trying to be the linchpin. Be the person who asserts yourself into the groups you want to meet and then you are the one who is going to unite the group by introducing them on text. Just introduce two or three people you already know. Hey, Pete, I think you'd love to meet Sarah. Awesome. Cool. Hey, Juan, I think you would love to meet Betsy. Cool. Just start texting people. You could literally do this today. Just think of the influential people you already have on your phone. Think of other influential people on your phone. You think they like to meet. Tell them, hey, Betsy, would you like to meet Juan? Here's what he does. Just kind of, should I text introduce you? You can start being the person. You have all these individual contacts in your phone already and in your LinkedIn already and you've never connected people. I want you to be that connector. As you are that connector, you become the linchpin of that group. I can't tell you how important it is. So I hope this helps you to start getting your mind around it. I know some of you guys have virtual teams, virtual connections, virtual reasons to get people Together. Here's something I want you to do. Don't think that you need to be the person that brings them together because of who you are. It's not about you. It's about what is the goals, the dreams, or the influence the others want to have, the others want to have. So the best way to do it virtually with people is to propose people. Get on. As an example, get on Zoom. If you want to do it digitally, get people together on Zoom, but give each of them talking points to share instead of saying, hey, I've decided I'm awesome. I'm going to get you together. That's you trying to be a person of influence. Instead, you're the linchpin. Find out what is it everybody wants and ask them to get together to architect a plan or to learn from each other. Let me say that again. In getting people together virtually, ask them to architect the plan together or to learn from each other virtually. And this can be super subtle. As an example, maybe there's a new software you and your whole team is using, right? You're here, they're there, and people are struggling with it. And, you know, everyone's complaining about the software. You know what most people do? They go, this software does suck, doesn't it? It does. Oh, God, it sucks. And everyone gets in a little complain circle. You know what leaders in linchpins do? They go, oh, this is a problem everyone's having in the office, huh? Invite. Hey, all, I notice everyone is having trouble with this new software. I've struggled with it, too. Let's all hop on a call and find out how best to use it together. Let's learn what we need from it so we can find out how to do it. And I'll make sure that I arrange an expert to be on that. You don't need to be the expert, because what most people do, well, I'd better master the software. Then I'm like, no, no, go find the person in the company who's more popular than you and knows the software. Stop thinking. It has to be up to you. So get the popular kid who knows the software. Let everyone else know, hey, Johnny B. Goode is going to be on the thing. Explain the software we all hate and send the invite to everybody. Let them come to Johnny. Make Johnny the hero. Guess what? You make Johnny the hero. Who does Johnny buy coffee for next time? You. You're the linchpin. You're the gatherer. You're the sheep herder. You're the one bringing them together. So what I want you to do is like the easiest, like the lowest hanging fruit is what are the problems or the goals that any group has that you can now linchpin bring together to help solve that, learn that, deal with that, brainstorm on that. Unless you are in a highly regulated industry in which competition is not allowed. I literally do not believe in competition. People couldn't believe that I bring people together. You know, most of the group I brought together, I've literally taught them, inspired them, cajoled them, or as their coach or their mentor, kind of force them to start their own coaching programs, to start their own online courses, to build businesses just like mine, that some of them are brand new and they're building businesses that are epically huge, really fast. Why does that matter? Because there's 7 billion people on the planet. You or me, no matter. Give us an extra billion dollars to promote our stuff. We still won't touch a bare minimum of the world with our work. See, my job, I don't think I have to be the guy who introduces personal development to the world from Brendon Burchard's Personal Development Library. I would love to be a person who introduces the world to personal development, but that's okay if it's from other people too. I just want them to have that benefit because that's what I had. I didn't find a guru. After my car wreck when I was 19, I got into the field of psychology. I got into the field of personal improvement, self improvement, personal professional development, organizational development, leadership. I met lots of people along the path to developing myself. So I never feel like, mads, it needs to be me. I don't believe in competition because guess what? No one's spending the same. No one's in the same places, and tons of people listen. I tell people all the time, maybe they don't like me, but. But they'll like, you know, Jenna. Maybe they'll like Rachel. Maybe they'll like Haifa. Maybe they'll like, you know, Jay. Maybe they'll like, you know, Prince Ea. Maybe they'll like, you know, anyone around my industry. Maybe they're not for me, but what they're asking, oh, I'm not the expert in that. Go to Ben Greenfield or go to Tim Ferriss over here or go to, you know, Dave Asprey over here. Because here's what I know about these people, so I don't worry about that. I actually believe the more, you know, your quote unquote competition, and the more you send people to them, the more they're gonna go My audience might like you too. And one day you become promotional partners or you do a podcast together or you do a collab together. So I would urge everybody, stop seeing people as competitors and start seeing people as someone you can serve and add value to. Because you all know this. You know it's biblical that you ask and you shall receive. But the true essence of spirituality is also give and you shall receive. You know, I have given so much to the groups in my life, and I want you to all hear this. I have given way more, I mean, 10 times more into the groups that I've served in my life than I have ever gotten back ever. I mean, I've done deals for people or architected deals for people. Not kidding. I've introduced them to people who put hundreds of millions of dollars in their businesses, in their dreams, into their foundations. They didn't send me a thank you note. They didn't buy me a pina colada. They didn't send me. I did, you know, x billion dollar deal. They didn't send me $100,000 check to say thank you. Does that stop you from serving? If you don't get what you want, maybe that person, you don't go all in and serve as much anymore. But it should not take away the servant's heart. When you have one or two jackals, when you have one or two people who steal, who will take, who won't give back. I mean, listen, I literally want you to hear what I said. I think I've given 10 times more than I have received. But my goal wasn't to receive. I mean, I don't believe I'm going to stand at the gates and my Lord, my God is going to come over and say, hey, Brendan, did you receive enough? Did you strategically set everything up so you got yours? When I put you on that earth down there, buddy, did you get yours? I don't think God's gonna ask me that. I think God's gonna ask me whether I serve to my full capacity. Let God handle for me. I'm a person of faith. I know that doesn't resonate with everybody here, but I'm like, let God handle how much I receive back. Let the universe handle that. Let the cosmos handle whatever your belief is. I'm like, let it handle that. I think it is very important that you serve, that you add value. If you get indications that person isn't going to give back now, you know, keep your generous spirit with other people, with that person. Just be really clear with expectations. Be really clear. Like hey, you know what? Last time I did this huge deal for you, I never heard from you again, and here you are again, needing something else. I don't think it's appropriate that we do that unless we get really clear expectations or, hey, because that last time happened and I didn't feel good about it, I don't think this deal is for me, that's all. Just be really clear the next time. Either let them know what the expectations are or let that person know. Not for me. I know I went off a little tangent here, but I know I'm addressing a lot of people's fears. Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna do these things for people, and they won't give back. Absolutely true. Most of the time. I know we have a lot of moms here. How many of you felt like you gave so much to your children and then they went and got arrested? What did they do to you? You poured your heart and your soul, and one day they said, oh, F you. That's what you get after you birthed this child and everything you could. And you gave and you gave and you gave, and one day the kid gave you, the bird flipped you off, said, f you. You want to stop loving the kid. I mean, it's like, come on. I think we just have to realize it's not so much about getting as it is of being a full heart of service. And if we don't get what we need, it is time to be super, super clear. I'll give you a real life example. I this last year, did a major, major deal for a friend, Helped them through a really difficult time. Gave, gave and gave and gave and gave and gave. And I didn't actually expect anything out of it. That person super took care of me, and I was so shocked by it and so stunned by it, and I called this person practically in tears. I'm like, wow, I've never had someone do that, such an amazing thing for me. And they said, well, hey, I love you and appreciate you. And I said, thanks. And then later on the conversation, they said, and I can't believe other people wouldn't do this, Brennan, because if you just open the doors to get, you know, literally hundreds of millions of dollars for us, why would we shut it? Because maybe next round, you help us get hundreds of millions more like, that's just smart to take care of your network. So I also want to urge everybody here, as you're watching this, are there some people who've been given to you that you have not said a proper thank you to. Are there some people who've been thoughtful with you? Are there some people who have opened the doors for you, gave you the advice, told you what to do? You did it. You had momentum, you had progress, you had success. And you never properly said thank you to Linda Ballew, who's my high school mentor and. And teacher. Let me find this text from her. This is like, this is the woman who kept me in high school. I was going to drop out of high school because the school had told me that I, you know, I was going to miss too many days. I had a family member pass away in France and their estate was flying my whole family from Montana to France. And the school said, well, if I went, I'd miss too many days. I'd be booted out of school for truancy. And I tried to arrange everything with the teachers that I could go. It became this big problem. Eventually the school said, you can't go because we have this 10 day absence policy. You're gonna miss 12 days if you do that. You can't graduate your class. You know, you just can't. We'll hold you back. Can't come back to school. Stupid. Anyway, I was so embittered by that. I was like, screw high school. I learned so much on that trip to France about the world. I was like, what do I need school for? And I was bitter and I was angry. Young kid. And she kind of had seen some pictures I had posted and brought to school and showed friends. She says, you have a good eye for photography. Why don't you come and work on the high school newspaper? And I was like, I don't know how to do that. She's like, I'll teach you. I'll mentor you. You'll really love it. If you like pictures, you get to do this all the time in school. And I came back to school because of her. And, you know, this is a long time ago. She text me, hi, Brennan, how are you? I got a kid from gfhs, that's Great Falls High School, where I went to school, who's doing a video documentary about the Inuit, which is a school newspaper that she ran. She wants to interview editors. Can I give her your cell phoner? I said, absolutely. What do you need? Can I support the documentary? Can I do everything? This is a person who opened a door in my mind about what my life could be like and changed the course of my life. And here we are, 25 years later. 25 years later, we're still connected and I'm still giving back to her 25 years later. That's how you really add value to people's lives. You stay engaged, you still support. She still supports me. I know I'm going off on some personal examples here today, but I think it's important for I want you to think. Did you have some teachers you haven't thanked me, given back to? Because listen, the way that you give back defines the value of your network. The way that you give back defines the ultimate value of your network. Right? When anyone does something nice for you, your way of giving back and saying thank you when they feel appreciated, guess what? They want to do more with you. And the more people who want to do more with you, the more doors are always opening. If you're never getting any doors open for you spontaneously by the universe, don't blame the universe, blame. The reality is either you haven't given in to the network or when something good came to you, you celebrated it with yourself, your wife, bottle of wine, but you forgot to really give to that human. And I can't share with you how important that concept is. Okay, so many people have this self perception problem. So many people are worried that people, you know, don't like them or they see themselves in this super strange way. So I'm here to tell you you're okay. You can handle this. How do I go into a networking session and, you know, not be. Seem like I'm trying to take from the group or not seem fake or make it awkward. So here's how to do great network in the room. So let's put you in the room, right? You've been invited to an event where you, a lot of the movers and shakers are there, or people who could be in your group or your downline or could become clients or our peers who you really respect. What's the best way to start that process? I talked about of meeting five people, then introducing those five people to each other. Like, what does the first conversation look like? My first piece of advice for you in networking is to always use the context to your advantage. Use the context. What does that mean? It means the opening line and the opening conversations to you that are 100% available all of the time is getting the other person talking about where they're at, right? If you're all at a particular type of networking event in a particular kind of building, well, obviously you can talk about that area of town, you can talk about that building. If you're there at a symphony, you get to talk about the symphony, right? The context itself gives you so much conversation points. But what I want to do is actually give you my super secret, super famous line that will do it for you. That is so powerful. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to say to them, okay, are you ready for this? I want you to say to them, let's say you're at a. I'm just going to use an example. You're at a fundraiser, you're at a fundraiser. You're at. There's a lot of people there. And at this fundraiser you have the ability to meet some people. That first person you walk at the fundraiser, what do you say? What would you say to the person? You're at a fundraiser, you meet somebody, what would you say to them? First line out of your mouth. First line out of your mouth. What would you say to them? What I want you to think about it. Would you go to them and give them your elevator pitch? Probably not. You don't know anything about them. You can introduce yourself, introduce your name. That's helpful. But do you introduce your name and then tell them what you do? However the chit chat happens and chitchat is usually contextual, right? That's why I say use the context. Chit chat can be, you know, oh, this fundraiser is really amazing. You're at a fundraiser. This fundraisers are really amazing. How did you hear about it? Here we are, a whole group of people together. It's the easiest first thing, hey, here we are at the symphony. How'd you hear about it? Hey, here we are at this networking event for multi level marketing. Hey, here we are. This multi network marketing thing. How'd you hear about this company? How did you hear about it? Is the easiest entry. Oh, I got this person introduced me or I heard about it this way, my friend. Like starting with the. That's why I say use the context, Ask. How did you hear about this very event we're at? We're at the symphony, we're at the fundraiser, we're at the networking event. How'd you hear about this thing? Oh, my buddy, so and so Pete. Oh, cool. Why did you want to come here? That next question. Why did you want to come? I know the director, My friend's in the downline. Oh, I want to come as this. How did you hear about it? Why did you want to come? That why did you want to come? Is often a jumping point in asking what they do, right? Oh, how'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come? Oh, that's interesting. What do you do? Oh, well, I'm in this area, I'm in that area. Okay, cool. That is the easiest chit chat way to get into a conversation. How'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come? What do you do? Simple, simple, three steps, right? So I always, that's always easy for me. Always easy for me. But then I don't like to spend too much time chit chatting from there. That's as much as I'm going to chit chat. I don't want to talk about the weather, I don't want to talk about the punch. I don't want to gossip. My next favorite question, this is like the big four, I call it sometimes. How did you hear about it, why did you want to come and what do you do? Next big question I love to ask is, you know, there's a lot of really successful people here. What do you think made you like the most successful in what you do? And it's complimentary, right? What do you think made you successful? When you think about your career or your life, what do you think are three things that made you successful? I'm just curious. I loved asking people that. I kind of collect people's success stories, like what made you successful? And they're like, oh, well, gosh, I had mentors. My, you know, my mom was like this. Oh, I practiced these habits. Oh, well, I worked really hard and whatever they share now the relationship really deepens. Oh, made me successful. You know, I had great parents. Oh, tell me about them. Tell me about them. I had great mentors. Huh. Who's the number one mentor? Oh, you know, I guess I just had a lot of doors open for me and I had a lot of luck. Well, what was like the biggest door that over opened for you? Whatever they say, when you say, hey now, notice the context here. There's a lot of successful people here. What do you think made you successful? Whatever comes out, just dig down another two layers. My parents, tell me about them. Who's most, you know, whatever that comes from there. My mentor. Oh. Who is the most important mentor? What's the best value they ever talk to? If you get someone talking about what made them successful? Have you ever noticed people like to talk about themselves? I'm sure you all read Dale Carnegie's how to Win Friends and Influence People. His whole thing is smile at other people and ask them about themselves and use their name. I think that was the big three things, right? So simple, right? Smile and ask them to talk and use their name a lot. I mean, listen guys, it doesn't have to be that hard. But I promise you, if you go in weaponized with this information, comment, use the context. Huh? How'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come here? What do you do? And lots of successful people here, what made you successful do that with one person. Then when that natural break in the conversation comes, guess what they're probably going to do. And after you've asked those types of questions, they'll ask you the same, or you share like they share. I was successful because of these things. Then you get to share what made you successful. Oh, I totally get that. You know, for me it was just like this. But they'll ask. Most people will ask. I'd say 80% of them will ask back, oh, well, what do you do? What made you successful? And now you started the conversation in recognition that you're both successful, that everything's good. Now I know some people are going to comment down below. Well, what if the person I'm talking to isn't successful? And they're like, well, I'm not successful? I'd be like, oh, well, what's been the biggest obstacle you faced so far? That's it. What's been the biggest obstacle you faced so far? When you find that out, you start learning about the person and seeing where you can add value. And I also know some of you have the self perception problem where you don't have the confidence yet. So you're like, well, when they say, well, what made you successful? And you're like, well, I'm bankrupt or I'm living on my friend's couches. And if you think I'm making fun of you, I'm not. That was my real story. So I was still out there networking. I was bankrupt. I was literally living. My friends wouldn't even give me the dignity of their couch. They gave me a half inflated airbed on the side of the, you know, the little nook between the TV and the wall. You know, at that point they're like, our couch is too valuable for you, Burchard. So that's a true story. I was networking even then, and I remember once a person saying to me something similar. It's like, oh, well, you must be successful. Be in this room. And I said, you know what? I feel like I'm successful because I'm a grateful person and I just want to add value to people. And I kind of feel like I'm on my starting journey of that. Any tips for the new guy? And that humility, if you're talking with somebody who's more successful, asking them for tips in your genre, in your career, in your industry is so valuable. And I always said something like that. I was like, any tips for the new guy? Just humble, like, wow, you're so amazing at what you're doing. Any tips for the new guy? They'd always say the same thing. Keep working at it. Keep believing in yourself. Work hard. They'd always say the same things. And like, that's really good advice. What do I say with that? I wouldn't. Most people, when they ask someone for advice, do you have any advice for me? What they usually do is their next move is you want to ask them for something, oh, that's good. Can, you know, can I ask you a favor instead? When they say, you know what, here's. Yeah, I can give you some tips. Tell you what, work hard, be grateful, keep at it. The first thing I say to them is like, those are really good. Who taught you? Those who taught you? X is one of my favorite questions to ask somebody. When someone ever gives me advice, I'm like, I love that. Who taught you that? Sometimes I say, I learned it through hard knocks, kid. Most of the time they're like, you know what? I had a mentor. What did the mentor teach you? When you get someone talking about what made them successful or who their mentors were, it's a whole different relationship than everyone else. They're talking about what the weather or what that woman's wearing over there. Don't gossip and don't chit chat. The most amount of chit chat I will allow for you is, how'd you hear about this? Why did you want to come? Anything outside of that, I really believe if it doesn't lead you towards observing successful people here, acknowledging them that they're a successful person, asking what they're doing or what has made them successful, I think you're missing huge opportunities and I think all of you will be stunned when you actually put this into play. Like, I know you can be writing down in journal right now. You're like, yeah, yeah, Brandon, sounds good. But these, when you actually do them, you leave that party or you leave that networking event, you're like, whoa, that was a whole different conversation. And why do I ask you to do this? Relationships and the conversation of success tend to be things that are very personal for people. It's about their dreams and their relationships. So guess what? You talked to person number one and you talked about what made them successful. Maybe you got some tips from them. Maybe you learn about who Made them successful. You talk to person number two, three, four, and five. When you go to introduce person number five to person number one, you get to say something very honoring of them. When you introduce person five to number one, you say, hey, person number five, I want you to meet person one. We just met. But what I love about person number one is that, like me, they had a mom that taught them about life. Or what I love about person number one is, you know, they became very successful in this pharmaceutical thing they were just telling me about. And they really became successful because they felt like they had this amazing, like, daily habit. Would you tell them about the daily habit? Would you tell them about your mom? Would you tell them about this successful thing? You already have an introduction, and I want you to write down this phrase. Person number five, meet person number one. What I love about person number one is when you do that, person number one's like, he listened. Wow. This person absolutely listened. This person is honoring me in front of another person right now. That's amazing. And then if you can engage him and say, hey, person number one, you know, reason I brought person number five over here, I thought they had the similar value or the similar experience or they're successful. And what I love about them is. And all you are doing is you are linchpinning these two together based on what you loved and respected about what they told you about their success journey or their relationships. Got it? I'm always listening for what's their success journey and who's important in their relationships. If they honored their mom, if they. Their first teacher. There's something like that. So let me give you an example. Remember I told you about my teacher Linda ballou a minute ago? If you and I are at a party now and you come up with another person you've met at that party and say, hey, brendon, I want you to meet person number five, Sarah here. Don't say person number five. That might be weird. But say, brendan, I'd like you to meet Sarah. You know what, Sarah? One thing I love about Brendon is, you know, as he's striving for success, he's still thanking his teachers from 25 years ago. Brennan, you have that story about Linda blue. Tell Sarah about it. I'm gonna be like, you are awesome. Yes. Please let me talk about Linda Ballou. She's important in my life, and now I'm gonna have that connection with Sarah. So I'm telling Sarah about Linda ballew, and then I'm gonna say, what to Sarah? Did you have any important teachers in your life? And she's gonna say, oh yes, my fifth grade teacher so and so. And we're gonna have this great conversation. And when we leave at night, we didn't talk about the weather or the punch bowl. I'm gonna remember forever her teacher. She's gonna remember forever my teach. And you were the linchpin to unite us in a beautiful memory about someone who made a difference in our life. Are you following the different strategy here? It's such a different experience. This is why you were in coaching. This is high performance experience. There's a different experience in life. It's sometimes so simple and subtle, but your job is getting people to share about their success journey and the relationships that were important to them. They and then you get to connect people that way. It's everything. Next up, what else can you do? I think asking people about their priorities is everything. Is everything. I mean, I might only be three, four or five minutes into a conversation and I'll say something like, you know what, it's mid February. What's most important to you to finish this month? That's a priority, right? What's most important to you this month? Or if it's the first of the month or always just use the date or the time or the season, hey, you know we're in the last quarter of the year. Like what are you trying to do by the end of the year? Or hey, you know what, it's Valentine. What's most important to you right now about your relationship? Right. Whatever you like. Use context, use the time of the year and ask them what's most important to you in X? Whatever it is you know you shared with me, you're trying to build schools in this other country. What's most important to you about making that happen? What's the most important thing to you about making that happen? What's the most important thing that you need to do in the next three months to make that happen? I love that question. If someone ever shares a dream with you, I really want you to listen to me closely. If anyone ever shares a goal or a dream with you, your next follow up question should be something the effect of, oh, wow. What's most important for you to do in the next three months to make that happen? And here's why I love to ask that question. If you say, what's your first step? Everyone's going to say, what's the first step? But if you say, what's most important to you to do in the next three months? It stops the person and makes them think, why is that important? When you stop a human at a networking event and you make them think they want to stay in conversation with you longer. You're going beyond the punch bowl now. You're having a deep conversation. What's most important to you in the next three months to make happen towards your dreams? Not many people talk like that. When you're someone who's talking like that, they're just like, wow, you know, this person is interested in my dreams. And I think that's really vital to have. When people are in groups at networking events, what are they doing? What are they doing? They came to networking event, their goal is to meet people. Is it true? Everyone there wants to meet somebody new? Everyone there wants some doors open. So what do you do? I want you to walk out of that group and absolutely not butt in, assert yourself, walk into the group. And you don't have to look at everybody, you don't have to. Don't make a presentation. Here's what people do. They walk in a group, they're like, here I am. Instead, walk up to the group, listen for a natural break in the conversation. There will always be a natural break in the conversation. And here's what's amazing. It will never be over three minutes from the point you get there. You have to survive awkward for three entire minutes. But I promise, awkward never lasts more than three minutes. Is that comforting? Like no matter what, if you go up to a group of people and they're all chatting, they're having a good time. Like go up there, hang out, wait for that natural break and then turn to the first person and say, hi, I'm Sarah. I'm trying to meet some new people. I hope it's okay. I'm chatting with you. Like, how do you guys all know each other? How do you all know each other is the safest, best door opener of all time. I love it. And I'm going to tell you, like I'm going to just give some awkward stories here for you. Because I was somebody who, remember my heart was broken when I was a 19 year old kid and after I had my accent, I knew I wanted to live. Love and matter and loving and getting in a relationship was important to me at that stage of my life, big time. And I was terrified though of approaching women like that was not. I just didn't know how to do that. You know, I just. What do you say? Hi, you're cute. I had zero skills whatsoever. And of course the girls I wanted to approach were always like, chatting with each other. So I just got. I was like, okay. I read this networking book one day. I was like, you're going to have to go talk to people in groups. That's going to be something you have to get over. So I'd see two people laughing, and the best time is when they're laughing together. I would come up. I'm like, hey, I see you guys having so much fun. I'm Brandon. I'm trying to get to know people. It's the easiest line in the world. Introduce yourself. I'm Brandon. But you say your name. I know some people are watching, scripting this out. Say your name and say. Just trying to get to people know each other. You guys seem to have a great time. How do you guys know each other? How do you know each other? Is the great. Because guess what? They're not talking about you. They're not even thinking about you. They're like, oh, we met at that. We met at the party. We met at the store. Or we met at this. And in groups of three or four. This is my favorite thing to do to a group of three or four. I want to butt into that conversation. I go in, I'm like, hey, for the first person, I'm like, hey, I'm Brendan. I'm trying to get to know people here. You guys seem to have a good time. How do you guys all know each other? And as soon as they say, oh, I met Sally at this thing. Well, how did that go? Well, I met Sally like this and like this and like, oh, what's her story? What's her story? Get that person talking about Sally. Oh, Sally's like this. And we met like that and everything like that. Then I go, this is amazing. Hey, Sally. And she goes, what? Yeah. Hi, I'm Brendan. Pete's bragging about you over here and telling your story. I just want to let you know that, like, this is a really. This person is really nice. Oh, yeah, I know. Who are you? Oh, hi, I'm Brendan. I'm just trying to get to know people here. How'd you meet Pete? Just that conversation of how did you meet? Is always safe. And your entree is, I'm just trying to get to know people. Isn't that true? You're not trying to do anything fake. You're not trying to be a mover and shaker and maneuver. Just trying to get to know people. No one thinks that's weird. The only time that's gonna be weird is if you are a starer. This is very Important. Remember this. Animals when they are scared, forget to blink when you are in a network. I know this sounds so simple. I'm just going to tell you what's up. Dale Carnegie told you to smile. Brendon Burchard is reminding you to blink because when you're nervous and you're scared and you walk up to a group, I'm just trying to get to know people. That's freaky, man. You gotta blink. You got a blink, you got a blink. Stick your hand out, introduce yourself. That will help you. For those who are scared, I hope that serves. I'm having way too much fun today. And when you're in a new job, our impulse is, I want them to know I belong here. You already got the job. When you get a job, don't feel like you had to prove yourself in any credible or authoritative way. People pick up on that because remember they already have a tribe there. What you want to do is go in very humble and you always want to go and say, you know, I'm new here, I'm so thrilled to have gotten the job and I'd really like to meet some people. Can I ask you a few questions about yourself and who else you think I should meet? Can I ask you a few questions about yourself and who else I should meet? I'd meet a partner and I'd talk with a partner. At the company I had, there was lots of different partners and I'd ask them and partner was their position, their role. And I'd say, oh, okay, how do you get to know them? Are there other partners you think I should know? Based on our conversation, they would always say, yeah, you got to know this person. I'm like, cool, can you make an introduction? I'm just trying to get to know as many people as I can and kind of find my way here. Everyone says yes, Everyone says yes. And so I think that's really important. Notice it's not about saying, well, I went to an Ivy League school and I did this because what people want to do is instead make it about your humility and wanting to meet new people. Like it is, okay, everyone has had a new job and everyone has had that awkward phase. So everyone is super cool with it. Your job is to go there and ask questions and to become a person of influence with the influencers. So some do's and don'ts don't make it about yourself, make it about learning the network. Some do's make sure that you're as you're approaching and meeting people. Take what I said earlier become the linchpin. Tons of people work together and they don't know each other. And even if they know each other, when you discover something awesome about someone and you have the opportunity to share that in front of other people and honor it, like, maybe Pete does know Henrietta, but they don't know each other that well and you know it. And you might be like, you know what, Henrietta, I know you guys are friends, but one thing that Pete just told me that I really love about him is like, be the person who shares what you love about people in front of other people and that makes them feel seen, understood, appreciated, validated. I knew we would get to the introverts. God bless them. And by the way, I'm right down the line, believe it or not. And my friends will tell you, when I do my seminars, when I do my events, I have to disappear and completely recharge. I mean, I am also exhausted doing them. I am also depleted doing them. And lots of people say, oh no. But Brendan, you love that. I'm like for a time, for a minute, and then I need to be alone and quiet a lot. So any strategies you can share for pushing through and staying energized by when actively networking with others? Yes, Liz, a couple things. Number one, everything I've already said. Number two, really prioritize that one to one relationship. Prioritize getting to know one person there deeply and connecting with them. And then when you feel that that's good, then move on to the next person. But allow yourself to go a little deeper. Don't be in a hurry to go get your five people or to spin around the whole room. Introverts naturally will be very frazzled by speed dating. Right? Or speed networking. Don't feel like you have to. Don't feel like first, don't say yes to everything. Go to groups or events where you feel like there's going to be value there and that you'll be able to add some value or receive some value next. I think introverts should totally team up. I think it's awesome if you're like, I know I'm an introvert and I'm not going to like this. Go with a friend, drag friends along with you. Introverts yet will give you a home base. And introverts need that home base so that you don't feel super awkward. I know the exhausting piece is really important. It's like I shared earlier when I go to networking event, I told you, I've already eaten, I've already worked out, I'VE already hydrated. I'm already in a good space. So don't go to a networking event exhausted. Like, prepare for them. Like literally prepare for them. It's why I've never gone to an after an immediate after work networking event. If cocktail hour starts after work, instead of going right in a cocktail hour, go find time to change, relax, shower or meditate or pray or close your eyes or have a nap and show up late. Always show up in good energy. That often means you need to show up late. It means you need to get yourself ready, you need to get yourself in a good space, and then you need to go show up. I'd rather have someone show up in good vibes and late than early and frazzled and introverts because we want to ground ourselves. Sometimes you need to take a hot minute, take a beat before you go in, right? I am somebody. Every networking event, I always go into the bathroom advance. Like, I just go in, I just shut a stall and I just kind of get myself into a good space. I'm ready to deal with some people's. I just, I always have to give myself a beat to go in and talk with people. And giving myself that gift really, really does help really good. First, don't think you know the people you are looking for when you're at a networking event or in a meeting. Everybody has value. Everybody has value. Let me give an example. One time I was at a networking event with some clients there or some potential clients, and I met a woman who, you know, didn't really. She wasn't like, she was kind of wanting to start my industry. She wasn't established, didn't have, you know, revenue, business fans, followers, outreach, didn't have a strategic map, everything else like that. But she was lovely. She was just a lovely person. And we were having conversation, which I'll share with you, about how that started. And in my mind, I remember thinking, she's a nice person. But my mind was like, well, go talk to other people who might have value, right? And I had happened to talk with her about, well, is there a certain type of person you're trying to meet here? I asked her that and she said, oh, you know, yeah, I would just like to meet somebody who, you know, knows more like philanthropic type of people in this particular community she was in. I said, okay. And I referenced something. I found somebody later in the party who might know somebody like that or be somebody like that. And I introduced them. Long story short, that woman who my mind literally said, I don't know if she can be any value. She's the woman who, a year later got me sitting next across from the table from George W. Bush right after he left as the President of the United States of America. Someone who. She just wasn't in my world. So I just. I don't believe that you should ever really judge who's the right person. What's more importantly is you understand a few things about them. Every person that you meet in our Mastermind, high performance mastermind, what had happened is one of the nights I heard that somebody in the community was complaining that we gave them an extra hour in the morning to network and connect and meet because they just wanted to get out. They want to be in that seminar room, get the training, you know, learn from each other. And I got so fired up about it, the next morning I came in, I kind of reprimanded the group. I'm like, we gave you more time to network, and you're complaining because you want more presentations. I'm like, you forgot the power of this room. And I challenged the group. I said, if you're in a room, if you're in a Mastermind, or you've been in a group for a long time, and you don't know who you can build with or grow with or earn your next quarter million dollars from, that's no one else's fault. And I gave this big talk that it's important that we learn things about each person because you never know who could open doors. And you also don't know, like, life is a long journey and it kind of goes like this. Sometimes meeting somebody here you might not have known, but maybe serendipity or God put that person now and you're going to meet them years later. I remember I met a person one time also. Didn't think there was. I didn't know much about the person. Nice. Had a nice, deep conversation on these three points I'm going to talk about. And six, seven years went later, and next thing I know, I was in New York City. I had posted something that I was in New York on social media. And this person reached out like, hey, Brendan, I met you through this person a long time ago. I was like, oh, yeah. Hey, how's it going? Hey, you're in New York tonight. I am. Hey, would you like tickets to go see Springsteen on Broadway? I want to let you know, I died. I'm like a cat. I've died many times. I doubt. I was like, Springsteen is like my guy, right? Me and Dave Smith, my buddy from college, super Fans of Springsteen. I've seen him three times in concert. I'm like, what? These tickets have been sold out forever. It was like, it was a huge deal. This is even before the Boss extended the show. This was somebody I didn't know much about even, but years later, because I'd made a good connection sharing these three things. Here's what I want you to write that. How do you go deeper and find people you're looking for? First, I don't want you to be on the hunt necessarily for people you're looking for. I want you to be present with the people serendipity universe or God put in front of you. There is a reason the people are around you, who are around you that you will never possibly capably know, but there's a reason. Here's the things that I think will help you go deeper, though, which is the better part of the question. I think there's three things you should know about every person that you're going to meet. At least five people at a networking event, anywhere else out there. I think there's three things. Number one, always know what people are trying to create or build. Are they trying to create a movement? Are they trying to create a better career? Are they trying to create a better life for their family? Are they trying to build a school? Are they trying to build competency in a specific skill set? Are they trying to build their empire? What every person, like we're built like one of our human aspirations is our desire of creation. We came from creation. If you're a spiritual person, if not, no worries. But things are created. Things build. The universe is being created by itself. Even if you don't believe in God, it's building and expanding itself. Like that is part of our DNA and part of the whole universe. So it's like, what is it a human is trying to create and build in their life? Some people, they're just trying to build their career. So what do they want to do in their career? Ask them. Ask them. I always like that I'm a person who. I don't mince words a lot. I don't chit chat a lot. So I ask them directly. I'm like, hey, at this stage of your life or your career, what is it you're really trying to create and build? That's literally the question I try to ask. What is it you are trying to create and build? What is it you are trying to create and build at this stage of your life or your career? And sometimes I'm just trying to create Some sanity at home. Great. Now you know what's important to them, and now you can continue that conversation. Oh, what's up at home? And now you learn some things. Now you might be able to recommend some books or introduce them to someone who's dealing with those same parental issues or the same relational issues. So what are they trying to create and build? This one I love in my own industry. What are you trying to create and build? I'm trying to build my Instagram. Oh, what do you want to achieve with your Instagram? Oh, I'd like to reach a million people. Oh, what's the message you'd like to get to a million people? Oh, I'd like to get them, you know, this message that they have a second chance and that every day they can, you know, live extraordinary lives if they choose to, if they practice the right habits and mindset. Oh, okay, cool. You know what? I know somebody else in this room who's in personal development. Do you know that person over there? No. Hang on a second. Grab them. Hey, you know what I love about this person right here? They're trying to impact the world in a positive way. You've done that. Could you share any lessons on your success journey with them that might help? Ask people to share their advice with each other when you know they have similar backgrounds. Huge. Next up. I love this question. What's the hardest part? What's the hardest part? I met Bill Gates several times, as some of you guys know. And I. The first time I ever met him, first time I ever met him. Inspired by a question Larry King told me. I maybe four minutes in, I said, so at this stage of your career, what's the hardest part of what you're doing? And he just lit up. Oh, we're trying to solve this. You know, he was trying to. I think, if I remember the timing right, he was, like, trying to solve malaria worldwide, big problem. But it was like, what's the hardest part of that? He's like, getting the right people to believe it's possible. I said, that's amazing. You've gotten people to believe what's possible in so many ways before what worked in the past. And he was just. He was so excited to share these things. And it was just from this question of what's the hardest part? Last piece, is their connections. Not as in, who are you connected to? As in, like, is there anyone you've been trying to meet that you felt like, or is there any type of person or any network that you're trying to get into? I might not know them, but who are you trying to connect with at this stage of your career? Who would you love to be connected with in this room? Right, I love to ask that question. If I'm in a room, 40 people networking, if I'm talking to someone. So, Pete, you know, there's a lot of people here. Who here would you love to meet? I'd love to meet Sally over there. Oh, do you know Sally? No, I don't. I'll be right back. I'm going. Hi, Sally, how are you? I'm trying to meet some people around here. Around here? And I know you probably are too. Like, how'd you hear about this event? Oh, that's how you heard about it? Well, why did you come? Oh, you came. What do you do? Okay, hey, tell you what, I know someone who wants to meet you too. Can I make an introduction? Sure. Brings hey, salary. Meet Pete. And now you got what I'm talking about. I hope that this session has fired you up. You cannot make your difference in the world unless you start expanding and deepening the relationships in your life and in your career. Choose more than anything. Stop worrying about how you're perceived. Be the linchpin. Get to know people, introduce people, bring people together. Make sure you assert yourself. Be confident in walking up to people. Get over your self perception problems. Watch this replay over and over. Write down the key phrases and my challenge to everybody here. Go meet 5 new people this next 10 days. In the next 10 days, meet 5 new people every day. You can go out there and just be ordinary as your network or you can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends, go be extraordinary. See you next time.