How to Make Change Stick

Hey, it's Brendan. I'm always asked, brendan, why can't I make change stick? Why is it when I have a big goal or a big dream or I know I need to change some behaviors and I start towards them, I just kind of fall off momentum or I don't keep at it. You know, I have that big New Year's goal to stay fit and healthy, and then it's gone by February, you know, or I want to start that.

New diet and I break off at.

After a week or a month at it. Or I have this new behavior change. I want to be nicer as a parent or nicer as an employer, or I want to be more kind with other people, but I find myself getting angry and impatient with them all the time. I want to change, but I can't. Why can't I make it stick? Well, this is a session about that. You know, the first two primary reasons most people don't make it stick is a. They really didn't want the change. Going to assume that's not you, but just. Let's talk about other people for a moment. You know, have you ever noticed that sometimes that people kind of fool themselves into what they think they want and they don't really want it? Meaning if change isn't sticking in your life, it's because you're being too casual about change. You're thinking, oh, you'd be nice if I lost some weight. Yeah, it'd be cool to, you know, be nicer to people. But it's not a change you really deeply connect with. It's not an ambition, a goal, a dream, a vision, an intention, a purpose that you have identified and you feel emotionally compelled and connected to. It's something you feel like you have to do or you should do, not something you feel compelled to do as a human being. And so sometimes to get change to stick, you need to stick back to your priorities. You need to find out your values, your purpose. Something that is deep inside of you, that demands that you do it. Something deep inside that connects you with change and makes you want to do it, that you feel pride into would make you feel alive and make you feel true to who you are and make you feel congruent or a person of integrity to do those things. If change is just something like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do it someday, it's not gonna be important, it's not gonna stick. At least not the levels in which you do it for. For a lifetime, or you do it at a major level. I would say another reason Change doesn't stick for a lot of people is because they don't focus on that change daily. They came up with the idea. They wrote some goals about it. One day they were all excited. They could remember the goals for a couple days. And then the goals went away and they really moved on to the next distraction, the next idea, the next thing. And they lose that connection again with the goal, with the dream. That's the problem. It's just a problem of attention. The first one's a problem of real motivation and connection with the change you want. The second one is a problem of attention. It just, you know, it kind of passes by. So how do we solve all that? Because I bet you recognize those challenges in your own life, don't you? I mean, hasn't there been some times you wanted to change and you just didn't really connect with it? You don't feel motivated. You don't. You didn't focus on it. Well, here's the way to force a change in your life. Five tips for you today. And these are. And I say you really have to force it. There's some changes that will come very easy. You feel compelled. You'll be driven. Other ones you know you should do. But it's hard. Here's how you make it through those ones. First, write down the change in the goal every single day. Yes. Write it down. I don't mean, like, type it in your phone one time and look at it every day. I mean, remember these things. There are pens, remember? Or pencil. And they used to use a pen and pencil on paper. You know what I want you to do? Bust out that better paper and write it down every morning. What I want you to do first thing, get out of bed, drink some water, maybe do some stretching or exercise. If that's your morning routine, then write down, what's the change? Why do you want it every single morning? And you're like, every morning? Yeah, until it stays. It becomes a habit. It becomes habitual that you're already doing it as a behavior. You need to write it down every single morning. Brenda, should I write the same thing down every morning? I don't know if it comes out exactly the same way every morning that you're writing it down. Cool. But most people, I don't want you to look at the old ones. I want you, every morning, blank piece of paper. What's the change I want? Why do I want it every single morning? That is going to reconnect you with it. Write it down every single morning. Second idea. Do it every Single day, actually schedule the change. So you're trying to be nicer to your lover. Schedule something to do for them every day. Every day, actually in your calendar, say, okay, from 2:00 o' clock to 2:30, I'm going to sit and I'm going to dream of a new way to be kinder or nicer or do something nice for them. Or if you are trying to lose some weight, you go in advance and you schedule the healthier restaurant where you're going to go eat. You put it in the calendar and you go do the action. Eat healthier, right? It has to be something that you do every day. And until you do it every day, your body will keep resisting it. At first it's difficult, but after a period of time you've conditioned your body that that's just what you do. Your mind looks forward to it, it anticipates it. When your mind anticipates something and you do it, it releases dopamine in your brain. It makes you happy, satisfied, fulfilled. It makes you feel like, good job. That was a goal. We did it. We're a person of integrity and we're excited now. And that's what you do. If you have a change you're trying to make stick, write it down every day. Do it every day. Third thing you need to do, measure it every day. At the end of each day, measure yourself. Journal again. Or create a questionnaire or a self rating system that you measure yourself. How did I do in this category or these categories? Each day actually measure yourself. It's the oldest statement in the book, right from Peter Drucker. If you don't measure it, you can't manage it. So you need to measure it. So how are you doing? If you don't look at it every day you let yourself off. You know, a couple weeks go by and you go, oh, I forgot, I'm not even doing it. So it has to be a close of day. At the end of your day, that's when you measure the change. And you want to measure things like how well did I do it? Did I feel connected to it? Is there anything else better that I could have done? And rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. 1. I was a jerk and I didn't do it. 10 good job stars, trophies, you know, celebration. That's what you have to do every day. Next big idea. Fourth, share it. I mean, tell people about this change. Everyone around you should know about it. Hey guys, I'm going on diet. Going on a diet, Going on diet. Going on a Diet, going on a diet. And if you're writing it and you're doing it and you're scheduling it every day, people start seeing you do it and they start cheering you on. Momentum can come from your social environment. You know what I mean? Get people to cheer you on, even tell people you don't like, because you know what, they're going to judge you the first time. And then as you're doing it, when you fall off it, well, I thought you said you were going to do this. And you go, ooh, I was going to do it. It's like you should let your enemies know about the changes you want to make. You should. You'll tend to make them better because now you'll be like, you know what? I better do this because I said I was gonna. I don't want them noticing that I'm not a person of integrity and calling me out on it. So use that to your advantage, but also share it with other people. Tell your family, your friends who are supportive, who do love you so that they can send you resources or cheer you on. Get excited about it with you. Last piece. Big idea. Get a coach or a comrade. Get a coach or comrade. Get somebody who is outside of your peer circle, who's a pay a coach or work with a life coach or a business coach who's a friend of yours, and have them look at it with you every week and evaluate you every week or advise you on how to do it better. And if you don't want to pay somebody or work with somebody at that one on one level, then here's what you need to do. Get a comrade. You know, there's no doubt that, you know, studies proven over and over and over in goal attainment studies that when you do a new action or you're trying to institute new behavior, if you.

Do it with somebody else.

So, for example, you want to get fit. Best thing you can do, Get a workout buddy. Go to the gym with somebody on a regular routine. You'll stick to health longer. Go on a diet. Go. Go on a diet with your spouse. You'll stay on it longer than if you were on it by yourself. It's that social accountability piece. And frankly, it makes you excited. It's like a social energizer. It gives you, I'm looking forward to doing this new goal with this person. It just makes it feel more real and makes it feel more social. So give those things a try. Look, you deserve to have an extraordinary quality of life, but if every time you start a change you don't stick to it. You can't blame your past, you can't blame today. You can't blame your circumstances. It's ultimately a matter of focus, will, and discipline. And so you have to motivate yourself for it. And so you have to focus on it daily. And so do the things we talked about, from writing it to sharing it, to scheduling it, to doing it, to managing it to get into combat. If you'll do that, you. You'll start getting momentum and you'll start to find yourself being more of a master of change in your life and in this world where everything is changing, everything is so chaotic. The more that you're able to dance with that and make changes in your own life, the more you'll feel what we call the charged life.

Hey, my friend, it's Brendan. I hope you enjoyed this episode.

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