How to Deal with Haters

Hey, my friends, it's Brendon Burchard.

And welcome to another episode of the Brendon Show.

Of course, when you put your art out there, share your voice out there, try to do something big, try to try new things, people are going to judge it. That's been happening since you were in elementary school. It should not surprise you anymore. So now the job is deal with it better. And I know that's hard to say because you. Well, Brendan, you don't understand. People say these horrible things. I'm like, hey, listen, I'll put up something about personal development, like how to deal with rejection. Or I'll put up something like how to achieve your goals faster. And people will sometimes in the comments literally threaten my family. Or they'll say something just horrible because that's about them, their state of mind, their values, how they've been showing up in the world. Not about my personal development videos. Right? Because ultimately, just look at what you're putting out there. If you're putting out good things and people are applying hate to that, that's because they were good people who got trapped in the hate cycle in their own life. And they're just expressing what is true to them, not true to what you are doing. And once you get that, it doesn't upset you as much anymore. Strategy number 1:1 for dealing with haters, anticipate them and anticipate that they will always be there no matter how good you do, how successful you become, how much you donate, how well you lead, how good of a human you are, anticipate, right? That old saying, anticipation is power is totally true. I know no matter what I put up, I'm gonna get judged and hated. Why? Because, listen, when the Dalai Lama puts up something, he gets hatred and vitriol, right? When the nicest person you've ever met says something incredibly nice online, like someone will post a picture of their cat and say, I love my cat. Isn't the cat cute? And someone will say, that's the ugliest cat I've ever seen. Aren't you weird for liking cats? And aren't you stupid for having nothing else to post but cats? It's like the most innocent, simple things. You can post a picture of your child and people will judge why you posted a picture of your child. There's. There is no way out at this point. So you must anticipate. No matter what you are going to do, people are going to judge it. And once you anticipate that, that is real now you have power. Like it's like when you expect it. Like have you ever gone to a Halloween like haunted house and you went around the first time and everything scared the crap out of you the second time you took a friend through, nothing scared you because you know where the boogeyman jumps out. Guess what? Every single time you post something, somebody might judge it, right? People thought Van Gogh was crazy and his art sucked. People thought Monet was messing up, you know, more classical renaissance style. Like all the greats have, people who call them crazy and judge them and hate on them. Why would you think you're going to be different? You know, I think that's the challenge is that so many people never learn their lessons from being younger. That judgment always happens. And they never learned to get over the fears of rejection. They never learned to get over the hatred. And so what they're carrying in their adult bodies and minds is this tremendous fear. Because listen, if you don't learn to anticipate it, then you're just going to always fear it. You're always going to be like, oh wait, might this happen? And then when it does, it throws you off. You know, I've written six best selling books now and every single one of them, you know, on Amazon, these books become massive books. And in the personal development, self help and psychology fields, right, Massive bestsellers. And inevitably you go there, there's going to be hundreds or thousands of one star comments next to the hundreds or thousands or tens of thousands of five star comments, right? We'll get one email that says, oh my God, Brendan, this book changed my life. And another email that says, you're a piece of crap. Why would I let any of them move my center? I don't let the positive stuff in the world move my center. I don't let the negative stuff move my center. Because when you really anticipate that you're going to get it, you can also learn to anticipate how should you deal with it. Like you need to make a decision today how you're going to deal with that next hater. Because they're coming for you. And the bigger you get, the more they come, the bigger you get, the more horrible they get. The bigger you get, the more they attack you privately, consistently, over and over. And I don't say that to scare you. I say that's totally going to happen. It's just like when you start a business, guess what? You're going to have to pay more taxes. That doesn't mean you don't start your business. It doesn't mean you don't share your art just because there's going to be some haters. So please anticipate it's going to happen, then anticipate how you're going to deal with it. I just go, I'm going to deal with this. Great. I'm not going to let this throw me off. I'm going to value my art and my work over the judgments of people who don't know me, don't know my art, don't know my work, don't know my students, don't know what I'm trying to do in the world. Why would you let somebody who doesn't know you control your feelings? Why would you do that? So you got to anticipate that you're going to get some of this and you're going to stay centered, you're going to stay positive about it, and that's the better way to deal with this. Second big thing that I do in dealing with haters is I don't ever, ever try to explain or make an excuse or engage haters. Never, Never. Most of the time, it's just, delete, get them out of there. Like, block them from your community. Your job isn't just to protect your ego. Your job is to protect your community. And when you get haters in there, block them, delete them, get them out of there. And people go, well, Brennan, that's just. I mean, how can you do that? Shouldn't you show everybody's voice? I'm like, no, because everybody's voice when it's hatred or negative, I don't need to let that into my community. Like, my job is to be the guardian of my community, just like I'm supposed to be the guardian of my family. And just like I'm supposed to be the guardian of my own mind. And so if these people come up and they're doing it over and over, block them. I. I'm fine. And so should you be if you get constructive criticism. Hey, Brendan, have you ever thought about doing this? Or, hey, I saw that. You could have done this better. Like, those kinds of things we never delete. It's the people who are just cussing, swearing, saying negative things. You're just like, this is just. It's a person venting off because they had a bad day versus someone who's engaging and trying to make me or the art or the community better. Right? That's what's really important to know. That's really important to know is that you don't have to allow them in the community. You also don't have to explain yourself. And I always say this. Stop trying to explain. Just demonstrate. That's it. Just demonstrate. Demonstrate by showing up time and time and time again. Demonstrate by staying the course. Demonstrate by being authentically you. Demonstrate by not giving up. Demonstrate that no matter what they're going to say, you're going to keep showing up and doing you. You know, everybody said, you know, probably in the fifth major impressionist painting that Monet did, this is kind of crazy. Looks stupid. He just kept being prolific at his own art. And now one of the greats, one of the legends, right? Think of every musician that you love, every major star in any area, whether it's a rock star or whether it's somebody you look up as a leader in some big business. Guess what? They also got a lot of hate. But they didn't feel like they had to explain themselves or change themselves for the haters. Instead, they just said, okay, let me show who I am by how I move my feet each day, by how I show up each day, by what I work on each day. I never try to excuse myself or explain myself in some way to a hater. Usually what I do is I read their comment and I laugh. And what I do is I explain and justify myself to myself. Don't engage them, engage yourself. Like, when you see that, ask, how am I dealing with this? Am I on my own path? Am I doing what's important to me? Not in a way that makes you, like, fall into their trap of thinking less of yourself, but rather you using it as an excuse to validate exactly the fact that, yes, you are Understood. Yes, exactly the fact that maybe you're the only one who gets you right now. Maybe Monat did think he was crazy from all the feedback, but he kept going. And that's what's important. Demonstrate, demonstrate, demonstrate. Because here's what's going to be funny. It tends to happen that the more momentum you get, the more believers you get. Yes. As you grow, sort of like the circumference of your impact gets bigger. And so a lot more like people who are just mad or upset or haters show up on the side, that always happens. They'll show up on the perimeters as you grow more like crazy haters will show up on the perimeters. But as you grow also in that sphere of influence, that grows and your tribe grows, your community grows, the people grow with you. So trust that as you demonstrate and you say discipline towards your own art, your own voice, that the tribe will build. My last big thought is that you have to learn to role model positivity and good values, right? It's super hard to attack me online at this point because for a decade and over 300 episodes of a podcast and over 200 episodes of my YouTube videos and, you know, six bestselling books and literally being on stage in front of millions of people and graduating millions of people from our online courses, just the effort of all that. The messaging is so clear, right? I'm the guy that tells you to be more intentional. I'm the guy that tells you to be a role model. I'm the guy that tells you be excellent at what you do so you can be of greater service to the world. And the more I talk about living fully and loving openly and making more of a difference, of stepping into that role model mindset, of honoring the struggles of life in being authentically you, the message ends up standing for itself. You know, they could attack you in a video or they might not like my shirt in this video or might think it's stupid. I took a picture of, you know, the cat or, you know, they don't. They judge me or my clothes or my wife or something they see. But the totality of what you have done, no one gets to take away from that. They just don't. Even if they attack it. Because here's what happens. Remember, as you build that big tribe, you've imbued good values in the marketplace. Your tribe starts fighting for you, Your tribe starts canceling the haters, your tribe starts fighting back for you, explaining for you. Your tribe starts getting your back because they're like, wait, why are you judging this guy? He's put out a decade of free content. Why are you judging this person? They've done all of these good works. And your community, your tribe ends up getting your back. When you have imbued that tribe with good values and honestly demonstrated, but also commanded, demanded, begged, pleaded, cajoled for people to be positive forces in the world. You know, at base of all of my messaging has always been that did I matter message. That message about servant leadership, that message about get so good at what you do so you can be of greater service to the world. Like, how do the haters come at me when my message is about contribution? That's what you want to think about, is that as you role model, positivity, contribution, good values in the world, your tribe stands up for you, but you also stand up for yourself more because you know, true down deep in your heart, you're doing good work. Like, no one can make me question my work. I'm going to do this. I tell my team all the time, I'm going to do this till I'm 100 years old. Like I'm always going to be that guy putting out personal development and psychology work. I love that field. It's what I care deeply about and it's what I've stood for for a decade. And no one gets to take that away from me. No one gets to take it away from you. If you're ready to take your life.

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